Posts Tagged With: Depression

“Do You have Your Gotham?” > Chapter Fifteen

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

“God has Heard”

Redline faith. Man may not have been listening, but God was.

Man may be blind to needs right under his nose, but God is watching. Christmas came and went, and Don and his wife were still sick. His wife still driving a freezing cold van, and hospital bills in the red. The four Starbuck applications were still out there, but so far no response. He was actually glad because he couldn’t imagine trying to learn a “people job” like that while coughing your head off the whole time. Then 2015 rolled in and yes the virus continued too, as well as the freezing cold and broke down vehicles.

There were actually two vehicles needing fixed, his wife’s van and a 1997 Honda Civic. He had tried to repair the leaky gas tank so many times! His last attempt had been a cheap tank from a salvage yard, that had been drained by way of cutting a gash in bottom of tank. He had worked hard to fix it, but failed, and so the car still sat. The promises of the tank repair kit had proven false, and by faith he and his wife pressed on, believing God would hear. That God had a plan. (And he did.)

January 12, 2015 arrived and Don was in his third cycle of the virus. It was ridiculous, and his wife was just as bad. Nothing but hope and faith were left for them. Finally, a humidifier was purchased with the precious money they had, and Don began to get better, although it did not seem to help his wife. On the day of January 19, he finally felt strong enough to job hunt.

He decided to try a Half-Price Bookstore first, because of his love for books, but they were not hiring and he left disappointed. Okay, time for the Starbucks. He had visited Starbucks many times and loved coffee. He expected to enjoy learning more about the different coffees, but as he walked into the store it was hopping busy, and as he watched the young people moving fast behind the counter, his heart was frozen with fear! He stood their a moment to press away the fear, like he had done many times in his life, but he found himself walking up to the counter, ordering a drink and walking back out the door, silent as a lamb! He flat out chickened out! The fear would not go away! And now depression was heavy upon him! How could he chicken out like this?

By eleven o’clock he found himself back home and trying to figure out what to do next? He felt defeated, and that he was letting his wife down, and possibly even the Lord. Accusations from the devil were coming hot and fast as he questioned everything about this present moment.

As he prayed and asked God for direction, sunlight caught his eye, and he was drawn to it.

It was the middle of January, but it was like a summer day outside. It was beautiful. He walked over to the window and stared out. There was the Honda still up on ramps ready to be worked on again. Don hated mechanical work and was not very good at it, but as he stared at that car and the warm sunny day, “You want me to work on that car “again” Lord? REALLY? What use is it? How many times have I tried?” But slowly, out the door he went.

The tank was removed for the third time, thrown in the back of the truck and driven to his dad’s, where the mesh material and the compound was applied again, but this time the tank was inverted so gravity worked in his favor, and heat lamps were applied for a twenty-four hour period. His dad got involved and Indiana had a one week heat wave in the middle of January. His dad paid for the heater blower motor and during this week Don fixed his wife’s van and got the Honda running! With the Honda running came a new opportunity. A company called “Guardsmark” was hiring a patrol officer to cruise around a parking lot in their own vehicle and guard the property. The place of business was in a bad part of town, a Point of Pain!

Don had no retail experience, but he did have four years military experience, and had worked as a correctional officer in a men’s prison at one time. Now he also had the perfect vehicle! On his second time of going out he landed his perfect job. It would be part-time until April, but he began his first day on January 26. Money was still extremely tight, and his hints continued to be ignored, but after paying the Obama Insurance penalty, their tax returns still proved to be enough to get back into the black financially! The struggle continued till February 12th when the returns arrived. Finally, the storm was over. He had income again. His health had returned even though his wife was still struggling with it. Vehicles were fixed, even though a month later the tank would leak and be removed “again”, taken to a radiator shop and soldered. (Finally fixed.) LOL.

With the financial crises satisfied at least for a while, and having a job finally in place, he could at last dive into the assignment God had given, something called “1000 Houses of H.O.P.E”. All the praying and seeking had come to a head, spiritual forces were in place, Batman was ready to enter the darkness of the night and confront the evil of his day. (This story continues.)

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“Mr. T”

SUBTITLE: “I’m not Superman – Part III”

For those of us who are old enough to remember, who can forget, Mr. T? He was a member of the “A – Team”. These were a group of ex-military men who could take on any mission, and somehow get it done. They were experts! The elite!  And Mr. T. was the muscle of the group. Rough and tough! A man’s man! Macho! With lots of gold chains hanging around his neck! You did not mess with, Mr. T, because he was big enough, bad enough, and strong enough to take you down if you did! He was a type of Superman. All of the “A – Team” were supermen. The best of the best with a reputation to protect! Every episode was another chance to prove they still had it. Whatever “it” was? Whatever “it” was, they had it, and it made them winners! Yes, Hollywood loves to portray that Superman is real, and we can be one too, if we try hard enough.

Sometimes the Church falls into a similar mode, as we have been talking about in the previous two parts of this article. We begin to believe that God’s power flowing through us is our power. Reality check! Never forget, we are just the vessel God shows up through! (And we might even fail at that!) We are the donkey Christ rode in on! We still live on a fault line! (See Part II)

Let me ask you this, “Who wrote the Bible?”

Did the Apostle John write the book of St. John, or did God write the book of St. John?

