Monthly Archives: December 2025

Life, Ministry and conflicts

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Life and Ministry is Better with Friends, Even Though Pastors Will Have Conflict with Them

Having friends in the church can create problems such as giving the appearance of favouritism or creating the possibility for betrayal; yet friends are essential to health, longevity, and spiritual vitality. Life is better with friends. While it is possible to have friends in the community and with pastoral colleagues and neighbours, the church is one of the most likely places where pastors can make friends.

The need to maintain confidentiality, keep professional and personal boundaries, and remain friendly with everyone in the church are some of the unique challenges pastors face if they have close friends in the church. Pastors should be careful in entering into such friendships, insisting their friends respect boundaries and not attempt to use the friendship as a fulcrum point of power. On the other hand, pastors must exercise care not to take advantage of their friends to advance their personal and leadership agendas. Pastors must understand that friends can disagree with them in congregational meetings and still be friends. Friends can oppose the pastor’s ideas and still be friends.

However, even assuming that all concerned are spiritually mature people who handle boundaries well, there will still be conflict. That reality should not dissuade pastors from making friends in the church any more than the inevitability of conflict with family should dissuade pastors from marrying or having children. Life is better with friends.

 

Pastoral Ministry in the Real World: Loving, Teaching, and Leading God’s People, © 2015 by Jim L. Wilson

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Preceding

 

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Additional reading

  1. Spirituality
  2. Make a plan to make friends
  3. Not to quick in Making friends
  4. Faithful Are the Wounds of a Friend
  5. Weeks with attention to love
  6. The Field is the World #4 Many who leave the church

The Medium is the message

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Communication theorist, Marshall McLuhan coined the phrase “the medium is the message” to describe the effects communication media have on a message. He contended the way communicators say something is as important as what they are saying. Actually, he argued the medium was more important.

“The content or message of any particular medium has about as much importance as the stenciling on the casing of an atomic bomb.”

In a macro sense, as in the introduction of the Roman alphabet, Gutenberg press, or electronic media into culture, he argued media itself shaped the cultural environment to such an extent that the medium is more important than the words the alphabet formed, the printing press printed, or the electronic media broadcasted.

Each technological innovation rewired how people processed information and what they did with their time. The Roman alphabet, not the words it formed, reshaped thinking from pictures to words, from spatial to linear. It made changes as far as the east is from the west. Philosophers might point to Aristotle and Confucius to highlight the differences between the cultures, McLuhan would indicate that the difference began with the western adoption of the Roman letters, instead of something like the logographic Chinese characters.

The printing press made orality antiquated and flattened time. After the mid-fifteenth century, readers could easily spend their leisure time in isolation interacting with thinkers from another time and place, instead of exchanging their heritage stories in their community, resulting in a less tribalism and more individualism. McLuhan would argue that it was not the words that the press printed that made post mid-fifteenth century generations more individualistic, but that the introduction of the printing press itself caused the transformation.

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The electronic media formed a global village that blurs the lines between here and there. The world came into the living room in McLuhan’s day and into the palm of user’s hands today. While it shrinks the world into a tiny screen, it also expands the users’ world. It creates a cultural fusion where the East and West constantly churn and blend resulting in fewer distinctions, less privacy, and more awareness. McLuhan argued that it was not the words that producers broadcasted that ushered in these changes, but the electronic media itself.

Most of the time, when McLuhan used the phrase “the medium is the message” he was referring to this macro sense of how media shapes its environment and does more to influence people than the words spoken, read, or heard. However, he does make an important distinction between hot and cold mediums. Some communication mediums, such the narrative form, invoke a higher level of participation from the audience. It is a cool medium requiring the use of multiple senses and mental capacities. Other communication mediums are hot, requiring only a single sense.

 

Pastoral Ministry in the Real World: Loving, Teaching, and Leading God’s People, © 2015 by Jim L. Wilson

 

Important decisions to make

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We realise that preaching is necessary and that we must follow the instructions of the Nazarene teacher Jesus Christ. But to go out and preach the word of God, it takes a lot of things. It is not that we, like the apostles, can go from house to house to house and from residence to residence and count on a reception there where we should not worry about finding shelter and food.
Today we ourselves must ensure that enough money flows in to fulfil our worldly obligations. That means we have to work to secure our income. In addition, we must be able to make time for preaching. Even after I retired, I continued to do some work that brought in extra money, allowing me to support my preaching work. However, that preaching work, which kept ecclesiae open, did require a large contribution of private resources.

