Do you feel it? The blanket of fear that so easily pulls you in these days? In March 2020, my husband and I fell under the virus of fear as we read the popular news headlines, listened to videos and reports on how the COVID virus was spreading. We lost sleep, lost focus, lost peace for over a month. Reading those negative, fear-inducing headlines day after day took its toll until we stopped looking at them as much and turned our attention back to our present life, work, and family.
I spent a month or so under the weight of that fear that is hovering over so many people these days. What helped me to push off the fear?
-I stopped reading the headlines all throughout the day; I just looked at them once or twice. Realizing that headlines are written in order to get an emotional response from you, and most of that emotion is negative, helped me. Finding new sources that just tell more facts really helps—news that leaves out lots of emotion is refreshing. I am still keeping up to date, but I limit how much news I consume, and I try to get all kinds of news perspectives which helps balance out the extremes.
-Letting love in sure has helped! Connect with people! My kids and I FaceTime with my Mom once a week, we go on walks with friends, and we reach out to people and connect. It sure helps to see a smiling face, even if it is through a screen.
-I learned more about the COVID virus and how to stand up to it:
-Build a strong immune system
-Get lots of sunshine time (vitamin D!)
-Get enough sleep
-Eat healthy food (we’ve been growing vegetables,
and I’ve been making pesto!)
-Wash your hands and don’t touch your eyes
-And keep on learning more—research it for yourself!
The fear still tries to worm its way back into my heart, and I’ve had to confront it. For the first time I’ve had to confront the feeling of “I don’t want to die and leave my family behind!” My husband held me as I cried, and then the peace came as I remembered: “Even if I die, I am going to be okay because I have a relationship with Jesus, and He is with me through everything.” Then poof, the fear lost its power. A big portion of the fear of this season comes from the unknowns surrounding the COVID situation—What if I have the virus and don’t know it? What if someone else gives it to me?
I’m wrestling with these questions and don’t have all the answers. I keep on learning and researching. I realized that I could drive myself nuts if I believed all the news reports because in the last five months they have changed their tune and contradicted themselves multiple times. The truth eventually comes out, so I need to keep on digging, comparing, contrasting opinions and facts and talking and reading.
The truth is that “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.” 1 John 4:18. Let God’s love into your heart and also let people in during this hard time. We are going to be okay. Yes, people have died from the virus and that is so sad, but you are alive right now and need to enjoy each breath. Choose joy. Choose love. Choose connection. Resist fear. Choose peace.
~Mary Hope
Copyright 2020
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I did not expect our baby girl to be born on Christmas Day because she was due December 16th! Her due date came and went, and I kept taking walks and enjoying my two year old, Joel, and husband, Stephen. Then my Mom and a family friend, Judy, came on December 20th to help and be ready for when the baby decided to come. During these days of waiting, I had to come to grips with the fact that this was a different pregnancy and would be a different labor than with Joel. I was happy that I had given birth before, but I was expecting it to be similar to Joel’s labor, and I had to set down those expectations.
I kept doing prenatal yoga, walking at the mall with Stephen, eating spicy Thai food, but no baby. On December 23rd, 2019 my midwife said I could try drinking some castor oil and see if that would start labor (if the baby is ready to come, the oil just helps start labor). She advised to do it after a good night’s sleep, so after I talked with my husband we decided that I take the oil on Christmas Eve.
All the bottles of Certified Organic Castor Oil at Whole Foods said to not eat it, but it IS edible– it just doesn’t taste like much (it’s like eating a teaspoon of thick oil, so that’s why I put it with juice. Some people might get diarrhea or throw up after they take it, but I didn’t have any of those reactions). I bought a bottle of organic castor oil, and took 1 1/2 teaspoons in the morning with some orange juice and then another 1 teaspoon dose four hours later and then another 1 teaspoon dose six hours later around dinner time.
In the afternoon, my mom and I had taken a two mile walk and had talked in a deeper way than we had in the days before. I think that help me relax more. At church’s Christmas Eve service, the last song was “Silent Night,” and I had been singing that every night to Joel for months. As the chords on the song started, I felt myself relax in a deeper way than I had for a long time. Tears washed down my face as we sang that carol. We picked up Joel from his class and took a family picture, and headed home, I took my last dose of castor oil, and labor started around 7 PM!
So around 7 PM, while I was going to the bathroom, contractions started in a pretty strong and consistent way. Mom set up a Swedish candle chime, and Mom and Joel were enjoying watching it when I came out of the bathroom, and I told them that contractions were happening consistently. I started timing them, and they were about four minutes apart.
Around 7:30pm, Stephen and I put Joel to bed together; we had sung to him, read books with him, and told him he would see his new sister soon!
