Dear [Name of Couple],
It appears
You’ve made it twenty-[mumble] years!
What’s it been, like, twenty-four?
It’s hard to keep track, anymore.
This poem’s either slightly tardy
Or too soon…for next year’s party!
Seems like yesterday you wed.
Back then, of course, the cards all read,
“Congratulations!” “Best of Luck!”
“We hope your Special Day won’t suck!”
A dozen hundred hump-days* hence,
Though passions may be less intense
From day to day than once they were,
Undoubtedly you’ll both concur
Your underlying love has grown
And each new week has surely shown
The truth of what you’ve long believed:
The burden’s least that’s jointly heaved.
(With joy, the opposite is true:
When shared, it’s more than joy times two.)
And further–Listen to me drone!
You lovebirds want to be alone!
We’ll let you celebrate your day…
But here’s the thing we wrote to say:
Happy Anniversary
To both of you from both of we!

*That’s slang for “Wednesday”; don’t get mad.
I’m crude, but not a total cad!