So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.

As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!

Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I ♥♥♥♥ my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in ♥♥♥♥♥♥ liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.

Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'

waller

lemme know if we need more top tips

Updated list of slurs to use against white people

they are NOT white, they are:

• ponc (people of no colour)

• melanin deficient

• mayo monkeys

• snow roaches

• snow rats

• paper

• crackers

• colonisers

• bleach demons

• no purpose flour

• cornstarch crusaders

• salt shakers

• expired cheese

• marshmallow minions unwhipped cream

• garlic goblins

• yogurt yodelers

• lint leeches

• salty scallywags

• styrofoam cups

• unscented candles

• pasty parasites

• culture vultures

• ice chimps

• vanilla gorillas

• cultureless neanderthals

• oatmeal

• yeast maggots

• tighty whiteys

• vanilla vultures

• soup cookies

• string cheese

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did you just seriously comment on my profile? disgusting