Tag Archives: Last Rites

March 26, 2025 · 2:26 am

Laying You to, Rest—Seeing D Off

Laying the one we love to rest, in a beautiful, place…translated…

Not Fighting, No Questioning
Just Left on One’s Own, or, Stayed by Oneself
Alone——————
Such a Quiet Place
No Words of Exchange, Just the Sounds of Machines
No Inhale & Exhale, the Heartbeats
Just Stayed in Rhythmic Tempo, Like
That Pebble Under the Sun, that Cherry Tree
Blossoming Down that, Slope
Or, We Should Just Focus on This Very Moment Here

laying someone we loved to, rest…

https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/solemn-mourner-cemetery-umbrella-black-attire-reflective-rainy-day-funeral-scene-quiet-respect-grief-mysterious-312960042.jpg

Quietly——the Cherry Blossoms, They’re Blooming Quietly
But Uninhibited, Free to Be, No Doubting about
Whose Ashes Kept it, Fertilized & Fed?
Whose Tears? While You Had Become Ready
Like that Cup of Dirt We’re about to, Pour Over You
And I’d Not Want to Say “Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust”
But that’s What You’d Already, Become, and
From Here on Out, Every Drop of Rain in This Place
All Yours, the Earthworms, Whispering Between the Roots of Grasses Here, the Barely Audible Noises, Yours Also;
Can You Feel the Desires of Every Single Grass in the Darkness?
———Looking up at the Skies Again, Get the Wind in My Hair Too
Ahhhh, Our Lives are Like the Weeds
Or, Not Even as the Weeds
I’d Counted Up the Pebbles on the Pasture the Scattered All Over
Various Shapes, Sizes and Forms, Which Kind Were, They?
I’d Searched into My Mind, All the Rocks I’d Know
Sandstone, Shale, Gneiss, Keraphyllite, Chalk, Black Silicone
Some Hardened Names
They Covered Over You, Like the Medals

mourning for those whom we’d lost to, death…

https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/b/man-crying-near-soldier-s-grave-31263203.jpg?w=992

Awarded to You by the Years—those Rocks
Weighing Inside
The Rocks in My Eyes
Those that Got Stuck in My Shoes
Had Been, Rubbed to Flatten, Become Smooth
Or are Still Rough, with the Edges Uneven
They’d Stopped Rolling, and Situated on Their Own Individually
Someone Walked Past Them
And Disclosed the Pains of Losing Those Whom They Loved
The Words Got Carried Away by the Wind
The Wind, Also Yours
It May Rain Tomorrow
It May be Sunny
It Might, be, But Nothing Will Surprise or Stir at You Now
As that Bulbul, Quietly
Flies Toward the, Cherry Blossoms


And this, is what goodbye looked, like, with the living, learning to let go of the dead, telling themselves, that those whom they lost, will forever be with them, in spirit, grieving for the losses that came with death, for those we loved and lost in this, life…

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November 6, 2022 · 3:39 am

He’d Wheeled His Mother Who’d Died to the Park to Dispose of Her Body, Didn’t Get Caught Until a Year Later

He should’ve known better, after all, it was, her mother, who’d, passed, and yet, instead of giving her a proper burial or have her cremated, he’d, left her body at a children’s playground…off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Lee in Taichung found his eighty-five-year-old mother dead at home, didn’t call it in, instead, in the depth of the nights, he’d wheeled her out on her wheelchair to a children’s playground a kilometer away to dispose of her body, left her corpse on the slides, then left, the police caught Lee a week later, but because he wasn’t caught in the act, they’d not taken him into custody, and Lee ran, and got an arrest warrant on him, he’d not gotten caught until recently, the district attorney’s office charged him on disposing of his mother’s body illegally.

The investigators found, Lee (age 55) originally lived with his own mother, on the evening of March 22nd of last year, Lee found his mother dead of illness at home, he’d not called up the paramedics, nor the police, instead, he’d used the wheelchair left by his landlord on the first floor, then, put his mother’s body on it, wheeled her out.

At around eleven late in the evening, he’d wheeled her body to a children’s playground locally, Lee left the body on the slides, then, left, the following morn, as the locals were exercising, they’d found the elderly woman leaning against the slide, with her head hung, not moving, they’d gotten close to check, and found that she was dead, the locals were thrilled, they’d notified the police.

