grieving | The Sunshine Factor

English: The Queen of Hearts, from a 1901 edition of Mother Goose, New York: McClure, Phillips, 1901. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My best friend (second to my husband) is moving out of state.

This news was announced to me lately

and it didn’t make it into the “good news” column.

This news jumped between my earlier abandonment issues,

loss, and sadness.

Hope kept trying to pop up amongst the ashes,

but this girl didn’t want to listen.

This will be something new that I have to recover from.

The questions pound in my head:

Who will get me like she does?

Who will understand my jokes?

Who will take time out of her busy schedule

to see movies with her favorite movie pal?

Who will provide such awesome wisdom that

I was getting used to receiving from her?

The answers will show up later

I don’t need to know them now

I just need to keep using email and phone calls

to stay in touch,

but Skype – no thanks.

She and I will survive

in this land of new challenges and dreams and blessings

But thank God,

She is alive

and I never have to forget her.

II.

I’m So Sad

Okay, God, I’m going to tell it to you like it is. Someone once said that you’re big and powerful, and you’ve heard it all before, so you can take anything we say. So, I’m going to talk to you like you’re sitting across the table from me.

My friend is dying from her cancer, as you know. I am so sad that she is in her final days now, and I am not in the small group of people that is allowed in the house to see her. I miss her terribly already. What can I do now? Pray is the only thing I can do, I guess.

She has fought her cancer like a trooper, never giving up, always holding on to her faith. How I wish I had that much faith!

I think when people grieve, we are grieving for ourselves and not the one dying. We are sad we won’t see them anymore (unless we see them in heaven later on) and sad to lose a friend. They say death is a part of life, so why does this seem so foreign? I am so utterly helpless, there is nothing left I can do. So powerless! So angry that she has to be taken already!

You know, maybe my friend is the lucky one. She gets to see you and heaven and all her family and friends before I can. She’s going where there are no more tears or pain or disabilities or broken hearts. Everything is perfection in heaven, so I’m sure she’ll really enjoy it. Thank you, God, for bringing her safely home. Please give me the strength to endure her absence, and help me to be thankful she’s with you, even though my wished-for timing of events is not your timing. Help me to be a good source of blessing and peace to her family and to do for them what they need right now.

Thank you Lord,

Amen.