Tag Archives: PTSD

June 1, 2026 · 10:53 am

We Kill to, Survive…

We kill to, survive…this war made us into, total, BARBARIANS.  They (those who took us prisoners!) told me to kill one of my brothers, that if I don’t do it, they will, kill me…I didn’t want to, but, it’s either me or him, and I got a family back home!

We kill to, survive, the war had, drained our, humanity dry completely, there’s, no doubt, I did what I had to to keep my self alive, so I can, get home to my family.  But that still doesn’t give ME the excuse, to commit, MURDER, does it?

what the minds of those who survived looked, like…image from online

So I’d started, spiraling downward, seeing these, flashes of images of war in my mind, playing and replaying themselves, over, over, over, and over again.  It’s like someone had, shoved THAT black-and-white T.V. with the statics, and it won’t get turned, off!

We kill to survive, we’d gone from civilized, to the, most, barbaric of forms and states of, being and, mind.  We can’t change the murders we’d committed against those whom we had served with, even though, they understood that we did what we had to, to, survive…

We kill to survive, the world is, too harsh a place, even now when I am here, in this, peaceful land (‘cuz I’d made it back alive!), I still feel this war happening, in my head, and I can’t, turn it, off!

the images that, haunts those who came back home…photo from online

They tell me that all who’d gone through wars feel like that, and I know it, in my mind, but, I just………

I did what I had to, to, SURVIVE, and that is, that.

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August 14, 2024 · 6:32 am

Never Knew What Had, Happened to Me…

Never knew what had, happened to, me, because, nobody ever talked about it, and I was, way too young to know, to, remember…

Never knew what had, happened to me, until one day, I’d, snuck into the attic, and fold an old scrapbook, full of, newspaper, clippings, of, an awful thing that had, happened.  That sent my world spinning, out of, control, and, that was, all it, took, for everything to, start, coming, back to the, surfaces…

the memories, resurfaced as, nightmares…sketch from online

The nightmares began, soon as I saw his face on the news, on how he got, “paroled out for good behavior”.

Never knew what had, happened to me, and, I wasn’t, supposed to remember everything as I was, a very, young child.  My mind knew I couldn’t, cope with what’d happened to me, so it’d, blocked everything out, to protect me, it wasn’t until I saw a report on the news, that had, awakened, something deep inside, something, so very, long, ago, that happened to me, and that was, the very, start of, the spiraling downward, climbing back up, spiraling downward, climbing back up, and, every time I thought I’d, conquered one obstacle, another came before me, taller than the last one…

Never knew what had, happened to me, as my psyche had, done what it needed to, to ensure my “safe passage” into, the adulthood years, and, the nightmares didn’t start coming back, when I was, with that, very first, man whom I’d, given my, heart to, and you can guess, how that turned out, can’t you???

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Filed under Abuse, Childhood, Children Murdered, Healing Process, Innocence Lost, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Suppressed Memories

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August 1, 2024 · 4:50 am

The Elementary School Instructor Abused the Boy for Over a Year, Found to Pay the Boy & His Parents $6.67 Million Dollars N.T.

Nowhere NEAR, enough, the amount mandated by the courts for the abusive instructor to pay to this young boy and his family!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The Young Boy Was Hit in the Genitals with a Club, Slapped Across the Face, the Child Passes Out More than Twenty Times a Day, and Had Been Diagnosed with PTSD

A male instructor, Liu of an unnamed elementary school in Taipei had a fifth grade boy to look after his own young son who’d just entered into the first grade, felt that the fifth grade boy didn’t do everything that he should have, used a drum stick, and beaten the fifth grader’s genital, the back of his head, and scolded the boy, the boy was traumatized, and had fallen unconscious twenty times a day once on record, on the first and second trial, Liu was sentenced to four years six months, the boy and his parents fought for the civil suit.  The Taipei District Court found, that the boy’s PTSD had to do with how Liu abused him, mandated Liu to pay the boy and his family a total of over $6.67 million N.T.s; this can still be appealed.