The police arrived at the playground, because the elderly woman had no identification on her, they’d treated her as a jane doe first, and, after the coroner’s autopsy, they’d found that she didn’t have any external injuries, and there wasn’t any toxins in her blood, the police sorted through the surveillance footages, and found that it was Lee who’d, dumped the elderly woman’s, body, Lee was called in.

Lee claimed at first, that he was wheeling his mother out for a walk, back then, his mother was still breathing, then he’d changed his statement to how she’d died at home, and not known what he was to do, that was why he’d, wheeled his mother to the park, he wasn’t consistent in his statements.

The police called up the family to the morgue to identify the body, the elderly woman’s other sons positively confirmed it was her, but Lee didn’t show, he’d lost contact, the police went to his home, his rental place to find him, but they weren’t able to, and there was an active warrant for his arrest signed by the D.A.’s office.

Lee was out on the run for close to a whole year, and it wasn’t until recently, did he, finally, get caught by the police, and the D.A.’s office asked the courts to mandate him into police custody, which the courts signed off on, the coroner’s believed, that the elderly was dead before she was disposed of by her own son, that he’d not leave her to die in the park.

Yeah, that made it, a whole lot, better, right?  I mean, at least this LOSESR did NOT leave his own elderly mother to D-I-E, in the park.  This just showed, how easy you can, dispose of a body, and yet, in the end, you still, get, caught.

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Filed under Bad Behaviors, Improper Misconducts, Knowing the Law and Breaking It, Messed Up Values, On Death & Dying, On the Wrong Side of the Law, the Finality of Life, White Picket Fence

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October 26, 2022 · 7:14 am

The LAST Ride, Before, You Were, Gone…for, Good

The LAST ride, before, you were, gone…for, good, you took me on, and I was, a bit, scared, as the speed you were, riding me, was way too high, it’d felt like I was, flying, and it’d, scared me, but, I loved you, so, I’d, gone along…

The LAST ride, before you were, gone…for good, didn’t know, that that, was the very LAST time I’ll, ever, see you, alive, I was, way too, young, inexperienced of the world, until, until, you took me on that, LAST ride, before you were, gone…for good.  Then, all of a sudden, I’d become, an adult, with her childhood, left, behind!

That LAST ride, before you were, gone…for good, thought that you will always, watch over me, and I guess, that in a sense, you still are, watching, over me, just, not in this world that I’m currently, left, behind in is all.

what that, looked, like! Photo from online

So many things I’d wanted to say to you…well, there’s, nothing I can think of, to say to you, after all, you are, a stranger to me, through my early childhood days (and even IF you’d been present, I wouldn’t, remember it!), my adolescent, you’d, come in and out, made the, occasional, visit, here, and there, then, my adulthood, we’d, reconnected, sorta, but, you’re still, a stranger to me, the more I’d, found out about you, and now, you’re, gone, for good!

I keep on, replaying that LAST ride, before you were gone, for good, and, I thought I had more time with you, but in the end, time was, a liar, it’d, stolen everything from our, lives………

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Family Dynamics, Growing Up Too Fast, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life, Things Left Behind, Wake Up Calls

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July 31, 2022 · 4:27 am

I Love You, Oh So Much, Grandpa!

The final moment of love that’s, shared between this dying elderly man and his young grandson, that’s too, unforgettable, translated…Upon reading Lingo’s “I Love You, Grandpa!” on June 22nd, it’d helped me recalled that memory back up to the surfaces.

It was the year that Professor Lu’s eight year battle with his cancer finally ended, he’d taught at the experimental laboratory of N.T.U. Medical Department, shortly after he retired, he was diagnosed with cancer, the oncologist believed his cancer was caused by the exposure of carcinogens at work, that he’d inhaled in too much formaldehyde that’s caused him to have the cancer cells in his lungs.

On that day, the already retired Professor Jing-Mei asked me to go with her to visit a former coworker, Ms. Tsuei-Ying, along with go see her husband, Professor Lu one final time, and of course I’d said yes.