As preachers, we must be careful that not too much of private property or family money goes into the missionary work. When establishing a new church and renting a Beit Kneset or opening a synagogue, my wife requested that no more private funds be put into it.

For one year now, we have tried to open the gathering place in Anderlecht as a study space and meeting hall. For this, monthly rental fees had to be paid. And in a year that amount has risen firmly, while, unfortunately, there was no income against it. This means that this month we had to take drastic measures and still proceed to terminate the lease. Without income, it was impossible to continue our preaching work there. Now we will have to take pleasure in staying in living rooms or house churches, to greet people and tell about the Word of God. It has therefore been decided to give a small fee to those who let us meet in their home. This will require a financial contribution from us, but we want to do that in order for our faith community to exist and hopefully continue to grow. In any case, we still provide our various websites in addition to our ecclesiae, where we hope to get people together and thus continue our missionary work.

 

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Preceding

  1. Whatever it Takes
  2. Missionary action paradigm for all endeavours of the church
  3. How do I know if I’m called to ministry?
  4. Taking time for missionary work

 

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Additional reading

  1. Expenses, costs – Onkosten, uitgaven
  2. Time for this and that
  3. Obstacles to effective evangelism
  4. Now that we are thinking of expanding
  5. The myth that people are paid what they’re “worth”
  6. Not rewarding virtue, talent, worthiness or hard work
  7. The most annoying bit here in West Europe
  8. Utopia for Realists by Rutger Bregman (Summary)
  9. Man enticed to long for more
  10. An A-Z for a world which has to change.
  11. Which Christians Actually Evangelize
  12. Pastorpreneur Warren

 

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Find our communities

  1. Christadelphia – City of Christ
  2. Belgian Christadelphians
  3. Broeders in Christus te Christadelphia
  4. Gemeenschap van Broeders in Christus
  5. Belgische Christadelphians
  6. Ecclesia Brussel-Leuven
  7. Kanisa la Christadelphian huko
  8. Aalsterse huiskerk
  9. Eglise de maison de Verviers

Belangrijke beslissingen om te nemen

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We beseffen dat predikingswerk noodzakelijk is en dat wij de opdracht gegeven door de Nazareense leermeester Jezus Christus, moeten opvolgen.

Maar om uit te gaan en het Woord van God te prediken zijn er heel wat zaken nodig. Het is niet dat wij zoals de apostelen van huis tot huis tot huis en van woonplaats tot woonplaats kunnen gaan en daar rekenen op een ontvangst waar we geen zorgen moeten maken om onderdak en eten te vinden.

Vandaag moeten we er zelf in voorzien dat er voldoende geld binnenstroomt om onze wereldse verplichtingen na te komen. Dat maakt dat we moeten werken om ons inkomen te verzekeren. Daarnaast moeten we dan ook tijd vrij kunnen maken om te prediken.

Zelfs nadat ik gepensioneerd werd ben ik nog een werk blijven doen dat wat extra geld binnen bracht, zodat ik geld over had om mijn predikingswerk uit te voeren. Maar dat predikingswerk met het open houden van ecclesiae vroeg wel een grote inbreng van private middelen.

Als predikers moeten we hierbij opletten dat niet een al te grote hap van het privé bezit of familiegelden opgaat in het missioneringswerk. Bij de oprichting van een nieuwe kerk en de huur van een Beit Kneset of opening van een synagoge verzocht mijn echtgenote om niet meer private gelden daar in te stoppen.

Voor één jaar nu hebben we getracht de verzamelplaats in Anderlecht als studieruimte en bijeenkomsthal of ontmoetingsplaats, open te stellen. Hiervoor moesten wel maandelijkse huurgelden betaald worden. En in een jaar is dat bedrag ferm opgelopen, terwijl er spijtig genoeg geen inkomsten tegenover stonden. Dit maakt dat we deze maand drastische maatregelen moesten treffen en toch moesten overgaan om de huurovereenkomst te beëindigen. Zonder inkomend geld was het namelijk onmogelijk ons predikingswerk daar voort te zetten.