Based off of understanding, Lu was the boy’s music and art instructor, interacted well with the child’s parents, in August of 2018, his own son entered into the elementary school years, and Liu had the fifth grade student to show his son the ropes, to have breakfast with him, to take his son to class, or to take him to the restrooms during break, to water, to do homework; he’d felt that the boy was negligent toward his own young, in the music classroom, he’d used the drum sticks, beaten the boy on his genitals, the back of his head, his temple, his nose, slapped him across the face, scolded him, pulled on his collar, “if you tell, you’re DEAD!”

In April of 2019, the boy started showing signs of headache, stomach ache, diarrhea, his parents took him to the hospital; in September of the same year, he’d started exerting signs of dissociation, in the classroom, he’d screamed “I’m sorry, Mr. Liu, I won’t do it again”, or passed out, as his parents took him to the hospital again, he was diagnosed with PTSD, the parents sued.

During the trial, Liu denied the allegations of abusee, and stated that he’d been, framed, but the homeroom instructor of the boy, and the head of student affairs confirmed that the boy suffered from headaches often, dizziness, and needed to get sent home, in the class, he would pass out, roll his eyes to the back of his head, ten to twenty times a day, and would grab his own penis.  The courts believed, that the instructor, Liu used his authority, to abuse the student for over a year, on the first and second trials, Liu received four years six months.

The child and the parents sued and told, that the boy still hadn’t fully recovered from the traumas, showed signs of dizziness, amnesia, dissociation, etc., and is in need of long-term therapy, demanded that Liu pay for the boy’s medical care, transportation charges, and emotional distress in the sums of more than $5.31 million N.T.s, the parents sued the instructor, Liu for a million dollars N.T. each.

Liu claimed, that during the time when the boy was beaten or scolded, he was highly probable for not being in the classroom, that he never had the chance to be alone with the boy, and there’s no cause and effect of the child’s PTSD symptoms, the boy and the parents already sued the school, and the school and they’d reached a settlement agreement of $400,000N.T.s, he isn’t required to pay any more money, or be held responsible.

The justice went by the boy’s treatment records and the evaluation by the hospital, confirmed that the boy suffer from PTSD, which was caused by Liu’s abuse, and, deducting the amount the family sued the country for, Liu should pay the boy more than $4.47 million N.T.s, and his parents a million dollars N.T. each.

What was worse is not the fact that this instructor had, brutalized this young child, but how he’d, evaded responsibilities of what he did to the boy, and the boy is on a very long road to recovery, he will have PTSD for the rest of his life, and no amount of money demanded by the family will ever, be enough.  And this instructor should get sent to prison!

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Filed under Abuse, Abuse of Power, Awareness, Bad Behaviors, Children Murdered, Cost of Living, Improper Behaviors of School Instructors, Knowing the Law and Breaking It, News Stories, On the Wrong Side of the Law, White Picket Fence

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July 6, 2023 · 5:13 am

The Young Girl Made High Grades on Her Math Exams, Disclosed that Her Elementary School Instructor Had Given the Test Questions to Her Beforehand, &, Sexually Molested Her

The high grades, and the cost would be???  Oh yeah, this young girl’s, VIRGINTY!  Predatory instructor, and this LOSER DESERVED to get, NEUTERED (I don’t have to draw you a picture, do I???  Good!), this is truly, bad, and this is still, happening, in the world that we currently, live in right now!  Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

A math instructor in an elementary school in Pingdong, helped an eleven-year-old young girl review her math lessons, was suspected of bear hugging her from behind, then, putting his hands into her shirt to touch her breasts, then the following day, the girl scored a high grade on her, exams, that was when she’d realized, that her teacher had, given her the exam problems already.  The whole thing blew wide open, the instructor denied the allegations, but the judge of the case found, that the girl was originally toward the bottom of her class in grades, and yet, on that particular exam, her grades, improved too much, which matched to the girl’s statements, the predatory instructor was found guilty of molestation charges, given three year prison term.

