relationships

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Grab a Dog by the Ears?

He who passes by and meddles in a quarrel not his own
Is like one who takes a dog by the ears. ~Proverbs 26:17

Haven’t we all butted into a conversation we were not invited to? The conversation usually goes sour, doesn’t it? We end up putting our foot into our mouth because we never have the whole story! There are always two sides! I learned a long time ago, it’s much easier to stay out of someone else’s business and not to repeat something (gossip) that I had no part of, than to have to go back and apologize all the time.

I have a relative that recently threw out some false accusations about a situation where he was not present and had never asked anyone what happened. His information came from someone whom he had just prior to that situation caught in a false accusation! Now, why would my relative believe anything that person said as gospel when he himself caught that person on a prior false accusation? Because we humans tend to be drawn to and believe the negative, especially against people we don’t like or are in competition with.

Betrayal and getting stabbed in the back hurt when the falsehood comes from an acquaintance, crushes when it comes from a friend, and destroys when it comes from a relative. Gossip destroys.

Why do people (yes, especially so-called Christians) stick their noses in other people’s poop? Why do even Christians feel the need to spread stuff around that they know will hurt others? Two reasons: 1. Pride and arrogance in thinking they are more righteous than others, and 2. Revenge, and believing they will straighten people out by taking matters into their own hands, not realizing that God will always put the gossiper in their place!

Proverbs 26 begins with verses 1-12 admonishing a fool, then verses 13-16 describe the lazy man (or woman), and verses 17-28 describe the destruction caused by gossip, which are lies (and I might add, liars go to hell). It would seem that the chapter should be separated into these three different sections. Yet, they actually do go together! We are fools when we fly far from God’s precepts, when we are lazy, and when we use our tongues to hurt others in order to build ourselves up. God’s word is genius. God’s word flows together into every area of our lives. Yes, it is possible to live right with only the Ten Commandments, but thankfully, God gave us a whole Cannon to explain to us dumb sheep how to treat others, and more importantly, to draw closer to the Lord!

Let’s live in love instead of destruction.

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ABC’s of Salvation:

That’s all there is to it! You don’t have to get cleaned up to take a bath! When you repent and accept His forgiveness, He will fill you with His Spirit and renew your mind and heart. You’ll experience His never-ending love! You’ll fall in love with Him more and more every day, and your soul will be filled with His peace!! Life is not perfect or fair; people will still be imperfect, but you’re never alone, and you know that you have a father who really loves you!

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Bible Thumping Fruit of the Spirit

The newest bible thumper nowadays is the “Fruit of the Spirit” found in Galatians 5:22-23. Oh, the twisting is very subtle, just like the scripture Satan used on Jesus when he tried to throw Him off the mountain! Have you had someone falsely accuse you of not exhibiting the “Fruit of the Spirit?”

Jackson’s favorite fruit!

Be careful with those popular memes! I saw a girl post a picture meme listing the nine “Fruits of the Spirit” from Galatians 5:22-23, and under the meme, commenting that the way to tell if someone is a “pretender” or if they are filled with the Spirit, is not by quoting scripture but by showing the good “Fruit of the Spirit.” She probably still doesn’t have a clue that she contradicted herself by posting scripture as she chastises people for quoting scripture! LOL!

There are two reasons we twist scripture: 1) It doesn’t line up with our own narrative; or, 2) We don’t really know what the Bible actually says!

Where do we get the “Fruit of the Spirit”? From scripture! And who are we to judge whether someone has the “fruits of the Spirit” or is a “pretender”? I need to point out here that no one—and I mean no one—can know the heart of another! (I’ve written about false assumptions several times on this blog.) Knowing a person’s heart is God’s job. But, alas, we humans still try to point out the faults in others in order to diminish the faults in ourselves (Matthew 7:1-5). We’re human.

Social media, especially Fakebook and Instagram, are perfect shields to hide behind. I know so many people who have a presence of goodness and perfection online, but in reality, they despise their mother, father, siblings, etc. (see Luke 12:53). The Apostle John says, “If someone says, “I love God,” and hates (detests or despises) his brother (mother, father, sister, etc.), he is a liar…” (1st John 4:20-21) And also, “Whoever hates his brother (mother, father, sister, etc.) is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.” (1st John 3:14-15) We should be very careful following people who project a picture-perfect life while criticizing and chastising others. Jesus himself warned us about assuming those people are sweetly perfect when he said, “Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for so did their fathers to the false prophets…” (Luke 6:26-28). Jesus called those kinds of people hypocrites!

While these people on social media portray themselves as ever so sweet, kind, loving, and the best Christian since Christ—behind the façade they are so full of bitterness and hate that their hearts are whitewashed tombs, just as Jesus called the Pharisees! But, even back then, the general public was so deceived by the Pharisees’ virtuous outward appearance that they had no clue their hearts were dead! That’s why the Pharisee and the Sadducee tried so hard to shut him up; Jesus was exposing their true character. The “Fruits of the Spirit” they exhibited were so deceptive the admiring crowds yelled, “Crucify Him!” at their prompting. Of course, the fruits they grew were works based with the wrong spirit behind them. The priests and preachers of today, those who have been entrusted to lead the masses in spiritual matters, are in the same positions of spiritual authority as the Pharisee and Sadducee in Bible times. How many times do we hear of a fallen, very popular, and highly admired priest or preacher? Their secret sins and deception were exposed, and people saw the true condition of their hearts.

Are you really sure anyone has the Godly “Fruit of the Spirit” or if they are “pretenders”? Can you discern the heart behind the fruit? After all, doesn’t scripture say in Matthew 7:15-20, “Therefore, by their fruits you will know them.”?? So it would seem that you would be able to tell if someone is a Christian by all the good deeds they do, right? After all, Jesus said, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16) So how can we tell if they have the right kind of fruit?

I’m reminded of the prophet, Samuel, when God told him to anoint the next king over Israel. In 1st Samuel 16:7, God tells Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” The oldest son was not only capable, but was good-looking too! After God rejected every son of Jesse, Samuel was dumbfounded. Then to find out there was one more, in the field, ruddy, and dirty, and happened to be the one God picked! Jesus said in John 7:24, “Do not judge according to appearance.” How many times throughout biblical history was God’s choice the opposite of man’s choice? Tons! So how can we tell??

According to Matthew 7:15-20, Matthew 12:33, and in Luke 6:43-45, we are known by our fruit!

And yet, in Matthew 6:1-4, Matthew 6:6, and Matthew 6:17-18, we are to do our good deeds in secret! We do not let the left hand know what the right hand is doing!

Again, how can we be known if our fruits are done in secret??

The answer is—we don’t. We leave the judging to God. We are only responsible for our own hearts. Not only that, but we speak His Word, even if those goody-two-shoes people criticize and condemn. Do we speak the truth about sin even when people accuse us of being mean and judgmental? Yes. Do we seek the truth about others, or believe the worst based on one-sided gossip? Seek truth. Do we love those who reject us? Yes. If someone we despise says hello or gives us a gift, do we have the simplest common courtesy to thank them, or do we toss it aside and ignore them? When was the last time you called your momma? ;)

While everyone is focusing on Galatians 5:22-23, where it says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness self-control…” You’ve heard the slogan: Just be kind! BUT, we tend to skip over the previous verses, “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Galatians 5:19-21)

That’s where a person will know if they have the Godly “Fruit of the Spirit!” Yes, they may have a great reputation for sweetness and with the perfect online presence, never saying anything against a popular narrative; never lewd, never a murder, no smoking, no drugs or drinking, and never being caught dead at a bar! But, do they secretly hate? Do they push that perfect online presence out of their own selfish ambitions for their own personal kudos? Are they the older brother? God knows their hearts. They may not entertain the worst of sins, but we are all sinners nonetheless. Eventually, God will sift the sheep from the goats. Jesus will be the one to prune the branches, not your uppity keyboard warrior! So give it time. Those who hide secret sins (hatred, jealousies, dissensions, etc.) will eventually be exposed. Even if it takes a hundred years, ultimately, our true hearts will be known.

Until then…

“He who hates, disguises it with his lips,
And lays up deceit within himself;
When he speaks kindly, do not believe him,
For there are seven abominations in his heart;
Though his hatred is covered by deceit,
His wickedness will be revealed before the assembly.” ~Proverbs 26:24-26

“These six things the Lord hates,
Yes, seven are an abomination to Him:
A proud look,
A lying tongue,
Hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that are swift in running to evil,
A false witness who speaks lies,
And one who sows discord among brethren.” ~Proverbs 6:16-19

“Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Weekend Thoughts on Forgiveness

Forgiveness. Do you accuse others of being unforgiving because they have not made amends the way you think they should? (That’s called “projecting”) Have you been accused of being unforgiving because you didn’t simply ignore the wrongdoing? (That’s called “blame-shifting”) Do you harbor guilt from not repenting of your own sins (wrongs against God) and accepting God’s forgiveness? Once you turn to God, HE forgives and restores your relationship with Him, releasing your guilt and condemnation. Any remembrance of wrongdoing after that is for your instruction and growth only. The biblical term “forgetting” in scripture is not to erase His memory in the literal sense, but rather He does not keep an account or seek vengeance for the sin. God is omniscient (all-knowing) but full of grace and mercy. While there will be consequences, the payment was made by Jesus! Even if others do not forgive, God already has, and that’s all that matters! Their forgiveness for you and the restoration of their relationship with you is their responsibility. Let it go. Trust God. You are forgiven! Period. End of story.

God Forgives WAY Before People!!

Scriptures to ponder:

Matthew 18:21-22  “Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Romans 8:1-2 “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.”

Romans 8:38-39 “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

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Forgive and Forget?

Have you had anyone throw up in your face that, in order to forgive, you have to forget? I have. Ironically, that “forgetting” requirement seems to only apply to the other person! Non-Christians use a misinterpretation of God’s forgiveness to discount salvation. Satan sure has done a great job twisting scripture to keep us bound up in all kinds of destruction, especially to the nuclear family.

God is a God of reconciliation. The only way to have true reconciliation is to have a healthy understanding of forgiveness. You don’t have to believe me; below are the best explanations for forgiveness I’ve run across. The first is an excerpt from Lesson 12 in the Self-Confrontation manual by the Biblical Counseling Foundation, and below that are fabulous articles taken from the Forgiveness Series found on the Biblical Counseling Foundation’s website: https://www.bcfministries.org/ (on the drop-down tab: Updates & Mailings – Archives: Teaching Articles). They are well worth the time to read. A few years ago, I wrote about forgiveness here: My Thoughts on Forgiveness, but the articles in BCF give much better explanations!

God’s salvation is our only hope for humanity. When we accept Him, he gives us his Holy Spirit to give us peace, teach us a better life, and protect us. To have the Holy Spirit in us means we must practice the “spirit of reconciliation.” Forgiving does not mean we let the offender continue to sin against us, but we take determined steps toward reconciliation and restoration. We do not avoid them or treat them with hatred and disgust in our hearts. Matthew 6:14-15 says, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” God is a God of grace, but He is also a God of truth and justice. He does not emulate one without the other.

True reconciliation is based on open communication in truth and love. “Truth without love is brutality, and love without truth is hypocrisy.” ― Warren Wiersbe. The “love chapter” in 1 Corinthians 13:6 says that “love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.” Satan has convinced our society that God’s grace ignores the truth, and that acceptance of people means we have to accept iniquity (sin). God’s will is righteousness through truth, repentance in turning away from sin, and reconciliation for peace.

  • God’s mercy is in not giving us what we deserve (hell)
  • God’s grace is in giving us what we do not deserve (heaven)

Blessings!!

~Nora

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Excerpt from Lessons 12 of the Self-Confrontation manual by the Biblical Counseling Foundation:

IV. Does God require you to “forgive and forget?”

A. Scripture says that God’s forgiveness involves remembering sins against you no more (Isaiah 43:25; Jeremiah 31:34; Hebrews 10:17). This means that He will not hold your sins against you since He has cleansed you with the precious blood of Jesus Christ (Romans 3:23-25; Ephesians 1:7; Hebrews 10:19-22; 1 John 1:7).

  • 1. While God forgives, He cannot forget (erase His memory) since He is the Almighty God and final Judge who will bring every act and every careless word to judgment, whether good or evil (Ecclesiastes 12:14; Matthew 12:36-37; 2 Corinthians 5:10; 1 Peter 1:17). Therefore, since God’s character and His Word give assurance that He does forgive completely, forgetting is not required in order to forgive.
  • 2. Your responsibility is to forgive another as God has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32), which involves not holding another’s sin against him (i.e. “not remembering”). Then, you are to commit the fault and the person to the Lord since He is the final and righteous Judge (Matthew 16:27; 2 Timothy 4:8; James 5:9).

B. Scripture uses the term “not to remember” as meaning “not to mention or bring to mind” or “not to keep an account.” For example, David requested of the Lord “not to remember” (literally, “not to mention”) the previous sins of his youth (Psalm 25:7).

C. Scripture uses “forget” in the sense of “escaping notice.” For example, the Apostle Paul could remember (bring to mind) his earlier sins (1 Timothy 1:12-17) yet confidently proclaimed “to forget” (“not take notice”) of those things that were behind in order to press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14).

D. Nowhere does Scripture require you to have a blank memory about your own sins or sins committed against you. In fact, the memory of certain sins (even though these sins have been forgiven by God) is important for your training in righteousness, to help you not repeat them (for example, notice David’s remembrance of his sins in 2 Samuel 12:13-23  and Psalm 38). The only requirement is for you to forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32), even when you clearly remember sins committed against you, which now have no power over you.

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Biblical Counseling Foundation: Archive Teaching Articles:

Article 1 – Misunderstandings About Forgiveness and Reconciliation: “This series of articles focuses on misunderstandings about forgiveness and reconciliation. In this article, we will be distinguishing between forgiving another and forgetting (erasing from memory) what the person did.” … See more here: https://www.bcfministries.org/mailings-archv-teachart.html

What is forgiveness? “The word “forgiveness” means setting aside, sending away (the guilt), and remission of the penalty. God’s forgiveness is an outpouring of abundant grace and mercy that provides pardon to the guilty. Although God’s forgiveness does not necessarily release the offender from the physical or material consequences of his sin, it provides full release from the guilt of the wrongdoing.” … See more here: Article 1, in the “Misunderstandings About Forgiveness and Reconciliation” series from the Biblical Counseling Foundation

Misunderstanding #1 – When I forgive, I must forget: “This thinking may come from a misunderstanding of the statement in Scripture, “And their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.” (Hebrews 10:17). For example, David requested of the Lord “not to remember” (literally, “not to mention”) the previous sins of his youth (Psalm 25:7). In looking at Hebrews 10:17 (which is quoted from Jeremiah 31:34), it is important to note that the word “to remember” is an accounting term… See more here: Article 1, in the “Misunderstandings About Forgiveness and Reconciliation” series from the Biblical Counseling Foundation

Biblical Counseling Foundation

42-600 Cook Street, Suite 100, Palm Desert, California 92211-5143

Telephone: 760.773.2667 – Fax: 760.340.3778 – Website: www.bcfministries.org

E-mail for correspondence: admin@gcfministries.org, E-mail for orders: orders@gcfministries.org

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The Death of a Matriarch

Well, it’s been 30 days since my mom passed away. In the Old Testament, God gave everyone 30 days to mourn and then told them to pull up their boot straps and march on! Okay, not quite in those terms, but you get the picture. Everyone mourns differently. I’ve known some who hardly cry and have all their stuff rearranged within a week! And then, I’ve known some who are still mourning, crying, and depressed decades later. Does the way a person mourns indicate the level of love for the deceased? Absolutely not! That’s a misconception. But you can get stuck so that the rest of your life is affected negatively. If you are still reeling from a loss, whether it is from a death, divorce, job loss, etc., there are some great ministries, such as GriefShare or DivorceCare that can help put your life back on track.

Besides my previous blog post (Another Loss), I waited until the 30 days were up before making a social media post for several reasons. Mainly so we could get through the initial family adjustments…and drama. Yes, with every death and birth there will be drama! And it gets worse with each generation as we push toward the end of the age. We shouldn’t be surprised though; all the chaos, hatred, division, and wars were predicted. Jesus quoted Micah 7:6 where it says that our enemies will be members of our own household! The level of offense was also predicted too! Oh, my word! I’ve seen families divide over the most utterly brainless, dim-witted issues! But that’s a subject for another day… How do families change with the death of a matriarch? It’ll be interesting to see where the new lines begin and end with what’s left of the family. It always happens.

Parkinson’s is an evil disease. Based on Mom’s symptoms, her doctor said she most likely had it for decades, but it was not properly diagnosed. Yes, most people know by now that’s the disease that played havoc on her body and especially her mind. Although we don’t totally blame Parkinson’s for her memory loss, she’s had memory problems off and on since the early 1990s, resulting from a couple of concussions and a few other things. Unfortunately, since she was not diagnosed until much later in life, most people never questioned her many inconsistent stories. God always says to never make assumptions without looking at ALL sides. (Deuteronomy 19:15-21, Proverbs 18:17, Matthew 18:15-17, Timothy 5:19) Only a credulous simpleton will define a person or an incident based purely on one account, especially from someone that suffers from confusion. The most destruction to the family is in not knowing when to believe the stories of someone with dementia or when to chuck them up to their illness. Mom came up with the craziest events that, with just a little digging, could be debunked. A lot of gossip and untruths were spread around, ending up hurting those who were the subject of her latest “story,” especially stories about her parents! As with most people with dementia-type illnesses, she could be thoroughly convincing because she actually believed her latest fantasy. I can’t tell you how many times over the years I was accused of never calling my mother, to the point that I started taking screenshots of my call log! One of the biggest and first indicators of dementia is claiming the ones they love the most never call or visit. They become clingy and codependent due to fear, seeing their world shrink in their minds. The last couple of years, dad would argue with her, “Honey, no, it wasn’t; it was this way!” in his futile attempt to keep some sense of normality about him. But, since liars go to hell, do I believe mom is in heaven? Absolutely! I believe in God’s grace and knowing when a disease has taken over and when someone is purposefully lying. About four years ago, well after dementia set in, I asked her point-blank if she loved Jesus. She sat straight up, her face lit up, and she said, “Why yes, I sure do!” I truly believe that was a moment of complete clarity. So, I choose to remember my mom in her earlier days before any memory confusions, the days in which my kids have insignificant recollection.

The most evil are the people who take advantage of the dementia patient’s condition and swindle their possessions. Just know that the wishes you have while your mind is sound will rarely be carried out after dementia sets in. If you want someone to have something, give it to them now. (Of course, the younger generation absolutely does not want our junk! E-Bay it!) Wills are futile. I’ve even seen attorneys take advantage of dementia patients! I’ve seen the dementia patients of my friends and even of my own family being swindled out of this or that. Self-serving con artists come in and sweet talk a dementia patient into giving them things that had long been promised to others, nullifying their pre-dementia wishes. HELL is going to be a lot hotter for those swindlers!

My dad was blessed, though. A lot of patients with memory issues end up grumpy or outright mean…but mom became sweet and humorous (most of the time), though at times she was cantankerous and a major irritant to dad, making us all laugh! Mom’s personality emulated humor. She married a man with the same humor. She taught us kids how to get through life with that humor. But—I know the backstory! Yes, every family has a few! And some closets should remain closed forever. But for the most part, our family is an open book. Well, at least where I’m concerned. If I tried to keep any of my life secret, my siblings would certainly blab it out! But I could tell you secrets about some of my family that would knock your socks off. LOL! Though they know I don’t, and they know I won’t. But, I digress.

So, how do I want to remember my mother? (My dad and Mr. Watson refused to include any of my stories in the funeral eulogies, so I’ll just post them here.) Hmmm… believe it or not, we all remember people differently because we all have different experiences with each individual. My stories of my mom are different from my siblings’ memories. I guess I should back up before her dementia set in to give a more realistic and complete picture of my mom.

