January 4, 2015 by Nora Apple

Can we just like each other?

“Why do you find it so hard to like me?” That seems to be a common question in our society. Bookstore shelves are full of self-help books trying to answer this question. We seem to think that happiness in our horizontal relationships, and not our vertical relationships, is the key to inner satisfaction. But we don’t stop to consider that we are fallible beings. Why do we always have our expectations too high? We tend to walk through relationship after relationship automatically setting ourselves up for failure.

So, why? Why do some people like me… and others don’t?

Do you not like me because of something I did… or who I am?

Do you not like me because…

*of my gender or ethnicity? (Like, I can help that?)
*of differing religions? (Love the person, not the sin!)
*of my accent, level of education, or social status? (We all put on our pants one leg at a time!)
*you feel threatened by my position or that I have a position you wanted? (Work/church/etc.)
*I have physical/mental deformities? (But for the grace of God, there go I…)
*I am single… married… divorced? (This is a big one!)
*I am married to your dad/mom (the step syndrome!) …or your ex (the jealous syndrome)?
*am I married/related to someone you don’t like? (Soooo junior high!)
*am I married/related to someone you do like? (Again… soooo junior high!)
*I may have been mean or ignored you in Junior High? (People do change, you know!)
*you had me on a pedestal, and in my humaneness, I let you down? (Your own unrealistic expectations!)

Do I not like you for the same reasons??

Isn’t it about time we all got over ourselves???

Most people are consumed with their own little world. They go through life worried about the thoughts others have toward them, when, in reality, others are only consumed with themselves and don’t even give a thought to anyone else.

One of my favorite sayings…

At 20 we’re only concerned with what others think of us.
At 40 we really don’t care what others think of us.
At 60 we realize nobody really thinks of us.
And at 80 we finally just live happy!

Have you known people who were not concerned with how someone they deem as insignificant was hurt by what they did, while their concern was wrapped around the thought that someone they deem as important may not like them? People-pleasers always hurt someone. Think about it. If everyone has their own agenda, whose agenda do you fulfill? People-pleasers are also peace-keepers rather than peace-makers. Peace-keepers will please the dominant people to keep the drama at a minimum, all the while hurting the meek. But peace-makers will stand by the truth and only please God. Either way, someone will always be upset, mad, and outright disgruntled because we are selfish human beings who only want our own agenda. Someone will always make everyone feel bad for not following their agenda. And so will the next person. And the next…

Some people seem to be plagued by mean people, while I seem to be plagued by people-pleasers! Then again… maybe I am the mean person who plagues others! LOL! That’s not my heart, though. Frankly, my intentions are usually, always, most of the time, meant for the good. But then again, they say the addict is the last to admit to any indiscretion. Even though I have studied psychology and all the personality/temperament types… perhaps, just perhaps, “myself” is the last thing I see?? But when you only strive to stand for the truth, no matter who is offended or upset, God is always behind the scenes working for our good (Romans 8:28).

In God’s amazing design, everyone is different. We all have varying personalities, backgrounds, belief systems, and social and economic statuses. I’ve read that 10% of people in your life will not like you no matter what you do. Some personalities will naturally clash. The trick is to overcome our individual preferences and develop an attitude of acceptance. But then, we can’t be offended over every little thing. Attitudes of acceptance require self-acceptance. We need to be secure in who we are as well. Do we even like ourselves? We should. God doesn’t make mistakes! Knowing that God loves us and accepts our personhood should alleviate any angst about the opinions of others. Then we are free to accept others as they are… as God accepts us… the way Jesus accepted the woman at the well, the centurion, and the ragamuffin disciples.

So… can we just like each other? But just maybe… with God’s Spirit flowing through us… maybe we can learn to actually love each other? Maybe??

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” ~1 Peter 4:8

**Highlights in color are links for more information.

November 26, 2014 by Nora Apple

…Is Thanksgiving simply forgiveness??

It’s such an irritating holiday. I guess since in most gatherings, the one we want to hang with doesn’t show up, but that one person who will inevitably wreck the day will never leave… hence why Black Friday has crept into Boring Thursday.

And what is at the root of the problem… I mean… holiday?? Forgiveness: Something that very few of us have mastered.

We hear about being thankful… and eyeballs roll when some old aunt or sappy grandma makes that proverbial request for the “wave,” and around the room we go giving statements of that which we are thankful for this past year. Inevitably, someone always picks my quote first, you know, trying to come up with the biggest “awe” effect, forcing me to instantly come up with something else to avoid the copycat syndrome. But how original can anyone be? Yep. We’re all thankful for Grandma’s mincemeat pie! (She says with a sarcastic grin!) Hokey-dokey.

