The zoo’s Christmas party was always a wild affair and this year all of the elephants had rather overdone the punch. The following morning the keepers found young Nicholas repeatedly dunking his head in the penguins’ largely frozen pool. Of the birds there was no sign, just a few feather trampled into the snow and sand…
Ranji had not read any of the available literature but, moral qualms not withstanding, he reckoned that this was his chance to make some real money. Unfortunately he had misunderstood the very basis of poaching elephants and having purchased his elephant, rented a truck and prepared all of the publicity material he was still faced with his inability to find a large-enough cooking pot and the local people’s dislike of any type of bushmeat.
First there were “School Dinners” restaurants, where business diners could relive their memories of almost inedible school-days delights such as Spotted Dick & Roly-Poly, served by nubile young women in fantasy school uniforms of the 1950’s (think St Trinians).The Japanese (of course, who else?) then went one further, the “Maid Cafés” where customers were attended by women in “French Maid” uniforms. So far, so dubious – & all very definitely targeted at male customers of a certain age with a higher-than-average disposable income & a degree of sexual inadequacy that would have kept University research teams in work for years.
The rise of “salarywomen” in Japan (again) introduced a whole new target demographic & so the “Cat Cafés” arrived, which allowed customers to play with frisky felines while sipping at a cup of tea or coffee.
A 21st century, metrosexual take on the themed restaurant has now well-&-truly arrived in Tokyo, the “Goat Café”, which offers a pair of small goats for customers to pet, play with or even take for walks through Tokyo’s lush & verdant landscape <sarcasm mode>.
Rena Kawaguchi brought the animals – named Cherry & Chocolate – a couple of years ago, hoping to attract a new breed of animal-loving customers & improve business at weekends.
“Back then animal cafes were booming, places where you could play with cats or dogs,” Kawaguchi said. “But we reckoned a normal animal like that wouldn’t have the “wow” factor of a goat.”(Sic)
Customers can pet the goats in their pen while drinking a coffee (the customers, not the goats), or make an appointment to take them for a walk through the crowded area surrounding Shibuya station, an area well known to commuters & young fashion victims alike – & one not renowned for its wildlife.
The goats present their own challenges to the restaurant business. Staff have to clean-out their pen between serving customers, although the goats are fed special protein-rich pills to prevent foul-smelling droppings & farting.
Now that the goats are proving a success, Kawaguchi says she’s got more ambitious plans, an “Elephant Café” is in the planning stage, although it’s not clear what her pen-cleaning staff think of the prospect.
In Austria a member of the European Parliament is under investigation over dubious expense claims amounting to over €1.3M.
A request made to the European Parliament to waive Hans-Peter Martin’s immunity, by the Vienna prosecutor’s office, says the MEP is guilty of embezzling public funds “illicitly for himself or a third party by fraudulent means”.
“It is suspected that, by using money for the reimbursement of permissible costs for purposes other than those claimed, Dr Hans-Peter Martin has committed crimes of misuse of funding,” said the request.
Martin says the allegations are an invention by political opponents he has exposed wasting public funds.
When quizzed about the details & amounts detailed by the prosecutor, Martin said they were accurate but that no embezzlement was involved.
Among the questionable payments are €832,800 for “public relations work” that the prosecutor claims were to “businessmen who are friends of Dr Hans-Peter Martin & where no services were provided”.
A second issue relates to the employment of a parliamentary assistant at a cost of €67,343 where, the prosecutor say, the individual “never actually carried out any work” for Martin in connection with his parliamentary duties.
The high-point of the claims is €2,200 described in expense claims as being for an “elephant”.
So that must be the famous “elephant in the room.”
ThursdayAgain 
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