Back to the beginning: Born in the late 1800s, Grandma and Grandpa DeWeese lived right downtown. The neighborhood today is pretty rundown. I have a feeling that it was a fairly average, nice middle-class area back in the 1920s when they bought the little house on Main Street. Grandma always kept a spotless house with flowers and veggies growing over every square inch of the small yard and a cellar full of canned jars grown from that little yard. They were proper people, but not stuffy, nor were they vain. Mom had too much spit-fire Irish in her to be too stuffy! She taught her kids (us) the same as her mother taught her (my grandma on my dad’s side also had the same philosophy), that just because you might not be flowing with money does not mean you have to look like trash! Personal upkeep simply shows gratitude to the good Lord for creating us. My dad most likely spent hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years on her visits to the beauty shop every Friday. Her beautician even came to her funeral! I remember back in the 1960s playing under the dryers and watching her hair roll into those crazy beehives! She wasn’t one for manicures, but she always kept her nails trimmed. Growing up, we always wore dresses with stockings when we went out, especially to church! I don’t miss those exasperating stockings, but I do kind of miss how up-kept people were back then, which is way beyond today’s normal. Mom would have never been caught at Walmart in her PJs! Even when she was being silly, she still had her hair fixed and a bit of makeup on. I always admired the way she looked “fixed up” with simply a little lipstick and rouge! Mom, I promise, I’ll never post a demeaning picture of you! (Yeah, I’ve already written about those “bad picture posters” here: Another Loss)

Growing up, I vividly remember my mom staying up nights working on her latest oil painting, sewing costumes for my plays, and making decorating the Christmas tree fun by letting us girls make paper chains and popcorn strings. She always expected the neighborhood friends to hang out at our house (at least she knew where WE were!). You’ve probably heard about all her many talents by now. Until we were teenagers, mom made most of our clothes. I don’t mind if I never see another rickrack! LOL! No, we didn’t have a lot of money during those days, but we always had access to the commissary so we never went without. She sewed our clothes just because she loved to sew! She also sewed baby blankets for all of her grandchildren. I still have the dresses she made for my oldest daughter, Mom’s granddaughter, for a couple of weddings when she was a flower girl. (Actually, those dresses went in the box I just shipped to my daughter. I couldn’t believe I still had those 38-year-old dresses!) When my parents ran the puppet team, she laid out felt material everywhere, and along with my Aunt Sue, they sewed a dozen or more flower puppets, one of which I have and treasure! And where did she learn that skill from? Her mother, my grandma DeWeese!! The stories of mom only having one dress and a pair of shoes every year were rubbish. In all the gazillion pictures of mom’s childhood, she is never in the same outfit. Grandma loved to sew. I still have half of my cedar chest full of items Grandma sewed for me. My fondest memories of my grandma were of her sitting in her rocker with her knitting basket next to her. Grandma even died at her sewing machine! Unfortunately, all those crafty genes bypassed me! I have failed to pass that much-needed craft on to the next generation.

The first decade of mom’s adult life was spent as a Navy wife. We moved quite often while I was growing up. To me, that was just a normal part of life. My dad was gone for most of my childhood, even after the Navy days. In my younger years, he was on base or out to sea for months at a time, and then there was Vietnam… After those days, he worked two and three jobs because men were taught that love was putting good food on the table and a strong roof overhead, not in building relationships, and definitely not in sitting around shooting the bull. (Unfortunately, the average stay in employment in our society today is only six months, quite the opposite of his day!) Through my teenage years, dad worked second shift while I was in school during the day, so I only saw him on weekends. And you can guess who ran the household… yup! That little spitfire, Redhead! But, when my dad was home, the ship he ran was even tighter!!! I have a child who never got spanked, but tells people what an awfully mean parent I was because supposedly I once “screamed” at her, even though she has yelled at her own kids! Well, my mom did more than scream. She also used a belt, flip-flop, wooden spoon, and just about anything else she could get her hands on to wallop us with! (Well, my little brothers hardly got spanked. LOL!! But that’s another story.) BUT… did I EVER accuse either of my parents of being abusive? Absolutely NOT! It’s called discipline, and I’m a much better person for their kind of love, even despite all the other dysfunctions. For that, I’m thankful. No generation is any better than the last. Blame-shifting stunts maturity. Social experts say that while the Boomers and previous generations are marked by materialism and divorce, most from Gen X and younger live in an entitlement, victim mentality. No wonder this earth is such a mess!

I remember a lot during the Navy decade, my early years. One of the funniest incidents was when dad was stationed in Vietnam, mom was sick, and the three of us kids were shipped to Aunt Naomi’s for a month. After she recovered, the military gave dad a week of R&R and flew the two of them to Hawaii, the halfway meeting point, sort of. That was back in the days when proper women commonly wore wigs. She had a blue wig case that was in the shape of a dome. As she was walking to board the plane (also back in the days before enclosed runways when everyone had to walk outside to board the plane), another jet took off a little too close to the airport. The back-draft tore mom’s wig case out of her hands, and it went rolling down the runway! All the available luggage carriers ran, chasing her wig case all the way down the runway!

My parents had one of the rare, long-lasting marriages in today’s world, though it wasn’t always perfect. They separated once when I was 11, and dad moved out. I won’t say why. Don’t we all have our own issues? I remember being crushed when mom asked if I wanted to live with her or him. Maybe she just wanted to get rid of me too! (Mommas, don’t ever give your child that choice! Let them know they have a home no matter what!) But, after a couple of months, my parents worked out their issues, unlike most marriages today (even so-called Christian marriages!) who look at marriage as a contract instead of a covenant, choosing divorce over the hard work to stay together. Dad moved back in, and at the end of that year, here came my baby brother!! The biggest difference in our family was they both gave their hearts to Jesus and started going back to church. “The family that prays together stays together!” Grandma moved in with us in our little house on 31st Street while mom was still pregnant with my baby brother, making us a very full but very happy home! The main lesson to glean from all their troubles is that they kept to their renewed commitment to become ONE, with God at their head. They were almost too mushy-gushy! They called each other pet names of endearment. We should all learn from that example! (My MarkyMark calls me Norabelle!) This last December 31st, they celebrated their 61st wedding anniversary!! That’s unheard of in today’s world! How sad that my parents beat the odds to stay together, yet every one of their children experienced divorce. So is this post TMI? I don’t know. I am now at an age where I am unaffected by what others think. I’m more concerned that my family learns from the past and stops making the same mistakes. Then, when I climb those pearly stairs, I’ll have my kids, my grandchildren, my family, my friends, and my neighbors following me up those stairs… for the opposite is HELL…

I remember my childhood being full of fun and laughter—that is, until my teenage years hit. Even though I had a horrible rough patch (which I’ve already written about), mom and I were very close in those early years, and we had a lot of fun together. There was that time I was on my very first “official” date, only to have the boy take me home to find my mother (my dad not being home, of course) on the back of the couch with a fly swatter in her hand screaming at the top of her lungs! She saw a mouse. The poor boy couldn’t go home until he got rid of it! How was your first date?? LOL!!

But, oh, the funniest incident I had with my mom was the summer of 1981. That was the year my Aunt Kay and her family came for a visit from South Africa. The whole family was gathering at Pendleton Park for a cookout. Uncle Dave and Aunt Sue were there, along with all my cousins and friends! Mom and I were finishing up the side dishes, so we left a few minutes behind everyone. We filled the back seat of my little brown Corvair and put the remainder of the food in the trunk. As I was starting the car, mom closed the hood of the trunk, and somehow she did not get it latched properly. Yes, the trunk of a Corvair is located in the front! So I was driving down County Road 100 from Pendle Hill on our way to the park when all of a sudden the hood popped up, blinding my view! Mom screamed, I screamed, we all screamed! And then the hinges broke, and the hood flew over the top of the car and onto the middle of the road! We both screamed again!! Fortunately, a Good Samaritan in a pickup truck stopped to help the two women who were painstakingly trying to pull the hood of my little Corvair out of the middle of the road! A few minutes later, my 19-year-old self was driving, slumped down in the seat, and praying none of my friends were in the park that day, as mom was waving to everyone like she was in a parade! After everyone laughed at us, Dad, Uncle Dave, and Uncle Mario took off to County Road 100 to drag my poor car hood home.

Anyway, I’ll quit for now. We could all come up with volumes and volumes of stories about my mom!

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So, the picture above? This is from the time period I love to think of when remembering my mom, before the early 1990s. We disagreed on a lot, but we also agreed on even more. We had a lot of love, and sometimes way too much fun!

THAT’S the mom I’ll see in heaven… soon… :)

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Double-Edged Sword

“Congratulations!” I said…as my body regurgitated the sour lump in my throat. Watching people traverse the same sordid road I plummeted down so many years ago conveys to me a double-edged sword. On the one side, I truly am so very happy for them…yet on the other side, the razor-sharp blade sends my protective spirit into overdrive, silently screaming “Stop!”

But would they?

I didn’t…

From where did we come?

What purpose are we?

Where are we going?

Is heaven for me?

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Lord, help me, I pray

Escape from life’s sin

This battle is not

A fight I can win

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My spirit sees peace

Through your firmament

Your hand reaches down

To strike your judgment

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Yet, you passed right by

My broken down soul

The blood of Jesus

Paid Satan’s death toll

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My broken soul healed

No more roads to roam

Your healing has come

Your hand takes me home

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“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” ~Romans 15:13 (NLT)

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Generational Curse

I love the Psalms and Proverbs. King David was the perfect example of a sinful man who found redemption and won God’s heart. But, the consequences of his sins (divorce, adultery, murder) followed him the rest of his life through his children. It’s the same with all of us. While only the Lord can save us from eternal hell, give us mercy and forgiveness, and heal our hearts, we still live daily with the consequences of our failures. But… God gives us His grace and wholeness through His peace to handle every sticky situation!

I’ve now lived long enough and observed many people to be able to verify, with those few exceptions of course, that the sins of the fathers (and mothers) most definitely pass down to the children. The Bible was right after all! It’s true that kids will do as parents do and ignore what they say. That’s a shame, really. By the time a parent is a grandparent, they usually know what NOT to do! We could learn a lot, and avoid a ton of mistakes, if we surrounded ourselves with a few older and wiser mentors. But instead, society drags downward with each generation. Our society has forgotten basic biblical history, and is now very far from God. Offense over the least little thing and bitterness toward parents for not fulfilling unrealistic expectations have destroyed our relationships. We have no unity. Pray for reconciliation for all our families!

My boys had a male high school teacher who told me he could point out every student in his class that came from a single parent home without ever looking at their files. He went on to say that he could tell how awful the father treated the mother by the son’s disrespectful attitude toward authority. Back then, I thought he was arrogant and preposterous! Looking back, the teacher was right.

What attitudes and habits are we passing down to the next generation? Don’t worry, we have all failed. Even though our society loves to blame-shift our failures to the previous generation, their failures came from the generation before them! None of us are any less guilty than the previous generation. In my family, though dysfunctional, my parents never divorced, but both sets of grandparents were divorced, as were my great-grandparents, and a couple of great-great-grandparents! We can find fault in our parents (forefathers) all the way back 6,000 years! Where does it end? With us? When will we stop blame-shifting? God’s word says each of us is only condemned for our own sins, not what others think or do. (See Deuteronomy 24:16, 2 Kings 14:6, Jeremiah 31:30, and Ezekiel 18:20.) Our society regresses with each generation, which was predicted for the end of the age. Parents are turning on children, children turning on parents, and over minuscule offenses! (See Luke 12:53) When will we learn to forgive? When will we return to the Lord?

Where does it stop?

  • Generation Alpha (early 2013–present) blames Gen-Z
  • The Zoomer/Gen-Z (1997–2012) blames the Millennial
  • The Millennial/Gen-Y (1981–1996) blames Generation X
  • Generation X (1965-1980) blames the Baby Boomer
  • The Baby Boomer (1946–1964) blames the Silent Generation
  • The Silent Generation (1928-1945) blames the Greatest/GI Generation
  • The Greatest/GI Generation (1901-1927) blames the Interbellum/Lost Generation
  • The Interbellum/Lost Generation (1883-1900) blames the…

Where do we STOP THE CYCLE and start fresh?

“No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me,”
Says the Lord. ~Isaiah 54:17

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Throw Away the Elderly

We had lunch with a bunch of family members of the next generation up a few days ago. They are a hoot! A couple of them are widowed, and somehow the conversation came around to their lives as “single” people and their latest “dates.” I found myself amused at their outlook and wondering how our society got here. I was caught between cracking up laughing and fearfully crying!

Loneliness is, in my opinion, the number one killer among the elderly. Actually, no matter what the age, when we lose hope, we lose the will to live. Did you know that some of the largest age groups on dating sites are of the elderly? Like my uncle said, he doesn’t want to get married; he just wants someone to go to dinner or accompany him to an event once in a while. We all need community. God created us for His companionship, so, of course, we need each other! Though it’s a blessing to be healthy enough to live on our own, still, people were not created to be loners!

I caught myself thinking about the days gone by. The cultures that seemed to thrive were based on moral principles. The basis of their theology was to love and care for others the same way they wanted to be loved, otherwise known as the Golden Rule. What is our future? I could list a thousand different ways society (people groups) has handled their elderly. Not many cultures throughout the centuries have been very compassionate. The elderly have, for the most part, been thrown aside the minute they cease to produce. The sad thing is, we have differing opinions about what constitutes production. Do we cast them aside when they are unable to work for that paycheck? Do we cast them aside when they are unable to drive themselves to the store? At what point do we consider them useless? At what point do you want others to consider you useless?

When it comes to the elderly (our parents and grandparents), our whole mindset has changed over the last century, especially in regard to women. In times past, families lived close by and frequently in the same house. Today, the average American family will move at least once every 2 to 3 years, most often living a few states away. In times past, women who were above childbearing years (60ish), very rarely remarried. She found fulfillment and usefulness in helping to bring up the next generation, usually living with an older child and very rarely living alone. Widowers usually remarried (men just cannot seem to do their own laundry!) or one of the children lived with him, not he with them, being more independent, but rarely living alone!  

The downfall of independence is isolation and loneliness. Women now take pride in relying only on themselves. A widow today would not dream of living with any of her children! Not only would that be an imposition on their families, but she would not be able to do what she wants when she wants! Our society has been convinced that a woman’s only fulfillment comes from being independent. Widowers would rather remarry, or at least date, to maintain the position of a provider, rather than allow his children to provide for him. Men cling to the position of the patriarch that leads, not one that is led, and they need to.

I really don’t blame them for living independently, even if loneliness accompanies the morning coffee. People don’t get along in today’s world. Younger generations take offense to every little thing, and older generations are full of pride. So we stay divided and isolated, not realizing the following generations are the individuals who will pay the price.

Without the elderly, we lose our history.

Without our history, we lose our purpose for today.

Without purpose, we lose hope.

Without hope, we lose our future…

That’s my grandma! A widow who lived on her own 15 years until her death, going on 90 years young! But oh, the experiences we lost…

“Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. . . . In this, Friendship exhibits a glorious ‘nearness by resemblance’ to heaven itself where the very multitude of the blessed (which no man can number) increases the fruition which each has of God. For every soul, seeing him in her own way, doubtless communicates that unique vision to all the rest.” —C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Risky Prayers

Have you ever prayed risky prayers?  You know… the kind that could really backfire if you’re not ready to accept the results?

A couple of years ago, I actually prayed that God would only bring into my inner circle the people with whom I would spend eternity, and take out those who were not headed up that path. I know… how stupid was that?!! My thought was not to isolate, but to have the “iron sharpens iron” concept. God has actually brought some absolutely wonderful people into my life the past couple of years that have been such a blessing to me!!! But… you wouldn’t believe the people who have actually left my life!! It’s actually freaky!! A couple of those lost relationships broke my heart!! Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying all the people who left are not going to heaven!! God has different plans and paths for everyone, and sometimes God moves us in different places, and countries, to further His purposes. How many times do we compel people to stay when God wants us to let them go? Even though I was astonished by a few of the people who left my life (for differing nonsensical reasons), God did reveal to me that a few people whom I believed to be Christians were regrettably in name only. I’ve been saying for the past few years that the atmosphere in the world is one of separation…God is separating the sheep from the goats and the wheat from the tares. We’re living in a world of offense. It’s weird and exciting at the same time, watching His prophecy happening right before our eyes! But it’s also heartbreaking to think that some of those we’re close to won’t be in heaven with us. When you dissect the Parable of the Ten Virgins, we see that only half the church will go up, only a remnant. Therefore, I’ve been praying and crying much harder for my loved ones lately. None of us are promised our next breath.

There’s a section in the book of Revelation (which is God’s Word revealed… not sealed) that talks about the martyrs in heaven that came out of the Great Tribulation and how God will wipe every tear from their eyes. The next paragraph says there is silence in heaven for about half an hour. The implications of this section are mind-boggling. What horrors will those who go into the Tribulation endure that they will still have tears in their eyes when they reach heaven? Those are horrors I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy! But what’s more telling is the silence… My belief is that the silence is a period of mourning for not only the Tribulation to come (as most teach), but also for the souls that were lost. Can you imagine getting up there only to find close relatives and friends who chose to follow the enemy? Yes, we’re in a battle that has only two sides. We decide to follow either God or Satan. Oh, the enemy comes in many deceptive forms. There will be a lot of “good” people in hell. To reject God and follow after our own desires is to follow Satan. We tend to think only thieves and murderers go to hell, but that’s not how my bible reads. Basically, you can be the sweetest and most beautiful person, but if you reject Jesus and/or hold bitterness and unforgiveness in your heart… you’re out. If you cannot forgive others, God won’t forgive you. It’s pretty simple… but yet so hard… until we understand how we can forgive and love because He first loved us! Let’s fix what we can… while we can! (And be ready for anything when you pray!!) We don’t have much time left…

What about those unanswered prayers? There was a country song about that back in the day, “Thank God for Unanswered Prayers!” These prayers could be for an illness, a job, or even a relationship. Are we really willing to accept God’s Will, even if we don’t agree with Him? No, God doesn’t expect us to agree with everything. He understands how dumb we are. How can we know the future? How can we mere humans know what’s good for us? Initially, we usually don’t agree due to our lack of understanding. But, when we trust a loving and all-knowing God, we accept hard things even when our desires are screaming for our own comfort. Years later, we look back and thank God that He didn’t give us what (and WHO) we absolutely knew we just had to have!

I know it’s risky to trust God when we pray. We never know what He has in store. But, we need to pray anyway, and trust Him for our future.

Found this little guy at Walnut Canyon, Arizona!

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Scripture references:

>Wheat & Tares: Matthew 13:24-43 & Matthew 25:32-46

>Half the church to go up: Matthew 25:1-13 & Matthew 7:13-14

>God wipe every tear and silence in heaven: Revelation 7:14-17 & Revelation 8:1

>Works of the flesh & fruits of the Spirit: Galatians 5:16-26

>Hate sends us to hell: Matthew 5:21-22; Matthew 6:14-15; Matthew 23; Luke 9:23-26; Romans 1:18-32; 2nd Peter 2; Revelation 21:6-8; Revelation 22:15; etc.).

>Romans 2:17 says, “For there is no partiality with God.”

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ABC’s of Salvation:

That’s all there is to it! You don’t have to get cleaned up to take a bath! When you repent and accept His forgiveness, He will fill you with His Spirit and renew your mind and heart. You’ll experience His never-ending love! You’ll fall in love with Him more and more every day, and your soul will be filled with His peace!! Life is not perfect or fair; people will still be imperfect, but you’re never alone, and you know that you have a father who really loves you!

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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The Elderly

The death of a grandparent is usually a child’s first experience with the kind of loss that never goes away. My maternal grandmother’s death was a loss I feel to this day. It’s not that others had not passed on…my grandpa, great grandma, etc. But my grandma had lived with us the last five years of her life and we were super-duper close! Maybe it was her dying in her room at her sewing machine as I watched my dad doing CPR… to no avail…

Even as a teenager, I felt the disgust of our society toward the elderly. It’s even worse in today’s world. Grandparents live in institutions rather than with family. It’s gone on as far back as Adam and Eve. Even Jesus chastised the Pharisees for twisting the commandments around to avoid taking care of, nor honoring their parents, all in the name of God (see Matthew 15:3-9; Mark 7:6-9; 1 Timothy 5:1-8). The disdain for those in authority grows stronger with each generation. Kids today look for the least little thing to get offended over, to have an excuse not to put up with those… old people…

Though I wrote the following poems about the elderly as a teenager, the same holds true even more so today. Is there anyone you need to make amends…before it’s too late?

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“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” ~1 Timothy 5:1-8 (NKJV)

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“But if they {parents} have children or grandchildren, these are the ones who should take the responsibility, for kindness should begin at home, supporting needy parents. This is something that pleases God very much.” ~1 Timothy 5:4 (TLB)

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The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree,
He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon.
Those who are planted in the house of the Lord
Shall flourish in the courts of our God.
They shall still bear fruit in old age;
They shall be fresh and flourishing,
To declare that the Lord is upright;
He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.

~Psalm 92:12-15

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Message in a Costa Rica Poem

I wrote this in Costa Rica while looking through the scenes you don’t see in the Travel brochures…

His Redemptive Treasure
 
Endless webs of metal
     Spin fear upon black tar.
Dark lungs grasping dense air,
     Fierce anger wonders far.
 
Life’s hope is lost for those
     Who dwell within locked bars.
With fear of evil woes
     Bitterness turned to scars.
 
Searching for life’s purpose
     The world’s empty pleasure.
Who will bring God’s true light?
     His redemptive treasure?
 
His death upon the cross
     Covered our scars of sin;
Brought joy in redemption,
     Hearts full of peace within.

~Nora Marie

I never let this poem go anywhere… it’s not one of my best works… not even close. But now that my ex-mom-in-law is lying in a hospital bed breathing her last, this holds a higher place in my heart. The trip I took was with a group from an organization called “Men for Mission,” which my ex-in-laws were part of for many years. As they grew older, the trips grew less frequent. Most of the trips were work missions. The trip to Costa Rica in January 1999 was the only one I was able to join with them. Maybe I’ll write more about it one day. But for now, my prayer is that one of the travelers… my ex-mom-in-law… will rest in the arms of Jesus knowing she ran a good race. I pray my ex-mom-in-law finds peace. I pray she knows I have no more bitterness for the angst she caused in my marriage, realizing how hard it was for her to let go of her only child. I pray she knows I’m sorry for not being the daughter-in-law she wanted. I pray she knows God redeems and restores all.

I need to pull out the old photo albums and scan some pictures from that trip. The people and country are beautiful. I pray the two boys I spent time with, showing and telling them about the love of Jesus, are still following Him.

