Oh God, it’s a nightmare. I look down in my right hand and it is holding a baguette. I look down at my left hand and it holds a cigarette. I put down my baguette and put my hand on my head, it comes away with a beret. Unbidden, I feel the intrusive thoughts creep into my head, a vague sense of superiority over the Americans, fears of what would happen if my mistress and my wife don’t like each other, and a strong fear that I might not get my fourth week of vacation this year. I open my mouth to beseech God to undo this curse, but all that comes out is a string of French starting with “zis iz awful!” My nightmare has come true, I have become a Frenchman. I take a bite of the baguette, begging that fresh bread will be of some relief.
I whimper weakly in mourning, "c'est rassis".

I don't know where to post this, but I also don't know who I should tell this. But I HAVE to tell someone because it was so massive it's not even normal. This isn't a joke, I sat on the toilet for 15 minutes and tried to get it out, but it hurt so bad. Not even kidding, I had to take a break because I thought that I would rip something if I continued. It hurt so bad that for one moment, I concidered just taking it out of my ass(which I didn't do in the end). But now I'm supposed to go on with my day as if it didn't even happen, and it's just weird because believe it or not, it sill hurts pretty badly. Also It isn't because I'm eating unhealthy, I just ate too much of some food that had many proteins I think, or I'm just stupid. But I HAD TO get this off of my chest, because ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ I' ve never had that happen to me before. I'm so tired now because of the pressure I had to make.

Мы стали забывать классику, бро!

I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin

I don’t know why but I just enjoy doing this. Maybe it’s my way of dealing with stress or something but I just do it about once every week. Generally I’ll carry around a sack and creep around in a sort of crouch-walking position making goblin noises, then I’ll walk around my house and pick up various different “trinkets” and put them in my bag while saying stuff like “I’ll be having that” and laughing maniacally in my goblin voice (“trinkets” can include anything from stuff I find on the ground to cutlery or other utensils). The other day I was talking with my neighbours and they mentioned hearing weird noises like what I wrote about and I was just internally screaming the entire conversation. I’m 99% sure they don’t know it’s me but god that 1% chance is seriously weighing on my mind.

пиздатый чел, подрочил бы ему)

hey, skibidi-sorry I saw your dop dop profile and I just thought you looked skibidi in your picture, I really wanted to tell you that)) It's really rare to see skibidis playing garry's mod haha! I don't know why its a cameraman thing honestly im like really against skibid toilet and like ill be the one in the toilet making skibidi dop dop yes yes. We should really play gmod sometime its a really cool skibidi toilet game with a lot of skibidi moments, but don't worry cameraman'll be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasnt very skibidi of me I swear Im just trying to be skibidi toilet I really like your dop dop profile picture yes yes sorry was that too far? Really sorry i'm really shkibidi toilet I don't skibidi much haha add me on skypidi toilet we should talk more you look really skibidi and toilet 🚽🚽🚽