The studies showed, that the sense of hearing is gone last, even as the patients are in a state of comatose, they can still hear some sounds.  The thoughtful Professor Jing-Mei bought a cake of Professor Lu’s favorite Lily Cheesecake, placed it on his chest, told him, we’d brought your favorite snacks.  His eyes trembled a bit, being shut and all.  I’d mentioned of his daughter who is excellent, and recalled everything we’d shared in school teaching together, at the same time, thanking him for sharing with me what he’d caught on his fishing trips, how he’d, given us the various kinds of breads, cakes he’d baked himself.

The foreign hired nurse close by started crying out of sorrows.  At this time, the ward that’s overflown with the tears was disrupted by an energetic young boy, I’d winked at him, he’d made that face at me.  Professor Tsuei-Ying held tightly to her not-yet-preschool-age grandson, told him, “Grandpa is going to become an angel soon!  Tell him you love him in his ears, he can still hear you!”  that young boy slid down out of his grandmother’s lap, got close to his grandpa’s ears, used all of his strengths, declared, “I love you, so very much grandpa!”, that childish voice filled the entire room then, I was moved, and, Professor Lu opened up his eyes wide, then, suddenly, closed them up, passed away with a smile on his lips.

Later, this “I love you so very much grandpa!”, kept surfacing up to my mind repeatedly.

And so, this is on the final passage of life, and, everything that needed to get said got said, and, the man who’d died passed away with ease, and his families felt the loss, but, the loss was also, hand-in-hand with the love they’d shared with this elder of the family.

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June 12, 2022 · 3:26 am

Mr. Chang from Yonghe

How this man had, done everything he could, to help this family get everything settled in their lives, and yet, at the very end, due to an oversight…the family couldn’t get the ashes back, because, the man who helped them did all the paperwork, didn’t pay attention in one of the, steps of the procedures, translated…

To this point in my life, I’d had that surprise of meeting up.  Thinking of my connection to Yonghe, it was, related to Aunt Mei-Lang.

Aunt Mei-Lang from way back when, with her peach-colored fan, matched the retired armed servicemen who were all alone on their own with available ladies, she was a matchmaker.  The two first looked at one another’s photographs, and, if they liked what they saw, then, my Aunty Mei-Lang would head back to Indonesia to bring a bride to Taiwan; but, if there’s the matters of the paperwork of the immigrations department, then, my aunt left the means to Mr. Chang, and, the cost is, quite high.

Jia-Tzi’s paperwork was through Mr. Chang too, later on, my maternal grandparents, my aunt, uncles airfare, and documents needed for them to come here, was all completely by Mr. Chang.  And so, as my next uncle or aunt readies to fly to Taiwan, my maternal grandfather would take my older stepbrother and I, flagged down a cab on Justice N. Road, all the way to Yonghe where Mr. Chang lived, paying him the fees, and, retrieving the documents.

In my memories, it was a huge apartment, and, as far as the eyes can see, there’s the marble, or the wood material.  Mr. Chang wore the glasses with the silver frame, or was it gold, or, black?  Can’t even remember now.  I only recalled his accent, of Asian-Indonesian as well, and maybe, with the Cantonese mixed in.

On that very night, I took my mother, rode around in the night breeze of Yonghe.  Riding aimlessly, at the intersection of Zhongzhen Road, I’d, turned in the alley where Mr. Chang lived.  Because I recalled, that the cab U-turned, first, it went up a small slope and this was something brand new, living in the flatter Sangchong regions.

The sign outside Mr. Chang’s apartment still had the signs, I’m sure, that he still works to get the foreigners in to the country.

illustration from UDN.com

Actually, our affinities with Mr. Chang had come to a dead halt that day after my maternal grandfather cut off his ties with him.  A couple of years ago, because we had to get the death certificate for my maternal grandmother in Indonesia, to file for the discontinuance of her status here, Jia-Tzi got into contact with Mr. Chang again, but, the government, the hospital in Indonesia had a grueling process to do this, with the means of paying the tiny charges here and there, under the tables, which caused my eldest uncle, who was taking my grandmother’s ashes back to Taiwan, not having the proofs of her death certificate, causing the local land office to not have the records on file, leading to how after my stepbrother had passed, the land offices found my maternal grandmother who’s already in the towers where the bones were kept, being one of the, living heirs.