Some things we will only know when we cross over into heaven…

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Are we near the end?

Since people get offended and hate others over the silliest of things, yes, I believe we are at the end. How much worse can it get? Jesus said when asked about the end of the age: “And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another.” ~Matthew 24:10

Are you ready for eternity? Do you live in forgiveness or bitterness? Will that thing you harbor anger and bitterness over really matter a thousand years from now?

We have to forgive, and forgive, and forgive again, no matter how much it hurts or how much the offender continues their attack, even if they never admit to their offense. It’s hard. I have to continually remind myself of this all the time. I’m not perfect, just forgiven. Forgiveness is the only way to find freedom for our soul. Forgiveness does not mean the offender is not guilty of the sin, for we all give an account for every little thing we do; it just means we release to God our right for revenge. (God’s vengeance is always much better anyway.) We are then free to live in God’s peace and joy, which usually makes the offender angry because we are not letting them cripple us. We are free. We are ready to “meet our maker” with a clean heart. We are forgiven. Because, yes, no matter how slighted we feel, if we don’t forgive, God won’t forgive us. If we aren’t forgiven, we spend eternity without freedom, without light, without God… in hell.

Don’t believe me? Or, maybe you don’t believe me because you feel like I should not be forgiven because I have offended you in some way and you don’t like me. Then I say don’t. What do I know? All I am doing here is relaying what God’s word says. Here in the USA, there is a paper Bible (taken from ancient scrolls) on every corner, or you can look it up on the Internet. In it, you will read where Jesus said in Matthew 6:14-15: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

What of this life will you take with you into eternity?

“Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” ~Matthew 18:21-22

“And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts. He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son. But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.” ~Revelation 21:6-8

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Pondering Thoughts on Death Today…

Just thinking…

If someone has been turned against you because of the lies of another and that person is dying, do you…

  1. Leave it lie so they can die in peace.
  2. Attempt to shed truth to the situation (without defending yourself) so they will not go to the grave hating you.

I guess the bigger question is….what will they have to answer to when they face God? Aren’t God’s children supposed to seek Truth? Does God hold us accountable if we believe negative things about a person, gossip, lies, without asking for verification?

Are there not two sides to every story?

Do I want the best for that person, or justification for myself?

Did Jesus not say to be forgiven, we have to forgive?

Is it more merciful to let someone die believing lies so as not to upset them, or to expose truth so they will at least have a chance at reconciliation before leaving this earth?

But, rock the boat, we don’t.

“Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.” ~James 4:17

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” ~Matthew 6:14-15

“Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” ~Matthew 18:18

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Unfaithful Lovers, Family, and Friends

Do any of us know what unfaithfulness really is? Is unfaithfulness relegated to marriage only? What actually constitutes adultery? What is the root cause? Just how truly faithful are we…and can we find forgiveness and restoration? (Check out my blog on forgiveness here: Unconfessed Sin ~ My Thoughts on Forgiveness)

Proverbs has a whole lot to say about faithfulness…

Proverbs Devotional Day 5

“That you may preserve discretion
   and your lips may keep knowledge.” ~Proverbs 5:2

The fifth, sixth, and seventh chapters of Proverbs primarily deal with the subject of adultery. I’m sure a lot of readers tuned out right here. But being physically unfaithful to your mate is not the only form of adultery, for God looks upon the heart. How faithful are we in all our relationships? Are we a faithful friend, employee, or neighbor? Do any of us know what unfaithfulness really is? What actually constitutes stepping out? What is the root cause? And just how truly faithful are we…? God is a faithful God, yet we continually fall into our old, self-absorbed nature. Oh, how thankful I am that He is also a God of grace, continually ready to forgive our unfaithfulness!

Adultery is a symptom of a much deeper problem; it’s a matter of the heart. Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Adultery begins with an ungrateful heart, long before the physical act. Ungratefulness leads to dissatisfaction, which leads to unfaithfulness. When we fail to keep our hearts satisfied with that which God provides, we fall into a host of sins: envy, covetousness, jealousy, etc. Paul says in Romans 13 the Ten Commandments “are all summed up in this saying, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love wants the best for others and lives in gratitude for that which God has given us.

“lest strangers feast on your wealth
  and your toil enrich another man’s house.” ~Proverbs 5:10 (NIV)

Consequences always follow a wandering heart. When one or both in a relationship begin to lust for something outside of God’s shelter, trust is broken and the relationship is fractured. Does the wandering always have to be physical? No. Pornography is an epidemic across the globe, destroying marriages and families, for it creates a dissatisfied heart. That aging mother with all those stretch marks, varicose veins, and sagging breasts can never compete with the airbrushed young perfection on the screen. When divorce follows, so does the division of entire families, friends, and your finances.

“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets? Your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, Never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, And may you rejoice in the wife of your youth, a loving doe, a graceful deer. May her breasts satisfy you always; May you ever be captivated by her love.” ~Proverbs 5:15-19 (NIV)

Our selfish nature has us believing the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Yet, in reality, the grass is only greener on the side that is watered. Do you feel dry and disconnected from those close to you? First, water your soul with God’s Word, for His Spirit will bring peace to the deepest holes in your heart. While we have no control over the other person’s decision to water the relationship, we are responsible for our own heart’s faithfulness.

When we seek wisdom in every thought and action, the Holy Spirit is faithful to keep our thoughts pure and our hearts satisfied with His love. No matter what the temptation, be it sexual, chemical, or even shopping, pray for His Spirit to protect your heart. Gratefulness negates selfishness.

“He will die for lack of discipline,
    Led astray by his own great folly.” ~Proverbs 5:23 (NIV)

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**The above is an excerpt from the devotional book I wrote while living in Ukraine on mission for nearly a year in 2016 (adjusted for this blog). If you enjoy devotionals that you can doodle as you study God’s word, with beautiful artwork by Sarah Janisse Brown, founder of The Thinking Tree Publishing Company; my devotional journal can be found on Amazon here: A Proverb A Day ~ Devotional & Doodles Journal.

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Proverbs Procrastination Day 3

The Proverbs, Day 3, Chapter 3. It’s packed full of great little nuggets! Several verses have been popularly quoted throughout the millennia, especially the 5th verse… the one about leaning on our own understanding. It always amazes me when we do that since we obviously don’t know everything. But, after all, we are control-freaky humans!

Two verses on this day seem to be tossed in the background:

At first glance, the verses are saying to be sure and pay our debts. Don’t be stingy. When we are diligent to pay everything we owe, not only do we show our good character, but we show honor to God in our trusting Him to meet our needs. Jesus teaches in Matthew 6:25-35 that worrying is for the birds, “… Are you not of more valuable than they?” Figuratively: He loves us so much more than we tend to believe, so why do we hold onto our finances and not trust God to provide?

Yet, these verses also bring up another underlying thought. Procrastination is an all too common enemy. A definition of procrastination is to put off or to delay. Why do we put off that which we are capable of accomplishing today? Sometimes, we procrastinate out of pure laziness. Most often, we put others off out of our desire to control our situations. We believe our schedule, our money, etc., is more important than anyone else’s. Both procrastination and laziness are rooted in self-centeredness and pride. Most of us never thought of procrastination as a sin. We excuse ourselves with our good “intent” of giving, but only when it is convenient for us. One of the first companies I worked for had a saying, “Five minutes now will save five hours of cleanup tomorrow.” That concept is not only true in the business world; it is true in our relationships.

Gardening…Lots of hard work!

Do you have unresolved conflict with anyone? Time is not the healer; God is our healer. Ephesians 4:25-27 says to not let the sun go down on our anger, followed by saying not to give the devil a foothold. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” Taking that step toward reconciliation doesn’t always mean the other person will respond, but it’s our responsibility to do our part.

We need to take an honest look at ourselves. Are we withholding money, forgiveness, or restoration from anyone? Let’s give where the giving is due and trust the Lord to take care of the rest.

The hard stuff of discipline, forgiveness, and restoration only lasts for a moment…the rewards last an eternity.

“My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline,
    and don’t be upset when he corrects you.
For the Lord corrects those he loves,
    just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.” ~Proverbs 3:11-12

What are you procrastinating today?

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**The above is an excerpt (adjusted for this blog) from the devotional book I wrote while living in Ukraine on mission for nearly a year in 2016. If you enjoy devotionals that you can doodle as you study God’s word, with beautiful artwork by Sarah Janisse Brown, founder of The Thinking Tree Publishing Company; my devotional journal can be found on Amazon here: A Proverb A Day ~ Devotional & Doodles Journal.

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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17th day Devotional…

Happy St. Paddy’s Day!

In honor of Saint Patrick’s Day, below is an excerpt of the 17th devotional of my book I wrote about in my last post. I love Saint Patrick’s Day! Not just because I am of Irish descent, but because of the heart of the holiday. While most here in America use the holiday to drink whiskey and green beer with the intention of getting plastered, the holiday actually began with a slave from Wales, England, whose parents were from Rome. He brought good deeds and hope to a pagan-bound culture. I hope you like today’s devotional…

Day 17 ~ Proverbs 17

“Better is a dry morsel with quietness,
Than a house full of feasting with strife.” Proverbs 17:1

At least six verses of Proverbs 17 speak directly to the family. King David is my hero! I love reading 1st and 2nd Samuel, the accounts of David’s life. My spirit is lifted and heightened every time I read David’s Psalms. More than anyone who ever lived, David was attributed as a man after God’s own heart. Yet, because of King David’s own sins (2nd Samuel 12:10), the sword never left his house. It was one of the most dysfunctional families in history. His wives were… well, he had way too many cooks in the same kitchen. The King’s children lied, cheated, stole, raped, and murdered each other! Absalom, his oldest son, conspired to overthrow the kingdom and kill his own father. If Hollywood were to film the actual events of David’s life, the movie would be released with an “R” rating or worse! His children grew up in wealth, yet had more drama than a soap opera!

“A foolish son is a grief to his father,
And bitterness to her who bore him.” ~Proverbs 17:25

Though King David saw his children make horrible decisions, even to his death, he grieved for them. In 2nd Samuel 16:5-14, David recognized that the calamity he experienced was due to his own sin—the calamity that was prophesied by the Prophet Nathan in chapter 12. The Apostle Paul admonishes fathers in Ephesians 6:4, “You fathers, don’t provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Children learn by the example they are given, not the words spoken. The Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary, on Ephesians 6:4, states: “The fathers are specified as being the fountains of domestic authority. Fathers are more prone to passion in relation to their children than mothers, whose fault is rather overindulgence.” Fathers, do you project anger or ridicule your children? Then you can’t be upset if they show outbursts of anger. Mothers, do you belittle or lie to or about your children? Then you can’t be upset when they despise you. Do we project indifference toward our children? Then we can’t be upset if they show indifference to our beliefs. This is what King David experienced. He was busy elsewhere. He showed his children a contradiction. As a result, they rebelled, bringing humiliation and destruction to their own family.

“He who begets a scoffer does so to his sorrow,
And the father of a fool has no joy.” ~Proverbs 17:21

The dictionary describes a scoffer as someone who expresses mockery, derision, doubt, or derisive scorn; to jeer. We all occasionally fail. Do you fall into that category? Out of your own insecurity, do you make fun of others in hopes of elevating yourself? When your derogatory jabs are questioned, do you laughingly claim the recipient of your mockery is too sensitive and that you were only joking? I don’t believe people realize their own divisiveness. When a family falls into the habit of squabbling, no meal is joyful. Sometimes, the test of Christian love is greater within our own families. Oh, to love with the love of 1st Corinthians 13:4-7; “Love is patient and is kind. Love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.”

What would happen in our families if we took just one of these attributes? Kindness? Hope? Love?

“Children’s children are the crown of old men,
And the glory of children is their father.” ~Proverbs 17:6

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**The above is an excerpt (adapted for this blog) from the devotional book I wrote while living in Ukraine on mission for nearly a year in 2016. If you enjoy devotionals that you can doodle as you study God’s word, with beautiful artwork by Sarah Janisse Brown, founder of The Thinking Tree Publishing Company; my devotional journal can be found on Amazon here: A Proverb A Day ~ Devotional & Doodles Journal.

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

I’ve seen a lot of people post, “Happy Single Awareness Day!” which cracks me up since Valentine’s Day is more for “Singles” than any other group! If it weren’t for hinting wives and FB, not many married men would even remember the holiday! (Except mine…be jealous girls!! LOL)

Saint Valentine himself was… SINGLE!

But…did you know that the holiday is centered around his torture and beheading? Read more here: This Day In History .

As we go through this day…let’s ask ourselves who in our lives has sacrificed more for us than any other. That is worth celebrating!

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New Year, New Country, New Beginnings

Wow! It’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything for this blog… only one post in all of 2016. What do you think… time to revive the blog??

It’s not like I’ve not written anything at all. I’m actually in the process of editing, creating, and writing books. A couple of books I’ve worked on have been published, but not any that I’ve authored… yet. I’ll post the details when it happens. It’s all in God’s timing.

So much has happened this last year! My husband and I left the States last March and have been on a mission, living in Ukraine for the past 10 months! We are due to return to the States in a couple of weeks, and I am not looking forward to jetlag, but I am excited to walk on familiar ground once again! I have so much material for posts about this trip that I don’t know where to begin! Maybe in my next post…

Mukachevo, Ukraine... sitting in the middle is The Palanok Castle or Mukachevo Castle, a historic castle in the city of Mukacheve in the western Ukrainian oblast of Zakarpattia. The Palanok Castle is delicately preserved, and is located on a former 68 metre high volcanic hill.

Mukachevo, Ukraine… sitting in the middle is Palanok Castle or Mukachevo Castle, a historic castle in the city of Mukacheve in the western Ukrainian oblast of Zakarpattia. The Palanok Castle is delicately preserved, and is located on a former 68 metre high volcanic hill.

As I looked back through this blog today, I was reminded of the reasons I created it. I want to help people who are hurting. I want to let people who have been rejected know they are not alone. My desire is to lead hurting people to the One who can heal… the One in whom I found healing. Does this mean that God will take away all the drama in life? No. Unfortunately, no. For we live in a fallen world. But God’s love can help you bloom. Our God-given DNA was created to produce beauty. Our fragrance will enhance the surrounding atmosphere. But… oh, there’s that word again. “But.” But, under the beauty of the rose lie stems that hold the thorns of life. Thorns are painful. They are scars on our base. But God is in the restoration business. He takes our ashes and turns them into beauty. He uses our experiences, our thorns, and helps us to grow through the pain. Finally, we learn to rest in His love and bloom where He plants us. Those thorns? Well, they never go away. God uses them to protect us from the world we live in. Just as the thorns on a bush will protect the flower or berry from predators, God will put His armor on us as we face our everyday trials.

What scars do you hold? Do you hold scars of regret, lost relationships, or rejection? God can create in all of us a new heart. Though some of our old relationships may never be restored, those scars can be healed, and in Him we can move into a new life with a heart of peace.

How can you use your experiences to encourage others? 1st Peter 3:13-17 says, “…always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you…” We want to give Hope. For without hope, we have no desire for life. Why do we point people to God? Because we are fallible humans. We fail. People will fail you. They fail us because we fail to keep our eyes on the Lord. When we place expectations on people that only God can fill, we set ourselves up for failure. What, then, do we tell people? We tell them what God has given us. 2nd Corinthians 1:3-7 says, “…God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God…” People remember personal accounts so much more than a textbook. I guess that goes for me too. I’ve only been slightly personal on this blog. :/

Let’s start the New Year by taking off our masks.

Life is messy.

Relationships are hard.

Rejection hurts.

God’s love brings healing.

I still want to help you embrace your thorns. I want to help you put on God’s armor. Time is short. Let’s change our world!

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Beautifully Created

A present from my dad…

Dad's gift

Do you see the slight girl
with the hesitant smile?
The one in the middle
with the ancient hairstyle?

Oh the secrets she hides
in pale haunting green eyes.
Her stoic demeanor
lend a blissful disguise.

Little girl in my past,
I see your reflection.
Masking painful tears from
your Daddy’s rejection.

Beautiful creation,
though the world be unjust.
God’s love and affection
hold your refuge and trust.

~Me

Hurt people hurt people. The cycle continues. So long as there is sin in this world, there will be injustice. We will be hurt and rejected by people… because people are imperfect. Oh, how hard it is to release others of our own unrealistic expectations! But to do so will allow us the freedom to love freely. When our identity is in the Lord, we can have faith that we are totally accepted, cherished, and loved.

“Although my father and my mother have forsaken me,
yet the Lord will take me up and adopt me as His child.” ~Psalm 27:10

It’s so hard for us humans to accept that, no matter what we do, 10% of the population will not like us… even some within our own family; his family rejected even Jesus! We buy into the lie that we have to be the best and accepted by the world’s standards to be of value. The book of Ecclesiastes (the most seemingly depressing book of the whole Bible) teaches that “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” God created us to be a reflection of Him. He made us beautiful. Even the “ugly” people by the world’s standards are beautifully created, fearfully and wonderfully made.

“For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You,
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.” ~Psalm 139:13-14

When we understand the depth of love God has for us, and we understand that He is our Abba God, our Daddy, we find His strength and joy. Our carnal nature continually pushes us to take control of our situations through revenge, bitterness, and broken relationships. This picture (still spread around social media by my siblings in their failed attempt to humiliate me) of 15-year-old me, in a t-shirt given to me by my dad, reminds me that the pain in my eyes can only come from another human. My heavenly father gives beauty for ashes, encouragement for belittlement, and acceptance for rejection; never pain.

Pull from the strength only the Lord can give. Let us worship with joy and let His love flow through our hearts as we wait patiently for His will in our lives.

“Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!” ~Psalm 27:14

Forget about the negatives of the past. Don’t worry about the stresses of tomorrow. Live in the beauty of today. You. Are. Beautiful.

Psalm 27.10

“Can a woman forget her nursing child,
And not have compassion on the son of her womb?
Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;
Your walls are continually before Me.” ~Isaiah 49:15-16

“He has made everything beautiful in its time… I know that nothing is better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives, and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor—it is the gift of God.” ~Ecclesiastes 3:11-13

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Holiday Grace

Thanksgiving & Christmas Thankfulness… My little Speech? Statement? Declaration? My final breath? ;)

I’m so thankful for a faith rooted in love, not terror; in life, not death. I’m so thankful God allowed me to see him through His Spirit…and not in the examples or interpretations of earthly, fallible men. I’m so thankful God gave us his Holy Spirit and his Word for guidance, strength, and comfort, and for the remaining churches that love the outcast like Jesus did (John 4).

I’m so thankful I don’t attend a church that doesn’t allow anyone older than the millennial generation in the worship band/choir but rather exonerates all walks of life (1 Kings 12:13). I’m so thankful I don’t attend a church that doesn’t allow newer, timeless music for fear of letting go of traditions or just plain being stuck in the 80s (Job 32:8-9). I’m so thankful I don’t attend a church that clings to suit & tie & stocking hosiery instead of acknowledging that man looks at the outward appearance while God looks at the heart and wants our worship to be a place where people can be real, be accepted, and be loved in ordinary jeans (1 Samuel 16:7; Matthew 23:27).

I’m so thankful that even though I will never live up to the expectations of people who are so quick to believe the worst, I am forgiven and accepted by a God who loves me just as I was created (John 3:16-17). I’m so thankful for the friends God has placed in my life, people who would not listen to negativity, realizing that to believe hearsay without verification is the same as the original telling of the lie. For lies are only from enemies (Ephesians 4).

I’m so thankful for my husband and the restoration God has worked through our lives. We are not perfect, but we choose not to control each other but rather to let God be in control; we choose to respect instead of belittle; we choose to love in spite of our baggage.

Finally, I’m so very thankful for the children God allowed me to birth; even through the distance, disagreements, and miscommunications, they all know their Momma’s love will never end. My prayer for you is that your road will wind its way to the Lord, that you will always seek Truth, that your faith will be your own, and that to know ”… our struggle is not against flesh and blood {people}, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 6:12).

Most of all, never ever forget “…nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39).

That is all. (This is about as mushy as I’ll ever get….)

~Nora, Daughter of Abba God, Wife, Mom, Friend.

Jesus is the Light

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Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave

Piano Man 5

Music is subjective, just like food. I absolutely hate peas. My husband feels the same about onions. I absolutely love onions. My husband loves peas. Different likes and dislikes… neither one of us is in the wrong. We were created as diverse creatures by the same loving God.

But lyrics…

When the lyrics are seasoned with God’s word (and not taken out of context), the music is immortal, just as His word is immortal. “Redeemed” is one such song.

The definition of Redeemed is an exchange: to free, liberate, rescue, or save; to obtain the release or restoration of, as from captivity, by paying a ransom.

In the second verse he writes:

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret

This song relates more to my life than most. For years I struggled to be the perfect little Christian so God would actually want me. After spending most of my childhood feeling used up and worthless and spending most of my adult life relating to the rejection and outcast of the woman at the well, my name, my identity, was bound in shame and regret. Even after accepting Christ, I was still haunted by those ugly ghosts that lived in my past. I was bound up in shackles of all my failures, as the song so eloquently writes. I knew God is love. I knew God loves everyone. But because of my shame and regret, I believed God’s love was for everyone else.

I then read the words of King David, my hero, the chief of sinners whom God loved most, in Psalm 27:10, which says, “Though even my father and mother reject me, the Lord will accept me and adopt me as his own.”