Nu zullen we genoegen moeten doen om in huiskamers te blijven mensen te begroeten en over het Woord van God te vertellen. Er is dan ook besloten een kleine vergoeding te geven aan diegenen die ons in hun huis laten vergaderen. Dit zal dan ook nog wel een financiële bijdrage van ons vergen, maar dat willen we er wel voor over hebben om onze geloofsgemeenschap te laten bestaan en hopelijk nog te laten groeien.

In ieder geval voorzien we nog onze verschillende websites naast onze ecclesiae en huiskerken, waar we toch hopen mensen bij elkaar te krijgen en zo ons missioneringswerk voort te zetten.

 

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Voorgaande

  1. Te nemen tijd voor missionering
  2. Uit huis werkende moeders

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Vindt ook te lezen

  1. Elke dag die er bij komt
  2. Tijd voor dit en dat
  3. Onkosten
  4. Expenses, costs – Onkosten, uitgaven
  5. De nacht is ver gevorderd 24 Studie 4 Zorg voor de naaste
  6. Heel wat onbetaalde jobs hebben mijn pad gekruisd
  7. Het belangrijkste dat is uitgevonden sinds ik ben geboren
  8. Gaat daarom en maakt discipelen van mensen uit alle natiën
  9. Om de noodzakelijke prediking te verwezenlijken
  10. Andere aanpak in de organisatie van de diensten # 3
  11. Omarm secularisatie. Beschouw kerken als culturele instellingen. In ruil voor subsidie kunnen ze hun politiek-maatschappelijke claim op de samenleving inruilen
  12. Als broeders en zusters samen op weg voor een nieuw jaar
  13. Op weg naar 2014-2015
  14. Communicatie noodzakelijk voor groei in Ecclesia
  15. Vele jaren om mensen via nieuwsfeiten bewust te maken over de belangrijkheid van de erkenning van Jezus als koning van het Komende Koninkrijk
  16. Na honderd jaar een nieuw begin in Brussel
  17. Opkomend voor Christus #4 Wereldwijde prediking
  18. Verspreiders van het woord
  19. Het Wachttorengenootschap over Christadelphians #3 Verkondigen van het Goede Nieuws
  20. Is uitleg over christadelphians op Katholieke website correct
  21. Vergeten predikers van het Goede Nieuws
  22. Predikings werk met goede moed steeds kunnen verwezenlijken
  23. Redenen om samen te komen
  24. Als schapen midden onder de wolven
  25. Er is nog zoveel te doen
  26. Geloofstwijfel, geloofsafval en kerk in moeilijkheden
  27. Bijbelvorsers uitkijkend om meerdere lezers te bereiken
  28. De huidige toestand die ons zorgen zou moeten baren
  29. Naar het einde van het jaar 2018 toegaand
  30. 2019-2020-2021 Twee seizoenen vol veranderingen #2
  31. Een tijd van plicht, verantwoordelijkheid en verantwoording
  32. Start tijdens tijden vol beperkingen

 

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Vindt onze gemeenschappen

  1. Broeders in Christus te Christadelphia
  2. Gemeenschap van Broeders in Christus
  3. Belgische Christadelphians
  4. Ecclesia Brussel-Leuven
  5. Kanisa la Christadelphian huko
  6. Aalsterse huiskerk
  7. Eglise de maison de Verviers

Taking time for missionary work

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As you could read in “Whatever it Takes” it can sometimes go wrong with the attention that certain preachers put in their work towards their family.

It is not always easy to let the preaching work run smoothly. When one is young, one has the concerns to start a family, to ensure an income and then to do the work for God. That work for God is an important task that every Christian should actually take up. Understandably, certain people have to put more weight on the scale by leading a community or ‘their herd’.

The elders face an important task, trying to find a balance between work for their faith community and their families. It becomes even more difficult when missionary work has to be completed, and one has to move further away from home as a preacher. It is then important not to forget the basics with the family or (even worse) to lose the bond with the family.

It is nice if the wife can help ensure that the husband gets enough time to prepare his preaching work, and if he can concentrate on the spiritual work through the exemption from household tasks. In addition, he will, of course, also have to foresee that money will be put in the drawer to give the family shelter and food.

I also remember how I first followed the services as an ordinary believer, but how I later (in my twenties) visited those in need in the social housing blocks in London, after my duties in ballet. This way, I could also contribute to the spread of faith, in addition to becoming more mature in faith by following the services at our church.