We’d thought, that Mr. Chang was good as back when, and that we only needed to pay him a fee, then, all the paperwork, all the troubles of getting the business done would get sorted out smoothly, and yet, we still, lost, to that death certificate that can’t be, certified from, overseas.

Later, we’d tried giving up on the means, no longer needed the death certificate from the local government offices.  And yet, we still had the regrets, Yonghe is still, Yonghe, but Mr. Chang is, an elderly now, while my maternal grandmother’s passport, belongings, still can’t be shipped over, because, back when we’d shipped her ashes back, we’d not gotten the “Arrival” stamps to verify her status of entry.

And so, this, is because of this error from the families part: they didn’t research through all the nitty-gritties of the government, to see what sort of paperwork they are in need of, to get the elder’s ashes over, and, solely relied on the man who’d helped them through getting the paperwork done, and, this time, the families’ mistakes were in not paying the tips to the government workers in Indonesia, and, now, the means of the inheriting of the properties is all a mess for this family.

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October 17, 2021 · 2:26 am

My Father-in-Law’s Final Wishes, Finally, Fulfilled

Fulfilling a dream of his late father-in-law, translated…

My father-in-law had always been an enigma to me, he’d never told us anything about his past, we only knew, that he was from a well-rounded family in Shaoxing, Zhejiang, and started working as a sailor when he was only eighteen, nineteen years of age, and followed that merchant ship to Taiwan at age twenty, and, never went back home again.

He had kept the diaries for long, but, never allowed us to read them, he’d told, “I’m not writing a diary, just whatever that came to my mind, I’d jotted it down, if you’re interested about my past, then, you can read it, after I’m a hundred.”  After he’d passed, as I’d helped sorted through his belongings, I’d, read through the more than twenty volumes of diaries my late father-in-law had, kept, mostly were the nitty-gritty of goings on in life, but, there was this, light blue notebook, on the first page, it’d had the historical pickle farm in his ancestral home in Shaoxing, with the names of all of his siblings, and he’d told of how his life in Taiwan wasn’t what he’d expected it to be, but, he’d refused to go back, due to how tough he was.

a notebook like this…

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with everything about his past written down on record by him, for his offspring to find…

Because there’s no record of which pickle farm, we’d searched online, and found there were, several, but, there’s only one farm with the owners being, Chen, “the Chien-Yu Pickle Farm”, and, at its prime, it was, the historical pickle farm in all of China.  At that very moment, I’d, written to the Shaoxing Province connection here in Taiwan, hoped that they can help us find my father-in-law’s ancestral home, at the same time, if there are still living relatives of his there.  Not long thereafter, the letter from the Chinese local governments told us, that my father-in-law’s eldest brother is still alive, but he’s in a vegetative state, bedridden through the ages, and there were, five cousins, and his youngest aunt who’s still living.

At the end of 2011,my wife and I accompanied my mother-in-law to my father-in-law’s place of origin, Shaoxing, at the same time, we’d also gone to visit my wife’s eldest uncle who’s bedridden.  During the visit, my mother-in-law whispered in her eldest brother-in-law’s ears, “I’m the wife of Rong Hong, we had come home to visit you.”, and, everybody who was there, saw that our eldest uncle who’d been in a vegetative state, with tears coming from his eyes.

Two days after we’d returned back to Taiwan, my wife’s older female cousin called to tell, that eldest uncle is gone, that he was in peace when he passed.

And so, this elderly man is, waiting for that word of his loved one who’d come to Taiwan, and, he’d, finally gotten what he was waiting for, as he’d, passed away in peace, and, the family had, helped fulfilled the older generation’s dreams of returning home to visit his own kin.

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December 25, 2014 · 4:09 am

Returning to Her Mother’s Home to Spend Christmas, a Story on Marriage

Translated…

Every year as Christmas approaches, my good friend, Ling would decorate her house so it’d been filled with holiday cheers, because her third daughter who married to France is coming home.

Twenty years ago, her youngest, Yi who was in medical school went as the representative of her unit to France to attend a conference, on a free activities day, she’d taken the subways in the opposite directions and got lost, at which time, she’d met a helpful man, Mr. Becker, he not only showed her how to get to where she was going, he’d even acted as a tour guide for the next couple of days, it’d made her feel that this young man is very kind and filled with passions.