The antonym for redeemed is abandon. God in His mercy did not abandon me. No, not even me. Like the unloved woman at the well, he gave me a new life, a new name, and a hope that will carry me home. No. I’m not perfect. I’m not liked by everyone. But I’m not the same, and I shook off those heavy chains of shame and regret ‘cause He’s not done with me yet!

If He gives hope and restoration even to someone like me (and I could tell you stories that would make your head spin), he will and is longing to set you free as well. We can stop fighting on our own, for at the cross he wiped away every stain and the fight’s already been won! I am redeemed and He set me free!

Click here: Official video of Big Daddy Weave “Redeemed”

Writer(s): Michael Weaver, Benji Cowart
Copyright: Word Music Inc., Word Music Inc. O.B.O. Weave Country LLC

Piano Man 4

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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The comfort Isaiah gave…

If there is one person I could pick to meet in heaven, that would be Isaiah. I’ve often wondered what he looks like. In my obscure mind, my image of our heavenly bodies is of an age of perfection. Mine? Well… if there ever was an age where my body was at its best, it would have to be before kids! For men, though, they seem to mature much later than women… in more ways than just the physical. Don’t mock… that’s a proven psychological fact, per the so-called experts! Just look at Hollywood. Women are done by the time they are old enough to attend the R-rated movie they just starred in! Men? Well… I’ll have to save my comments about Sean Connery for another post… ;)

Elihu said in Job 32:9, “It is not the old who are wise, nor the aged who understand what is right.” Meaning, even though he gives the impression of being aged, Isaiah could well have been a young man. Proverbs 16:31 says, “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.” Did Isaiah have gray hair? Was he bald? Most women lost their “crowns” when Miss Clairol came to town!

These are just rambling thoughts. We really don’t know. Some days I hate the loss of anonymity with the discovery of digital photography. Centuries from now our offspring will look back at us and say, “Geez, could she wear anything more outdated than that?”

Without knowing the nature of their physical appearance, their words are profound to a much greater degree. We are able to hone in on the message rather than be distracted by crooked noses or Dumbo ears. Applying the message to our lives is their ultimate goal. Maybe that is the reason God did not allow our brains to comprehend the technical until this century. Could be?

The message Isaiah conveyed in chapter 54 has been life to my soul for the past 15 years or so.

I am fine without a man around. As a child, my dad was not around much. Although it’s not his fault, and I do not blame or hold anything against him, it was just the way life was. He was gone at sea for months at a time and almost two years in Vietnam during the Navy days. When civilian life hit, he always worked two and three jobs, and always second shift, with me in school during the day. I remember most of his time at home, only seeing him on Sunday afternoons, taking a nap in his recliner. Through my 20s, my ex-husband also worked evenings/nights, leaving me alone to care for the babies. Needless to say, I learned early not to physically depend on any man.

Yet, I secretly yearned for that umbrella, that sort of protection that a “man” covering provided. I think every woman does. It’s in our nature, no matter how we fight to be independent. So we seek out people in our lives to provide the kind of physical and emotional security no man has ever been equipped to provide. Men search too… just in different areas. They seek security in their careers or physical escapades. I think we humans tend to seek to fill our holes in places that are temporal or were not created to “complete” or make us whole.

Oh my, the relief when I first read Isaiah 54 and realized I already had that protector! That chapter was an uncanny reflection of my life, written centuries ago! I was that bride who married young, only to be rejected. But God spread my “tents” and filled them with His little blessings. He has proven over and over that He, and He alone, is my provider. He has never failed me. He takes care of me… of me!

A few years ago I finally quit expecting others to fill only that which God is able. My fulfillment is not their responsibility! No, I don’t need a husband, kids, family, friends, job, house, dog, or cat to fulfill my deepest longing, that longing for security. The things of this world are temporal. Only God, our creator, can provide the eternal. Only He is able to flow his Spirit through our soul and bring wholeness!

My life did not follow the path I planned, but God in his mercy restored to me that which the locust had eaten (Joel 25). My faith is in God, my protector, my provider, my promise. He has also restored to me an earthly husband to be my umbrella while here on earth. I now have a beautiful foretaste of the security we will one day experience in our eternal home.

I now have hope.

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~Isaiah 54

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Your Daily Proverb ~ 27:1 (Do you really know tomorrow?)

“Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring.” Proverb 27:1

~Six years ago this am… :(

That morning, I didn’t even read past the first verse. I usually don’t on this day of January each year. Next year, I think I’ll leave that book alone. Some anniversaries are simply too painful.

We know the birth of one baby will change the whole dynamics of an entire family, no matter how many down the line. So tell me… why would the death of one child, even more so, change the dynamics of an entire family… even the extended family?

We love. We grow. We build our world. Since you don’t miss what you don’t know, if it is never there, we never love. When we love, and that love is ripped from us, our world is full of empty holes.

But oh, to cherish the memories of love…

It is said the only constant in life is change. I don’t know if change in and of itself is either good or bad. It just is. The insecure and fearful will fight change. The stubborn and controlling will fight change. But sometimes… the very tired will grow weary of change.

Life can crush our spirit. With change, God can refresh our circumstances… and our spirit. Time does heal… only with the strength of God’s word to lean on. With each death a new era is born. With each change a new hope is secured.

Embrace the here and now. Let go of the past. Give God the future. For… we never know what a day may bring…

Oh how I miss that little Sunshine on my Shoulder...

Oh how I miss that little Sunshine on my Shoulder…

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Approval-seekers and Self-pleasers

My husband and I had a little discussion the other day about people-pleasers being one and the same as self-pleasers. We talked about a lot of controversial points in today’s world, so he suggested I put our conversation in another blog post. The people-pleasing theme has already run through many of my posts, so this may be a reiteration of a post I wrote about people-pleasers here: People Pleasers and Brownie Points; and also my post on why people don’t like us here: Can We Just Like Each Other? So, I thought I had it covered.

However, he then asked, “Can you be a people-pleaser without being a self–pleaser?” In my prior posts, I alluded to people-pleasers being one and the same as self-pleasers. My question in my overly analytical mind is, “Why do we want to make everyone else happy?” What’s the bottom line? Is our heart’s motive selfless or self-serving?

I know of at least two churches where the preachers taught on the subject just this past Sunday! Lately, I’ve seen several articles, posts, blogs, etc. on this subject. Hordes of books have been written on people-pleasing, approval addiction, and boundaries in the past few years. Some hype could be the psychological money-making bandwagon. But when the phenomenon reaches numerous pulpits, we need to take notice.

With God, everything is a matter of the heart, even when we are pleasing Him.

We must ask ourselves:

  • Is it possible to please others and/or yourself and still please God?
  • Do we do our good little deeds for God or to feel good about ourselves?
  • Do we want to puff up others, or do we want to puff up ourselves?
  • When caving to the will of others, is our desire to bring them fulfillment, or are we seeking their approval?
  • When seeking the approval of others, is it not seeking our own satisfaction?

We have begun to wonder if some sort of revival is beginning to break out over our country. Fence riders are beginning to fall off. One of those fences is full of people-pleasers. Eventually, everyone will have to choose one side or the other, so we might as well start now!

When revival and/or trials hit, God calls his people to step up to the spiritual (not religious) plate. He said we are not able to live by double standards. God is not only love, not only grace, but God is truth. Where do we get our screwed-up lives from? Lies. Deceit. Lies. Hypocrisy is rooted in lies. Double standards are rooted in lies. And believe it or not, people-pleasing is rooted in lies… for by pleasing one, another must suffer. We will never make everyone happy at the same time!

Maybe God is fed up with our fence-riding and is finally pushing us to stand for integrity. Perhaps He is building character in His children to enable us to survive the hard times most are predicting. I don’t believe for one second the martyred Christians were seeking the approval of man. How will we react when evil hits our doorstep? You’ve heard the line in the old Aaron Tippin country song, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” God just wants our yes to be yes and our no to be no (even in the little things!) so we will have the character needed to withstand anything the enemy throws at us! Jesus said in John 5:41, “Your approval or disapproval means nothing to me.” Perhaps we should follow his example.

God’s approval is all we need. Yet, we tend to have an unhealthy fear of man, seeking popularity over integrity, instead of a spirit of love and respect for God.

Lord, forgive us for our apathy. Help us to follow truth, no matter who it hurts. Because following truth is following you. Help us to stand for that which is right. Because in standing for that which is right, we are standing in love for all.

Isaiah 1.17 Seek Justice

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Your Daily Proverb ~ 25:4 (Burned by the Silversmith!)

“Take away the dross from the silver,
and the smith has material for a vessel” Proverbs 25:4

Silver necklace & wooden rose

Have you ever watched a silversmith work his magic? It’s quite intriguing to see the excruciatingly hot furnace burn everything to ash, leaving only the purest of the metals. The leftover is the only useful element of the whole product. The process to meliorate a perfect piece of jewelry is through intense fire. The higher quality my silver pendant, the more money the jeweler will siphon from my bank account. The saying, “You get what you pay for!” is true on so many levels. A silver pendant at a dime store may look nice the first few days, but eventually, the outside coating will wear off, exposing the pendant’s true nature… fake junk.

I wrote about the Refiner a year ago here: Refined Restoration. I love the analogy Solomon uses in this verse to describe the process by which God clears out our flaws. It hurts to realize we have issues. When the “Silversmith” exposes our imperfections, the process of cleaning out our hearts is without a doubt downright humiliating. Recently, a lady sat across the table from me stating how she could write novels about others who did such-and-such to her. But then, she stated that she never did such-and-such to anyone else. As I respectfully kept quiet, my mind was recalling several instances where she had done such-and-such to me! Do I only see the flaws of others and not of myself? Lord, burn me in that fire…

Ouch!!

But the second half of the verse gives us hope. Most of us wonder if we have purpose in life. His word says we were created with purpose. The problem with us humans… we are too fearful of pain, too full of pride, to allow Him to mold us into a creation of usefulness, a useful vessel. Because of the inherited sin nature, we are full of flaws, personality defects, and death. Are we letting God grow and mature us? When we allow God to run us through the “fire” to take away our dross (flaws), we cool into pure creatures full of God’s love.

Are we fake junk?

  • Are we full of impatience, unkindness, envy, boastfulness, arrogance, and rudeness?
  • Do we insist on our own way?
  • Are we irritable or resentful of others?
  • Do we hold grudges and cut people off for the littlest of offense and call it boundaries?
  • Do we relish or laugh at bad behavior?
  • Do we celebrate when truth is exposed… or do we not even seek truth?

Have we been purified by the Silversmith?

  • Love.
  • Love is patient in all things.
  • Love is loyal.
  • Love believes there is value in everyone.
  • Love does not give up on people or on hope.
  • Love prevails.

“Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.” ~1 Corinthians 13:4-7

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Your Daily Proverb ~ 20:10 (Do we show partiality?)

“Differing weights and differing measures—
the Lord detests them both.” 20:10
~Not only applicable to business practices…but to relationships as well. Do we have one standard for one person, but not the same expectation for another? Do we love others based on their ability to live up to our standards? We tend to view others based on our personal perspective derived from our own world. When we quit expecting others to love based on our standards, and quit trying to seek love based on another person’s standards, we recognize the Lord is the only entity who loves us unconditionally. The Lord is the only one who shows NO partiality in whom he loves. He is the only one who truthfully sees our heart. He loves me. He loves you! Rest.

Beautiful Differing Feet!

Beautiful Differing Feet!

 

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Was I really meant to be here?

Here’s that mood again. So tell me… what if a person was not meant to be born? How is their life justified? Does the life that was not meant to be actually have purpose?

Deep questions for a dreary rainy day.

I know a lot of babies these days are born outside the traditional home. I feel a sense of connection for those born out of wedlock. Do they use that word anymore? I don’t know. I guess it’s the new norm. It seems no one even knows what virginity is these days; maybe we never did. Every generation drifts farther and farther from that biblical “family unit” we were taught by our grandparents. I’ve read that the generations from the Millennials on down are more likely to live together than to get married, to risk getting divorced. I don’t agree (since statistics show otherwise), but I thoroughly understand.

So… Mom gets pregnant. Sometimes Dad stays; mostly he moves on. Sometimes we have two moms, and sometimes, two dads. Unfortunately, it seems there is no “norm” these days.

I sure do wish the “anything goes” philosophy was not accepted back in my day. Do the kids of today feel the awkwardness from being born as the result of a “non-biblical” situation? Has society evolved enough that no one cares?

I felt it… the rejection. In some ways, I still feel it.

The lies Satan whispers in my ear:

  • “My parents had to get married because of me.”
  • “Their hardships were my fault because I came too early.”
  • “Six months after our wedding? Oh no, our baby was early.”
  • “We’re so sorry we got pregnant, it was an accident.”
  • “You’re nothing but an embarrassment.”
  • “I see another zit…are you ever going to clear that thing up?”
  • “You’re just a fat whore!”
  • “So you survived those illnesses, surgeries, and accidents? Maybe the world would be better off if only…”

Oh yes, I’ve heard it all. The excuses, the cover-ups, the lies. What it boils down to is this: I wasn’t supposed to be here. Right? Maybe. But doesn’t God himself breathe life? If so, why did He breathe life into me if I was not to be? Would I not have survived those near-death experiences if I were not to be here?

Even if those closest to me whisper or shout those lies of Satan in my ears, my peace comes from knowing God’s sacrifice says I have value and purpose!

I wonder if my own experience is the basis for my deep pro-life stance. My empathy generates great passion for the unborn, unwanted, and unloved. What right do I have to life if another is aborted or abandoned? Why me and not another?

Sometimes… I really do wish I could take their place…

“Even though my mother or father rejected me, the Lord will accept me and adopt me as his own.” ~Psalm 27:10

“Although my father and my mother have abandoned me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child].”~Psalm 27:10 (AMP)

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Fifty Shades of Lust

Bleach is one chemical I refuse to reject. When whites do not come out of the washer as white as white can be, they are promptly run through a recycle with a load of bleach. Oh yes, my whites are white—not any shade of grey!

I’ll make this post short. A while back, I wrote a piece about p@rn and its effects on marriage and family here: From a Wife’s Perspective. That post was, admittedly, not one of my best—kind of dry. I really should take the time to rewrite, but life and too many other thoughts keep distracting me.

The main theme in this TV series is the destruction of marriage and family. Yet, a deeper side effect is the damage to the psyche. After immersing into the world of lust, the images are embedded in the memory. We need help from God above to renew the mind. Trust me—I’ve seen firsthand the fallout.

Most men don’t realize the girl in front of the camera is somebody’s daughter, somebody’s future wife, somebody’s future mother. And girlfriends, that man behind the camera is nowhere close to the kind of love we all desire.

What are we committed to? Where are our loyalties? If you are not committed to your marriage, you are flirting with adultery and divorce. Men, do you not realize that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure? Women, do you not realize one woman’s knock-off is another woman’s designer wardrobe? If you treasure your marriage (or future marriage), your entire heart will be in it. You will protect it. You will love, support, and cherish your spouse. S@x was created by God himself—and it is beautiful. Abuse only distorts God’s creation. Love the way Jesus loves us, with a pure and faithful love.

Do we all not desire identity? At the root of all desire is the need for fulfillment. How can anyone be whole, secure, or complete if their heart is focused on the temporal? Everything, yes, everything on this earth will eventually decay—including that beautiful fantasy.

The eternal is all that will fill the holes in our hearts. Put your identity in Him.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made from the hands and heart of our creator!

(Instead of supporting an industry that exploits the abuse of women, donate to your local women’s shelter instead—you may just save a life!)

Psalm 139.14.

**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Your Daily Proverb ~ 10:7 (Are you a blessing??)

I have at least three things I really need to be doing right now…

  • Clean this pigsty house, for my mom-in-law is coming to town…tomorrow!
  • Laundry…because sometimes we need clean underwear!
  • Fix dinner…because my man usually needs to eat…maybe…

But…here I sit…writing. I had a brainstorm. **Sigh**

I picked a daily proverb this morning for my proverbial Facebook post that had not been posted in the past: Proverbs 10:1. A couple of hours later, I received word from a good friend that a former co-worker had just passed away. After hearing of her death, the 7th verse, one I have often quoted, is all that runs through my mind.

“…but the name of the wicked will rot.” (Proverbs 10:7)

Oh yes… I remember my old co-worker. All I can say is I hope and pray, after they found the cancer, that she took the time to make amends with whomever she was continually infuriated with. Even more so, I pray she made amends with Jesus. Hopefully, before she passed away, she found forgiveness (My Thoughts on Forgiveness) for herself and others. The sad thing is, even though we have no right to judge her or guess where she is now, my memories of her character are so negative, my hope for a positive afterlife is not very…hopeful. Then again, do we really know? I can imagine the office atmosphere now is, how shall we say tactfully, lighter? I myself have been accused at times of being a grump at work. We all have bad days now and then. But we’re able to get over ourselves and bounce right back to our usual cheerfulness. And then there’s that one…

That grump, day in and day out, who is always irritated at nearly everything. That one co-worker, friend, or relative who ravages peace and thrives on hate.

How will future generations hold our memory?

  • Will they reminisce about our laughter?
  • Will they see our lies, unforgiveness, and rage?
  • Or, will our memory be wrapped in forgiveness, love, and kindness?

As we pass into the abyss of history, our future generations will only identify our name as either good or bad. The only thing that will matter a hundred years from now is the character we leave behind. Not a single physical thing, only our character.

Will our memory be a blessing or a curse??

Will all this drama really matter a hundred years from now?

Will all this drama really matter a hundred years from now?

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Your Daily Proverb ~ 4:10 (Whose advice??)

“My child, listen to me and do as I say,
and you will have a long, good life.” Proverbs 4:10

I love old Indian and Irish proverbs. But I especially love the Proverbs after the Psalms. Most of the quotes are principles, not rules. I wonder how much better off we would be if they were actually approved by Congress and converted into law. I know, crazy, right?!!

Today’s Proverb, the 4th chapter, presents reasons to adhere to wisdom. A while back, I received an e-mail with a series of pictures depicting the crazy, risky, and downright stupid things men do, like climbing a metal ladder in a flooded garage to change a light bulb. The caption was Why Women Live Longer Than Men! Oh yes, it was so true! Not a lot of wisdom there! In the Proverb, wisdom is described as a form of person using the female gender. I love that. Not just because I am female, although it is flattering, but because by using the female gender, God is saying that wisdom should be treated as a lady. A lady who is cherished, cared for, and loved. To put it in today’s terms, wisdom should become your basic soulmate.

We are also warned to be VERY careful of the advice you receive. The only way to know wisdom is to keep His word in your heart (verse 21). The proverb speaks of adhering to his fatherly advice. Whose advice?? I don’t believe he is talking about our earthly father but our heavenly father. What man can give infallible advice? No one I know! Most men (and women, of course) will screw it up. The chapter reiterates any advice must be backed in truth or destruction will follow. I think we have all, at one time or another, taken or given well-intentioned advice that ended up in disaster.

I wrote a piece about Job’s Three Friends, highlighting the destructive force stemming from advice based on a self-centered viewpoint, along with a lack of or inaccurate and/or false information. Do you pray for wisdom? Do you pray you receive advice based on Godly wisdom? Do you pray you give advice based on Godly wisdom? Wisdom is based on truth. God’s truth. Do you seek truth?

Do you seek truth??

Have you had relationships turn sour due to someone listening to bad advice? It hurts. The kicker is, unless the person who accepted the bad advice (subsequently causing the fraction) is the one to correct the fallacious perception others received, there is nothing you can do. Just sit back and wait. In the end, God will correct all wrongs in His time. I admit, that’s better said than done if you are a justice-minded person! **Sigh**

The Proverbs contain a mountain of common sense. I’m sure there is a study out there somewhere, and I would not be surprised if the biblical Proverbs are the most quoted of all idioms. They get into your soul. Small quotes are easy to remember…and small candid Biblical quotes have the power to guide us to better lives.

Shine bright!

Shine bright!

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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People Pleasers and Brownie Points

I may get some flak for saying this, but people-pleasers are very self-centered individuals!

When you run across someone who simply cannot say “no” to anyone, do you think to yourself, “My, what a nice person”? Or… what do you think of the person who can’t stand anyone being mad at them? Do you automatically think, “Oh, they are such sweet, peace-loving people”?

If we cannot say “no” to people, we are in essence saying “no” to God. What if God did not want that thing or situation for that person or for us? We cannot please both man and God, can we? And yet, we put our efforts into pleasing other people because we crave the affirmation we receive from their appreciation because it feels good… to us. People-pleasers long to earn those “brownie points,” as I used to tease my kids. We want to please Mommy so we can have an extra helping of ice cream on top of those brownies! We get a thrill out of the warm fuzzies and all the attention we get from making others happy by using our gift of hospitality to earn kudos. Aren’t those kinds of people popular? We give so we can get. Do we please others to puff up ourselves? Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Are our motives out of selfish ambition?