The verdict stated, that since August of 2015, the instructor started teaching in an unnamed elementary school in Pingdong, started in 2019, he’d become the homeroom instructor/math instructor of the sixth grade victim, the girl didn’t do well on math, at noon on November 27th, 2019, the instructor used the opportunity of “reviewing math” with the girl, told her to go to the computer room to practice the problems.

like, this…photo from online

As she’d entered into the computer class, the instructor turned on the stations for her to work the problems, and took advantage of when she was concentrating on solving the math, he’d, bear hugged her from behind, then, put his hand into her clothes, to molest her, it was only one, to two seconds, but the girl was, thrilled, to losing the colors on her, face.

The following day on the math exams, the girl scored high, second highest of the class, that was when the instructor told her, that he’d, had her practice the problems on the exams the day previous, the girl told her classmates about it, then, told her mother afterwards, that was how this blew open.

In the trial, the instructor denied having attacked the child’s breasts, stated that he couldn’t have, given the exact same problems to her to practice during the tutoring sessions, that she’d scored high due to how the problems were, repetitive, besides, had he, grabbed her in the breasts, should would’ve been, affected, and, could’ve, never scored, as high as, she, had.

The Collectivist Court of the Kaohsiung High Subsidiary Courts considered the child’s exam grades of the semester, the first exam, she’d only scored a forty-six, close to the bottom of class, the second time, she’d scored a ninety-six, second of the class by the third exam, she’d, dropped to, fifth highest, and she was, ten points under the fourth place scorer.

The Collectivist Court found, that the second sectional exam, the problems were written by the instructor, that he could’ve, easily given her the problems beforehand, and, afterwards, the girl started, self-mutilating, showed the signs of post-traumatic stress, the courts believed, that the instructor had, molested the student, sentenced him to three years ten months.  This can still be, appealed.

And, this is, exactly how C-H-E-A-P, the virginities of these, young, naïve, innocent (not to mention without any sense of danger) children are worth, and this kid didn’t even know, that her instructor, made her sell her body, for a higher grade on the exams, and, what’s lost is not just this young girl’s innocence, it’s her, entire, value system, her virginity, and, this also might, impact her ability to, trust again too!

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Filed under Abuse, Abuse of Power, Children Murdered, Children that Didn't Have to Die, Cost of Living, Improper Behaviors of School Instructors, Innocence Lost, Messed Up Values, Sexual Assaults, Sexual Misconducts, The Price of Virginities, Violence Against Members of Opposite Sex

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January 8, 2023 · 1:38 am

On that Weekend Before Mother’s Day, I Met, the DEVIL!

The DEVIL takes, MANY, “forms”…

On that weekend before Mother’s Day, I met, the DEVIL!  He’d, extended those, withered fingers toward me, and I was, way too young, way too naïve, way too, unsuspecting, as the DEVIL “dressed” himself up as, a frail, elderly person.

On that weekend before Mother’s Day, I met, the DEVIL, and, he’d, reached out, and, touched me, because he’d asked me for a hug, and due to my previous experience with another, kinder, elderly man, I thought, that he’s, harmless, but turned out, he was, POISON.

On that weekend before Mother Day, I got MOLESTED, by a stranger, and he’d, attempted to attack me again, only, only that there WAS no, second time ‘round, ‘cuz I’d, wised up, and what was worse what, the DEVIL destroyed my trust, and I could, no longer, interact with the outside world, as I once had, with that, kindness of heart anymore.

I would’ve NEVER have guessed that the hands of the Devil will look like this…

photo from online

THAT, was the EFFECT of, meeting, the DEVIL, and, there are, still too many evil, and good in this god damn world that I’m currently, residing in, and I know that, NOT all people ARE, like that, but I just, kept my, guards, UP a lot of times now.

