Determine “how important is it, anyway?”
Is a flurry of activity, increased blood pressure and the sweats really worth it to clean one more room before you go to bed? Will the world stop if you don’t return a phone call on the same day you receive it? Probably not. Take a deep breath and carry on.
New Series – Anti-perfectionism – To Start April 1st
by Trudy Ellis, roving reporter for FAPI
APRIL 1, 2013 (FAPI)
Mark your calendars and keep your eyes peeled – this is the date that word on the fake street has labeled as the start of a new series on a humble little blog called Sunshine Factor (on WordPress). When I interviewed Debbie Loesel Stanton, author of Sunshine Factor blog, she had a delightful little story to tell me about how the idea for this series came to her.
“I usually get my ideas and inspiration for my posts either in the shower, on the road, or at work,” the author said as her eyes sparkled, “but on Easter morning in the pre-dawn the idea for this series came to me. Still in my bed, I dismissed it as a weird dream and felt sure when I woke up the idea would make no sense to me. Strangely, though, even when up and around the idea appealed to me. It’s as if my Muse came to me and gave me an assignment.”
A reporter that has seen and heard a lot of strange things, I had to get to the heart of the matter. “So is this really what you’re going to do?” I asked Ms. Stanton.
“Yes, I am committed to the idea. Who am I to say that my Muse is wrong? I have a feeling that what I will learn is meant for me, but I am glad to share it. Anyone who wants to come on this journey with me is welcome. If learning how to get rid of perfectionism is not your bag, then you can look forward to my regular writing on Saturdays.”
“What’s special about Saturdays?” I had to know.
“Saturday is “Poetry Saturday” here on Sunshine Factor. I write an original poem each Saturday, and sometimes I practice with a specific poetry style,” she answered, beaming.
This author is one bright lady! It was as if I had walked into a wall of sunshine, so bright was her countenance!
Debbie Loesel Stanton will write one anti-perfectionism short for each day in April. Considering the subject matter, is she being perfectionistic about her April writing goals? No, she assures me, she writes a post a day regardless, so for her it will be continuing a practice she already has in place. You can find her blog at https://sunshinefactor.wordpress.com. Join us, won’t you?
Trudy Ellis
FAPI
The Moot Court room. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
“Debbie Goes to Court”
~ a story ~
This court case was unusual. A judge was present, but no attorney or jury. Who was being tried was not a person or corporation, but rather a belief and value of some. This enemy was called Perfectionism.
Debbie brought Perfectionism to trial since her belief in it, and what was taught about it by her parents, had ruined her life. Far from the blissful existence it tried to portray, perfectionism was sickness, sorrow, and a sad form of insanity.
In this case, the judge heard Debbie’s opening arguments. She spoke them to the judge and audience, some of whom were victims of Perfectionism as well.
Debbie began:
“Perfectionism has made me hate myself when I couldn’t be perfect. I spent all my life, time and emotions trying for an impossible goal. This wore me out and robbed me of my life. I didn’t really live during this time, I barely existed, because Perfectionism made me feel I didn’t deserve to live.
Furthermore, Perfectionism has killed ballerinas and models and others who have to be thin for their professions. Movie stars and others have had their bodies cut and manipulated to look like someone else. Writers and artists throw out their pet projects if they think they can’t “get it right.” They sell their souls just for the state of perfectionism, which does not actually exist. And I can’t stand it anymore!” Debbie concluded.
A loud cheer arose from the audience. Anorexics and bulimics and militant dieters echoed Debbie’s sentiments and heard the words of freedom for perhaps the first time. Other guests listening to the court case agreed as this reflected how they, too, had been affected.
The judge pounded his gavel and asked for silence. He then praised Debbie for uncovering the truth.
“So how then should we live?” he asked.
“With patience and love for ourselves,” was the answer. “We need to remind ourselves that no one is perfect, nor do we have to be. If there is perfectionism at all, it should be the perfect letting go of unreal ideals that make us hurt ourselves or others.”
“Amen!” shouted the judge jubilantly. “Court stenographer, make sure you get this dowm: I grant peace and freedom to all those who have ruined or wasted their lives for Perfectionism’s sake. I’m announcing that Heaven is the only place that perfectionism exists.”
“And Debbie, since this is not a typical courtroom, I will now allow you to say or do anything you’d like in response to this.”
Debbie laughed with glee. From her purse she took two lipsticks and one small jar of paint. To the audience she waltzed up and stood in front of the Hollywood director. Quick as a flash, she drew designs all over his face with the lipsticks and poured the orange paint into his hair.
“Good luck, then,” the judge called to her retreating figure going out the courtroom door.
“Thank you, sir,” she called back. “I’m in a hurry to live my real life now!”
FINIS
Do you have a favorite quote that you return to again and again? What is it, and why does it move you?
My favorite quote is something I came up with just today as I came out of having a massage at the spa. I felt so good and relaxed and happy, that all the way to the grocery store and then back home, I kept running it over and over in my mind.
The phrases that linked themselves together made these sentences:
You can’t improve yourself unless you’re good to yourself. And you can’t be good to yourself unless you love yourself.
Most of my readers know that I like to redo or rework the negatives…I framed my phrases in a positive way, and here is the quote I came up with:
“When you love yourself, you end up doing things that are good for yourself. When you are good to yourself, it’s easy to improve yourself.”
This quote moves me because I have finally figured out what would help me with my quest to improve myself. Loving myself the last couple of years makes it possible to improve myself without going all militant and perfectionistic.