After a few months dating, Yi became Mrs. Becker.  Becker is of English descent, his grandfather started living in Normandy, is from a well-to-do background, is an artist, was divorced, has a son.  After the marriage, Yi’s life is filled with happiness, and, every year around Christmas, she’d come home.

Nine years after they were wed, Yi was ill, Becker took her to Russia and China for treatment, but, she’d not improved.  When Yi knew that she has only six months of life left, she’d persuaded her youngest sister, Liang-Liang to head to France, to study the language, to tour the sites.

As Liang-Liang was just fresh out of college and heard, that she could go to France to live, she was excited, and carried a heart of curiosity.  When Liang-Liang was in France, Yi had asked Becker to accompany her sister to sightsee, and she’d used the excuse of not feeling well, to stay out of the way.

At first, Becker and Liang-Liang didn’t know Yi’s intentions, until one day, Yi told Liang-Liang with a weak tone, that she’d arranged everything.  She hoped that Liang-Liang can forgive her selfishness, that it would make her feel bad, but she was certain, that Becker was someone whom she could trust her life with, wanted Liang-Liang to be his wife and accompany him for the rest of his life.

At first, when Liang-Liang found out her sister’s motivations, she was angered, thought that she should’ve at least asked her first.  But, every time, her older sister had used the pleading looks, and seeing how Becker was feeling the sorrows, looking down over his wife’s physical pains, she just couldn’t tell her sister no.

And so, after her sister died, Liang-Liang became Mrs. Becker, in the decade’s time Becker had taken good care of Liang-Liang, making her happy.  And she too, like her older sister, would come home, to Taiwan, with Becker, for the holidays.

And so, the sister had everything planned out, she knew she was going to die, and that her husband will need a caretaker, company, and her sister is just the right person for the role, and so, she’d set the two of them up, and this not only takes a lot of courage, a lot of heart, it also takes a lot of love to do.

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December 2, 2014 · 4:46 am

If One Day I No Longer Woke Up

On death & dying, translated…

If one day, I no longer woke up, I really don’t have any regrets, because all the love that needed to be spoke, I’d called them all aloud, and, I’d repeated, calling them out loud.

In the process of battling this illness, there were moments of lows, or when my condition worsened, but from the beginning, my mind had been settled, that, was beyond my medical professional trainings, other than having it been taken from my own “faith”, more of this sense of calm came from my long-term “preparedness”.  Because I’d “proclaimed my love” to people that I loved, so I’m not fearful of this sudden onset of goodbye.

During this time, I’d gotten so many calls, from the daily living routines, to the rare nightly dreams.  Of course, all of these, small moments, are only granted to those who are believers.

Many years ago, when I’d gone to the U.S. to visit with my older brother, I’d talked to him about our parents’ health conditions, and told him of how they worried about him whom they can see regularly.  After college, he’d gone abroad, he could not be with our parents, he’d spoken, in a heartfelt manner, “Yu-Cheng, I really envy how you can be close to mom and dad, talked about everything with them, but, make sure, you don’t tell them of the difficulties that I’m facing.  I’m not there by their side, I can’t explain the situations, and, it will only increase their worries.”

Eldest brother!  Eldest brother!  Did you recall, how moved I was, by your words back then?

Child, Don’t Worry About Me

My brother’s words weighed heavily on my mind since.  When I was certain of my own cancer diagnosis, I’d decided, to not tell my two children who were in the United States then, I wanted to spare them the worries, the helplessness that they may feel, not being able to be with me.

I just wrote my daughter, Kai-Wen, asked her to buy me the supplements that can help reduce the damages of my chemotherapy, glutamine, it’s cheaper overseas.  Kai-Wen is a very smart and sensitive child, she’d immediately wrote back, “What’s wrong, dad?  Are you sick?”

My dear daughter, how can I allow you to feel worried for me?  I’d immediately wrote my daughter back, “dad’s just having stomach troubles.”  Not long thereafter, Kai-Wen wrote that she’s coming to Taiwan for a week, and I knew, that I couldn’t hide my conditions any longer.  Later on, my son, Ding-Jia too, took my granddaughter, Dena home too.