On the other hand, we sometimes please (or go around doing “good” to others) out of fear of reprisals. When we teach our toddler not to touch that hot stove, they will obey (do good) out of their fear of pain. We please our teacher out of fear of a bad grade. We please our friends or family out of fear of rejection. We want to “please” God by following the “letter of the law” because we are under the impression He will love us more and we will have a greater reward in heaven one day (earn those “brownie points”) if we follow those do’s and don’ts. Most people with a works-based mentality will typically fall under the belief (of which I have had thrown at me way too many times) that as Christians we need to be good little boys and girls or God will reject us. On the surface, it sounds good. We give so we can get. Do we please God and people out of fear? 1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” Oh, to come to the place where we long to do “good” out of love… not fear.

Do we think God doesn’t know our motives behind our wanting to please Him? He doesn’t want puppets; he wants relationships!

God cares more about our hearts than our actions. I believe it all boils down to the words of Jesus in Matthew 22:35-40 that says to love God, and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’ To Love. Contributing to the happiness of others in order to fluff our own happiness or to save our own skin is not love. Contributing to the best interest of others for their sake, in their best interest (not enablement), without expecting them to even so much as “like” us… is love. Do we always love others, even when we are not loved in return? No, that’s just too hard. Sometimes, I really just want to smack people. And I guess maybe God really just wants to smack me! And yet, He loves us… without expecting anything in return. He loves without expecting us to please him. He just loves. 1 John 4:18-20 says that “we love because God first loved us.” That means we did not love first, He did. He set the example. We are to follow suit. We are to love (do for) others as He loves us, without expectation. What is our motive behind pleasing God and others?

Although God wants good things for his children, he never tries to please us. He is not a people-pleaser! He gives us that which is in our best interest. He says wait. He says yes. He says no. Giving us that which is in our best interest instead of our own wants and desires is love. Pleasing us for our happiness is not love. Giving us that which is in our best interest, even that with which we are not pleased, is love.

In our devotions this morning, the question was posed, “Is it better to please God or to trust God?” Now, obviously, by the way it is worded, the correct answer is to trust. When we are focused on pleasing, we are not trusting. What does trusting God look like? Do we trust God for our best interest? Do we really believe He loves us? If we trust in His love, we won’t expect anything in return. We will know He has our back. We will not feel the need to please Him to be accepted. We only please Him when we love Him and love what He loves. We follow His instructions because we trust and know His ways lead to life.

He really does have our best interests at heart. Typically, we want to be like those we love. When we love God, we want to be like Jesus.

Are you a people-pleaser or a people-lover? Are you a God-pleaser or a God-lover?

Peace and pure pleasure only comes when we fully trust in His love.

We cant do anything to make God love us less. So stop trying.

(Sunset at our farm!)

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Your Daily Proverb ~ 20:14 (Inadvertent theft?)

“’It is worthless, it is worthless!’ says the buyer; but when he goes his way, then he boasts about his bargain.” ~Proverbs 20:14 

My husband hates to negotiate. Some of it is sheer personality, but mostly, negotiating is an indication that one of the parties is attempting to get something for nothing. Either the seller has inflated the price to portray something more than it is worth, or the buyer (as in the Proverb) is casting doubt on the quality in order to pay less than the actual worth. Inadvertent theft.

Does God do that with us? He could have. He had every right to cast full light on our sin and expose our worthlessness. Jesus could have called down all the Angels in heaven to keep from paying the price asked for our sins.

But he didn’t.

He paid a price we were unable to pay. He willingly sacrificed an inflated price for our worthlessness. And yet, as he walked away, arose to heaven, instead of proclaiming our worthlessness…he proclaimed nothing but love.

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Acts 20:35 

Grandma's Relics

Grandma’s Relics

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Your Daily Proverb ~ 18:17 (Did you hear the other side?)

“Any story sounds true until someone tells the other side and sets the record straight.” ~Proverbs 18:17 

~A wise one is never gullible. As the saying goes…don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see…no matter who it’s from.

When you hear a sob story, are you listening to an opinion or an account of actual events? How many relationships have been destroyed by gullible good people not verifying statements from trusted sources? We hear the hurt in their voices as they recount events that describe injustices done and we want to defend our loved ones & friends against the evil that has been inflicted on them. Why would we question their side of the issues? After all, they are our best friend, our teacher, our pastor, our mentor, our parent. Why would we question?

We question because we live in a fallible world. We are all one-sided human beings. We react and feel based on OUR own experiences. And just maybe, just maybe, they themselves do not know the other side.

We woke up to a bang outside our bedroom window a few weeks back. Big bangs are never a peaceful way to start the morning. It always means my coffee will be delayed. Not good. :( My husband went out to see if everyone was safe. The teenage boy who crossed the middle line on his way to school was a fairly new driver. I felt sorry and glad for him at the same time. While it’s never good to be in any accident, sometimes, especially for boys, having a non-injury accident early on teaches hard lessons in humility.

The first-hand account from the second vehicle following the youth claimed the youth was trying to pass another vehicle and he did not have enough room to return to his lane before hitting the oncoming truck, spinning both the youth’s car and the truck off into the cornfield. Of this, he was certain of what he witnessed.

The problem is…there was no vehicle in front of the youth for him to pass…in all actuality, he was reaching in the passenger’s seat for his brush. I guess he forgot to look in the mirror before leaving home. When mom arrived, taking pictures on her cell phone, he was definitely red-faced!

This is why law enforcement are trained to take all statements before writing up a report. They look at all angles before making any conclusions.

Basically…they unknowingly adhere to the **gasp** Bible… “He who states his case first seems right, until his rival comes and cross-examines him.” ~Proverbs 18:17 .

Why can’t we do that with our relationships? Do we really…really…know what it is we think we know??

Maybe…just maybe…we should at least ask??

Maybe…just maybe…that is what you would want others to do for you??

cornfield crash

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Your Daily Proverb ~ 15:17 (Better peace with veggies?)

“Better a small serving of vegetables with love
than a fattened calf with hatred.” v15:17

Family. You’ve heard the saying, “You can’t live with them, but you can’t live without them either.” … Well, yes, I can live without them. They say blood is thicker than water…but I don’t believe that is true for humans. We are fallible beings. I do believe that is true for God’s people, who are connected through the perfect blood of Jesus…not the blood of a fallible man.

Do you remember family dinners? Are they even in existence anymore? When disharmony is the dish of the day…a TV tray is much more peaceful. Sadly, we miss out on family time. But, when the conflict, back-biting, ridiculing, and the put-down’s flow, I’d much rather sit by myself with a bowl of…dare I say…broccoli *gasp* than to sit at a full table with people who cause one to have to come up fighting just to breathe. Yep…you can keep your fattened calf.

The family God brings into my life is where the love flows…

Fattened calf...actually, this was probably a bull at one time... ;)

Fattened calf…actually, this was probably a bull at one time… ;)

 

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The Vertical Proverbs…

A proverb a day: Does it really work? I believe so. Sometimes those short daily “reminders” keep us jolted into the right direction. I once read an interview with Billy Graham, who said he reads a Psalm a day to improve his vertical relationships and a Proverb a day to improve his horizontal relationships. (Vertical meaning with God, horizontal meaning with mankind) I’ve found his words to be true. While simply reading the Bible won’t fix all our problems (it has to be applied), it sure does give us tools to cope.

A while back, I started posting “Your Daily Proverb” on my Facebook page… which has been a humorous hit, mostly because I find a ton of humor, along with a lot of good old-fashioned common sense, in the Proverbs. Plus, I tend to see things others might miss. Today, though, I posted one that is a little more on the serious side… because it hit home. (And maybe because today I am fighting the proverbial sinusitis, and my head makes me just want to slap people!) Maybe I might just start a page on my blog with all my Daily Proverbs… we’ll see. I hope you find today’s pick insightful:

Your Daily Proverb:
“The simpleton believes every word he hears, but the prudent man looks and considers well where he is going.” ~Proverbs 14:15

~Simpleton. Such a cool word for a simple person! I like that word. Simpleton. How many relationships do you know have been destroyed because someone believed the negative, even from a trusted source, without even verifying if the negative words spoken (your basic gossip) were even close to the truth? Simpletons have no desire to seek truth. That which is right is found in the prudent.

Maybe tomorrow… when the fog clears… I’ll post my normal humor…  :/

Praying Mantis in the Mums

(I’m not sure what this picture of a praying mantis hiding in my mums has to do with this post… but there you go…)

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Can we just like each other?

“Why do you find it so hard to like me?” That seems to be a common question in our society. Bookstore shelves are full of self-help books trying to answer this question. We seem to think that happiness in our horizontal relationships, and not our vertical relationships, is the key to inner satisfaction. But we don’t stop to consider that we are fallible beings. Why do we always have our expectations too high? We tend to walk through relationship after relationship automatically setting ourselves up for failure.

So, why? Why do some people like me… and others don’t?

Do you not like me because of something I did… or who I am?

Do you not like me because…

*of my gender or ethnicity? (Like, I can help that?)
*of differing religions? (Love the person, not the sin!)
*of my accent, level of education, or social status? (We all put on our pants one leg at a time!)
*you feel threatened by my position or that I have a position you wanted? (Work/church/etc.)
*I have physical/mental deformities? (But for the grace of God, there go I…)
*I am single… married… divorced? (This is a big one!)
*I am married to your dad/mom (the step syndrome!) …or your ex (the jealous syndrome)?
*am I married/related to someone you don’t like? (Soooo junior high!)
*am I married/related to someone you do like? (Again… soooo junior high!)
*I may have been mean or ignored you in Junior High? (People do change, you know!)
*you had me on a pedestal, and in my humaneness, I let you down? (Your own unrealistic expectations!)

Do I not like you for the same reasons??

Isn’t it about time we all got over ourselves???

Most people are consumed with their own little world. They go through life worried about the thoughts others have toward them, when, in reality, others are only consumed with themselves and don’t even give a thought to anyone else.

One of my favorite sayings…

At 20 we’re only concerned with what others think of us.
At 40 we really don’t care what others think of us.
At 60 we realize nobody really thinks of us.
And at 80 we finally just live happy!

Have you known people who were not concerned with how someone they deem as insignificant was hurt by what they did, while their concern was wrapped around the thought that someone they deem as important may not like them? People-pleasers always hurt someone. Think about it. If everyone has their own agenda, whose agenda do you fulfill? People-pleasers are also peace-keepers rather than peace-makers. Peace-keepers will please the dominant people to keep the drama at a minimum, all the while hurting the meek. But peace-makers will stand by the truth and only please God. Either way, someone will always be upset, mad, and outright disgruntled because we are selfish human beings who only want our own agenda. Someone will always make everyone feel bad for not following their agenda. And so will the next person. And the next…

Some people seem to be plagued by mean people, while I seem to be plagued by people-pleasers! Then again… maybe I am the mean person who plagues others! LOL! That’s not my heart, though. Frankly, my intentions are usually, always, most of the time, meant for the good. But then again, they say the addict is the last to admit to any indiscretion. Even though I have studied psychology and all the personality/temperament types… perhaps, just perhaps, “myself” is the last thing I see?? But when you only strive to stand for the truth, no matter who is offended or upset, God is always behind the scenes working for our good (Romans 8:28).

In God’s amazing design, everyone is different. We all have varying personalities, backgrounds, belief systems, and social and economic statuses. I’ve read that 10% of people in your life will not like you no matter what you do. Some personalities will naturally clash. The trick is to overcome our individual preferences and develop an attitude of acceptance. But then, we can’t be offended over every little thing. Attitudes of acceptance require self-acceptance. We need to be secure in who we are as well. Do we even like ourselves? We should. God doesn’t make mistakes! Knowing that God loves us and accepts our personhood should alleviate any angst about the opinions of others. Then we are free to accept others as they are… as God accepts us… the way Jesus accepted the woman at the well, the centurion, and the ragamuffin disciples.

So… can we just like each other? But just maybe… with God’s Spirit flowing through us… maybe we can learn to actually love each other? Maybe??

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” ~1 Peter 4:8

80-60-40-20

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Just a Box of Chocolates

With four kids, funds were tight back in December of ‘91. But isn’t that the way it goes every Christmas? Quite often, my ex would complain about the money I spent…yet he was the one who… No, I’m not going to get into all that. This is a particular story that happened one Christmas that shows so many elements of human nature. And yet, do we learn from the past? Or do we ignore it and continually hit the repeat button?

Trying to be thrifty, I had a list of each person to buy gifts for and the amount to spend. Most of the kid’s gifts were purchased throughout the year as I stumbled on a sale somewhere. But, occasionally (well, I admit, more than occasionally, I am such a procrastinator!), I ended up with a few misplaced gifts and had to make that proverbial rush to the stores before they closed for the holidays!

That year was no different. The week before Christmas, I was naturally rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get everything done. My in-laws were coming to visit for the holidays so the white gloves had to come out, plus adding that last minute run to the mall. When everything was done and completed an hour before they arrived, you can’t imagine the relief I felt! Maybe just this once, there wouldn’t be the typical drama created by snide remarks and nit-picking. (I’m such a dreamer… ;) )

My kind-hearted aunt on my dad’s side was also coming to visit for the holidays, staying with my parents, who lived about a half hour away at that time. I was looking forward to seeing her, even though I had a hard time trying to decide what to get her for her Christmas gift. Since I didn’t see her that often, I didn’t know what she would like, and I wanted it to be special with the little funds I had. The week before (no, she was not one on that last minute gift list!), I had a brainy idea to have my in-laws bring down a box of specialty chocolates from our favorite sweet shop and I would pay them when they arrived. It was the perfect plan…

But alas… nothing is perfect… and all plans are never full-proof…

Christmas Eve, and the stores are already closed. My in-laws arrived with the box of chocolates. As I started to head back to wrap it up for my aunt, I heard my mother-in-law say, “Oh, when we stopped by the candy store, this was the only box they had left in chocolates, so we bought it for you for Christmas! I’m sorry about your aunt; you can give her something else.”

I stopped…silent…

Oh well, no big deal. I thought to myself, I’ll just hide the box in my room and give it to my aunt anyway, since I wouldn’t be seeing her until after my in-laws left. And… still the perfect plan! But…

(Don’t you just hate the “But” word??)

On Christmas Day, after the gifts were opened and as we ware cleaning up the paper thrown all over by the overly excited kids, I heard my ex exclaim, “Where’s that box of chocolates? Get it out; aren’t you going to share with us?”

And so… not wanting to be the “bad guy” on Christmas Day, I brought out that last box of chocolates. My mind was racing to figure out what gift to give my aunt now that the stores were all closed. At least my ex would be happy to satisfy his sweet tooth. As I passed my chocolates around, I thought it would be perfectly acceptable to at least grab a few pieces for myself as they were quickly disappearing. In the assorted boxes of chocolates, most of the pieces have fruit or cream in the center. I have never liked anything in my chocolates except nuts or occasionally caramel. If they had asked me for my preference, I would have told them to avoid the assortment boxes, but those were the kind my in-laws liked, so that is what they bought… for me… for my Christmas gift. When the box came back around to my ex, he angrily exclaimed, “You took all the good pieces!” Hmmm… But he had always liked the chocolates with cherries that people had left for him up to that point.  **Sigh**

Whose gift was it anyway?

Next year… just buy me some socks!

“Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” ~Philippians 2:1-4

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Can’t we at least wait until Black Friday??

So many things are running through my mind. But right now, the only thing I can think of is the Thanksgiving controversy about Black Friday ridiculously morphing into Thanksgiving Thursday. To shop or not to shop? That seems to be the question of the day.

Several articles have been written, but one famous blogger stated everyone who shops on Thanksgiving needs to be deported. Oh my… the firestorm of comments blasting his viewpoint! In the first place, aren’t we all entitled to our own views? I guess not.

But, in my humble opinion…

The only reason for any season encroaching over a holiday is consumerism. Period. And the reason for Black Friday taking over the whole Thanksgiving week? Christmas! As long as our society is an entitled, ungrateful, self-centered society, any holiday promoting consumerism will overpower a holiday that only promotes family, human relationships, and companionship. The sad thing is, both holidays have their origins in a giving God. How ironic is that?

I could go on and on and on. But in honor of the one holiday where the only purpose is to be thankful for all that God himself has given… this is for you…

Turkeys on the Farm

Meet John Wayne & Marshall Dillon. Maybe someday I’ll write about the time we stuffed them in the back of Brigitte’s van and took them on a field trip to her kids’ school… hence why we had ham for Thanksgiving dinner! (Well… since I’m allergic to pork, I ate the taters!)

Thanksgiving Dinner

“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ.” ~Colossians 2:6-8

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Why 99-Year-Old Lillian Weber Is Not Retired

I love any story of people who live outside of societies expectations! This post, by a good friend of mine, of 99 year old Lillian, is well worth a good read…

Why 99-Year-Old Lillian Weber Is Not Retired.

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The Pain of a Child

We all have our crosses to bear. If your child is perfect, count your blessings and ignore this post. If your child is imperfect, join the crowd. You are one of the gazillion humans whose beautifully innocent baby evolved into a normal human. Imperfect: Fallible: Normal. So, why are parents everywhere beating themselves up?

Just what is “normal” in our world? I have several friends who have offspring deemed handicapped, or in the PC term, special needs. I’ve seen firsthand the agony they feel as they navigate through social barriers. It hurts. It’s not fair. It’s humiliating. But I also see more patience, care, and genuine love from these parents to their special children than from anywhere else.

One time a close friend confided that even though she would never trade her child, she sometimes grieved for a “normal” child. She grieved for the sports that were never played, the parties never attended, and the weddings never planned. She dreamed of having just one day that her child would not embarrass her in public with weird noises and gestures. Just one day when the awkward stares were of jealousy and not disgust. Oh, to have just one day with a “normal” child…

And then there’s my other close friend, the one with the “wild” child. How many times did she get a call in the middle of the night? I watched as she stood in court next to her son, dressed in orange. I would be upset too. I hate orange. It totally washes out my complexion. Orange is only good on a pumpkin… and then only in a pumpkin latte… or pumpkin ice cream… or pumpkin pie… with whipped cream on top. Autumn is the best time of year… the fall color of changing leaves… and pumpkins. Ahhh…

Pumpkins & Mums

Oh yes… back to court…

Can you imagine the pain a mother feels standing with a judge staring down in front and her son’s friends staring from behind? The boy she gave birth to made a few bad choices; yet, society blames the parents. I saw her teach right from wrong. I saw her love. Then I saw the very life she gave turn on her, lie about her, and hate her. My friend always said she did not expect her child to be another Albert Einstein, Peyton Manning, or Brad Pitt, yet how she longed to have that “normal” child. Just one day when the awkward stares were of jealousy and not disgust. Oh, to have just one day with a “normal” child…

Why do we long for what is not ours to have? We want relief. We want acceptance. These two mommas were human, with just a small longing for a world without the difficulties of life. That’s all it is. But, are we willing to walk the path of those we perceive as normal? I once heard the recount of a musician in a symphony who was sought after by several fans. One commented they would give anything to play as well as the musician, to whom the musician replied, “You can, if you are willing to give up everything to practice sixty hours a week for most of your life.” The fan sadly walked away, not willing to make the same sacrifice.

Would my two friends trade places? Would they be willing to walk in the other mothers’ shoes to have what they deem as normal? I also have friends who have those “perfect” children. For the most part, they cannot relate to parents with difficult children. But are their lives perfect? Is their world free of difficulty? No. In every case, in every life, drama digs in its evil claws through some small area of their lives. One friend is riddled with financial burdens, while another is plagued with health issues. One friend is aching for the loss of children from a barren womb, while another is anguishing from miscarriage. One friend mourns the death of her child from a reckless driver, while another reels from the death of her child from suicide. Would anyone want to trade places with either of those friends? I didn’t think so…

The Thanksgiving holiday can be a very grim time for people in rough situations. How can we be thankful when we face so much adversity? How can we explain situations we have no control over? Why is our pumpkin never a silver-lined coach? Character. Yes, God is building character. Think about it… don’t the best people in life have a trail of tears? It’s been said the biggest problem with the next generation is ingratitude and an entitlement mentality. I believe it. We give trophies for participation. What do they learn? Self. What happens when the pressures of life surround them? And they will. Most young people crumble. Looking back… I did too. But I got back up. I survived. Experience has a way of not only maturing but also of strengthening.

If I can convey anything in this post… it’s hope. Only when we stop looking at the supposed successes of others will we see our own. We are each unique. We are each made for a different path. Quit longing for someone else’s path. Mow the grass on your side of the fence first. When we realize that God in his great love did not place any greater value on Albert Einstein, Peyton Manning, or Brad Pitt than he did on Jane, Sally, or Mary, then we will appreciate the little “thorns” in our life. For when we look up past our thorns… the rose of God’s love holds us in his palm.

Can we be content? Can we be satisfied? Can we be thankful??

Romans 5.2-5

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The Marriage Controversy…Not a very popular topic…

I’ve seen a few posts lately about divorce causing more destruction to the breakdown of the family unit than same-sex marriage. I agree. After a couple of “fun” posts, here we are on a more serious note… and my mind seems to be jumbled tonight. I guess my thoughts are about the disintegrating family, divorce, same-sex marriage, and blame-shifting: not very popular topics in today’s world.

At this point, I should say that if you do not believe in God, you won’t agree with this post. And that’s fine; I am not your judge, nor do I want to be. Though I’m surely not perfect, these are my beliefs. You are welcome to disagree and leave a comment. ;)

The biggest problem, as I see it, with both the world and the church is the inability to be able to differentiate between the sin and the person. The world would have us believe that to accept the person, we have to accept the sin. The church traditionally believed the person is the same as the sin, and both are unacceptable. The modern church has shifted to accepting the sin in the name of tolerance. Yet, Jesus always loved the person while condemning the sin. And then… there’s the argument over what constitutes sin.

