Monthly Archives: August 2007

Nothing says “Welcome To The US Open” better – metaphorically speaking – than a big pile of garbage, a $14 parking fee, and somebody screaming at you with a bullhorn.

Just in case you’re not happy to be here, this friendly crew will remind you, through their bullhorns, that you are WELCOME TO THE US OPEN

1. Exhaustion. Even if it were managed magnificently, there is no other tennis event as exhausting as the US Open. If you fire all the numbskulls making this behemoth wobble down the road like a fat-assed $20 whore, and put … Continue reading →

2. John McEnroe. Believe it or not, McEnroe is a bigger loudmouth douchebag now than when he was a player. As a commentator for CBS and through his involvement with American Express and Heineken, McEnroe The Douchebag is more omnipresent … Continue reading →

3. Inconvenience. As stated previously, the US Open site is in the middle of a dreadful slum in Queens. Queens is such an armpit that Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith joked about it in the movie Men In Black. … Continue reading →

4. Attitude: Just like The Olympics: total arrogance. Mantra:”We are the US Open, you are lucky we even give you a credential to work here, you can easily be replaced, so shut the fuck up and walk the long way … Continue reading →

5. Incompetence. The USTA has a precious few full-time, professional tennis management and officiating people whose year-round job is to run tennis tournaments. Most are competent, some are outstanding, a few suck. No names will be named here, as one … Continue reading →

Flow chart of the US Open. Sent to me by my sister, who knows quite well just how f%%ked the US Open really is.

6. The facilities people here do exactly one event a year – the US Open. Few of them have the slightest idea of what it’s like to run a huge professional sporting event other than the US Open, and they … Continue reading →

Only a true geek can appreciate the tailgate of NCP’s new HD truck. See if you pass the test.