My family did not bathe ourselves in misery, instead, the kids had given me a ton of glee, they’d given me the best present, to help me fight—Kai-Wen, and Ding-Jia both announced that they were having babies, and this joy is not only coincidental, it’s also very “hard-to-come-by” too.

My Daughter and Daughter-in-Law are Pregnant, the Birds Lay Their Eggs Here

Since Kai-Wen was young, she’d had opinions all her own, seeing how her mom gave everything to her family, put her heart and soul onto the kids, she’d set up her mind about never becoming a “traditional housewife”, before she married, she’d told her in-laws, “No babies!”

As her parent, I had no choice, I can only accept my child’s choice and personality completely, but, I couldn’t help, but feel that smallest regret, and I’d feared for my daughter.  But gladly, Kai-Wen was lucky enough, to have understanding in-laws who took her thoughts into considerations.

This time she’d come back, she’d told mom, “Uh, I think I might be pregnant.”, in mine and my wife’s ears, it’s a huge blessing, to the point of miraculous.

The good things came in the numbers.  My daughter-in-law who’d been troubled by infertility, in the assistance of the infertility specialist at MacKay Hospital, Hu, had given me a cute little granddaughter, Dena, and they’re thinking of having a second child, and the second time they went through in-vitro, it was successful.  And, my daughter and daughter-in-law’s due dates coincided with each other.

The grace from the Heavenly Father is not done yet, there were albatrosses that made nests on our osmanthus tree, and, the female laid its eggs, and in a few short days, the eggs hatched, and, it brought life into my house.  I smiled at my wife, said, “Other than you, all the females in this family are all having babies!”

It’s a Grace, to be Able to Say Goodbye, with Cancer

At age forty, I’d written my last will, and held nothing back toward my children, and I was not at all, bashful in proclaiming my love toward them, even when after I was diagnosed with cancer, there is nothing left for me to tell them.  But I’m truly glad, that I was blessed enough, to see how my life is getting passed on with my children, how they’d fulfilled my life, and allowed me to have no regrets.  The kids had always known how much I loved them, how much I loved this family of ours.

In the process of growing up, my father wasn’t’ very well at expressing his emotions to us, until he’d gotten ill, been diagnosed with cancer, did he start showing how unwilling he was about leaving us, until his last minute, he’d finally spoken of his love to us.  And after I’d started my own family, I’d made up my mind, to make my children feel my love toward them, and so, they were raised, with my love, constantly, flowing around them, and they’d not at all, estranged from the softer side of the father figure at all.

But I still must say, that if we are going to say goodbye to our loved ones, being able to say goodbye with cancer is such a blessing.  Some would say that death is “swift and quick”, that they’d rather leave the earth, in a heart attack, or a car crash, without the pains, the tortures of expectations.  And still, would you feel absolutely, NO regrets, without having to say goodbye?  Do you really not owe your families an “I love you”?  Are there really, no unfinished business?

Cancer had provided me with a “period of time”, to allow me to contemplate, which words needed to be said that I hadn’t’ said, that I can still make up for it; which events, if I had a chance to do over, would I do differently.  There are things in life that we must finish, some things, that must leave the memories behind, the things we’d missed out on in the years previous, the things we’d accomplished or hadn’t done, cancer, it’d given us a “second chance”.

If you can see it from this angle, being diagnosed with cancer is a blessing that gives you no regrets, and, it wouldn’t be a curse, a torture to you.

After I fell ill, I’d started discussing one thing with my wife, Pei-Ching formally, I’d examined my financial welfare, thanks to my years of working at the hospital, allowed me to be financially able, I know, that even after I’m gone, my wife will not have any troubles, this, is the only feedback, I can offer to her, for giving up her own career, and pouring her heart and soul out to this family of ours.

I’d never lived extravagantly in life, I’m wearing a local brand of shoes, a nameless watch on my wrist.  I’d only told Pei-Ching, to not think about investing the money, to believe in any sorts of investments, having a simple financial condition would suit her best, and her life is stabilized and set.

We Will Meet Up Again Eventually

I remembered on our twenty-fifth anniversary, I’d taken the time, decorated the house while Pei-Ching was out, put some water into the basin, lit the candles, spread the stones and the flowers onto the floors, and, as she walked in, I’d recited to her, “like the blooms of the flowers, like the clarity of water, stable like the rocks, as passionate as fire, that, is the love I feel for you!”, she’d started crying after she’d stepped into the house.

