My bestfriend’s girlfriend: The videogame

Storyline : 6/10
The storyline to ‘my bestfriend’s girlfriend’ is fairly uninteresting: White-middle-class-girl has white-middle-class-girl problems and realises her parents are just together for the kids; then proceeds to cry a lot. In all honesty, ‘my bestfriend’s girlfriend’ leaves a lot to be desired in terms of storyline and content, but obviously having not completed it yet there may be more in store for the avid player of ‘my best friend’s girlfriend.’

Graphics : 8/10
Overall the graphics are probably the best feature to ‘my bestfriend’s girlfriend’. ‘My bestfriend’s girlfriend’ manages to pull of a fairly tasteful and classic hourglass look that has been left behind in today’s tragic modern society. The graphics remind us of a bygone era which we find ourselves looking back upon with fond nostalgia and a slight erection.

Playability : 10/10
‘My bestfriend’s girlfriend’ is fairly playable and enjoyable, with varying modes of difficulty and with a ‘real life probability/chaos drive’ the game is ever changing depending on where you want to go with it. Want to make my bestfriend’s girlfriend cry? go right ahead! Pressing triangle will engage your character in a captain falcon style uppercut which is very pleasing to the eye, this is easily followed up with a threat that if she tells you’ll beat her more, by pressing R1+L1+Triangle. Want to fuck ‘my bestfriend’s girlfriend’? use the in-game radar to navigate your way through town to a pub, ply her with liqueur and enjoy! Maybe all you want to do is encourage ‘my bestfriend’ to cheat on his girlfriend? Go right ahead!

The possibilities are endless with ‘my bestfriend’s girlfriend.’

HINT: Pressing L1,L2,R2,R1, O,O,X,O,Square,O,X,O on the menu screen of ‘my bestfriend’s girlfriend’ will unlock new gameplay modes such as: “Betray your bestfriend” mode and “Ruin your best friend out of jealousy” mode, although these modes are incredibly difficult to complete and not for the feint of heart.

Multiplayer Mode : ?
It’s not yet known whether a multiplayer mode exists for ‘my bestfriend’s girlfriend’, but if the prequel to this game: ‘my bestfriend’s previous girlfriend,’ is anything to go by there is… With the help of some cheats.

Online Mode : 3/10
The online mode leaves much to the imagination, with only 8 friends on myspace (waiting for a 9th and 10th to approve) no facebook, and a rarely used bebo account. The online mode is about as much fun as accidentally wanking into your own face.

Summary : ‘My bestfriend’s girlfriend’ has much to offer the avid gamer and is definitely worth a look into on your spare time. The previously mentioned prequel ‘my bestfriend’s previous girlfriend’ is a gaming classic and should also be checked out if time forbids.

Published in: on 16/03/2009 at 2:59 am  Comments (1)  
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Christianity: The videogame.

Storyline : 6/10 – The storyline to Christianity is somewhat compelling, I wouldn’t say it’s at all unoriginal, although it is somewhat unbelievable and at times, it can feel slightly lack-luster, although I blame one programmer more than others for this – namely Luke. In the game NPC Joseph’s hoe gets banged up by some almighty Deity who fucks off and abandons the child and all responsibility- obviously a black God.

Joseph raises the child as his own, because he’s a fairly ok kinda guy. The game really starts after all the initial somewhat tedious cut-scenes at the start, we find ourselves in control of a half-God-half-boy, 13 year old; Jesus, arguing with some Jews. This is followed by some more tedious cut-scenes following which we find ourself in control of Jesus once again, now grown up and performing miracles for the good of humanity, spreading a somewhat convoluted message that requires your followers to sit and scratch their heads for several hours before finally figuring out that your metaphor was simply stating that you can feed a larger number of people with fish and bread by a method known as “slicing” the food into smaller segments.

Graphics : 7/10 – fairly life-like, sometimes leaves a bit to desire, most notably in regards to the weather conditions and locations, a scene or two outside of desert terrain would have been nice.

Playability : 3/10 While the storyline and the graphics are fairly fun, I found myself losing interest in the game about halfway through, entering cheat codes, most notably, the independent thought (L1 + R1 +L2 +R2, X, O, X, X, O, Triangle Square) cheat, and the common sense prevails (L1, R1, R2, X, O, Triangle, X, O, O) cheat, which only served to ruin my gaming experience and force me to look to something new, like not being a fucking idiot, and science.

There is no real aim to the game, as everything is unfortunately pre-destined by God, you can contribute to the game slightly, kicking over a table or two, and walking on water on occasion, but for the vast majority of the game, you don’t actually play, you just watch, only God gets to play, he’s really childish that way and this does somewhat detract from the gameplay experience.

Multiplayer Mode : 3/10 Multiplayer mode is unfortunately just as tedious as single player mode, God again takes control of both you and your friend’s characters for the majority of the game and only gives you and your friends a go when he needs a pee break, and even then he only gives you a go during the cut-scenes.

Online Mode : There is no online mode. Fairly disappointing.

Summary : Christianity is a fairly lackluster waste of your and my time. Maybe play it on a Sunday, when you’ve got nothing else to do.

Published in: on 16/03/2009 at 1:28 am  Comments (1)  
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