But, as Mary-Lou curiously questioned the Grinch, just what is the real meaning?

My prayer…

Forgive me my complacency
Release my life from apathy
To you I come on bended knee
Lord consecrate my soul to thee

Forgive the heart that aches for you
Your mercy left my soul brand new
I lift the heart you cleansed from sin
Restore to me the joy within

I cry, My God, I long for you
Your spirit come as morning dew
Lord cover me with endless grace
I find my strength in your embrace

Forgive me my complacency
Your burning fire embrace in me
In your pure love I will enjoy
Your promised hope and perfect joy

nma

November 6, 2014 by Nora Apple

The Pain of a Child

We all have our crosses to bear. If your child is perfect, count your blessings and ignore this post. If your child is imperfect, join the crowd. You are one of the gazillion humans whose beautifully innocent baby evolved into a normal human. Imperfect: Fallible: Normal. So, why are parents everywhere beating themselves up?

Just what is “normal” in our world? I have several friends who have offspring deemed handicapped, or in the PC term, special needs. I’ve seen firsthand the agony they feel as they navigate through social barriers. It hurts. It’s not fair. It’s humiliating. But I also see more patience, care, and genuine love from these parents to their special children than from anywhere else.

One time a close friend confided that even though she would never trade her child, she sometimes grieved for a “normal” child. She grieved for the sports that were never played, the parties never attended, and the weddings never planned. She dreamed of having just one day that her child would not embarrass her in public with weird noises and gestures. Just one day when the awkward stares were of jealousy and not disgust. Oh, to have just one day with a “normal” child…

And then there’s my other close friend, the one with the “wild” child. How many times did she get a call in the middle of the night? I watched as she stood in court next to her son, dressed in orange. I would be upset too. I hate orange. It totally washes out my complexion. Orange is only good on a pumpkin… and then only in a pumpkin latte… or pumpkin ice cream… or pumpkin pie… with whipped cream on top. Autumn is the best time of year… the fall color of changing leaves… and pumpkins. Ahhh…

Oh yes… back to court…

Can you imagine the pain a mother feels standing with a judge staring down in front and her son’s friends staring from behind? The boy she gave birth to made a few bad choices; yet, society blames the parents. I saw her teach right from wrong. I saw her love. Then I saw the very life she gave turn on her, lie about her, and hate her. My friend always said she did not expect her child to be another Albert Einstein, Peyton Manning, or Brad Pitt, yet how she longed to have that “normal” child. Just one day when the awkward stares were of jealousy and not disgust. Oh, to have just one day with a “normal” child…

Why do we long for what is not ours to have? We want relief. We want acceptance. These two mommas were human, with just a small longing for a world without the difficulties of life. That’s all it is. But, are we willing to walk the path of those we perceive as normal? I once heard the recount of a musician in a symphony who was sought after by several fans. One commented they would give anything to play as well as the musician, to whom the musician replied, “You can, if you are willing to give up everything to practice sixty hours a week for most of your life.” The fan sadly walked away, not willing to make the same sacrifice.

Would my two friends trade places? Would they be willing to walk in the other mothers’ shoes to have what they deem as normal? I also have friends who have those “perfect” children. For the most part, they cannot relate to parents with difficult children. But are their lives perfect? Is their world free of difficulty? No. In every case, in every life, drama digs in its evil claws through some small area of their lives. One friend is riddled with financial burdens, while another is plagued with health issues. One friend is aching for the loss of children from a barren womb, while another is anguishing from miscarriage. One friend mourns the death of her child from a reckless driver, while another reels from the death of her child from suicide. Would anyone want to trade places with either of those friends? I didn’t think so…

The Thanksgiving holiday can be a very grim time for people in rough situations. How can we be thankful when we face so much adversity? How can we explain situations we have no control over? Why is our pumpkin never a silver-lined coach? Character. Yes, God is building character. Think about it… don’t the best people in life have a trail of tears? It’s been said the biggest problem with the next generation is ingratitude and an entitlement mentality. I believe it. We give trophies for participation. What do they learn? Self. What happens when the pressures of life surround them? And they will. Most young people crumble. Looking back… I did too. But I got back up. I survived. Experience has a way of not only maturing but also of strengthening.

If I can convey anything in this post… it’s hope. Only when we stop looking at the supposed successes of others will we see our own. We are each unique. We are each made for a different path. Quit longing for someone else’s path. Mow the grass on your side of the fence first. When we realize that God in his great love did not place any greater value on Albert Einstein, Peyton Manning, or Brad Pitt than he did on Jane, Sally, or Mary, then we will appreciate the little “thorns” in our life. For when we look up past our thorns… the rose of God’s love holds us in his palm.