Guess, that was, a much-needed, wakeup call for me, to TEACH me the lesson of, not be, mistaken by how someone appears, and to NOT show kindness to others, unless, they show kindness toward me, first………

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Filed under Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Improper Misconducts, Knowing the Law and Breaking It, Lessons, Life, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Sexual Misconducts, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

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April 17, 2015 · 8:19 am

Too Scared to Tell…

We were, too scared to tell the truth, because NOBODY’s gonna take our words over theirs, after all, they’re, respected, by the community, and, we’re, just nobodies…and besides, who’s gonna believe us?  They’d probably say, that we’re just, looking for attention is all, but, we really aren’t, it REALLY happened.

Too scared to tell, because he was in a position of power, and, he’d used that against her, he’d manipulated her into believing what’d happened, was ALL her fault, when he was, actually the one to blame.

Too scared to tell, that, was how she grew up, and, even though, she’s no longer threatened now, she still chose, to keep her lips sealed, because nobody’d believed her before, why should they start to believe her now?  Too scared to tell, it’s NO use, nobody CAN help her out, and so, she must, weather through the abuse from someone she trusted, with her life, and, the betrayals are not just from him to her, but also, from her, to herself as well…

Too scared to tell, as nobody had ever believed anything she told, from that very first time when her daddy came into her bedroom when she was in her younger years, she DID tell her mama, and, her mama didn’t believe her, and, when she’d told her mama again, her mama got real mad, and that, was how alone she’d felt growing up, and now, she’s all grown up, she’s still being victimized, as she’d learned, to become, helpless.

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abusing Someone's Trust, Awareness, Being Exposed, Bullying, Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Early Exposures, Rapes, Rationalization, Sexual Assaults, Sexual Misconducts, White Picket Fence

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March 9, 2015 · 8:54 am

When Your Childhood Became BAD for Your Health

Traumatized, are we???  Well, WELCOME, to OUR C-L-U-B!!!

When your childhood became BAD for your health, you DO still realize, that this, is THE long-term effects from NOT effectively, SORTING things through as you’d encountered them, right?

When your childhood became BAD for your health, well, everybody IS traumatize, by HER/HIS childhood, to some extent, you’re NOT the only one on this GOD DAMN planet who’s been DAMAGED you know?  And, you had, ZERO right, to DAMAGE someone else, JUST because you were damaged, and you just don’t realize that, at all.

When your childhood became BAD for your health, it’s expected, because you’d left everything back there (in the past), ON that BACKBURNER, and, that backburner’s burnt on, for, GOD knows HOW long already, and, you’re still not turning OFF the fires yet?  Do you want to, BURN down that house where your childhoods were kept?  And, what good, would that do?

When your childhood became BAD for your health, well, there’s NOTHING to do ‘bout that now, what’s DONE, is DONE, is D-O-N-E, and it still can’t be, UNDONE.  When your childhood became BAD for your health, how could this be?  I distinctly remembered, that my childhood was happy, with parents who gave us EVERYTHING they possibly could, and now, you tell me, I’d had a rough childhood?  How am I supposed to cope with that, huh???

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March 4, 2015 · 12:44 pm

Trying to Erase What You Did

On your part, and mine too!

Trying to erase what you did, because you couldn’t, live with the fact, that you’d, caused so much damages, to someone you were supposed to love, and so, your mind created this “safe place”, where the tricks of your mind took place.

Trying to erase what you did, because I can’t deal with the fact, that you, someone who was supposed to love me, hurt me, damaged me, instead.  Trying to erase what you did, because, by so doing, I will finally be able to, put ALL these nightmares behind me, and move on, with the rest of my life, but I’m currently, STUCK here, because I’m having a hell of a time, trying to erase what you did to me.

Trying to erase what you did, but, how can I, when those atrocities had been, etched, into my god DAMN mind, and, every time I’d closed my eyes, I’d see the moments, replay, over, over, over, AND over again in my mind…………

Trying to erase what you did, I can’t, because what you did, had become, a part of who I am, and, how can I destroy that bad part of who I am, without hurting myself?  I can’t, so, I’m living, with the consequences, of someone ELSE’s BAD behaviors, once again.