Calendar Page for July. Detail from Harley MS 4425, Roman de la Rose (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
It’s this time of year, more than any other, that resolutions take center stage in conversations or brainstorming. Advertisers take advantage of this and provide us with endless solutions of how they can help us achieve the things we resolve to do or change about ourselves. No wonder we get tired of seeing commercial after commercial for fitness clubs and diet organizations.
As you might recall from earlier posts, I now have intentions – things I intend to pursue or work on. I even limit those to two at a time. But resolutions, for me, a recovering perfectionist, are harmful. Let me tell you about how resolutions have been in my life.
January 1st was always a fun day for me, as I would incorporate MANY new practices into my day. I’d go to bed that night pleased with myself that I had achieved so much. Ah, but that was only a facade. The real tests would come after the first day of the new year was over with.
I’d feel bad if I didn’t read a daily devotional book every single day, and worse yet, I’d often try to catch up and read two weeks’ worth of pages.
After a week or two of exercising every single day, I would just stop and give up.
“Oh well [sigh].” I often said that when giving up on something I couldn’t be “perfect” about.
Granted, it’s good to have ideas for ways you would like to change, but the danger comes in when you use those plans as a weapon against yourself or as an impossible measuring stick.
Weight loss diets are exactly like resolutions – they can make you feel like a failure if you can’t be perfect about it. Is this what we want for ourselves?
If you’re like me, you need to be patient with yourself and realize you are only one person, and you can’t change overnight – or at least, make changes that are long-lasting.
Any time of year is a good time to practice a new (or desired) skill – any time that you feel like it – yes, even July 21st.
Life can be a great merry-go-round!
What do cancer, a usually negative thing, and my writing career, a positive thing, have in common?They both brought me: Silly Millie.
Cancer was a gift in that once you get through that, no longer do the opinions and demands of others matter as much. I got through cancer so now I have a right to LIVE my own life.
My writing career feeds my ego, helps me to express myself, and gives a platform for the “German leprochaun” to have a voice and be playful.
I’m incredibly silly sometimes, but I don’t worry about that anymore. I’ve paid my dues, I don’t have to even try to be perfect anymore. It’s a well-known but less-followed fact: No one is perfect. No one has to be. To strive for that is to make yourself nuts.
“Silly Millie” helped me to love and appreciate myself and know that it’s okay to be ME. I am continuously blown away by how life gets sweeter and sweeter, by the day, for me. Sometimes I don’t know what to do about it – and that’s when I get silly. Hmmm, maybe it’s a release valve, even if I’m not being stressed out.
Are you a Silly Millie, or, what is YOUR release valve?
P.S. It’s okay to lay all your battles and problems on the ground and enjoy life…
Myst Online URU (Photo credit: samdecle)
Are you a do-it-your-selfer? Or are you like me and do tons of research for the “correct” set of written instructions for which to perform your task?
I’ve decided to be a do-it-myselfer, unless it involves putting an object together – then I feel that written directions are the best way for me to go. Otherwise, I’ve come to accept that when I follow someone else’s directions, be it for money management or household management or even skin care, things just don’t work out too well. When I go with my gut feelings, the methods for the task I am working on just seem to come to me – and I suppose it’s because I’m the expert on me, myself and I – and that is why my ideas work (for me, that is).
The other day, Sunshine Factor had a post about the new “red and pink thinking” – being in the middle of a large spectrum. I do believe this is part of anti-perfectionism, which is my main theme in life lately. If I were to write the Declaration of Independence for me personally, like the USA’s was written in 1776, this is what I would declare:
The Declaration of Intelligence and Intuition:
I, a person in my own right,
do solemnly give up on perfectionism.
It is a degrading, anxiety-producing lifestyle.
Instead, with the help of God,
I vow to accept his gifts of Intelligence and Intuition
and use them to my fullest capability.
I have enough intelligence and enough life experiences
to know how to best handle any situation – for me.
I have enough intuition to back up intelligence
and provide a springboard for human potential and growth.
I vow to trust myself, because “God does not make junk”,
and I vow to support others trying to find their own way too.
I will not inflict perfectionism upon them,
because I know how I hate it being thrust upon me.
In God I trust,
and with sincerity and fidelity, I remain:
An intelligent, intuitive non-perfectionist.
— Debbie Loesel Stanton
English: Greensett Tarn Hmmm. Reminds me of a very well known antipodean country from here. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I was talking to some wise friends the other day, and I suddenly discovered how I could stop spinning my wheels.
How do I spin my wheels? I get so enthusiastic about life, and I’m curious about so many things, that I seem to want to try everything new or different – all at once! Not a very practical way to go, I admit. It turns out that I get a few things done or tried and the rest are running around in my mind, waiting for me to get “organized” so I can do everything!
Hmmm, case in point of a perfectionistic mindset. I have become less of a black-and-white thinker in the past couple years, but I still tread the path of striving to knock perfectionism out of my life. I’m learning that “good is good enough” and “you are where you are, so start there.” Superwoman I am not, and I no longer try to be. Yet, (and this is because of my cancer experience) I am so afraid that I won’t achieve my goals and dreams before my life is over, that I want to do everything now. (My cancer, incidentally, is 100% gone, and my life expectancy is as long as it was pre-cancer. So, I’m guessing this is just another perfectionism thing rearing its ugly head.)
AND NOW – this is what I learned from my friends, and I am on Day One of living this way:
I’m wondering if a person keeps on adding new habits, when will they run out of time each day to incorporate all of them? I’ll let you know when I find out, as my list of possibilities is very long! Be sure to comment here if you can inform us on the subject. Maybe some of the habits can be brought down a notch to “every other day” or “once a week” to make room and time for the new ones…that seems un-perfectionistic to me. 🙂
The Sunshine Factor 