Since I am one who questions everything and tries to get to the source, or the bottom, of every issue, where is the progression? How far down will the “Christian” family fall? Where will it end? To figure that out, maybe we should think about where it began: in the garden, with the beginning and fall of mankind, otherwise referred to as “original sin,” with its root in the love of self.

In the world of roping, a three-stranded cord cannot be easily broken. The typical Christian family consists of a dad, mom, and child—a three-stranded cord. This phenomenon is synonymous with the picture God gave in the Trinity; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit: Three in one. Where does this foundation originate? From the beginning, from Genesis, it originates from scrolls, which have existed for centuries and been proven over and over.

Unfortunately, in our politically correct society, any comment contrary to an acceptance of homosexuality is deemed as hate and bigotry. Most don’t understand how to hate the sin while loving the person. Any comment contrary to divorce being a normal part of life is deemed as antiquarian. In reality, divorce has done more to destroy the foundational family unit than the gay marriage issue. I should know; I’ve been through the hell of divorce.

But do we really want to find out what God thinks? Most don’t. Jesus himself said, “Not everyone can accept this word.” ~Matthew 19:11 Most Liberal Christians dismiss the Old Testament, using the excuse that the Cross changed everything while ignoring the words of Jesus, “… I have not come to abolish them [the laws] but to fulfill them.” ~Matthew 5:17-20

Then there is the argument that Jesus did not specifically talk against homosexuality. Yet, Jesus talked a lot about “sexual immorality” which was understood as being anything outside of marriage.

Scripture teaches that when it comes to “sexual sin,” anyone who was not a complete virgin when they married is guilty. Period. And these days, that pretty much encompasses almost all of us! We’re all guilty. So, there you have it. That, in and of itself, should sum up any and every argument. No? Well then…

Basically, God said man is to leave mom and dad and cleave to his wife and become one. He did not say for a man to cleave to his husband or a wife to cleave to her wife. The Old Testament is clear that marriage was between male and female. Jesus reiterated the same scriptures in the new testament: “Have you not read that at the beginning, the Creator made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? ” ~Matthew 19:4-5 & Genesis 2:24

Liberal Christians tend to not believe in the literal Bible or the individual interpretations of what God did and did not want. They argue that actions do not affect others and who marries and who doesn’t marry is only their business. They proclaim if we do not accept the homesexual lifestyle, that we do not accept the person, when nothing could be farther from the truth. As a result, our courts are creating laws against our Constitution thereby changing our society. Our government did not define marriage; God did.

So where does the gay agenda lead? Where does the progression stop? Where do we draw the line? Isn’t the basis of the homosexual movement about financial “rights” or “equality”? Money. Facts show homosexuals are not monogamous. It doesn’t take deep research to find that most people in the homosexual lifestyle got there due to abuse and pain in their past. Hurt people hurt people. I myself hate “churchy” people, and it is true, we are to love God and our neighbor above all else. But just like a parent will teach his child right vs. wrong and lead them to that which is in their best interest, out of love, are we to accept actions contrary to God’s righteousness? Is it in society’s best interest to show truth in love? Is love in truth? Where the conservatives and the church have failed is to maintain love for the person while not accepting behavior that is destructive. You don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. Acceptance without compromise was the quest of Jesus. He showed love to the outcast, and followed by telling them to stop sinning. He never compromised. Not only that, but He always accepted the sinner without accepting the sin. I’ve had gay friends, I’ve had divorced friends, and I’ve had religious friends. Believe it or not, even though He hates our sin, God loves each and every person.

This leads back to my first question: where does all this acceptance mentality lead? I think the evidence of that is coming. This article states, “Earlier this year two psychologists in Canada declared that pedophilia is a sexual orientation just like homosexuality or heterosexuality.” Pedophiles now want the same rights as homosexuals. So, is bestiality next?? Gay marriage proponents claim pedophiles are a whole different discussion and would affect someone, namely the child, whereas a homosexual marriage does not affect anyone but the couple. On the surface, this sounds sound, but it is bent and deceiving. While the child is directly impacted by a pedophile, children of same-sex homes are just as ruinously affected, as well as children of divorce, etc. To say any action does not influence the next person is both naive and irresponsible. Does creating a law of acceptance deem the action morally right? Lest we forget, slavery was once legal and socially acceptable. “No man can give me the right to do what is wrong.” ~Abraham Lincoln

In 2 Peter 2:4-10 we are told that God did not spare angels of the ancient world before the flood, nor Sodom and Gomorrah as they are examples of what is going to happen to the ungodly. Jesus said in Luke 17:22-37 that the end times will be as the days of Lot and describes what will happen. Jude 1:7 says Sodom and Gomorrah gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion, which translates homosexuality. The people living in Jesus’ day understood the concept of the destruction of Sodom & Gomorrah, so I’m sure Jesus did not feel the need to go into detail. The account of Lot and the fate of Sodom and Gomorrah can be found in Genesis 19. Abraham pleaded for his nephew’s life, so God sent two angels, in the form of men, to bring Lot out before the towns were destroyed. In verse 5, the men of the town surrounded the house and demanded Lot send the men out so they could have sex with them. Long story short, God rained down burning sulfur and destroyed the cities. It pretty much shows how God feels about that lifestyle! Even though God is a God of love, he is also a God of purity and justice. If you really want to find out what God’s word says about who ends up where, check out: Revelation 21:8, Revelation 22:15, & Revelation 22:18-19. Notice he says liars will be in the same place? One notable correlation: notice the names of the cities? These two names are the root of “sodomy,” from which the act of homosexuality comes, and “gonorrhea,” from sexual disease. Also take note that even though God pronounced a death judgment on the towns, in his grace, he did provide an escape for any who would leave. All but Lot and two of his daughters chose to stay, clinging to their depraved lifestyle. As with any sin or any lifestyle, God always provides a way out.

Beyond the gay marriage issue, the best way to destroy the family is to divide mom and dad. I don’t think I need to repeat statistics of divorce here; everyone knows the numbers are too high. To counter those stats, studies show that the generation now coming into adulthood (the Millennial Generation) prefers cohabitation to marriage. I can’t say that I don’t understand. I do. But though we know cohabitation (which leads to an even higher divorce rate) is not the answer, to a generation who grew up with no family foundation, it seems “safe.”

This post is growing like Jack & the Beanstalk, which turns off the short attention span of today’s readers. Therefore, I won’t go into the perils of divorce again here; my first two posts on this blog described the destruction divorce leaves in the family. {1st post here} {2nd post here} Basically, children look at the family unit as a reflection of the Godhead, the Trinity: God the Father, Jesus the marriage, and the Holy Spirit the glue of the family unit (Eph. 5:22-33). In divorce, no matter what the cause, the family is split, and the Holy Spirit is severed. The Godhead correlation is distorted. The children’s security in the unity they once rested in has disappeared. The consequence is a warped view of what constitutes love. Children lose sight of God’s love for them when the love of the family grows cold. They wonder how God can love them when the example of the Godhead before them has split into two households.

Last question… just who is responsible for the destruction of the family and for the downfall of our society?

The Greatest or GI Generation is the generation born around WWI, from 1901 to 1927, coming of age during WWII. With the end of the Second World War, instead of women returning home from their war work posts, women donned high heels and stayed in the workforce, creating the first latchkey children, the Silent Generation. The generations after the war saw divorce skyrocket, bringing about the first major separation of the family. So, that’s it. By the time the sexual revolution of the 1960s entered society, the Silent Generation fell slack in their responsibility to the family. Therefore, it can’t be the same-sex marriage issue of today that has caused the distortion of the family. It can’t be the high divorce rate of generations today. Of course, it had to be the generation before, when Mom left the kids to babysitters, entered the workforce, birth control and abortion stopped large families, and men were no longer required to defend our nation. Eve blamed the serpent; Adam blamed Eve and God, leaving no one to take responsibility for any of our problems!

Who do our parents blame, their parents? Who do their parents blame… their parents?

  • Generation Alpha (2013–2024) blames Gen-Z
  • The Zoomers/Gen-Z (1997–2012) blames the Millennials
  • The Millennial/Gen-Y (1981–1996) blames Generation X
  • The Baby Bust/Gen-X (1965-1980) blames the Baby Boomers
  • The Baby Boomer (1946–1964) blames the Silent Generation
  • The Lucky Few/The Silent Generation (1928-1945) blames the Greatest/GI Generation
  • The Greatest/Interbellum/GI Generation (1901-1927) blames the Lost Generation
  • The Lost Generation (1883-1900) blames the…

(**See Reference links below)

And so on… do you see where this is going?

It couldn’t be my generation’s fault!

Society attempts to lessen the devastation of divorce by blame-shifting responsibility for the destruction of the Christian culture to the prior generation. The downward turn increases with each subsequent generation. Just as Eve blamed the serpent and Adam blamed Eve and God, each generation blames the prior generation, claiming their lack of commitment, lack of stability, that they were too strict, they were too lax, etc. After all, their parents were the ones who raised this dysfunctional generation!

And so on…

The last question should be, just how do we fix it??

I know I have been in sin, as has every human, but through Jesus’ death and resurrection we have salvation, a way out of hell. I wouldn’t want to call good that which we know in our hearts to be evil, just for the sake of political correctness. There is freedom only in truth. Only God can make a blind man see His truth, not your truth, not my truth. But we also need to be careful about “thumping” religion over their heads. God’s truth must be told in love, for only love covers a multitude of sins. God is a God of restoration. Forget the dos & don’ts. Instead, recalculate. (Love that commercial!) In Matthew 22:34-40, Jesus replied to the lawyer, all the laws depend on just two commandments, to love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. If we get those two paths straight, our whole legal system is unnecessary. We must renew our minds and fill up with God’s love to wash out deception. Immerse ourselves in the word, which gives hope… hope for a lifestyle free of negative consequences. That does not mean we will not have drama and temptation, for we still live in a fallen world. But we will have inner peace! The more we fill ourselves with the love of God, the less we will be interested in the deception of self or the desire to satisfy our carnal nature, and the less we will desire sin.

We cannot be good in and of ourselves. It’s only God’s goodness in us that makes us good. His grace is what rescues us from our own destruction. Meditate on this scripture, 1 John 3:1-5:12, as it showers us with the great love of our Lord. “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” With His love, what more do we need?

1 John 3.1

Scripture References:

https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/English-Standard-Version-ESV-Bible/#booklist

**Generation References:

http://www.esds1.pt/site/images/stories/isacosta/secondary_pages/10%C2%BA_block1/Generations%20Chart.pdf

http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/03/here-is-when-each-generation-begins-and-ends-according-to-facts/359589/

http://www.genconnection.com/lmu/5th/List%20of%20generations%20-%20Wikipedia,%20the%20free%20encyclopedia.pdf

http://www.cnn.com/interactive/2011/05/living/infographic.boomer/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Warning! This memory is not for weak stomachs! But there is a point to my drama…

I’ve wanted to get this memory out for three decades. I may lose some weak-stomached readers, and I may make you laugh, but some stories are epic. And we always wonder… Why??

Christmas Vacation 1984. My daughter was 2 ½ (middle of the terrible two’s!), and my twin boys were 9 months. I came down with a 24-hour bug midway through our visit, missing out on a whole day of visiting with relatives who only cared about visiting with the grandchildren. It was perfect. Three days later, on our return flight home, we flew out of Chicago, where my kids’ paternal grandparents traveled the four-hour trip to send us off. I guess back then, the tickets were quite a bit cheaper to fly out of Chicago than at a closer airport. Halfway to Chicago, my fastidious daughter declared she was nauseous. The poor thing up-chucked all over the back seat of her grandparents car… spraying vomit on her grandma! While I was cleaning her up, their dad ordered his dad to pull to the side of the road so he could exit the vehicle as he almost lost his innards from the smell. Men usually do have weak stomachs.

Their grandparents treated us to lunch at a very nice restaurant in Chicago, and their dad still felt ill. I assumed he was still reeling from the 2-year-old’s puke. Regrettably, he waited until we were half way up in the air to decide his innards were not staying inside. The stewardess told him to return to his seat, to which he asked if she wanted him to hurl in the aisle! Stepping aside, she let him go to the restroom… during the ascension! I was too busy wrangling three babies by myself to care if he had his seat belt on or if he was dangled out the window! He then continued to vomit throughout the whole flight, using every barf bag on the plane. I wonder how much all those lined, tiny little bags cost? Probably the same amount as a ticket!

About half way home, 40,000 feet (12.19 km) or so up in the bright blue sky, my 9 month old decided to get sick… from the other end! Do you know how small those old airplane restrooms are?? There is no imagination wide enough to envision me cleaning diarrhea off a very active baby in an old airplane bathroom!! The toilet water was blue, with no lid, thank you very much! The sink was not large enough to wash hands properly, much less an entire baby. He kicked. It flew. That’s all I am going to say about that. Thank goodness we had baby wipes back then. In case you are wondering, I did leave the tiny restroom sterile, along with his bottom!

One more little person to go…

An hour later, back in our seats, on our descent down, I smelled it again, of course! After all, they are identical twins! We did not have booster seats back then, in the “stone ages” so he was on the airplane seat, a cloth airplane seat. Now, it was a wet cloth airplane seat. I would not risk taking my baby to the tiny little restroom due to the plane descending, as most accidents happen on ascent or descent. So the seat got… more… wet!

Oh, the stares… the glares… the rejection! I waited until everyone vamoosed off the plane before grabbing my puking-pooping little family and heading for the nearest airport restroom. Again, there is no imagination wide enough to envision me changing a wiry 9-month-old boy on the restroom floor (before the days of baby-changing stations) in the Houston International Airport! My good friend who picked us up at the airport stood in front of us with the skirt of her sundress spread wide to keep the onlookers from looking. The midnight travelers were quite entertained, and I was humiliated so badly I could not stop laughing. We were a first-class three-ring circus. If you ever find someone who will live through that kind of smell with you, keep that friend for life!!

Oh… and to top that off…

We finally arrived home; it was midnight, and we had no food in the house due to us being gone the previous week. So after tucking every sick little body in bed, I headed for the store. The only reason I ventured out at 2:00am on that very foggy night was due to having only one vehicle… which their dad took to work every day, leaving me stranded in nowhereville with three babies. I drove to the edge of the neighborhood, about four blocks from home, and the car sputtered and died. Someone had siphoned our gas while we were on vacation! After walking through fog so thick you could cut it with a knife, I woke up their dad, who woke our neighbor back up, who took him to the gas station for gas… and milk.

Three months later… we moved four states away!

I’ve often wondered why. What possesses a person to endure this kind of drama? And yet, the next morning, hug, hold, kiss, and love the little ones God entrusted to us. Motherhood. Hormones. The beauty of creation!

God, in his love, showed me a picture of His love. We puke on our creator, and he still loves us. We poop on his creation, and he still loves us. Yes, human parents are fallible. They screw up. Sometimes, big-time. Sometimes, human parents don’t love their children. Sometimes, parents physically or emotionally hurt their kids. Yet, God’s parental love is infallible. Perfect. God created the human parent-child love as a glimpse of his love for us. That gives me hope. No matter how far into sin that child (us) falls, God still loves his children. When every relationship on this sin-ravaged planet falls away, our creator God, in his grace, longs for us… for me… for you…

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” ~Matthew 7:7-8

Three Babies…

Momma & Babies

More babies…

Baby Kittens

And more babies…

Baby Bunnies

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Is Your Memory a Blessing…Or Curse?

Great Aunt Mildred was a cantankerous old soul, quite stern in all her mannerisms. Every family has at least one sinister relative. And yet, there was something rather comforting about my old aunt. As a child, we visited the orphanage (The Home That Love Built) that she helped run deep in the back hills of Eastern Kentucky. And, of course, being young and trusting, I believed the stories I heard from another close relative: Aunt Mildred was terribly unpleasant. Yet, when I talked to her, I had a distinct suspicion otherwise…

Years after Aunt Mildred’s death, while talking to my grandma about family history, she gave some interesting insight into the life of my Great Aunt Mildred. We talked about her years of ministry and service to the indigent deep within the Kentucky hills. Not only was she a schoolteacher, but also a nurse who was responsible for traveling by donkey deep in those hills to deliver 267 babies throughout her lifetime, all without the aid of a doctor. There was no child that she turned away. There was no call for help left unanswered. What a wonderful heritage to leave our family!

“The memory of the righteous is a blessing,
but the name of the wicked will rot.”
~Proverbs 10:7

In God’s faithfulness, he made sure the memory of my aunt became a blessing, in spite of hearsay from one who only sought to divide the family out of their own bitterness. The tables were turned! King David often asked the Lord, “How long, Lord?” The Lord’s timing is not our timing, but His plan is always perfect…even if that plan does not come to fruition until long after we are gone.

Don’t fret about your reputation. Rest in the Lord’s faithfulness today.

EPSON scanner image

Pictures are Memories to Remember

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Diaries, Journals, Poetry, & Secrets

I love poetry. But unless you’re one of those sweetie-pie buttercups or deep, dark, depressing kinds of people, you’re generally not going to sit and read a novel of poetry in your alone time. On the rare occasions that time comes, I’d rather curl up in my afghan with Louis L’Amour or Max Brand on a snowy night in my rocker by an open fire. Now that’s heaven!

But, occasionally, I’ll pop open something with meter and rhyme. That’s my journal. It’s safe. I only kept a “diary” once as a kid. I began writing poetry notes after my sister found my diary and blabbed to the world how infatuated I was with what’s-his-name. Humph. (Oh yes, everyone has one of those relatives.) With poetry, one can write deep, dark secrets in code… poetry code. Not many “get it.” But to those who do… one can hop into a whole ‘nother world. So, I thought I’d go out on a limb in this post and give you a smidgeon…

Like the leaves that grow
on a tree in spring,
words from a poet,
joy to our hearts bring.

When winter is past,
silent words inside,
come out in full bloom,
sing poetry’s pride.

My mother typically complained that no one ever did anything for her. I have pictures from the early 1990s showing lots of people gathered in the Shaffer’s neighborhood clubhouse, decorated with balloons, candles, streamers, and 50 candles on the cake (all at my expense). However, the only thing you will hear from her is how everyone forgot her half-century birthday. **Sigh**

I remember one Mother’s Day back in the same time frame, I was asked to take part in the proverbial church program. I don’t recall the name of the song the director picked for my solo, but it was about a mother’s love, and I was surrounded by the kids on the platform. My vocal cords were in full swing that morning, which is strange since most mornings I’m lucky to get out a gurgle. Along with that song, I wrote and recited this poem expressing my vision of motherhood:

A Mother’s Legacy

A visit long ago,
memories deep in my mind.
Peach cobbler, apple pie,
made with hands old and kind.

Asleep in her bosom,
Grandma would slowly rock,
humming, “My child love on”
not a thought of the clock.

My mother’s loving care,
for each button to sew,
deep in the night she worked,
that I might steal the show.

So proud of each success,
as if it were her own.
When failure would descend,
she then made her love known.

With children of my own,
this legacy to pass.
Careers, sitters, day care!
Button up! Off to class!

No time for soft moments,
precious time we misuse.
Society’s pressure,
priorities to choose.

Will children call me blessed?
The Lord’s ways have I taught?
Did I take out the time
to instruct as I ought?

Asleep on my bosom,
my grandchild I now rock,
humming, “My child love on”
not a thought of the clock.

The “code”?? Can you feel the security in a grandma’s care? Can you see the love of a mother who is available to help make costumes for her child’s 1st grade school play? Can you feel the frustration of not having the same experience with her own children because of the busyness of modern life? Can you sense the pendulum swing back around as she loves on her own grandchild? Did you catch the codes?

Poetry can be reflections of our realities… more often; poetry is a reflection of our dreams.

On that Mother’s Day… church was overflowing with mothers everywhere…

Except mine… she didn’t show up that Sunday…

 Poetry Journal

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Unconfessed Sin ~ My Thoughts on Forgiveness…

YES! When no one else will… the Lord gives forgiveness, grace, and mercy! He loves us!

And yet, most people do not think about an unforgiving God. He is a forgiving God, a loving God, a just God… and yes, an unforgiving God. Even though that thought should scare most people, it doesn’t. The most direct indication that God does not forgive is in the words of Jesus during his sermon on the mount (Matthew 6:5-15). God says we have to forgive… so that we can be forgiven. Otherwise, he will not forgive us! Why will he not forgive us if we do not forgive others? Because God cannot look upon sin. And unforgiveness is sin.

God is a God of reconciliation and restoration. But true relationships are built on trust. Since we live in a fallen world with a carnal nature, no human is perfect. Our relationship with the Lord begins with a confession of our own sin. Without an admission of our faults, we cannot begin the restoration process. This is true with any relationship. Jesus said to “Ask, Seek, and Knock” then we will find. (Matthew 7:7) Forgiveness works the same whether it is man or God. Our relationships will always be broken unless we first confess, repent, reconcile, and then restore, in that order.