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Filed under Awareness, Coping Mechanisms, Healing Process, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Rationalization, Re-Experiencing the Trauma

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January 8, 2015 · 10:26 am

Waking Up in the Middle of a Rape

This ought to be really hard, I suppose, waking up, in the middle of a rape, but you had, and, you tried to scream, kick, and push him off, but, it’s like your body isn’t even yours anymore, as your limbs fell lifelessly to your sides, and, you’d floated on top of yourself, watching what was happening to your body, it’s that sense of surrealness…

Waking up in the middle of a rape, I had, those monsters, they all, crawled out of the darkness at night, and, they’d brutalized me, hurt me, and, my small frame just couldn’t withstand the tortures, and so, my mind went off on its own, separating itself from the rest of me.

Waking up in the middle of a rape, this, is very hard, and god knows how many times you will have to, relive that fateful night, and yet, if you don’t, you will never heal back up properly.  Waking up in the middle of a rape, I had, and, everything WAS surreal, I wasn’t feeling anything, because my mind had, blocked out ALL the memories of those long ago nights, until I was grown up, and can figure things out, then, everything still came, flooding right BACK up, and, believe me, I WAS shocked too!!!

 

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Filed under Abuse, Being Exposed, Downward Spiral, Life, Perspectives, Rapes, Vicious Cycle, Violence Against Members of Opposite Sex

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December 17, 2014 · 3:56 am

Attacks on a Pakistani School by Nine Religious Fanatics, Over Hundreds of Students Ended Up Getting Murdered

From the Newspapers, translated…

Nine worshippers of the Islamic religion armed themselves up, and went on a shooting rampage at a public school sponsored by the military, and, the site was awful.  There were reports detailing how a suicide bomber set off the bombs in a room with sixty young students; the Palestinian Military officials reported that the terrorists had covered a school instructor with gasoline, then, lit her up, and forced the students to watch their teacher getting burned alive.

The nine Islamic extremists falsified themselves as government officials, and at around ten in the morning, they’d climbed into the school from the back walls, they were all wearing suicide bombing vests, all the way in, they fired off their guns, threw the grenades, and, went into one classroom, and started the massacre.

The ten-year-old child who escaped death told the British Daily, that at ten thirty that day, he’d heard gunshots fired from the outside of his classroom, “the teacher told us it was construction, but the sound grew closer, then, we’d heard cries, my classmate opened up the windows, and he saw several students, dead outside.  Everybody went into a panic, and, two of our classmates, they ran outside because they were afraid, and they were shot, right in front of us.”

The ten-year-old child said, the teacher told us to run toward the back of the school, “the backdoor of the school was about two meters away from the classroom, I grabbed onto my classmate’s hand, and we cried as we ran.  Twice, I felt that bullets grazed passed my head.  We’d run out the backdoor of the school and started crying, a woman pulled us into her house, to safety.”

The student, Jamar, who was shot in the leg, was interviewed at the hospital, that back when the shooting started, he and a group of eighth, ninth, tenth graders were being drilled on emergency rescue, then, the guns went off, nobody knew what happened.  “I saw the students go down one by one, I went down too, that, was when I realized, that I’d been shot.  All the students were shot, and were all bleeding.”

The anxious parents came to the school or the hospitals to find their children, “in the morning, my son was dressed in his school uniforms, and now, he’s lying in a coffin.  He was my dream, and now, my dream was shot.”, Ali, who’s found her fourteen year-old son’s body in the hospital said to the press.

Before the terrorists were subdued, there were over hundreds of students, trapped inside the school, Mrs. Cairn said, “Nobody told me where my son is, I’d already checked the hospitals, I’m going crazy here.  I hope he wasn’t taken hostage.”

This, is a crime against humanity, and, I’m sure, that that, was what the terrorists had in mind, they aimed at hurting someone innocent, to show that they’re tough, and, this, is not going to instill fear in the people, instead, I’m thinking, that it will make the bond of those who were targeted even stronger.

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