Thrulife's Blog

Anxiety. Can’t sleep. Never I felt this defeated. Things became complicated and I could not fix it. Once I thought I have everything, the next moment I tumbled down and hurt myself. To make things worse, a snowballed avalanche is on its way to get me. And I am just watching it running towards me, waiting for the first hit.

What ever happened to me really makes me question my decision in life.  Did I make a bad decision that lead me to a dead end? If this is a real dead end, how do I know it is a dead end? I might be thinking bad about myself…but then, if it is not a dead end, how confident I am this situation is just temporary? When will it ever end ? How is this going to be? Will I ever come out of it…? So many questions gazing my thoughts.

I am not wrong to feel worried and frustrated because it seems that I do not see any signs of lights at the end of the tunnel. I feel like being succumbed into a deep spiralling vortex and being pulled down to the deepest sh*t.  I did fight to lift myself out of the spiral but I got tired fighting.

But on the other hands, I want to believe  that this change is just temporary. I might be alarmed by the change because I never been here before.

Just like in between dawn and sunrise, there is a total  darkness. The darkness can be a little scary but this is just temporary. Through the darkness one would be able  to see the slightest glimpse of lights. The darkness thought us to believe our sight.

I am now just merely letting it does whatever it needs to do to me. Just like the darkness before sunrise. Let it happen and do its thing. Though I am frustrated with myself, I will never ever allow it to have full control over me.

In this difficult time, there is only one person I missed badly. Dad, I miss you so much. I wish you are here with me. You are my biggest supporter. You are like the brightest star in my journey. I am so lost without you. I am a lost navigator fighting alone in the dark and rough unkñown ocean. I am missing you so terribly dad…. 😢