Adversity, Age, Batman, Behaviour, Bigotry, Blog, Blogging, Blogs, bright side of life, Commentary, Fantasy, General Humor, General Humour, Growing up

Things I’m no good at – Part 2 – Harbouring resentment…

You have to be seriously ‘effing kidding Carl. You! No good at resentment? You’re ‘aving a giraffe mate…

No, it’s true. I can’t do it anymore. Not always the case admittedly. When I was a teenager I could sulk for days. Literally days. And in later life I could build a grudge into a beast of horrific proportions and ‘I pity the fool’ that would dare to cross me..

But now? What, so you’re some saintly character that can ‘forgive and forget’ with nary a backward glance?

Kinda…

I don’t believe you.

That’s unfortunate but I forgive you kind reader…

Pffftttt…

Ok, I may be exaggerating a little but with the state of the world (and recent personal experiences) I’ve found that being upset all the time is just too exhausting.

So you’ve decided to adopt a brighter outlook and sense of optimism and leave all the bad feelings to others?

Yes, but I secretly now despise all those who whinge about their situation, political leaders, natural disasters and those who perpetrate violence and bigotry to others. I also secretly work incognito behind the scenes to punish wrong-doers and bring bring happiness and justice to the world…

Like some kind of costumed, incognito superhero? Like Batman or The Arrow or Wonder Woman?

YES! Exactly like that. But in secret without anyone knowing a thing…

Ummm…?

What?

Do you not see what you just did?

Oh. Bollocks. 😦

 

 

 

 

Acknowledgement, addiction, Adversity, advertising, Affairs, Age, Angst, Annoyances, Annoying, Anxiety, Arguments, Awkward Situations, Bad habits, Batman, Beauty Products, Behaviour, Blackmail, Blogging, Blogs, Body-art, Book Review, bright side of life, Cats, Challenge, Cheating, Comics, Commentary

Can’t believe it….

What can’t you believe?

I can’t believe it’s the 2nd of January 2016.

Why’s that?

The battery in my clock stopped. I thought it was 6.30am on the 1st and wondered why I was up so early. I thought it was because I needed to pee but then realised I didn’t. I actually went to the toilet on the 1st but didn’t flush. That’s when I knew something was up… Instead of ‘down’….

That’s gross…

I can’t argue with that.

So what did you do on the 1st day of the new year?

Don’t have a clue. I’m checking online and waiting for the police to knock on my door.

Is that likely?

Like I said. I don’t have a clue. I can only hope they have some witness reports. Possibly CCTV footage. But if anyone’s missing a prosthetic limb then I may be able to assist.

You need help…

Agreed. But at least I have a leg to stand on. Four of them…. 😉

Age, Blogging, Blogs, Commentary, Growing up, Humor

Growing up …

Just got off the phone with my Mum and I stupidly said –

Hey! Why don’t you give me a topic for today’s blog?

She’s a big fan … 🙂

Ok love – How about growing up in the 70’s?

Peter Griffin facepalm

OK Mum, anything for you. No problem …

 D'oh

I was born in 1968. So the Seventies were a very influential time for me. Decent education, loads less paedophiles and serial killers (at least that we knew about) and the benefits of Punk and the nascent New Romantic scene! All good … (for a pre-pubescent male child anyway)

Sex Pistols Boy George

What do I remember most about growing up in the 70’s?

Asking my mum to sew zips into my flared jeans then having my bike nicked by the ‘tough’ kids because I looked ‘Gay’ …

Pfffttt …

Later in life I look back and can be thankful for many things but one of my faves is this …

prawn-cocktail

For those not from the UK or born after 1985 … This is a Prawn Cocktail. 🙂

You should be so lucky. lucky, lucky …

Kylie

You have to pay serious money to get anything near this quality these days …

Adversity, Age, Behaviour, Blogging, Blogs, Philosophy, Poetry

GILF – Venus Luxure No.1 Baby

A poem inspired by one of my favorite songs from a previous existence – just younger, I don’t think I’m an older spirit reincarnated, (Although I wouldn’t mind coming back so maybe this is my first life?)

The song is In Like Flynn by Girls Against Boys from their album Venus Luxure No.1 Baby – you can listen to it on Spotify here – 

or YouTube here – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyWhuKMlupo

I would really advise reading the poem WHILST listening to the track – I think it’s a good combined experience but that’s probably just me (and my big head..) 😉

GILF

by Carl Baumann

Go In Like Flynn

not an old has-been

Go In Like Flynn

not a too Gentle Insider Losing Faith

bringing decay from within

Go In Like Flynn

bring strength not excuses

don’t Give Into Lack lustre Frauds

remember your Fight

don’t Give Into Lying Fright

at your reflection

Giving Into Life’s Frictions

Instead take heart

and break the mirror

Go In Like Flynn

Or not. Up to you…

Age, Commentary, General Humour, Getting Older, Language, Philosophy

Are you a fuddy-duddy?

I like to think of myself as being generally tolerant, young at heart, fun etc. etc. but there is another Carl and he’s a grumpy old sod.

Are you actually getting/thinking/behaving older than you think you are? Do you find yourself ‘sounding’ like your parents? Check my list below and see if you can tick any of the boxes…

1) Doctors and policeman look too young to be doing their jobs.

2) You say hello back to the news-readers and weather forecasters on TV when they introduce themselves.

3) You’re glad you’re short-sighted so you can’t see all the grey hair on the floor after it’s been cut.

4) Car stereos and loud music (played by other people) drive you crazy.

5) You will make any excuse NOT to go to a night-club and if perchance you should find yourself in one you actually go to the toilet often to pee rather than ‘do a line’.

6) You are prescribed statins and/or blood pressure medication.

7) All your t-shirts are too small/tight.and no-one knows who the bands are.

8) You still own VHS tapes (and occasionally watch them)

9) You won’t eat a donor kebab

10) Instead of rushing to the cinema to see the new release by your favourite franchise/actor you’re prepared to wait until you can download it and watch in the comfort of your own home.

11) Neighbours holds no interest for you but you won’t miss an episode of Coronation Street.

12) You play Words With Friends rather than Candy Crush Saga.

13) Shoes – you go for comfort rather than style. (I actually wear a pair now handed down by my father and I love them)

14) You think almost all new music is crap.

15) You have to keep using more seasoning and spice on your food else you can’t taste it.

16) Hair grows in weird places.

17) You think about writing a ‘Letter to the Editor’ of a broad-sheet.

18) You actually look at the supplements in the papers.

19) You consider booking a cruise instead of Ibiza and consider the advantages of an onboard doctor and pharmacy should your bunions/piles play up.

20) You start eating All-Bran instead of Sugar Puffs.

21) You see more sunrises than sunsets. (Because you’re getting up earlier instead of staggering home and struggling to put the key in the door)

22) You’re not upset about being the ‘Designated Driver’.

23) You’ll buy slippers and socks rather than waiting until Christmas.

24) You worry about EVERY ache and pain.

25) The garden actually has flowers in it instead of vomit.

How did you score? Of course these things do not necessarily mean you are stuck in your ways or old-fashioned or conservative. They’re merely the consequences of growing older and fighting it can often result in looking silly and/or cause you great physical pain.

I might be wearing my dad’s shoes and have to pluck my nose hair but I still enjoy a good Batman comic too.