Looking

You made me whole again and savage

Drowning in your mouth while I tried to breathe

We were unassailable in our belief

Thought our love immortal and flawless

The end came surreptitiously and with force

My anguish clouded all pretense of repair

You left without notice in the night

As I slept like an unaware child

There will always be a version of me

Raw and open when I think of us

Part of me will always be looking for you

In the dark bar, the coffee shop

Around the corner of my end days

Grey haired and wrinkled, waiting

Searching

For you

Sigh

I was not able to capture

The piece of you I coveted

You shimmered in the distance with a guileful smile

Your nonchalant air made me feel safe

When I cast my yearning into your ears

You pushed me away just far enough

That I felt dizzy and afraid of the loss

And then you pulled me back to kiss my neck

While you whispered in my ear

That my desire was too enveloping

For your rasputin soul to accept

I trembled in anticipation of your touch

And heard you sigh

Promise

Your word

Your asseverations

Things you say construe

Your profession of

You

Your bequest to those

Who are not me

For when you offer me

Your declarations

Of assurance and delectation

These vowels and consonants

Fall from your delusive lips

Like rain on a stormy day

Into my fatuous ear

Only to be disproved

When I realize my witless

Belief

Truth

Words are but letters

Laced together to form sentences

To communicate your deceptions

Those possessions you deem

To be your certainty

Creeping in for my consideration

Playing on my gullible intellect

The one that has led me astray

In so many scenarios

Leaving me emotionally penniless

Begging on corners for a pittance

Crying in the rain with no umbrella

Cold and abandoned

Shivering under the onslaught of your

Never ending deluge of dishonesty

Wondering how it could be

That I with all my intellect

Can be so easily fooled

By your fraudulent smile

And the erroneous being

That is you

Pawn

The knife can make me bleed

Help me to die

Take me away from this world of sorrow

But I fear my conscious will still exist here

Living on in pain, wishing for the silence

I believed physical death would bring

So I stand with blade poised

Looking at my lifeblood

Wishing I had the courage to die but knowing

I am but a pawn in this silly game

I thought I held the chess piece

But in the glaring light of morning I realize

I was not in control

I had no power at all

Just my silly thoughts and hopeless dreams

Making me think I was alive

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