We’ve all heard the quote about addicts that the first step to recovery is admitting to the problem. If we do not admit to our guilt in the relationship, any relationship, we hide behind lies. For no one is without guilt. A relationship based on lies is no relationship at all. 1 John 1:8-10 says, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” Yes, it all begins with our own humility. Then and only then will the relationship be open for restoration.

Confessions (or ‘fessing up to our wrongs) are that which makes us humble and gives us a pride reduction. How often do we (speaking for myself as well) hide, justify, or blame-shift our sins? Not only is it humbling to admit that we have messed up, it’s embarrassing! We even throw the “you just can’t take anything; I was only joking” card because we have too much pride to admit our own wrongs. We want to ignore and excuse our own sin by throwing it under the rug. At the same time, we expect everyone else to forget our offense, forgive, and go on without repentance, as if no wrong was done. We even claim the person we hurt is unforgiving and self-centered if the pain we inflicted is not simply ignored. That, my friend, is blame-shifting and making excuses to justify our actions. I think we have all done that a time or two. Throwing the responsibility of the relationship rift onto the other person while ignoring our own wrongs simply negates reconciliation.

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forgive

/fəˈɡɪv/

verb -gives, -giving, -gave, -given

  1. to cease to blame or hold resentment against (someone or something)

Word Origin

Old English forgiefan; see for-, give

The modern sense of “to give up desire or power to punish” is from use of the compound as a Germanic loan-translation of Latin perdonare.

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The best way to keep in a close relationship with God is to be at peace with others, even those whom I have wronged. Sometimes, that means I may have to humble myself and admit I really messed up, which seems to happen pretty often. But to keep any hard feelings or resentment out of my relationships, I need to let them know that I know I messed up and apologize. And then, their forgiveness is their responsibility, not mine! My responsibility is to admit my wrongs, ask forgiveness, and attempt to make amends. The rest is up to them. But, remember, we have no right to be concerned about the other person’s heart until we have cleared our own first.

What if others do not forgive us? What if they always harbor resentment? Then, I still need to do my part. Their heart, their forgiveness, is their responsibility.

What if I am the one who is hurt and the offender never admits or repents for the hurt and pain they inflicted? What if they move away or die before the relationship can be reconciled?

It is essential for us to be willing and ready to forgive others, to have freedom in our own hearts, and to keep bitterness from creeping in. We do not negate the sin, but we continue to treat them with kindness while we wait for the Lord to open their hearts to repentance. The sin is still there, but we need to release to God our right to punishment and/or revenge. The relationship may always be broken, and the trust shattered, but our hearts need to be free of vengeance and always be ready to forgive, just as we have assurance of God’s forgiveness for our own sins.

When a relationship needs reconciliation, mutual trust needs to be repaired. Does that mean we fall into the “forgive and forget” philosophy? Absolutely not! We have brains! My husband and I recently took the Self-Confrontation class at our church. The huge study manual contained the best explanation I’ve seen. Here is an excerpt from Lesson 12 by the Biblical Counseling Foundation:

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IV. Does God require you to “forgive and forget?”

A. Scripture says that God’s forgiveness involves remembering sins against you no more (Isaiah 43:25; Jeremiah 31:34; Hebrews 10:17). This means that He will not hold your sins against you since He has cleansed you with the precious blood of Jesus Christ (Romans 3:23-25; Ephesians 1:7; Hebrews 10:19-22; 1 John 1:7).

  • 1. While God forgives, He cannot forget (erase His memory) since He is the Almighty God and final Judge who will bring every act and every careless word to judgment, whether good or evil (Ecclesiastes 12:14; Matthew 12:36-37; 2 Corinthians 5:10; 1 Peter 1:17). Therefore, since God’s character and His Word give assurance that He does forgive completely, forgetting is not required in order to forgive.
  • 2. Your responsibility is to forgive another as God has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32), which involves not holding another’s sin against him (i.e. “not remembering”). Then, you are to commit the fault and the person to the Lord since He is the final and righteous Judge (Matthew 16:27; 2 Timothy 4:8; James 5:9).

B. Scripture uses the term “not to remember” as meaning “not to mention or bring to mind” or “not to keep an account.” For example, David requested of the Lord “not to remember” (literally, “not to mention”) the previous sins of his youth (Psalm 25:7).

C. Scripture uses “forget” in the sense of “escaping notice.” For example, the Apostle Paul could remember (bring to mind) his earlier sins (1 Timothy 1:12-17) yet confidently proclaimed “to forget” (“not take notice”) of those things that were behind in order to press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14).

D. Nowhere does Scripture require you to have a blank memory about your own sins or sins committed against you. In fact, the memory of certain sins (even though these sins have been forgiven by God) is important for your training in righteousness, to help you not repeat them (for example, notice David’s remembrance of his sins in 2 Samuel 12:13-23 and Psalm 38). The only requirement is for you to forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32), even when you clearly remember sins committed against you, which now have no power over you.

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I’ve been falsely accused of not being a forgiving person simply because I have a brain and a pretty good memory! Though, when we forgive, we don’t beat the offender with the offense. Sometimes we do need to take a step back to heal. Remembering has to do with learning lessons from mistakes. Search out how many times in the scriptures God used the term remember! Trust has to be rebuilt! Until the offender makes restitution and changes course, trust cannot be established.

Don’t misunderstand; forgiveness does not negate or dismiss the sin. Sin is still sin. The other person is still responsible to God for their sin. But we must forgive to be forgiven. For us, to forgive means to release to God our right to punishment and/or revenge for the wrongs done to us. We free ourselves of the responsibility of judgment against another. Why must we forgive others in order to be forgiven ourselves? Because, when we hold bitterness, anger, or hatred in our hearts, we are essentially playing God. In our pride, we forget our own sin as we focus on the sins of others. If we have unforgiving hearts, we have sinful hearts. When we release others from recompense and repent of our own sin, God’s forgiveness flows through our hearts, and His JOY floods our souls!

Let’s let God deal with the hearts of others. Release them and let it go. When we admit to our own faults and ask God for forgiveness, He is always eager to forgive, just as a loving father forgives his child. Even though God is just, he is also love. We have but to ask. He is not asking for our perfection; that’s why he sent Jesus to die for us. He is only asking for our hearts so he can pour in his love!

Repentance must go with Forgiveness

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” ~Matthew 6:14-15

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Scriptures to ponder:

“I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.” ~Psalm 32:5

“So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and suddenly remember that a friend has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar and go and apologize and be reconciled to him, and then come and offer your sacrifice to God. Come to terms quickly with your enemy before it is too late…” ~Matthew 5:23-24

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” ~Matthew 6:14-15

“Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” ~Romans 12:9-21

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**Yes, the pictures are mine! ;)

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Job’s Three Friends

What kind of friend are you?

My Three Friends!

My Three Friends!

“Listen to advice and accept instruction,
that you may gain wisdom in the future.
Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” ~Proverbs 19:20-21

I have a couple of close friends who are not afraid to tell me when I am going down the wrong path. Sometimes, I just want to smack ’em for telling me what I don’t want to hear… but I love them for speaking the truth in my life. I know they are not speaking from their own selfish desires but from God’s word. They are not speaking from conventional etiquette… they are speaking from God’s heart. (You, my friends, know who you are!)

The book of Job shows God’s perspective. Not everything we experience is of our own doing. Not every situation can be explained by man. Not everything we go through will even be explained by God. If you notice at the end of the story, God does not give Job a reason for his affliction. Yet, God explains to Job, man is small and finite compared to the infinite and all-knowing God. God is omnipotent and omniscient. He made the Behemoth and the Leviathan (Job 40:15 & Job 41:1). God asked Job if he was present when God laid the earth’s foundation (Job 38:4). God reminds us that everything under heaven belongs to him (Job 41:11). Job and his three friends tried unsuccessfully to explain his plight though they did not understand anything beyond their own reasoning (Job 42:3)… a reasoning that came from a limited worldview. God says in Isaiah 55:8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” Therefore, unless God himself reveals wisdom, how can we assume to have insight into difficulties others are experiencing? How can we give or receive proper advice?

When Job spoke, he was in a pity-party mode. His discourse sought self-justification, to which God replied in Job 40:8, “Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself?” Job tried to put God in his little box. How often do we blame-shift on others to explain the troubles in our lives? “Well, I wouldn’t be going through this or that if they hadn’t done this or that!” Even more so, how typically do we blame-shift on God? We all do. Or, sometimes we feel God is punishing us for some unknown sin. Generally speaking, the saying “what goes around comes around” is true. Yes, God will bring justice, if not in this lifetime, definitely in the next. But not everything that happens in life is the result of anything we or someone else did. Jesus pointed this out in John 9:1-7 to the disciples, who attributed the man’s blindness to him or his parents. Before healing the man, Jesus said “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” It was the same with Job, “So that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”

“By pride comes nothing but strife,
But with the well-advised is wisdom.” ~Proverbs 13:10

The problem with Job’s three friends is they spoke from man’s wisdom. They spoke from a work-based mentality. Their assessment of the situation came from their own experiences, traditions, and self-centered views. How many times do we advise someone that they are required to do this or that due to church standards? How often do we give advice based on our own background or station in life or to please others? Oh, “but it’s for the sake of the kids!” Or, “You can’t disappoint your momma!” As with the case of Job, we also are unaware of events in the heavenly realms that affect mankind (Job 1:6-7). Do we heed the advice of friends who ignore that God may have plans that go against man’s conventional wisdom or against our traditions… no matter who it impacts?

When I think of God going against man’s conventional wisdom, I am reminded of how God must have had fun giving the traditional family “blessing” to the younger child rather than the older, a tradition that God himself set up. Jacob and Esau were the most popular siblings whose “blessing” was reversed. So who are we to question God? Is the creator not allowed to create as he sees fit? Several times in my life, I have been given advice from very well-meaning Christian people that seemed right, and they may have been full of love with no intentions to hurt anyone. Then, to find out later that events were going on behind the scenes that I was unaware of, which put a completely different spin on the situation. Because a way seems right to us does not mean that God does not have a better plan. Nor do we pick and choose what God speaks according to our own agenda. Either God says everything, or he says nothing. When we trust the Holy Spirit to guide us, even in decisions that may initially hurt some, God is always behind the scenes working for our good (Romans 8:28). When we give or receive advice that comes from self-centeredness, advice that is man-pleasing, or advice based on one-sided information, God cannot do the work in our lives that will bring about our ultimate good.

Are we never to listen to advice? No. But we sift the words from trusted friends and relatives with the Word of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit, no matter how contrary God’s voice is to common traditions. We must have God as our ultimate priority… over everyone. Everyone. Even if what God tells us goes contrary to those closest to us. For Jesus said if we put anyone, even mother, father, son, or daughter above all else, we are not worthy of Him (Matthew 10:32-39). We need to consider the source. From what viewpoint is the advice coming? The one person who gave acceptable advice was Elihu. He is not mentioned as one of Job’s friends… or as a relative. Elihu is not deemed as one to be heeded due to his age. He is young. Yet, Job 32:8 says, “But it is the spirit in a man, the breath of the Almighty, that gives understanding.” God’s spirit; not age, not having a PHD behind your name, not worldly learning, or learning from theological seminaries, not even eloquence; but it is God’s Holy Spirit which gives wisdom and understanding. When we seek or give advice, do we seek through prayer for wisdom through God’s spirit, or do we seek advice through our friends or relatives wisdom?

What is amazing about Job’s whole story is the statement Elihu made in Job 34:21, “His eyes are on the ways of men, he sees their every step.” God is shown to be more majestic than we can comprehend, yet He loves us enough to know our every step. At the end of the book, God restores. Love only wants that which is in our best interest, not man’s interest, even when we go through times of great pain. The horrible affliction Job experienced was not only for his own good but for ours as well, to learn lessons of God’s majesty, loyalty, and love. In the end, Job was restored twice over for that which was forfeited.

That’s love.

we_is_friends

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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(Chickens photo is mine; cats meme is borrowed. And no, I’m not making any money off this blog!)

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Hell…a place.

Hell.  Fire man

A foul word…

A very real place…

Can you smell it?

Can you feel it?

Life is a vapor.

Yes, there is always life: eternal life. We simply walk through the door to the other side. Do we choose the red pill or the blue pill? We will live on. The quote, “Once you’re dead, you’re dead,” only applies to our chance at life. Death is final. Physical death is very final. Yet we live on. Our spirit will endure… Forever… But where? The one tested, tried, and true theory is a place called Heaven, conversing with our Creator on streets of gold. But most ignore the inverse. The same entity that foretold Heaven…foretold the fires of Hell: a torrid place, a very real place, a place for all liars—the root of bad drama. Have you lied to the Creator? He knows your heart. He knows the evil we spew. Yet, He still loves us. He loves us so much that He poured out grace. We will never be able to overcome the consequences of our sin nature… so He died in our place. He paid our debt. And yet, He is patient. He lets us dwell in the midst of our evil, giving us chance after chance to choose… to choose life or death… to decide between truth and lies.

Heaven or Hell: a very real place. Can you smell it? Can you feel it? Life is a vapor…

Fire mishap

Choose…

Woman at the Well

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“… to be cast into hell, into the fire that shall never be quenched—“ ~Mark 9:45

“The wicked shall be turned into hell,
And all the nations that forget God.” ~Psalm 9:17

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What is unconditional??

Someone once told me that because I did not trust him, I did not possess unconditional love.

Another person once told me that because I did not ignore the wrongs she inflicted on me, I had an unforgiving heart.

Both people said I was not showing a biblical spirit. Have you been accused of the same?

And yet, could they back up their position on actual scripture??

Just what are “biblical” love, trust, and forgiveness? Does anyone really know for sure? Depending on the situation, I’ve had some of the most asinine excuses. Some were quite laughable. Unfortunately, even seasoned Christians sometimes use these guilt tactics to further their own cause. I think we are all guilty at times.

Ask yourself a few quick questions and check to see in what context they are using scripture in their accusations:

  • Do they pull out the words that would enhance their point of view while ignoring the full context?
  • Are they pulling the “love” card to shift the topic?
  • Do they pull the “forgiveness” card because there is something they do not want to admit?

So, let’s refer back to the Bible… Yes, Jesus said to turn the other cheek. He also said to brush the dust off your feet and leave town if they reject the truth. Jesus said to go the extra mile and give until it hurts. But he also overturned the money-changers in the temple… very angrily, I might add! (Luke 6:29-31 & Matt 10:14 & John 2:13-17) So which is it? Are we to be doormats or angry at sin?

I know it all sounds contradictory, hypocritical, and two-faced. But really it’s not; it’s both. You see, there is great strength in love. There are boundaries in forgiveness. And God in his awesomeness gives us the Holy Spirit for some good old-fashioned common sense!!

I am reminded of what is called “The Love Chapter” in 1st Corinthians 13. The middle of the chapter gives God’s definition of love:

Love is patient and kind;
love does not envy or boast;
it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrongdoing,
but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.

Do you see that? The two highlighted lines? Most of the description is about simply being “nice,” character traits that I agree most in our society have totally forgotten. But the two highlighted lines are simply ignored by people with an agenda. Love puts others’ best interests above oneself. That also means we sometimes need to say things that make us very unpopular, an act that is almost impossible for non-confrontational people. Love will not ignore, excuse, or gloss over truth in the name of grace. Love is grace in truth.

And trust? Trust and love are not synonymous. Jesus said in Matthew 10:16, “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” That doesn’t sound like Jesus is too trusting of men to me! And then God says in Jeremiah 17:5, “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength.” Wow! So much for trust! Oh, but then, He goes on to say, “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is in the Lord.” So, there you go. We do trust. But we have to be selective as to where we put that trust. Why? So we are not led astray into the abyss of someone else’s control, because that’s not love. We trust men only when they are saturated in God’s truth and in God’s love. In essence, we trust men through God.

And yes, we all need to forgive, but love will not accuse someone of unforgiveness to cover up their own sin. A wrong against another is still wrong. Forgiveness frees up the anger in our own souls. Forgiveness does not negate the wrong; forgiveness negates revenge. God will take care of judgment. When we hold unforgiveness, we are, in essence, playing God. But we should never gloss over sin in the name of forgiveness. God will still hold them accountable. We only need to be concerned about our own hearts.

How do we know if we have unconditional love and forgiveness? Watch our thoughts along with our actions:

  • Do we serve others because we want to or because we feel forced?
  • Do we expect anything in return?
  • Do we expect credit for our deeds?
  • Are we critical of others?
  • Are we kind?
  • Do we stand for the truth… no matter who gets upset?
  • Do we defend the “little” guy?
  • Do we always give second chances (without negating the wrong)?

God does not acknowledge our good deeds if our motives are in the wrong place. God cares about the heart.

 

Love does not promote itself, but it will stand firm.

Love is unselfish.

Love is strength in truth.

Renee in Grapevine Tunnel at Pebble Hill Plantation Nov 2007

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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You want to wash MY feet??

I am one who despises religion… I’m more into relationships. Not only that, but I go to church… for relationships. Not the traditional rituals. The Bible is clear that the traditions held by mankind hold no meaning in God’s eyes. The apostle Paul describes it best in Galatians 3. Rituals, traditions, and religions do not save the soul. Yet, we still have them. We still go. To. Church. Maundy Thursday seems to be the new rage these days. Our church held their first Maundy Thursday service this year. Normally, I am not one to get hyped up about these kinds of services. They seem so very… ritualistic.

Jesus taught in parables. He taught by example. Kids learn more by observing their parents than from any textbook. Traditions, festivals, religious holidays, etc. do serve a purpose. They “show” us the event. But save us? No. So then, why do we bother?

I was ever so glad when I was asked to run the media during the Thursday service. Work is always the perfect excuse to avoid participation. I could hide behind the sound booth where no one notices. My husband was asked at the last minute to participate in the live depiction of the Last Supper. So we were both busy. All settled. Foot-washing ritual avoided!

During the service I hit play on a couple of videos that showed Ray Vander Laan explaining in detail the purposes behind each ritualistic position. Why they leaned on their right… or was it the left… arm. Why they wanted to sit in such and such a place at the table. Why Jesus dipped in the bowl of bitter herbs… with Judas. That part of the service I love. The whys? We read and hear things about Christianity that makes no absolute sense in today’s world. We have dishwashers and stoves. We drive cars and fly in planes. Why does it matter which arm they sat on? We sit at the table, and they sit on the dirt floor.

Jesus, in his loving and patient way, lived what he spoke. He said serve. So, He served. He was the leader. The king of the pack. The President. We are to serve those above. Yet, Jesus grabbed the title of the servant… the seat on the other side of the table… and took up the rag. He washed their feet. The King… washed their feet!

wash20feet

So, yeah… we have this “Foot Washing” in the middle of the service. Oh, don’t get me wrong… I love a good foot massage! I am not above having my feet washed… Hey go for the whole deal… I’ll even provide the lotions! And for me to wash others… fiddlesticks, I’ve wiped plenty of babies’ butts! No, the mechanics of the act have no effect on me.

It’s the ritual. The meaning. Lost in today’s world.

A low voice circles around the sound booth door… Can I wash your feet?

If there is one person in the whole church who deserves a spa pampering day… it’s the momma of a pre-teen and a very special boy! I believe the parents are just as, if not more, special than the child. Life never quits. She drops in bed exhausted every night. Yet, full of love. Her house is the host of many a gathering… even in the midst of their own chaos. Always working. Always caring. Always giving. And she wanted to wash my feet.

wheelchair

No way… I should be washing hers!

Then Peter’s words popped out. And Jesus replied. And the least shall be first and the first shall be least. So we wash. And be washed. Washed with the Spirit. The spirit of fellowship. The spirit of Love.

Ritual? Yes… to show… to remind us to feel… to love.

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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**The sidewalk picture downtown in Fortville is mine. I don’t own the rights to the original washbowl & wheelchair images, and I’m not making any money on them.

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Hurt People…Hurt People

The cosmic question of the day: Why do people hurt people? I believe research concludes that people hurt others because they were also hurt by others. Hurt people hurt people. In any relationship, if we understand the root cause of an attitude or conflict, the conflict will become inconsequential. At the root of any conflict lies a sin of some sort, usually pride or lust. Spoiled people hurt people. “Life is all about me.” These days, people are easily offended, even by words not directed at them. Society loves to play the victim. Society loves to lash out. We are a society of extremes. Our society has been living on no absolutes for about thirty years now. We are so lost in our own self-preservation we forget how to truly love… unconditionally. For the most part, our society does not understand the concept of love. Love is unselfish. Yet, our society believes love is what makes us feel good. Then, when we don’t get our way, we hurt.

People hurt people. Hurt people hurt people.

In my first two posts, Divorce… The Crumbling of Mankind and After Divorce… A New Drama Begins; I wrote about the ugliness of divorce and the effect it has on families and on our society. While the subject can be quite depressing, my intent, if not successful, was to convey God’s redemption and restoration. I know firsthand we can have a great life after divorce. I know a lot of people who live in a much healthier state of mind, emotions, and well-being after healing from divorce. But what is not expressed, especially by mainstream society, is the baggage that will be carried for life, even by those who carry the least amount of fault. I say the least, because in divorce, no one is without fault. No one. And besides the loss of a child, I don’t believe anything is more destructive than divorce.