Growing further in faith, I was given more responsibilities until I became responsible for the Low Countries and became increasingly involved in spreading the faith. I can only express my gratitude to my wife, who made it possible for me to continue using the time outside my ‘income work’ for spiritual work.

A person who has strong faith in God and His son, prefers to convince others of the need to choose God as well. But that should not be at the expense of others. It is nice if we were able to achieve the goal that we put first with our preaching work. But there we have to be patient and watch out that we always stay on the right path with respect towards the family members and friends.

In the previous article on “Whatever it takes” we could see how even very well-known and important preachers dared to lose the thread. The very popular Billy Graham presumably fell into the trap of fame and fully focused on his sermons that captivated thousands of listeners.  But he did not seem to pay enough attention to his own family and his own growing children.

On the other hand, we can see that paid preachers came to serve their master more than God. They did not care to make their missionary work, to placate people by incorporating their own customs or traditions. For example, we can see in the Catholic Church that with their missionary work she has a habit of taking from the traditions and customs of the people to whom they preach what they like and giving a new explanation, supposedly in the light of the teaching of Christ. In many regions, for example, pagan cases “were given a new explanation” and were included in their experience of faith. In doing so, they wanted to make it acceptable to God and Christ Jesus, which, of course ,will never be the case.

As early as the first century of the present era, a problem arose regarding religious customs. Before their conversion „Jews who became Christians had observed the periodic feasts of Jehovah” (the Passover, Pentecost and the Feast of Tabernacles), on which they had, according to their commandments, ’delighted Jehovah.’ (Lev. 23: 2, 40). However, even these celebrations should not be continued according to several Christian communities (Gal. 4: 9-11), however much they were instituted by Jehovah. How much more will Christians not refrain from pagan celebrations!

It is not a bad thing that preachers or missionaries are not dependent on a master who imposes their teaching rules, and who may also deviate far from Biblical teaching. Those who want to mission must therefore make every effort to fully follow and teach that Biblical teaching.

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Preceding

  1. Whatever it Takes
  2. Missionary action paradigm for all endeavours of the church
  3. How do I know if I’m called to ministry?

 

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Come also to read

  1. The first believers didn’t talk a lot about evangelism
  2. To whom do we want to be enslaved
  3. Matthew 23:15 – The Nazarene’s Commentary: Woe 2: Evangelists of Gehenna
  4. Being Missional
  5. The Ecclesia in the churchsystem
  6. In need to plant more churches
  7. Church has to grow through witness, not by proselytism
  8. John Gossner teaching spiritual life came not from church but from God
  9. Need to Embrace People Where They Are
  10. Priorities for our Christadelphian community and for the spreading of Good News
  11. Engaging the culture without losing the gospel
  12. Today’s thought “Qualities and feasts of people” (December 14)
  13. Leading Brethren
  14. Monday September 1: Looking forward to a church revival
  15. Possibly a bright prospect for the Belgian community of Brothers in Christ
  16. Message of Pope Francis I for the 48th World Communications Day
  17. US Christian missionaries kidnapped in Port-au-Prince

Te nemen tijd voor missionering

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Zoals u kon lezen in “Whatever it Takes” kan het soms verkeerd lopen met de aandacht die bepaalde predikers stellen in hun werk tegenover hun familie.

Het is niet altijd eenvoudig om het predikingswerk vlot te laten verlopen. Als men jong is, heeft men de besognes om een gezin te stichten, een inkomen te verzekeren en daarnaast dan het werk voor God te doen. Dat werk voor God is een belangrijke taak die elke Christen eigenlijk zou moeten opnemen. Begrijpelijk is wel dat er bepaalde personen meer gewicht in de schaal moeten leggen door een gemeenschap of ‘hun kudde’ te leiden.

De ouderlingen wacht een gewichtige taak, waarbij ze een evenwicht moeten trachten te vinden tussen het werk voor hun geloofsgemeenschap en hun gezin. Nog moeilijker wordt het als er missioneringswerk moet volbracht worden en men als prediker verder van huis moet gaan. Het komt er dan op aan de basis met het gezin niet te vergeten of (erger nog) de gebondenheid met het gezin en de familie te verliezen.