Pei-Ching and I had already settled our final affairs, we’d found a place for our ashes and urns, next to my parents’.  The day I settled the affairs, I’d written a poem to her:

If one day I don’t’ wake up, don’t cry for me.

We’d completed a poem written by god

We will meet up, at rainbow’s end

As designated by god

And we shall never be parted again

In heaven or on earth

After I fell ill, I’d found the poem, and, texted it to her once more.

If one day, I will no longer wake, I really don’t have any regrets, because all the love that needed to be spoken, I spoke it aloud, and, I’d repeated it, relentlessly.

So, this, is how you’d said goodbye, to your loved ones, and, the man is right, that you need to prepare for your deaths, WAY ahead of time, because, death can and will HIT you, all of a sudden, you don’t know when it’s coming, when death will take you out, and, you can only do that much psychological construction, in preparing yourselves for it ahead of times.

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Filed under Choices, Coping Mechanisms, Expectations, Family Matters, On Death & Dying, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life

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November 24, 2014 · 7:40 am

Ruo-Chuan Wu: Understand What the Elderly Wants, and Not Just Make the Decisions FOR Them

From his own caretaking experiences of his own mother, found on the Front Page Sections, translated…

His mother’s stroke became a turning point in their relationship “accept that there are faults in one’s parents’ personalities, and accept them unconditionally.”

“Taking care of your elders is learning to take care of yourselves.” The well-known writer, Ruo-Chuan Wu’s mother had a stroke in her brain stem, causing her to become immobilized, and his father, in order to take care of her, got too stressed, and passed away, facing his father’s death, he and his mother blamed themselves, he’d fallen into the abyss of depression; but gladly, he’d set a stopping point to his emotions, and reexamined how he was getting along with his aging mother, and constantly adjusted the way in which he took care of his surviving mother, to make his father’s death count for something, and this turned his father’s death into a turning pointing in he and his mother’s relationship, it’d changed the way they’d interacted with one another from “a real-life tragedy”, into a heaven of constantly cherishing each other.

Ruo-Chuan Wu two days ago, in the forum “2014 Care of the Elderly Population”, hosted by UDN papers, Mo Shadong Pharmaceuticals, and Shen-Heng Chang shared how to become intimate confidants to the elderly in one’s life.  He’d used his getting along with his parents as example, mentioned how his mother, eighteen years ago, when she’d gone shopping, she’d bent over, not thinking too much, had a stroke to her brain stem, and she’d lost her mobility, and relied solely on her family members to care for her daily living needs.

He’s said, that his mother was only in her sixties when she had a stroke, and nobody in his family was prepared for that, especially his father, who’d never gotten ill ever, got overstressed for taking care of his wife, and he was rushed to the emergency room once because he wasn’t feeling too well, ended up getting hospitalized for four months.  But gladly, all of these didn’t beat Ruo-Chuan Wu down, he’d started reexamine the way he took to caring for his own mother, and realized that he’d used the wrong methods to interact with the elderly. And tried to understand how to do it right, what the elderly is thinking of, what s/he is needing from him, not being a Mr. Know-It-All and make every decision regarding their lives for them.

He’d disclosed, that his father loved eating live fish, he’d once scheduled to take his parents to Shimen to eat, and, as they’d entered the restaurant, the table full of live seafood was presented.  But afterwards, his father carried a sour face all the way home, and later, his mother told him that his father felt that he wasn’t respected when the decisions were made, that before they went, he should’ve been involved in the discussions.

Since his father died, in order to make his mother who’s immobilized to move more, Ruo-Chuan Wu made up the reason that he had to work to make money, and set up his mother to go to his older sister’s place, but, on the drive home, his mother couldn’t stop complaining on how it was inconvenient for her to go there, how his sister-in-law is busy, that while they were having a conversation with her, they’d gotten distracted and went into the bedroom to check on the computers, or to take calls from someone else………He was displeased at how his mother complained so much, he’d shouted, “What is it with you now?”, his mother fell silent for a short while, then lowered her voice and said, “I feel so ashamed, because I’d troubled all of you so for so long.”  All of a sudden, he’d understood his mother’s mindset.