To the casual observer I’m sure it looked like a man named John sitting at a table and writing, but is that what was really going on? The Bible says it was written as God moved through men and inspired them with the words! (II Timothy 3:16) John was actually like a pen in God’s hand, as God wrote the Bible! We’re not supermen, were just a people who a super God can show up through!

I have a friend whose earlier life inspired this article. I am sure he would rather fail at trying to be Superman, than succeed at being a sheep. (And perhaps that is what he is doing?) We met quite unexpectedly, slowly got to know each other a little bit, and then he blew me away when he revealed, one day, that he almost had his Master’s Degree in theology! This man, who I had no clue was even a Christian, had been an ordained minister, extremely active in the Church, red-hot on fire for God, and believe me, he started preaching me a red-hot sermon right then and there, while my mouth hung open, and he had hardly even touched a Bible in years! Then he confessed to me that he had lived two lives.

My friend did not want his real name used, but his name starts with the letter “T”, and I could not resist naming him Mr.T, because in many ways that character fits the type of Christian that he was! He even laughed when I told him the name I had chosen! (He knew it fit.) Yes, my friend was a “Superman Christian”, until the day some things went very bad, and in his opinion the Church failed to be there for him, and he walked out of the Church determined he would have nothing more to do with it.

There are two sides to every story and I have only heard the one, so I am trying to be careful to walk a line here. Mr. T told me some amazing things that he had seen and experienced. Fasting, prayer, and spiritual warfare had been a regular part of his walk with God. He had seen demons manifest in people, and been a part of demons being cast out. When he preached, the anointing was strong and the message red-hot. However, today he has the nick-name of “The Runner”, because he is running from God.

I understand there is a place for “hardcore” discipline and sacrifice, in order to seek a great anointing from God, but even that can be tainted with “pride”, and when it is, a fall is coming! I have walked that path, too, and if my friend is guilty of this, I confess to being guilty, too! I have learned that it is only a constant reminder of what I really am, a sheep, that keeps me in my proper place while God moves through me. In all the seeking and learning that I so much love to do, and all the thrill of when a new piece of the spiritual puzzle falls in place for me, I must never forget that I am still the prey, and not the hunter, therefore, I must stay on my knees in prayer.

I am not the power, and the power is not me. Sheep are weak and helpless creatures, but I have a real big Shepherd, and because he is my Shepherd, he has a habit of showing up whenever I need him! Not because I have any power, but because I have a love relationship with someone who does! I am the apple of his eye! I am a treasure he jealously guards! But I must embrace that, and be at peace with that, if I expect it to work. And yes, I play a part in that. I hope to make the next article about what it means to submit to the “Disciplines of Sheephood”. We have a path to walk, too! Learning to follow an invisible voice can be a real tricky thing! However, it is a powerful way to live!

In one of my short conversations with Mr. T, he continued to stand by the need for what I call hardcore Christianity. In hardcore Christianity, everyone is expected to live up to a certain measure that some supersaint has somehow exemplified, and usually there is no allowance made for the different abilities and callings we all have, therefore, making it very hard for most of us to live up to the imaginary line, and end up in a condition of spiritual burn-out, break-down, or just plain quitting. (This is the Superman Syndrome.) In this atmosphere we feel as if we constantly have to prove ourselves, but as the sheep, I’m no longer worried about proving anything. I am what I am by the grace of God, and God will either lift me up, or put me down, and I’m okay with that. Man is not the lifter of my head! God is! I am at peace in my Shepherd. I rest all things in him. My eye is not on some spiritual mark on a Jerusalem wall somewhere, but my eyes are on my Shepherd, and him alone. He knows what he has called me, and gifted me to do. I choose to rest in that.

When I was in my mid-forties, I decided I wanted to run a marathon. Now, I had always been a sprinter and running long distance was new to me. I was greatly surprised when I actually began to fall in love with it, and I put myself into heavy training. Yes, I loved this running long and slow thing, but I wanted to go faster! So I read many books, and I applied the training methods over a period of 3 years, but I never was able to become a fast long distance runner! Even though I loved it, and trained hard over a long period of time, I simply did not have the gifting to be fast! I was maxed out running a 7 minute per mile pace, while the winner ran 5 minutes a mile, or less! Actually, I could not even hold a 7 minute pace for the distance of a marathon, but did I finish the race?

Yes, I did, and I was not last by any means. I was 48 when I ran the race, but there were those even slower than I who was working just as hard, or harder. There are many things that go into our relationship with our Lord, and what he is leading us to do. Water finds its own level, and every runner finds his own pace. I learned to run my own race based on the abilities God had given me, and the level of training I was able to maintain. I know of many people who pushed so hard that they ended up injured, giving-up, could not finish, and some have even died of a heart attack!

When I have a passion for something, I put all my heart into it, but that does not mean I am meant to burn myself out trying to do it. It does not mean I am meant to lose my joy while doing the work of God. I like to whistle while I work with God. We have taken too much on ourselves. We need to get back to letting God be God, and us being his SHEEP.

So what are the disciplines of a sheep?

We’ve heard enough of their bad points, but what are some of their strengths?

In Part IV, I’m going to try to take a look at something I’m calling “The Way of the Samurai Sheep”.

For every chosen lifestyle there is a path, and for every path there are disciplines, this is what I call being Samurai, so what does a disciplined, dedicated, discipled, samurai sheep look like? Good question. This should be fun! Next week: “The Way of the Samurai Sheep”!!!

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