Doorheen de geschiedenis kan men wel predikers vinden die gesteund werden door hun kerk of congregatie en zo naast dat predikingswerk geen ander werk moesten doen om te overleven. Bij Bijbelstudenten, Bijbelvorsers en o.a. Christadelphians wordt er niemand betaald om mee te helpen aan de opbouw van de geloofsgemeenschap. De prediker moet zelf voorzien in zijn eigen inkomen en in de mogelijkheid te prediken in de eigen gemeenschap of verder weg. Veelal vindt men bij de jongeren dan liefhebbers die vrijwillig naar ergens trekken om daar bijbelstudie te geven en mee te werken aan de opbouw van een geloofsgemeenschap. Dat vrijwilligerswerk is een zeer belangrijk onderdeel van het missioneringswerk.

Ook ik herinner mij nog hoe ik eerst als gewone gelovige de diensten volgde, maar hoe ik op latere leeftijd (als twintiger) na mijn taken in het ballet op bezoek ging bij hulpbehoevenden in de sociale woonblokken in London. Op die wijze kon ik ook bijdragen aan de verspreiding van het geloof, naast het zelf rijper worden in het geloof door het volgen van de diensten in onze kerk.

Verder doorgroeiend in het geloof kreeg ik meer verantwoordelijkheden totdat ik verantwoordelijk werd voor de Lage Landen en mij dan ook alsmaar meer ging toeleggen in het verspreiden van het geloof. Hierbij kan ik slechts mijn dankbaarheid getuigen aan mijn echtgenote die het mogelijk maakte dat ik de tijd buiten mijn ‘inkomenswerk’ ook verder kon gebruiken voor geestelijk werk.

Mooi is het als de echtgenote er mee kan voor zorgen dat manlief voldoende tijd krijgt om zijn predikingswerk voor te bereiden en als hij zich door de ontheffing van huistaken zich kan concentreren op het geestelijk werk. Daarnaast zal hij natuurlijk ook moeten voorzien dat er geld in het laatje komt om het gezin onderdak en eten te geven.

Iemand die sterk geloof in God en Zijn zoon heeft, wil liefst anderen overtuigen van de noodzaak om ook voor God te kiezen. Maar dat mag niet ten koste gaan van anderen. Het is fijn moesten we met ons predikingswerk de goal kunnen bereiken die we voorop stellen. Maar daar moeten we geduldig zijn en uitkijken dat we steeds op een juist pad blijven vol respect naar de familieleden en vrienden toe.

In het vorige artikel over “Wat het ook moge vergen” (Whatever it Takes) konden we zien hoe zelfs zeer grote en belangrijk predikers de draad ook durfden verliezen. De zeer populaire Billy Graham viel vermoedelijk in de val van de roem en legde zich volledig toe op zijn preken waarmee hij duizenden toehoorders wist mee te bekoren. Maar voor zijn eigen gezin en zijn eigen opgroeiende kinderen leek hij toch niet voldoende aandacht te schenken.

Aan de andere kant kunnen we bij betaalde predikers merken dat zij hun broodheer meer kwamen te dienen dan God. Zij gaven of geven er niet om om voor hun missionering te doen slagen, de mensen te paaien met het opnemen van hun eigen gebruiken of tradities. Zo kunnen we bij de Katholieke Kerk zien dat zij met hun missiewerk de gewoonte heeft om van de gebruiken en gewoonten van de mensen tot wie ze prediken, datgene te nemen wat ze graag hebben en daaraan een nieuwe uitleg geven, zogenaamd in het licht van de leer van Christus. Zo werden in vele streken heidense zaken van „een nieuwe uitleg” voorzien en mee opgenomen in hun geloofsbeleving. Daarmee willen ze het voor God en Christus Jezus tot iets aanvaardbaars maken, dat natuurlijk nooit zo zal zijn.

Al in de eerste eeuw van de gewone tijdrekening rees er een probleem aangaande religieuze gewoonten. Joden die christenen werden, hadden vóór hun bekering „de periodieke feesten van Jehovah” in acht genomen (het Pascha, Pinksteren en het Loofhuttenfeest), waarop zij zich, naar hun geboden was, ’voor het aangezicht van Jehovah hadden verheugd’ (Lev. 23:2, 40). Zelfs deze vieringen dienden echter volgens verscheidene Christelijke gemeenschappen niet te worden voortgezet (Gal. 4:9-11), hoezeer ze ook door Jehovah waren ingesteld. Hoeveel te meer zullen christenen zich dan niet van heidense vieringen onthouden!