After an hour or so, I called the midwife to let them know that labor had started. Jenni told me to keep on timing the contractions for another hour and then call back. So I lay on the ground looking at the Christmas tree and working through the contractions and talking to my mom and Judy.
When I called back Jenni around 9:30 PM, she said to come in and meet them around 10:30pm at the birth center because my labor was continuing! Then we watched the end of It’s A Wonderful Life which is my favorite part of the movie, and we finished packing our bags and got in the car.
Mom stayed at home with Joel, and Judy came with us to be our support person and photographer.
The birth center was in an office building, and our cars were the only ones at the place! I walked up to the birth center because the contractions weren’t too strong yet.
Grace, the student midwife, was leading the birth, and Jenni was a midwife who was overseeing Grace. Our birth attendant was Patty. At 7 AM the overseeing midwife switched to Candace, and the birth attendant switched to Nina. Grace stayed the whole time!
So we settled into the room with the windows and that had the big “breathe” sign on the wall. Around 11 PM, Grace checked to see how much I had dilated, and I was 5 cm already! So she sent us to the stairs to do lunges. At the bottom of the stairs there was a crack in the doors that let in cool air from outside, and it felt really refreshing to breathe in the cold, moist air. Stephen did a great job coaching me and showing me how to do different kinds of lunges. We laughed while we lunged up and down those stairs!
We went back to the room and rested for a while on the bed, and then did one more round of stairs. Maybe around 2 AM they checked me again, and I was 7 cm dilated. They got the large, round tub ready, and I got in and just relaxed in there for a while but also did some squats during contractions. Stephen kept feeding me nuts, fruit jelly candy, beef stew, Shaklee Performance Drink , and water. Then he laid down on the bed for an hour and a half and got some sleep; I fell sleep for maybe 15 minutes in the tub in-between contractions. Patty put on a diffuser with Clary Sage Essential Oil , and the contractions weren’t very hard, so I could really relax. The hot water in the tub felt so good—I liked lying with my back to the side of the round tub and my head leaning against the edge.
Patty would come in every hour and then every half an hour to check the baby’s heartbeat, and Grace would come in about every hour or so to check in and see how we were doing. They were encouraged by how well we were working together!
When it turned midnight I started saying “Merry Christmas”! Stephen played Christmas carols over the speakers for me all morning and until Molly arrived.
In the morning around 8 AM, they checked me, and I was about 8 1/2 cm dilated. I tried the peanut ball between my legs on the bed, and went in the tub some more. Then mid-morning, Nina suggested I try some squatting with this cloth rope attached to the wall during contractions so I did that a little bit, and sat on the Birthing Ball which felt really nice.
Around 11 AM we talked about breaking my water to help speed up labor. So I was in the tub a little bit more, and then I felt ready that we could break my waters, and we did that around noon. The contractions were already starting to get stronger; there was meconium (Molly had pooped) in the water, but because her heartbeat was strong the midwives were not concerned.
Pretty soon I started having strong contractions (and feelings of “I don’t want to do this anymore!”—which means baby is nearly born.) I started feeling the urge to push, so I got into the tub and started figuring out how to work with the pushing contractions. For the birth of my son in a hospital, I had to hold back the pushing contractions because they said my cervix wasn’t fully out of the way; holding back pushing contractions is the hardest thing I had done.
I did not have to hold back these contractions this time, so it felt a little strange to learn how to manage them and let them work; they are powerful! So I asked for help from the midwife to know how to count with them and how to push down at the right time. Stephen was holding my left hand, and Judy was holding my right hand during the pushing contractions. Stephen was putting a cold cloth on my forehead and on my breastbone, which felt so nice. I didn’t want my arms in the hot water of the tub.
So we pushed for maybe 20 minutes. I never was in any searing pain; the water helped a lot. I could feel the baby coming down this time (I don’t remember feeling any of that with my son). I felt her head come down and come out and then go back in. And then with the next push her head came out and stayed out. Grace said I could reach down and touch her hair, and at first I didn’t want to, but then I did and she has a lot more hair than Joel! It was fun to feel her hair. There were nice breaks in between the pushing contractions, where I could rest, drink some water, and get ready for the next one. Grace and Stephen had to remind me to not shrink back from the pain, and it go with it, and with receiving that encouragement helped me pull on my strength and God‘s strength to push Molly out.
So then her head was out and they were encouraging me that one more big push we get her out, and so I pushed giving it my all, and then Molly was here! She came up through the water, into my arms, and she started looking at us. We first noticed her right high cheek dimple and dark brown hair; and then she was crying, and we were so happy to see her!!! We got to do delayed cord clamping. She was purple and then really quickly turned pink; she was perfect! She was born at 2:10 PM in the afternoon on a foggy Christmas day.
