Our trip to South Dakota

Of course I can't talk about a caregiver vacation and not show pictures of it. :)

I have to say the night before as I was bringing Mark to his brother's house, I had a huge sense of guilt--huge. That night I had trouble sleeping and as Hannah woke up in the morning and asked for Daddy, the guilt was even worse.

But that didn't last too long. :) As we drove in the car and we were getting further and further away, I was feeling more relaxed and calm. While I of course missed Mark, I truly felt rested and relaxed. I realized how badly I needed to just get away from it all.

It was an 8-hour drive. An 8-hour drive with a toddler can be hard. An 8-hour drive with a toddler who is not a sleeper can be even harder. She didn't sleep a wink on the way there--not one wink.

But she honestly did very well. We stopped every couple hours for mandatory potty breaks and to stretch. We would have races with Hannah so she could get her muscles moving and stretched. Quite honestly, I was surprised she did as well as she did. We were all amazed. I had even brought a big bag of new cheap toys to give her one every couple hours if she needed. We only had to break into that bag once. I was so proud of Hannah.

Our friends own a farmhouse in South Dakota which is where we went to. Oh, it was so peaceful and so quiet. No TV (except to watch movies) and just cows everywhere and playing games and eating. It was heaven. I woke up every morning to the window open and cows mooing. Awesome. Made me miss my farm life when I was a kid, that's for sure.

The first day we went into a town not too far and went to Storybook Land which is amazing! We only got through about half of it as it was so much to go through. Before going to Storybook Land, we made a quick trip to Target in which Hannah was pretty comfortable:



We had a picnic at Storybook Land. They had picnic tables right when you walked in:


Hannah in front of the sign at Storybook Land:


There was a big hill that was called "Jack and Jill's hill". There was a big slide on it. Hannah was too scared to go down it herself so Claire, her baby-sitter, went with her:


This is Paul Bunyan and the blue ox:


"Mommy! The lion grabbed my hand!!":


Hannah, Grant and Claire on the merry-go-round:


I got into the fun, too. :):



On the way home from Storybook Land, I let Hannah use my phone in the car. Later that night I found about 30 pictures of her and her baby-sitter, Grant, making funny faces. It sure did make me smile. :)






When we got back to the farm, we made homemade ice cream. This was Hannah's first time making ice cream ever. She was so excited to turn it. The ice cream turned out fabulous! I LOVE homemade ice cream!!






The next day was so beautiful and perfect beach weather. So after a morning of just hanging out and me getting a massage by my friend (nice!), we headed out to the beach for a couple hours:


And of course we hung around the house, relaxed, watched movies and just had some good ole laughs. Hannah was excited that they also had a tricycle and she spent a lot of time on that.



While it was nice to get home and see Mark, I admit I had such a fabulous time that it was really hard leaving. We're already planning another trip out there in August. I didn't realize how badly I needed to get away and relax until we went.

A caregiver vacation

Last summer, Hannah and I took a little trip with my brother to visit my aunt. Because she lives in Colorado and the altitude is too much for Mark, we had never been there since we had been married, despite the fact that I had been there every year before we got married. Needless to say, I love Colorado and I missed it. Plus my aunt had been so supportive during our journey to bring Hannah home and never forgets her on birthdays or holidays and I really wanted them to meet each other.

So, we packed up our bags and flew out there for a long weekend--just my brother, Hannah and I.

And I felt incredibly guilty about leaving Mark.

He was in great hands and our family really stepped up to watch out for him but I still felt so awful.

But to be honest, we all needed it.

I work from home. Mark is disabled and home all the time. He can't drive and so is dependent on me to bring him to appointments, run errands, etc. We are constantly around each other. While I'm grateful for it and I cherish it, I admit, it isn't always easy (I know--gasp!). Plus, adding in the stress of having a chronically ill spouse and it's even harder (I know--gasp harder! Selfish Realistic (?) Tammy thoughts :()

So last summer having a few days away was perfect for many different reasons. I was able to get away and not worry about Mark, knowing he was in good hands, Mark got a little time away and to himself and he could really rest, Hannah was able to get away from the stress of having a chronically ill dad for a few days and not just a few hours here and there and the best---Hannah and Mommy got some quality time together while relaxing and having a good time.

Don't get me wrong--we missed Mark and we talked to him a lot while we were gone, and it was good to get home. But it's also good to get away.

So, Hannah, Mark and I (okay, maybe just Mark and I) decided we should make this an annual event. Kind of a refresher relaxing break for all of us. Not too long but just long enough.

One thing I've come to realize that when you're the caregiver of someone chronically ill, it is sooo important to get a break. I'm lucky that I can get that once in awhile a few hours here and there. It is so needed. But I've also come to realize that a few days break is needed too. One nurse once told me that if caregivers don't get a break once in awhile, they actually become the sick one--emotionally and physically exhausted---and it's very true. I didn't take much stock in that and didn't worry about myself too much. I was too focused on Mark's needs and cares to worry about me.

Until Hannah came.

That's when it hit me that I needed breaks not only for myself but also to be a good mom to Hannah. She needed me there physically, spiritually and emotionally and she needed me to be strong. Only Hannah and I know what each other are going through and in order for us to be strong partners, I needed to take care of myself.

So, Hannah and I will be taking a caregiver vacation at least once a year. This year, we'll be taking a long weekend and heading on a road trip to South Dakota with her baby-sitters and their mom who is like a sister to me. I can't wait! It'll be so nice to get away, get refreshed and spend some quality time with Hannah and people who are just like family to me.

While I can't stop the guilty feelings, I know Mark will be in amazing hands. He'll be staying with his brother, Scott, and his wife for a few days and I know they will make sure Mark is doing well.

Getting away is nice and while I admit I'm very much looking forward to a break, I will miss Mark a lot and I know Hannah will too. It will be nice to get away but it will also be nice to get back home and give Mark a big hug.

Here's to a little break for our whole family and, God willing, a wonderful homecoming when we get back together as a family.

We are blessed.

Hannah's clogging

If you would've told me that I would have Hannah in a dancing class and not gymnastics, I would've laughed.

I was never a dancer. My gymnastics coaches can verify that. I was a die hard gymnast, though, and I always thought I would be putting Hannah in gymnastics class.

But then her baby-sitters were in clogging and we started going to their practices and shows and a love for clogging was born.

Hannah just absolutely loves it. She's always clogging everywhere she goes. I can't even tell you the many times I've said to Hannah at Wal-Mart, "Hannah! You need to stop clogging please. We have to go check out!"

Yep, my girl is obsessed.

She is very good at it too. In fact, starting in the fall she's been asking to perform in a Tiny Tots competition team. I was told by the instructor that Hannah was coordinated, a great listener and has a love for the sport and she would be great. How someone can tell that from a 3-year-old is beyond me but I'll take any compliments. :) I am pretty proud as Hannah will be performing with 4 and 5 year olds and will be one of the youngest in her group.

Last weekend was her last performance of the year. Tiny Tots take the summer off which doesn't hurt my feelings too much. :) She has the option of performing in shows and we'll do a few but at least we don't have the weekly practices.

Here are a few pictures of her at her spring clogging show:



Hannah performing with her baby-sitters


Hannah with her baby-sitters after the show


In between her numbers :)

I'm so proud of her. She did so well and improved quite a bit!

My girl sure is growing up. :(