Het is niet slecht dat predikers of missionarissen niet afhankelijk zijn van een broodheer die hun leerregels oplegt, en die ook wel eens ver kunnen afwijken van de Bijbelse leer. Zij die willen missioneren moeten dan ook alles in het werk stellen om volledig die Bijbelse leer te volgen en onderwijzen.

 

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Voorgaande

  1. Bij de opheffing van de Vereniging voor Bijbelstudie
  2. Jongmense wil nie meer sit en luister nie

 

Vindt ook te lezen

  1. Elke dag die er bij komt
  2. Heel wat onbetaalde jobs hebben mijn pad gekruisd
  3. Het belangrijkste dat is uitgevonden sinds ik ben geboren
  4. Gaat daarom en maakt discipelen van mensen uit alle natiën
  5. Om de noodzakelijke prediking te verwezenlijken
  6. Andere aanpak in de organisatie van de diensten # 3
  7. Als broeders en zusters samen op weg voor een nieuw jaar
  8. Op weg naar 2014-2015
  9. Communicatie noodzakelijk voor groei in Ecclesia
  10. Vele jaren om mensen via nieuwsfeiten bewust te maken over de belangrijkheid van de erkenning van Jezus als koning van het Komende Koninkrijk
  11. Na honderd jaar een nieuw begin in Brussel
  12. Opkomend voor Christus #4 Wereldwijde prediking
  13. Verspreiders van het woord
  14. Het Wachttorengenootschap over Christadelphians #3 Verkondigen van het Goede Nieuws
  15. Is uitleg over christadelphians op Katholieke website correct
  16. Vergeten predikers van het Goede Nieuws
  17. Predikings werk met goede moed steeds kunnen verwezenlijken
  18. Redenen om samen te komen
  19. Als schapen midden onder de wolven

Whatever it Takes

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For some, the “whatever it takes” drive focuses on leading the organisation and accomplishing goals; for others, it is a drive to help someone regardless of the costs. While personal sacrifice (Luke 18:28–30) and dedication (Matt. 6:24) are admirable traits, they can become destructive to self, family, and ministry if not seen in context with healthy boundaries and human limitations.

28 And Peter said, Behold, we have left all, and followed thee.

29 And he said to them, Truly I say to you, That there is none who has left home, or parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, for sake of the kingdom of God,

30 Who should not receive many fold in this time, and in life coming, eternal life. (Luke 18:28–30)

24 None can serve two lords: for either he will hate one and love the other; or hold firmly to one and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. (Matt. 6:24)

William Carey is famous for his “whatever it takes” attitude in his mission venture to India, so much so that he is widely accepted as the father of the modern mission movement. However, he is infamous in his neglect of his family..*

In the early days, Bill Hybels built Willow Creek Community Church with a “whatever it takes” attitude. One night his wife begged him to stay home and share a meal with her. He responded,

“Kids are dying and going to hell and you want me to stay home and hold your hand?”

 The only reason anyone knows this story is that Bill and Lynn Hybels courageously shared their mistake in their early ministry so their readers would not repeat them. Hybels is not the only well-known leader who made poor priority choices in the early days of ministry.

Billy Graham has a similar story to tell about when Ruth asked him to stay home with her because she was having labour pains. She asked him to cancel his speaking engagement at a meeting in Alabama. Graham refused. That evening Ruth delivered their daughter Gigi.

In 1949, at the famous Los Angeles crusade, Ruth’s sister and brother-in-law came to the meeting. While they were together, Billy admired a child they were holding.

“Whose baby is this?”

Graham asked.**

It was Anne, his daughter. In his later years, Graham, said that if he could do it over again, he would have devoted more of his time to his family.

This is not just an issue with famous ministers. Pastor Dan is not famous at all. In fact, he is a rural pastor who looks after two small rural churches simultaneously. His daughter’s third grade teacher insisted that he accompany his wife for the annual parent teacher conference. At the conference, the teacher showed Dan a picture that his daughter drew of his family.

Dan looked at the picture and asked,

“Where am I?”

“That’s why I called you down here today,”

the teacher responded.

