All the crew down in Houston like spaceflight a lot,
But two who were counting on Boeing do not.
Those two rated Boeing’s Starliner on Yelp:
“Untrustworthy thrusters. One star. Please send help.”
Suni and Butch planned a week’s getaway
Near the moon back in June; they’re still up there today.
Technical “hiccups” like helium leaking
Are tricky in space, far beyond squeaky speaking.
With Boeing’s decline undermining its techs,
NASA dropped them and opted to wait for SpaceX
To rehome their astronauts next February…
Or March? Maybe April? Of late, they’ve grown wary
Of making predictions: They’re so often wrong,
Even Gilligan’s asking what’s taking so long!
Though Williams and Wilmore were dealt a hand rotten,
They’re making the best of it, cramming a lot in
Their extra-long extraterrestrial stint,
Like working out where their bone density went,
Constructing fake reindeer from leftover gear,
And, um, talking like pirates? (The most arr’s since Mir!)
As for the Starliner, NASA said dump it
400 kilometers down to Mount Crumpit,
Where maybe the Grinch will then hitch it to Max
And they, too, will be stranded with empty Who-sacks
Until First Buddy Elon retrieves them (with luck,
He’ll use SpaceX technology, not Cybertruck).
In the meantime, just 30 weeks longer than planned,
Butch and Suni’ve adjusted — she’s now in command
Of the re-Skippered mission — and when they look down
Through the clouds (or, in Jersey, drones) over each town
And metropolis dotting the planet beneath,
May the lights form a giant We’re Missing You wreath,
‘Cause it’s Christmas, and everyone down here is hoping
They’re happy.*
*Except Kelly Ortberg. He’s moping.