“Because of love, we took care of one another.  Because of love, we often felt that we hadn’t done enough, fearing that we might drag one another down.”  Ruo-Chuan Wu stated, from before, he only saw the surface of the problems, felt that his mother was being difficult, that she’d become too picky on which way the knots were tied, and they’d conflicted a lot in getting along with one another.  Since his father died, Wu slowly understood, that his mother’s perfectionist personality was what made her so picky, pushed herself so very hard after she’d had a stroke, motivated her to work hard in rehab, from someone who’s lost mobility completely, to someone who can walk with a walker now, that her drive came from how she wanted to improve herself for the better.

“Accepting the good and the bad of one’s parents’ personalities, like how they wouldn’t pick on their offspring, the parents and children must learn to adapt and adjust together.”  Wu stated, allowing the elderly to make their own decisions based off of their preferences, stop deciding FOR them.

Just like so, a lot of people felt that talking about the after affairs with the parents is a taboo, but Ruo-Chuan Wu said, “The best kind of blessing is dying well.”, there was a relative’s elder who’d died, and after one week, they’d cremated him, his mother started questioning on how the family can cremate the body so soon.  But Wu broke the tradition, and started trying to convey to his mother, that having the bodies kept in the icebins for forty-nine days after death at the morgue is way too long, that it wouldn’t be comfortable at all, he’d told her, “When I’d died, just recite the Buddhist verses for me for eight hours straight, then, cremate me, and return my body to the dust.”  His mother listened to his words, even though, she’d felt that seven days are still a bit too short, but she’d started thinking seriously on how she wanted her own death done.

So, because death IS inevitable, it’s better, that you’d planned it, ahead of time, and leave a will, specifying how you wish to go, that way, your children won’t have any problems, and it is necessary, to ask the elders HOW they wanted their deaths done, after all, they SHOULD be able, to make this one last FINAL decision regarding their lives.

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July 11, 2014 · 2:18 am

My Mother Who’s Relaxed and Enjoying Herself, How an Elderly Person Viewed Matters of Life & Death

Translated…

My mother is at age eighty-six this year, her physical wellness is slowly deteriorating, but, she doesn’t get beaten by being elderly, everything inside the household, she’d fought over the doing things she still could, like making the glutinous rice balls during the New Year’s, the specialty item for the dragon boat festival, sweet cakes, radish cakes, everything, she’d done it on her own.  We worried that she may tire herself out, and we’d all gone ahead of her to help out, but my mother would smile and tell us, “It’s not like I’m too old to even lift my fingers, if I don’t move my bones a bit, I will become rusty.” What impressed me about my mother was when she’d recited the Buddhist verses, she only recognized a few Chinese characters, and back then, when she took up the recitations, she’d managed to break a TON of voice recorders.  If she’d forgotten, she’d called me over, and, I, being her instructor, would teach her, over, over, over again, without being annoyed or tired.  My mother who was more than impressive would recite the verses early in the morn and in the evenings with the beads, and she’d had more fulfilled days than I, and it’d made us, her children, happy for her.

Maybe, it’s how early she’d come in contact with the Buddhist teachings, my mother doesn’t fear death, and she’d already planned everything a little over a decade ago, and even the photograph she’s going to be using, the last set of clothes she is to be wearing, along with the place for her urn, she’d set all of it up already.  Even though, my mother is unafraid of dying, but, for us children, because we cared too much about her, we’d made a huge raucous about it, but gladly, with my mother’s optimistic guidance, and now, she’d become our spiritual leader.

Faith had taken my mom to a better realm, my mother said that the moment that Buddha comes for her, she wanted us to give her our blessings, and NO tears, she will go with Buddha to his realm, to continue her work.  Old age had become the most glorious time of my mother’s life, she’d fearlessly approached the end, another beginning for her.

And so, this, is how the elderly person had coped with the fact that she will die, after all, death is just a part of life, and, this elderly woman accept it as a natural part of life, and, she’d helped her kids cope with her own timely demise too, and, managed to pass along a TON of wisdom to the next generation too.

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Filed under Aging Gracefully, Attitude, Decision-Making, Lessons, Life, Observations, Old Age, On Death & Dying, Parent-Child Interactions, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Story-Telling, the Finality of Life, Translated Work, Values

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