Fact: Cylons pre-date Jesus
No, this isn’t an article about how Battlestar Galactica was so fucking amazing that no other television show could ever measure up. While that’s not entirely untrue, that’s not why it’s ruined television for me.
It’s ruined television for me be because everywhere I look I see cylons.
Or total douchebags who totally deserved getting tossed out the airlock.
But mostly cylons.
It’s nice to see that so many actors from the show have been able to find work. So often a show I love will end, and it will be YEARS before I see some of the actors again, and even then it’s in small, insignificant guest roles. So, yeah, I guess it’s a good thing that all these guys are still able to find work.
Except for the fact that, you know… I can’t help but see deceptive cylons everywhere my television screen looks.
Okay, not everywhere. I’m pretty sure there are no cylons attending Greendale Community College, and Olivia Dunham has 99 problems, but a cylon ain’t one (and, in all honesty, universe hopping shape shifters? Might be scarier than cylons.)
But it has had quite the effect on one of my very, very favorite shows Human Target. Tricia Helfer (Six) guest starred on the very first episode. I totally didn’t trust her, even though I sympathized with her. Yes, it really was Six all over again. I was happy to find out that she was a lying liar whose life was in danger because she had cheated on her husband. I breathed a sigh of relief, glad that the show had meant for me not to trust her, and that it wasn’t just that I was… what’s the robot form of racism?
Then Gaeta popped up and some sort of non-specific software dude. Okay, Gaeta wasn’t a cylon. But he was a pissy little traitor who totally deserved both losing a leg and getting tossed out of the airlock. On Human Target he was in two scenes. One at the very beginning and one at the very end. Unfortunately, I was so consumed with not trusting him and believing that he had to be the one really behind the contract on the hacker’s life (despite the fact that he was the one who hired Chance and co. to protect said hacker) that I almost couldn’t concentrate on the glorious ludicrousness of Chance FLIPPING A PLANE UPSIDE DOWN. Almost.
Later on in the season, Grace Park (Boomer, Athena) showed up with ridiculous hair as some kind of boxing expert. This actually kind of worked though, because while Eva Khan (KHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) was duplicitous, she was actually being duped, and in the end we felt sorry for her. Thanks to playing two cylons who have varying degrees of guilt and contrition about the things they’ve done, the feelings Park brought out during the episode worked. Still, at the end of the episode when Chance got into the car with her I just kept thinking, “NO CHANCE!!! SHE JUST WANTS YOU TO IMPREGNATE HER WITH A CYLON/HUMAN HYBRID!!!!”
And it’s not just Human Target. Michael Trucco (Sam Anders) has been guest starring on Castle recently, and the show didn’t really help the issue by intentionally casting suspicion on him. Of course, he was revealed to not be the dirty cop. But since he was a cylon, I still believe it was him, and I just know he’s going to break Starbuck’s heart….. did I say Starbuck? Beckett. I meant Beckett.
I don’t watch V anymore, but I watched the first few episodes in the fall, and was unsurprised to see Rekha Sharma (Tory Foster) appear as a possibly untrustworthy FBI agent. As soon as I saw her I thought, “Oh, she’s a V. And she’s double untrustworthy because she killed Cally.” Well, turns out I was right. Well, about the V part. I don’t know so much about the second part. I don’t think there’s a Cally there to kill. And really, aren’t the Vs basically cylons anyway? Well, except that there seem to be a lot more of them. And they’re lizards instead of robots. Which means they aren’t half as awesome.
When flipping through the channels in the winter, I landed on Heroes thanks to Gossip Girl being on hiatus. I was surprised to see Kate Vernon (Ellen Tigh) on the show. She was the ex-girlfriend of the villain, Sammuel (who was very attractive in a kicked puppy kind of way), and she’d been kidnapped by him. And you know what? I was worried for the bad guy. Although, Ellen was the smart, enlightened one of the final five, so I may have just been worried for him because Ellen Tigh was fucking whore.
I didn’t even trust Lucy Lawless when she showed up on frakking Flight of the Conchords, for gods’ sake!
Sometimes casting a cylon does work. We weren’t supposed to trust Tricia Helfer’s Carla on Burn Notice, so the fact that she’d had a major hand in the destruction of the human race didn’t really effect my trust in her. She was fucking with Michael Weston. I hated the bitch already.
I think the only cylon I would really, completely trust is Leoben (Callum Keith Rennie). Because he was one sexy cylon. And he only wanted Starbuck to love him. 😦
thoughtful.thinking.thoughts 