We stayed in the water for about 10 minutes before they wanted me to move to the bed so that we could work on getting the placenta out. I let Molly start nursing, and she figured it out very easily. Her eyes were wide open, and it was so fun to look into her face. Stephen thought she might have dark hair, and she did!
About 20 minutes later I gave one push in the placenta came out, and we were careful about watching the bleeding this time (I had a lot of bleeding after Joel in the hospital). Nina pushed on my stomach a lot and got some blood clots out. And kept checking me every 10 minutes, and then we decided to get a shot of Pitocin to help stop the bleeding, and it worked! I have felt so much stronger this time because I didn’t lose much blood.
Stephen brought me a turkey pot pie to eat, he ate beef stew, and we just got to relax and enjoy Molly for a while. Stephen got to hold Molly and do some skin to skin during the two hour window right after birth. Then I had to get sewn up, because I had a second-degree tear and some stretching. So Grace carefully sewed me up.
Then Grace measured Molly and did her newborn checkup. Molly was 9 lbs. 4 oz. I did not expect her to be so close to her brother’s weight! She was nine days late, and a little smaller than her brother’s 9 lb. 8 oz. She was 21 inches long. Then I got to take a shower, which felt wonderful; then Molly and I passed our blood pressure checks. We had to have three of them that were normal before we can leave, and so we started to get ready to leave around 6 PM. Birth centers don’t have space for you to stay overnight, so it was wonderful to go home so quickly!
Midwife Candace knitted Molly a little Santa hat during labor! We took some pictures with her, got our placenta (which we planted in the back garden), and put Molly in a pink nightgown from a friend, and took her home!
When we got home, Adam and Anni were there with mom, and Joel had just went to bed. He went upstairs and would not come downstairs, so Mom put him to bed. We didn’t get to see him at all on Christmas Day, but Mom did some presents with him and got to be with him all day. Lorna was happy to see Molly, and Lenny was asleep. Adam cooked shrimp for all of us, and Ani had ham and cranberry sauce, which tasted really good. Molly was asleep, and then we took her upstairs and then I took my first sitz bath, and then we went to bed. Molly was a little fussy so I picked her up and I was trying to quiet her, and then three hours later woke up with her in my arms! And she quieted down and went to sleep.
In the morning, Molly was screeching when Stephen was changing her diaper, and Joel came into our room to see what the noise was. I was sitting on the bed and I could give him hugs and snuggle with him. Then Stephen brought Molly over for him to see and he gave her some nice pats and smiled at her. It was a great beginning to their relationship. I am so thankful for two children who are doing well and a wonderful husband who knows how to coach me during birth in an amazing way (the midwives said he should become a professional birth coach—he is the best!). Thank you God for these gifts!
I’m so thankful we have had this little girl in our home, especially during the past months of quarantine. What do I appreciate about our little girl? Her bright blue eyes that smile and twinkle a lot, her squeals of joy, and that she likes to be with me, her brother, and her Daddy. She is such a peaceful and joyful gift from God.
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We need comfort food especially during this time the whole world is in transition. Beef stewed together with grape juice, vegetables and spices for hours creates a dish that I kept making over and over this winter and spring! It is what I wanted to eat after giving birth to our daughter on Christmas Day (along with turkey pot pie), and every few weeks since then. Adding wine or cooking sherry adds depth to the sauce that brings you back wanting more. If you pop it in the crockpot in the morning, it will be ready for dinner. Serve it with mashed potatoes and enjoy this rich stew.
We bought our new home and then found out we have another baby on the way! In fact, even before I knew I was pregnant, I was determined to paint the nursery light yellow during our time between buying the house and moving in. I got it done, and I love that it is already painted for our little one.
Then a month or so of nausea kicked in—this pregnancy is different than our last one (where I was hardly sick)! I didn’t want to eat or cook much, lost nine pounds, and wanted junk food (when I was hungry). I kept taking my vitamins, drinking lots of water, and eating some. It’s so nice to be through that stage. What was the first trimester like for you?
This morning my son pulled one of my cards out of the box and wanted to look at it. He liked how flexible it was, and tried crumpling it up before I took a couple of photos of him and then rescued the card! I’m happy to see that he is interested in cards already (or it might have been the shiny cover).
I’ve made cards all through my pregnancy with him, and now all through his first year. Talking walks with him out in nature has been inspiring me to make new cards this whole year. Seeing him enjoying the pictures and the paper brings me joy!
Need any cards? Today is a big sale over at my Etsy shop Trees of Transition Art & Design—30% off today (November 26th, 2018) and I’m offering free shipping in the USA right now! I’ve been trying out hand lettered cards, so I have Thank you, Merry Christmas, and I love you versions of those right now. I also have many photography cards from around the USA, Costa Rica, and more.