Can we be content? Can we be satisfied? Can we be thankful??

July 15, 2014 by Nora Apple

Job’s Three Friends

What kind of friend are you?

My Three Friends!

“Listen to advice and accept instruction,
that you may gain wisdom in the future.
Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” ~Proverbs 19:20-21

I have a couple of close friends who are not afraid to tell me when I am going down the wrong path. Sometimes, I just want to smack ’em for telling me what I don’t want to hear… but I love them for speaking the truth in my life. I know they are not speaking from their own selfish desires but from God’s word. They are not speaking from conventional etiquette… they are speaking from God’s heart. (You, my friends, know who you are!)

The book of Job shows God’s perspective. Not everything we experience is of our own doing. Not every situation can be explained by man. Not everything we go through will even be explained by God. If you notice at the end of the story, God does not give Job a reason for his affliction. Yet, God explains to Job, man is small and finite compared to the infinite and all-knowing God. God is omnipotent and omniscient. He made the Behemoth and the Leviathan (Job 40:15 & Job 41:1). God asked Job if he was present when God laid the earth’s foundation (Job 38:4). God reminds us that everything under heaven belongs to him (Job 41:11). Job and his three friends tried unsuccessfully to explain his plight though they did not understand anything beyond their own reasoning (Job 42:3)… a reasoning that came from a limited worldview. God says in Isaiah 55:8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” Therefore, unless God himself reveals wisdom, how can we assume to have insight into difficulties others are experiencing? How can we give or receive proper advice?

When Job spoke, he was in a pity-party mode. His discourse sought self-justification, to which God replied in Job 40:8, “Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself?” Job tried to put God in his little box. How often do we blame-shift on others to explain the troubles in our lives? “Well, I wouldn’t be going through this or that if they hadn’t done this or that!” Even more so, how typically do we blame-shift on God? We all do. Or, sometimes we feel God is punishing us for some unknown sin. Generally speaking, the saying “what goes around comes around” is true. Yes, God will bring justice, if not in this lifetime, definitely in the next. But not everything that happens in life is the result of anything we or someone else did. Jesus pointed this out in John 9:1-7 to the disciples, who attributed the man’s blindness to him or his parents. Before healing the man, Jesus said “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” It was the same with Job, “So that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”

“By pride comes nothing but strife,
But with the well-advised is wisdom.” ~Proverbs 13:10

The problem with Job’s three friends is they spoke from man’s wisdom. They spoke from a work-based mentality. Their assessment of the situation came from their own experiences, traditions, and self-centered views. How many times do we advise someone that they are required to do this or that due to church standards? How often do we give advice based on our own background or station in life or to please others? Oh, “but it’s for the sake of the kids!” Or, “You can’t disappoint your momma!” As with the case of Job, we also are unaware of events in the heavenly realms that affect mankind (Job 1:6-7). Do we heed the advice of friends who ignore that God may have plans that go against man’s conventional wisdom or against our traditions… no matter who it impacts?

When I think of God going against man’s conventional wisdom, I am reminded of how God must have had fun giving the traditional family “blessing” to the younger child rather than the older, a tradition that God himself set up. Jacob and Esau were the most popular siblings whose “blessing” was reversed. So who are we to question God? Is the creator not allowed to create as he sees fit? Several times in my life, I have been given advice from very well-meaning Christian people that seemed right, and they may have been full of love with no intentions to hurt anyone. Then, to find out later that events were going on behind the scenes that I was unaware of, which put a completely different spin on the situation. Because a way seems right to us does not mean that God does not have a better plan. Nor do we pick and choose what God speaks according to our own agenda. Either God says everything, or he says nothing. When we trust the Holy Spirit to guide us, even in decisions that may initially hurt some, God is always behind the scenes working for our good (Romans 8:28). When we give or receive advice that comes from self-centeredness, advice that is man-pleasing, or advice based on one-sided information, God cannot do the work in our lives that will bring about our ultimate good.

