Month: May 2017

Beetle Bits

Inspection of the things we eat’ll
Often turn up bits of beetle.
Per the U.S. FDA,
Point-six bits per gram’s okay
In chocolate or in “chocolate liquor.”
(Guess which gets you sicker quicker.)

Everything Must Go

No one I know did not come home from war.
The first not forced to fight in Vietnam,
We got to choose what we were fighting for;
The draft had crashed and burned before our prom.
I’ve lost some classmates from Annapolis
But none whom I would know by more than name.
Two warless decades surely helped with this;
My children’s peers, perhaps, can’t say the same.
I’ve friends who went to war. They all returned,
But most of those to whom I’m close I met
After their younger selves had gone and learned
What steel does from the stone on which it’s whet.
This holiday we honor those who fell.
How many walk among us? Who can tell?

Stereotypes Are Hurtful

A square-rigged ship with angry eyes
Has anchored in your yard. Surprise!
Drop the blunderbuss–don’t fire. It
Rarely pays to fight a pirate.
How they found you, where they’re from
They’ll tell you over mugs o’ rum
While dancing on a dead man’s sternum.
All those pirate words? Unlearn ’em:
They don’t really talk like that.
Stuff that skull-and-cross-bone hat
Inside your blazer’s eye-patch pocket.
That’s a pirate boat–don’t rock it!
Also, best avoid that plank.
(Most of those who didn’t, sank.)
Modern pirates can be cool!
No aarrr’s, though. That’s the only rule
A pirate never, ever bends.
Go Q to S, and you’ll be friends.
(You also might steer clear of X’s.)
Buccaneers are at the nexus
Of old-school and cutting-edge
Like Taylor Swift with Sister Sledge
Performing ragtime tunes on lutes
With sidearm swords and awesome boots.
Enjoy your new seafaring buds!
Just try to wear your normal duds.