On November 14th, my son turned one!! We went to our Bible study like usual, but we started the morning out with a balloon and a birthday gift, a plastic airplane with a propeller that he loves spinning.
Then I made his favorite dinner—chicken soup. And since he hasn’t eaten cake yet, we put a candle in a banana and sang, “Happy Birthday” to him, and he loved it. Continue reading →
It’s so weird to remember that I was carrying over forty extra pounds around this time last year! Over this year of being a new mom, this saying has helped me: “It takes a year to gain the weight during pregnancy, so it is okay for a year to take it off.” I first heard this from a Mom who had eight kids and stayed skinny. This saying has been comforting as I’ve seen CrossFit Moms on Instagram posting their before and after pregnancy pictures where they lost all their baby fat in a couple of months. I had to unfollow one of them, and choose to be content with the way I am walking. Continue reading →
One of the most comforting words shared with me during this time of grieving for my Dad was, “Your Dad was the first man who held you on his arms and said, ‘I love you.’ ” This first photo is the first photo I have of my Dad holding me. It is so comforting that Dad got to hold my son as well as me.
On June 6th, my son and I went to see my dad. He was dressed in a nice blue shirt and was sitting in his wheelchair in the living room with a lot of other folks who were dozing and quiet. He seemed sleepy, but he perked up when he saw us. His eyes crinkled into a smile and he knew who we were. I gave him a hug and then got Joel out of his car seat, and then Dad reached out to hold Joel!
Dad smiled at Joel And Joel smiled back. Dad held him for about five minutes until his arms got tired (Joel weighs around 25 lb. already), and then he handed him back.
Pregnant with your first baby or just want to know of some knowledgeable books to have on hand while parenting? Four that I have been dipping into recently include one on breastfeeding (that I read before the baby arrived and now have been looking up different sections for reassurance about different topics), a step-by-step developmental guidebook, a book about sleeping (that I read while my baby was just a couple of months old) and a book about eating. Continue reading →
My son was looking at my copy of this book a few weeks ago…he wanted to chew the corners.
As a child, when my Mom was happy, I knew it—her face relaxed, she smiled, and she talked a lot more; I could relax then. When she was perturbed, I got nervous and scared. At breakfast, I remember looking at my Mom’s face to see how she was doing that day.
A mother at peace is like a bright lighthouse shining across the waves. What makes mothers happy? Is there a secret to staying peaceful? I don’t think there’s just one secret, there’s actually a bunch of habits mothers can do to grow peace in their hearts, which comes out of their eyes, into their children, and everyone who walks by.
My Dad will be 81 on June 4th, and I’m pondering my favorite memories of him…here are a few:
Let’s start with some food memories (since Dad and I both love our food!) We had a huge hickory tree next to our driveway, and each fall it would drop thousands of nuts—at first they we insulated in 1/2inch thick covering, that would fall off in quarters as they dried, then leaving the small (about the size of a blackberry) nut that also had 1/8-inch of shell. My dad made me a “Hickory nut cracker” –a strong contraption that would break through that heavy shell. Once when I was around 10, I took the time to crack a lot of hickory nuts and then I baked them into cookies. They had a strong, pecan-like flavor. I took some out to Dad working in his shop, and he liked them. Continue reading →
at Whole Foods said to not eat it, but it IS edible– it just doesn’t taste like much (it’s like eating a teaspoon of thick oil, so that’s why I put it with juice. Some people might get diarrhea or throw up after they take it, but I didn’t have any of those reactions). I bought a bottle of organic castor oil, and took 1 1/2 teaspoons in the morning with some orange juice and then another 1 teaspoon dose four hours later and then another 1 teaspoon dose six hours later around dinner time.
which is my favorite part of the movie, and we finished packing our bags and got in the car.
, and the contractions weren’t very hard, so I could really relax. The hot water in the tub felt so good—I liked lying with my back to the side of the round tub and my head leaning against the edge.
which felt really nice.
It’s so weird to remember that I was carrying over forty extra pounds around this time last year! Over this year of being a new mom, this saying has helped me: “It takes a year to gain the weight during pregnancy, so it is okay for a year to take it off.” I first heard this from a Mom who had eight kids and stayed skinny. This saying has been comforting as I’ve seen CrossFit Moms on Instagram posting their before and after pregnancy pictures where they lost all their baby fat in a couple of months. I had to unfollow one of them, and choose to be content with the way I am walking. 
by Dr. Meg Meeker. Dr. Meeker, as a pediatrician, has met hundreds of moms and has distilled traits she has seen in happy mothers. 
Trees of Transition 