Are we never to listen to advice? No. But we sift the words from trusted friends and relatives with the Word of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit, no matter how contrary God’s voice is to common traditions. We must have God as our ultimate priority… over everyone. Everyone. Even if what God tells us goes contrary to those closest to us. For Jesus said if we put anyone, even mother, father, son, or daughter above all else, we are not worthy of Him (Matthew 10:32-39). We need to consider the source. From what viewpoint is the advice coming? The one person who gave acceptable advice was Elihu. He is not mentioned as one of Job’s friends… or as a relative. Elihu is not deemed as one to be heeded due to his age. He is young. Yet, Job 32:8 says, “But it is the spirit in a man, the breath of the Almighty, that gives understanding.” God’s spirit; not age, not having a PHD behind your name, not worldly learning, or learning from theological seminaries, not even eloquence; but it is God’s Holy Spirit which gives wisdom and understanding. When we seek or give advice, do we seek through prayer for wisdom through God’s spirit, or do we seek advice through our friends or relatives wisdom?

What is amazing about Job’s whole story is the statement Elihu made in Job 34:21, “His eyes are on the ways of men, he sees their every step.” God is shown to be more majestic than we can comprehend, yet He loves us enough to know our every step. At the end of the book, God restores. Love only wants that which is in our best interest, not man’s interest, even when we go through times of great pain. The horrible affliction Job experienced was not only for his own good but for ours as well, to learn lessons of God’s majesty, loyalty, and love. In the end, Job was restored twice over for that which was forfeited.

That’s love.

**Highlights in color are links for more information.

(Chickens photo is mine; cats meme is borrowed. And no, I’m not making any money off this blog!)

March 11, 2014 by Nora Apple

His Friends…Her Friends

(http://www.friends-tv.org/)

His friends, her friends; his house, her house. Surprisingly, most people do not consider the division of friends when a marriage ends. As you are deciding who gets the silver china and who gets the Oriental rug, be prepared to divide all the people in your life. Be prepared to let go of most of your friends. Sometimes, though, that’s not such a bad idea. Sometimes, it’s the friends who do the separating!

Remember your one friend in elementary school? You know the one who expected everyone to be friends with them but not friends with each other. You will find that friend in every age group. People are generally selfish beings. And nothing brings that raunchy character out more than divorce.

Divorce not only brings out the best of the worst of the couple; divorce brings out the best of the worst of their circle of friends. The division of friends, along with the division of the family, happens every time. (That’s not just an opinion!)

People love a good catfight! Our society thrives on drama…he said, she said. Unfortunately, the church is no different, another reason God said He hates divorce, though divorce is NOT the unpardonable sin! (Malachi 2:13-16) The domino effect of gossip ripples through society, starting with the marriage…to the children…to the in-laws…to the friends…to the church…and eventually, throughout the whole community.

“I’m only telling you this so you can pray for them…”

And by the time that “prayer request” gets through the chain, the situation seems bad enough to excommunicate, throw someone in jail, and call in the military! Especially in a divorce situation, people will automatically believe the negative without thinking about verifying the faulty one-sided information. Why?

Because someone is wrong.

Because someone is hurt.

Because, even though our society will not admit there is a core in every person that hides a conscience screaming for right or wrong, people will naturally stand beside those whom they believe to benefit their own lives. It does not matter whether that person is right or wrong. It does not matter if they have faulty information. It does not matter if they only have one-sided information. Neutrality is nonexistent. They will pick sides, a side that benefits themselves.

In divorce, each party is wrong in one way or another. No one is ever totally right. One party may be more at fault than the other, but neither party is innocent.

We are all sinners.

We all make mistakes.

We all need to forgive.

We all need grace.

Yet, even in our progressive society, divorced people are demeaned on all levels. A divorcee is branded, tattooed, and labeled. Statistics show a married couple to have greater opportunities than divorced singles, especially women.

Oh, the men she attracts. Oh, the wives who automatically judge. I once had a neighbor across the street to my right who marched next door while the single (divorced) neighbor to my left was mowing her lawn. Mrs. Married proceeded to demand Ms. Single stay away from her husband. The two had never met. The poor single girl had just moved in the weekend before. The married neighbor came to the assumption that our new neighbor was single and obviously divorced since she had a child on the front porch and would naturally make a play for her husband.

Labeled…branded…tattooed…

Do you think it won’t happen to you? No one does. The hurt from a sour marriage clouds any rational thinking. All they look for is a door to a better life. The temptation of Door #2. Do you remember that old show? Blindly pick a man behind a closed door based on his answers to questions designed to detect his perfection. Is my dreamboat sitting behind Door #2? Or maybe Door #3? Only to find the person that answered their questions with perfection was slightly less than average. And, maybe Door #1 wasn’t quite so bad after all…

Do you really want that kind of life? Oh, if we would only mow the grass on our side of the fence first…

We are all sinners.

We all make mistakes.

We all need to forgive.

We all need grace.

Our Weding Rings