“I asked your daughter the same question. She said you’re never home, so she left you out of the picture.”

Dan was doing “whatever it takes” to take care of two flocks, and in the process was missing precious years of his daughter’s life that he could never replace. Pastors can delegate some things, but not all things.

In an interview with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine on “FamilyLife Today,” Pastor Ben Freudenburg said,

“We have become ministers because we have this great passion to care for and love people to Christ. We’ll do whatever it takes, and sometimes we get misguided and put so much energy into the work of the church that we don’t realise what we are doing to our own families and to our own lives …

 

Pastoral Ministry in the Real World: Loving, Teaching, and Leading God’s People, © 2015 by Jim L. Wilson

 

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The Brothers in Christ are convinced that we have the mission to proclaim the Good News. But that should never happen through neglect of the people around us. The family cannot be neglected at all or left behind to perform missionary duties in other remote regions.

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For us, such facts are unfortunate events that we hear much more often about evangelical preachers. It is actually outrageous for B. Graham who asked who the girl was that he did not recognise his own child.

As followers of Jesus Christ, we must show the same love as Christ and not neglect our loved ones.

Grieving spectrum

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Perhaps the greatest pain people suffer is losing a loved one. The pain is so great that those grieving cannot process the loss instantaneously; instead, they do their best to adapt and cope with their new reality through grief stages. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross lists the stages of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Some have misunderstood these stages as graduated steps, as if it were possible, once leaving the anger stage, never to be angry about the loss again. In reaction to this misunderstanding, others question the value of Kübler-Ross’ stages of grief. A grief spectrum is an alternative way to understand grief. The spectrum runs from denying the loss on one end to accepting its reality on the other. Those grieving a loss will experience Kübler-Ross’ stages, but not necessarily in a pre-defined order. Grieving people will progress and regress through the spectrum over a period of years until they settle into a state of accepting the loss.

The gradations in the grieving spectrum can be adaptive strategies, which enable grieving people to cope with their losses in healthy ways. Upon hearing that a loved one is chronically ill or died, the initial response will likely be shock or denial. Sometimes, it may be a conscious choice not to believe the news, but more times than not, denial is an adaptive strategy beneath the surface to appropriate the burden of the news over time. The news is so weighty that a grieving person cannot bear all the weight in a single moment. The human spirit takes time to process losses and so people vacillate between knowing and not knowing the veracity of the news.

Along the journey to acceptance, grieving people often process their growing reality of the loss with anger. As a secondary emotion, anger gives a momentary relief from the pain of the loss and becomes an outlet to “unload” the pain on others. Just the stress of the event is enough to leave a grieving person short-tempered. However, at a deeper level, the perceived injustice of the loss exacerbates the pain and intensifies the emotional outburst. Anger can be free flowing, but it will find a target. Sometimes the anger strikes a medical professional, a family member, a pastor, or even God. The recipient of the anger is not usually the point. Anger, like denial, can be an adaptive strategy to cope with the pain. The point is that grieving people often get angry as they process their losses.

The tendency to bargain takes on intensified significance for those with religious backgrounds who understand that God loves them (1 John 4:8) and that He can do miraculous things like raise the dead (Ezek. 37:13; Luke 7:11–17; Acts 20:7–12; Acts 3:15). The Scripture is clear about what God can do. What grieving people are often unclear about is what He will do in their circumstance.

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Pastoral Ministry in the Real World: Loving, Teaching, and Leading God’s People, © 2015 by Jim L. Wilson

 

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Preceding

  1. Aligned
  3. Grief and some of its Stages
  4. God’s Comfort
  5. Is God behind all suffering here on earth
  6. I Can’t Believe That … (2) God would allow children to suffer
  7. Pain, sanctification and salvation
  8. Running away from the past

 

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Additional reading

  1. When Tragedy Strikes…
  2. Materialism, would be life, and aspirations
  3. The Dead — Where Are They? 1 Universal Inquiry
  4. The Afflictions of Christ 2 Afflictions of Christ in our flesh
  5. Through much tribulation
  6. Emotional pain and emotional deadness
  7. Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief (Our World)
  8. Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief
  9. Today’s thought “Peace, peace, when there is no peace” (July 18)
  10. The soul has no rainbow if the eyes have no tears
  11. Grief and Gratitude