Weekend Update

I slept until I woke
I ate
I played
I napped
I’d rate it:
Great

Sneaky Squeaky

Rodents don’t love lots of light.
Illumination late at night
Is quite annoying; when you tire,
That’s how come they chew the wire.
When you flick the switch for naught,
You’ll know it’s rodents that you’ve got.

Keep It Clean

I use lots of words, but I’d
Prefer my face not gape too wide;
When speaking logorrheically
I’ll use two syllables, not three,
So verbs don’t fracture on my grin
And dribble syntax down my chin.
If I’m wearing something dressy,
Excess fricatives get messy.
Don’t want diction in your lap?
Don’t say excrement, say crap.

It Helps That They Rarely Wear Masks

Puppies and kittens
Are cute, sweet, and fuzzy.
Just look at those noses!
We needn’t think twice
When we see their wee faces,
Nor wonder, “Gee, does he
Or she want to harm me?”
They don’t work for ICE!

Pretty Good Reasons

The news is making you upset
But you’re not sure you’re ready yet
To take a stand, or if you should?
Your reasons now are: Pretti, Good.

Everybody Talks About The Weather…

Snowstorms sweep across the border
Sowing chaos and disorder.
Even Minnesota Nice
Gets frosty faced with so much ICE.

White(out) Noise

I called a TV blackout
As I went about my day
To keep sports scores and politics
A healthy ways away.
I liked the isolation
And enjoyed the quiet ride
Safe inside my snow globe
Whilst the blizzard raged outside.

Schrödinger’s Spider

Unmoving spider on my wall,
I’m watching. You don’t twitch or crawl
Or show a sign of life at all.
Perhaps you’ve died, forgot to fall,
And now you’re stuck? Tough luck. Tough call.
I ought to check, yet still I stall.
Still Life With Eight Legs, on my wall.

Wearing All My Clothes

I’ll always choose cold
Over dealing with the heat
Except when I’m cold

E.g., Where Not To Pee

Old dogs learn new tricks;
The real trick’s to teach new dogs
Any tricks at all.