The other day out of sheer boredom, I took up a Buzzfeed quiz to figure out if I am an extrovert, introvert, ambivert or extravert. The number of labels used to describe people seems to be growing exponentially. Facebook sometime back added 71 gender options for its users. You heard that right. Seventy One gender options because male or female is no longer progressive enough. I had an entertaining time imagining such scenarios in our Indian weddings, especially where people enquire caste, gotra and other useless stuff. Now you need to tell the granny if you are M/F/ Polygender/ Bigender/ Intersex/ hermaphrodite/ Pangender/ Two spirited… BTW I didn’t come up with these options, you can Google the complete list to quench your curiosity! Anyways, this reminds me of the wedding season approaching fast and my general dislike of any such gargantuan social gatherings which are the norm in our country. In totally unrelated news, I am a die-hard fan of section 144 of criminal procedure code which prohibits the assembly of more than four people in an area.
Now I am not the type of girl who is all curled up in a corner, suffering a breakdown from social anxiety but neither am I the star of the party surrounded by the many fans. But then again I whole heartedly abhor the general expectations to be an over-expressive, vivacious, chatty, bubbly, energetic girl that people want me to be at such gatherings, open up to the extended family members or even complete strangers despite my apparent lack of willingness or even familiarity. It’s not just these gatherings. En general, I sense we Indian girls are expected to be that Geet character from Jab We Met movie. Cheerful girl with childlike innocence, eternally happy, pretty social who goes to new places and does the small talk so effortlessly that she opens up her heart and narrates her life story within minutes of meeting a complete stranger. Someone who could be in the company of people 24 x 7 and would still feel super energized the entire time.
The sad part is if you lack any of the qualities mentioned above, or refuse to indulge in the useless, senseless conversations or mostly gossips, people happily label you as an “introvert”, and now you have a truckload of problems to deal with. You will obviously be misjudged and misunderstood as rude, impolite, proud and if you are lucky enough, stupid or lousy. The worst is being perceived as lonely, depressed or suicidal! Nope. Being compared to that charming, enthu, attention grabing cousin is the worst feeling. Trust me. It’s a constant battle which nobody understands, not even your peers. Guys are afraid to date the quiet ones. There is someone always who asks “You don’t talk much, are you always like this?”. Like some kind of vamp who keep plotting things in my mind or the sad, heartbroken and damaged type.
How hard it is for people to understand that not two individuals are alike. Not everyone is loud, garrulous, hyper excited charmer. Not every shy one is insecure or anti-social. May be I like to express my opinions when I feel there is some meaning to the discussion. May be I like to listen, think and subsequently engage in a conversation that interests me. May be I like mellow music and not the constant humdrum of words around me, maybe I simply revel in the silence and absorb the chaos around me. May be I am indeed dejected and depressed by stuff that is happening in my life and would not like to wear the mask and have that fake happiness radiating from me.
People should realise that not everyone conforms to their out-dated, narrow and intrusive views or stereotypes of how a person should be. There are some sensitive souls who value solitude and personal space and this must be respected at all costs. And if you are open minded, respectful and patient, you might someday discover that the insecure and shy person would turn out to be the most enjoyable, funniest, engaging person around.
midnight musings 