So how do we get past that which has hurt us? How do we tumble out of the rain into the sunshine? Whether your pain is from childhood trauma, physical impairments, the death of a loved one, abortion, financial problems, bad relationships, divorce, etc., you can find healing through forgiveness. I would venture to say only through forgiveness. The famous quote by Gandhi, “Nobody can hurt me without my permission,” is intended to shift perspective and give control to ourselves rather than those around us. Gandhi used the quote when he practiced civil disobedience to stay strong against his attackers. While on the outside, this quote seems to be the answer to all our pain, the reality is we can only rely on our own will to take care of us physically, but the soul will remain empty. Psalm 32:3 says, “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.” Only when we get to the root of our issue, internal forgiveness, will we be able to walk in true freedom. I know more than anyone the faith it takes to give up control of the pain from wrongs inflicted and let the Lord deal with the injustice. Our nature leans towards vengeance. We need justification. But are our sins any less? Did Jesus not die for us too? God has proven over and over that His vengeance is always just. And sometimes God has a way of “payback” that leaves us shaking our heads knowing only God could pull that off!

And what about those supposed “Christians” or even our “family” who turn on us? Joseph is the perfect example of a man so very hurt by his brothers, friends, and co-workers, yet who refused to seek his own desire for justification. He let God handle every situation. In Genesis 50:19-20, Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” By releasing his hurt to the Lord’s recompense, he was instrumental in saving two whole nations! Out of jealousy, David was hunted by King Saul. In 1st Samuel 26:10-11, David said furthermore, “As the Lord lives, the Lord shall strike him, or his day shall come to die, or he shall go out to battle and perish. The Lord forbid that I should stretch out my hand against the Lord’s anointed.” And God did just that. Saul perished, and David was held faultless. Will we be faultless if we seek our own revenge?

Let it go. Love as the Lord loves. Live in freedom.

“Is not this laid up in store with me,
sealed up in my treasuries?
Vengeance is mine, and recompense,
for the time when their foot shall slip;
for the day of their calamity is at hand,
and their doom comes swiftly.’
 For the Lord will vindicate his people
and have compassion on his servants,
when he sees that their power is gone
and there is none remaining, bond or free.”
~Deuteronomy 32:34-36 (ESV)

Let it go

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” ~Romans 12:18-20 (ESV)

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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His Friends…Her Friends

http://www.friends-tv.org/

(http://www.friends-tv.org/)

His friends, her friends; his house, her house. Surprisingly, most people do not consider the division of friends when a marriage ends. As you are deciding who gets the silver china and who gets the Oriental rug, be prepared to divide all the people in your life. Be prepared to let go of most of your friends. Sometimes, though, that’s not such a bad idea. Sometimes, it’s the friends who do the separating!

Remember your one friend in elementary school? You know the one who expected everyone to be friends with them but not friends with each other. You will find that friend in every age group. People are generally selfish beings. And nothing brings that raunchy character out more than divorce.

Divorce not only brings out the best of the worst of the couple; divorce brings out the best of the worst of their circle of friends. The division of friends, along with the division of the family, happens every time. (That’s not just an opinion!)

Angry Friends

People love a good catfight! Our society thrives on drama…he said, she said. Unfortunately, the church is no different, another reason God said He hates divorce, though divorce is NOT the unpardonable sin! (Malachi 2:13-16) The domino effect of gossip ripples through society, starting with the marriage…to the children…to the in-laws…to the friends…to the church…and eventually, throughout the whole community.

“I’m only telling you this so you can pray for them…”

And by the time that “prayer request” gets through the chain, the situation seems bad enough to excommunicate, throw someone in jail, and call in the military! Especially in a divorce situation, people will automatically believe the negative without thinking about verifying the faulty one-sided information. Why?

Because someone is wrong.

Because someone is hurt.

Because, even though our society will not admit there is a core in every person that hides a conscience screaming for right or wrong, people will naturally stand beside those whom they believe to benefit their own lives. It does not matter whether that person is right or wrong. It does not matter if they have faulty information. It does not matter if they only have one-sided information. Neutrality is nonexistent. They will pick sides, a side that benefits themselves.

In divorce, each party is wrong in one way or another. No one is ever totally right. One party may be more at fault than the other, but neither party is innocent.

We are all sinners.

We all make mistakes.

We all need to forgive.

We all need grace.

Yet, even in our progressive society, divorced people are demeaned on all levels. A divorcee is branded, tattooed, and labeled. Statistics show a married couple to have greater opportunities than divorced singles, especially women.

Oh, the men she attracts. Oh, the wives who automatically judge. I once had a neighbor across the street to my right who marched next door while the single (divorced) neighbor to my left was mowing her lawn. Mrs. Married proceeded to demand Ms. Single stay away from her husband. The two had never met. The poor single girl had just moved in the weekend before. The married neighbor came to the assumption that our new neighbor was single and obviously divorced since she had a child on the front porch and would naturally make a play for her husband.

Labeled…branded…tattooed…

Do you think it won’t happen to you? No one does. The hurt from a sour marriage clouds any rational thinking. All they look for is a door to a better life. The temptation of Door #2. Do you remember that old show? Blindly pick a man behind a closed door based on his answers to questions designed to detect his perfection. Is my dreamboat sitting behind Door #2? Or maybe Door #3? Only to find the person that answered their questions with perfection was slightly less than average. And, maybe Door #1 wasn’t quite so bad after all…

Do you really want that kind of life? Oh, if we would only mow the grass on our side of the fence first…

We are all sinners.

We all make mistakes.

We all need to forgive.

We all need grace.

Our Weding Rings

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**Updated to add these sites for further research:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/because-im-the-mom/201305/why-theres-no-joint-custody-friends-after-divorce

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/buddy-system/201209/the-impact-divorce-friendships-couples-and-individuals

https://www.barrowsfirm.com/post/divorce-and-friendship-navigating-changes-in-social-circles

https://news.gallup.com/poll/642590/married-americans-thriving-higher-rates-unmarried-adults.aspx

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7452000/

https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/apr/17/couples-healthier-wealthier-marriage-good-health-single-survey-research

Cohabitation:

https://ifstudies.org/ifs-admin/resources/reports/cohabitationreportapr2023-final.pdf

https://www.deseret.com/2023/5/1/23697802/living-together-cohabitation-before-marriage-linked-divorce/

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2019/11/06/marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-s/

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2019/11/06/key-findings-on-marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-s/

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-demographic-economics/article/effect-of-marital-status-on-life-expectancy-is-cohabitation-as-protective-as-marriage/5B6B9B86C737AE3F095CF3781023F458

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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From a Wife’s Perspective

What’s the harm? No one will know…

hidden magazines

He secretly flirts. He thinks, “What is the harm in just one peek? No one will know about the X-rated video rented from the small rental store on the other side of town. No one is up at 3:00 a.m., when the internet is secretive, where over 1 billion people go to p@rn sites daily.” Then, unaware of its presence, lust sneaks up and runs over him. Finally, he wakes up one day under the weight of metal and rubber, reeling from addiction.

I really believe p@rn is quickly becoming the number one marriage killer, something I experienced firsthand. Why does it have such a devastating effect on the marriage, the family, and the addicted one? … It is pure deception. Not only is p@rn deceptive to men (and, these days, a growing number of women as well), but in turn, the husband is deceptive to his wife, his family, and ultimately to God. The industry has actually admitted the pictures are altered to make the subjects look like man’s greatest fantasy. No woman could ever look that flawless in the flesh. Quite frankly, if she even had the ability to look that perfect, everyday life keeps women too busy to put that much work into the upkeep! Men addicted to p@rn don’t realize that the women in their fantasies are airbrushed young girls, purely self-absorbed, seeking only the self-gratification of adoration for their outward beauty, while on the inside there is only deep, empty darkness.

Most men don’t realize the girl in front of the camera is somebody’s daughter, somebody’s future wife, somebody’s future mother.

Why would p@rn, whether magazines, internet, or movies, matter to a man’s wife? What harm is there in the husband looking at other women? After all, he isn’t actually touching, is he? Coming from the wife’s perspective, I can say, the harm runs emotionally deep in ways you can’t imagine. Trust is destroyed with the realization that he is no longer “one” with only you. S@x was created by God himself, and it is beautiful. Abuse through exploitation only distorts God’s creation.

Before he even realizes there is a problem, subtle changes start taking place in his desires. Eventually, his wife’s appearance doesn’t satisfy his needs. She usually takes his dissatisfaction personally, feeling like there is something inadequate in her, feeling not only used and ugly on the outside, but on the inside as well. If she were normally a healthy and secure person, she might recognize the issue is not with her. But most women do not have a good self-image to begin with, especially with the images the media encourages of how a woman is expected to look in our society. Our husbands are supposed to be the ones we can trust to love us just as we are, even with no makeup and baggy sweats! When the wife feels she can’t satisfy him, she feels devalued, that she is not good enough for him. Love is nonexistent. Eventually, she will give up trying to please him, lose all respect for her husband, and search for her self-worth elsewhere. That’s when the friction starts, and a vicious cycle begins.

toilet

This addiction steals time—time sneaking away from the family, sneaking away from his wife, and sneaking away from God. When a friend’s ex finally admitted his deep p@rn addiction, she told him that she really thought he had a girlfriend because of his continual unknown whereabouts and his outward disgust for her. He replied, “In reality, I don’t have one girlfriend; I have hundreds.” Why equate lust to having a girlfriend? Because of the way man is designed. Jesus said, “anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” A man’s s@xual satisfaction is physical, while a woman’s satisfaction is emotional. Women tend to be drawn to romance novels and soap operas. For a man to give himself to another, it will be through the physical. His eyes pop out when she walks into the room! The husband will physically work for the family through his career. He is the muscle who moves the furniture when the wife feels the need to redecorate. He takes out the trash and changes the oil. So, when a man lusts after another physical being, he is exchanging the entire life that belongs to his wife. (And girlfriends… you do the same through romance novels and soap operas! When that guy at the office sweetens you with compliments and flowers that your husband forgot, run! It’s not worth it!) Both are categorized as adultery in God’s eyes.

Ultimately, we women feel rejected, replaced, and betrayed. Jesus said, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also… No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.” Some may argue he was referring only to money, but I believe he was referring to every area of our lives, especially relationships.

What are we committed to? Where are our loyalties? If you are not committed to your marriage, you are flirting with adultery and divorce—dramas you do not want! Men, do you not realize that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure? Women, do you not realize one woman’s knock-off is another woman’s designer wardrobe? If you treasure your marriage, your whole heart will be in it. You will protect it. You will love, support, and accept your spouse for the beautiful creation to which God entrusted you.

How do you, as a wife, handle your husband’s p@rn addiction? You learn to accept yourself the way the Lord loves and accepts you! He gave his life for you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Your fulfillment does not come through your husband, but through the Lord. Release your husband of that responsibility, one he will never be able to fill, and cling to the Lord. Isaiah 54:6 says the Lord is your husband, even when your earthly husband chooses not to cleave to you only. Let the Lord be your identity. Only then will you have the security you desperately desire.

The condition of the heart is at the root of p@rn addiction, not physical appearance. You know the saying, “Looking for love in all the wrong places.” There is a deep place in every man’s (and woman’s) heart only the Lord can fill. Only God’s Living Water can fill and satisfy those desires. God can take away any addiction, but only if the addicted allow Him to fill those dark places with the light of his Holy Spirit. Dwell on Psalm 51 and let the Spirit of Restoration in your heart.

Psalm 139.14

Hope through study in God’s word:

Our battle is not with flesh and blood, but against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. When Jesus was tempted by Satan in the desert, he answered each time with scripture:

We fight evil with good. We fight the lies of Satan with the truth of God’s word.

We counteract the lies with God’s love, meditating on His word. We are to be “wise as serpents and innocent as doves”. Dwell on 1 Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5:11-33, and Matthew 19:1-12. We need to immerse ourselves in the commitment of bonded marriage. Not a chain of strangulation and limitation, but of life and of God’s love—the only love that truly satisfies our heart’s desires.

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Click here for the Bible Online

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Presumption & Assumption

The sin of presumption. Most of us don’t even consider whether we have a presumptuous attitude. As the root of most sin is pride, a presumptuous person cannot see his own arrogance in the mirror. They travel through life on a bumpy road because they are more interested in their own opinion than in listening to others. They do things without asking permission because they know better; even the little things like reaching into a candy dish on a co-worker’s desk, or eating someone’s leftovers in the fridge because we think they are free-for-all. They are the typical “know-it-all’s” that walk to the beat of their own drum.

You know the type…but is that you? Is that me?

  • What is the desire of my heart?
  • Am I more interested in correcting people than listening?
  • Do I desire the good of others, or my own opinion?
  • How is my heart toward those in authority?
  • Is my first thought one of disrespect and rebellion, or of honor and obedience, even when I disagree?

2 Peter 2:4-11 (AMP) explains that God did not even spare the angels who presumptuously sinned…why would we think He would spare us?

Presumption & assumption…evils that destroy relationships. Most of us are occasionally guilty of drawing wrong conclusions. Or we often listen to the half-truths of others and form a wrong opinion of an innocent person. How often do we interrupt others because, of course, our opinion is always much better? “For if God did not spare angels when they sinned…” (v4) Why would we expect any less for us? If we are cultivating a life of humility, there is no room for presumption. I pray for wisdom to know when I need to humble myself and contemplate selflessness before becoming guilty of the sin of presumptuous pride, the deadliest of the seven sins.

Do you assume the eye is of a Stallion??

Do you assume the eye is of a Stallion??

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The Home That Love Built

A little story about my ancestors… (originally written for my college literature class many years ago and updated at the end)

Great-Aunt Mildred Golden, Great-Grandma Gladys Golden-Frantz, and Little Me!

As a child, Bethany Children’s Home, deep in the back hills of Kentucky, left an indelible impression on me. Nestled in the bottomland by Holly Creek, at first sight it looked like a brilliant painting by Thomas Kinkade. The Appalachian Mountains protected the home from modern civilization. Magnificent, aged trees hovered like angels spreading their wings. The only clearings were the fields on the farms and the hillside, where the old buildings seemed to harmonize with nature.

Living in the city, I rarely had the opportunity to breathe in the air God created our lungs to inhale. The aroma of huge oak, beech, cedar, and pine trees mixed with the tickling of the dust from the dirt road steadily lifted the soul. Pennyroyals and goldenrod lined the road, creating a natural landscape along the curb of the forest. I often miss the simple beauty of a landscape created by God alone. A city offers neat little houses lined up in perfect rows. Shrubs, trees, plants, and flowers are precisely placed within utopian gardens. While the perfect houses and the precise gardens are charming, nothing compares with the picturesque beauty of nature.

With scarcely a motor vehicle traveling back and forth, we could hear only the sound of nature. Maple, hickory, and walnut leaves played their stringed instruments in the wind. Cardinals sang harmony, and mockingbirds sang backup. A woodpecker led the percussion. Only the fighting of my siblings interrupted the earthly orchestra.

Throughout time, Bethany Children’s Home, a place we call Bethany, seemed unchanged. The plain, wooden buildings always needed paint. An old windowless, three-room, two-story log cabin was on the property when a local man donated the land in 1926. It stood silently still. The original wooden church burned to the ground before I was born; therefore, they built the new church with cement blocks. No steeple stood on top of the church, just a small wooden cross on the front attic roof. Sounds from the “Liberty” bell in front of the church called all to worship. The two-story dorms were endlessly long. They reminded me of old government apartment buildings. Several smaller buildings, just as dilapidated as the first, were scattered on the hillside.

The home began with only three little orphaned girls. Known as “The Bethany Orphanage” in 1926, in just a few short years, by 1956, the home gained a Board of Trustees and became “Bethany Children’s Home, Inc.” The home was started by three women: Marjorie Burt and Laura Wendland, missionaries at the Free Methodist Mission at Oakdale, Kentucky. They were joined by Lina Miller (from the Chicago Evangelistic Institute class of 1924, Miss Burt’s alma mater). She resigned her position in the office of a business firm in Dixon, Illinois, to join her two friends in the bottomland of Holly Creek with nothing but a dream, a prayer, and a miracle.

I visited the home as a child, and Great-great-aunt Mildred was the first to greet us. Great-grandma Frantz was waiting anxiously in the background. I never fully appreciated the sisters. As any child would, I only saw them as old. Born in 1898 and 1900, with Grandma being the elder, they wore the dress of spinsters. Their gray hair projected a crown of righteousness. Thick glasses kept secret the direction of dissenting looks. When Aunt Mildred welcomed us, her voice was not a very loud voice, yet she commanded attention. Great-grandma Frantz had a quieter nature about her, yet she was never unheard.

Aunt Mildred had an abundance of spirited energy. Always working, she expected an equivalent effort from others as well. She gave orders with an air of sternness, apparent even when she smiled. A well-deserved air of authority emanated from Aunt Mildred. The children knew, in her devoted manner, she loved them deeply. Somehow, through her gruff exterior, she obviously loved her stature in life. Called to the mission field by God, she originally set her sights on India. Aunt Mildred graduated from Asbury University in 1925 and subsequently began nurse’s training at Christ Hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio. Through a series of events, she left Ohio and arrived at Bethany on March 29, 1927, the year after its conception. There she stood a towering rock that helped build Bethany Children’s Home. Her primary positions were schoolteacher and nurse. She became the first clerk at the Bethany Post Office on July 28, 1928; Acting Postmaster in 1950; and Postmaster on April 19, 1951, maintaining that position until May 31, 1970. During her fifty-six years at the orphanage, as a pioneer nurse, she delivered 267 babies without a doctor being on the case at the time of delivery. Aunt Mildred never married. The orphanage became her mission…and her family. When government red tape forced the orphanage to close, her declining health forced her to move in with my grandparents in 1983, just before her death in 1984. God used her training at Asbury to prepare her for the greatest mission right in her own backyard!

1925 Aunt Mildred Graduation from Asbury College (2)

1925 – Aunt Mildred Golden at her Graduation from Asbury College.

Quite a bit shorter than her older sister, my great-grandma walked with a limp, crippled from polio as a child. Deep down inside this quiet spirit lay a gentle sense of humor. During the evening assembly, great-grandma acted out one of her many readings. They were always funny, and some were quite ornery for a conservative great-grandmother. I enjoyed her peaceful demeanor, but being an inquisitive child, I eventually ran off to find some adventure of my own.

1959.09 Great-Grandma Gladys Frantz

Sept. 1959 – Great-Grandma Gladys Frantz.

In the dining hall, everyone ate at long tables with a staff member at the end of each. That was quite an experience. They always expected proper manners from the children. The food was homegrown, and the milk was fresh from the cow. I didn’t care for the vegetables, but I always begged for more fresh, raw milk. The flavor was sweet and strong, a very different flavor from city store-bought milk. Great-grandma packed a jug for our trip home, just for me. My most memorable time came on a walk across the road to the farm, which supplied most of the food and milk for the orphanage. Being from the city, I was unaware of the shock I would receive when I unconsciously grasped the electric fence to aid my hike up the hill. While I was listening to the bellowing cows and the yellow-bellied sapsucker in the forest, I suddenly found my backside in the middle of the dirt road! While the laughter flowed easily from the children, aside from my embarrassment, I sensed an air of contentment.

Great-grandma spent most of her days running the used clothing store. An old tin building, it was more of a shack that reeked with the aroma of mothballs. All the clothes at the home were donated by outsiders. The staff rationed the children out what they required, and the children could buy extras with money they earned from chores. My mother gave us spending money to buy items in the store, not because we needed any clothes, but as a means to help support the children’s home. Great-grandma always smiled and patted our heads, as older people do, when we gave her the money for our purchase.

Through her peaceful spirit, given to her by God himself, it was apparent Great-grandma’s life had not been easy. She was young when she married. While pregnant with her second child, my great-grandfather left. No one ever saw him again, except in the features of the two children he left behind. After living in Bethany for a school year in 1927, she returned to her hometown, East Liverpool, Ohio, in March 1928, to have her parents help with raising my grandmother and her brother. During that winter, it was not unusual for them to find streaks of snow across the bed clothing in the morning, after a night of snow that had blown through the cracks in the walls of the side room. This room had been added to the store where they lived. Great-grandma often visited, and in 1939, she returned to Bethany to take care of the Home Girls and was in charge of the used clothing store until her death in 1977, thirty-eight years later. Great-Grandma never remarried, finding contentment in her position at Bethany and the many children she cared for. My grandma loved Bethany so much she actually sent my dad and his two siblings to live with Great-Grandma and Great-Aunt Mildred in Bethany for three years in the late 1940s to attend school, while Grandpa worked out west. Our family has had three generations to have lived in the bottomland by Holly Creek.

Unwanted children… that is what they used to call them. I never thought of my newfound friends in that regard. We played on the large iron swings and ran through the fields just the same as my friends at home. The children were loved and well adjusted, a far cry from the horror stories about orphanages in the media today. I remember stories of the mountaineers leaving children at the door of the orphanage during the night, especially during the depression years. They had no means of feeding their families, yet loved their children and wanted for them a better life. At the orphanage, instead of a mountain shack, they were placed under a roof with heat and shoes on their feet. The children were fed, schooled, and definitely loved.

I have not returned to the tranquil valley in the Appalachians since the sisters passed away. Often, I consider taking my own children to the place that holds a few very dear memories for me. They need to experience the natural tranquility of the bottomland near Holly Creek, to experience the joy of giving love to those who have so much to give back. I cannot give this priceless heritage to my children, for the Bethany Children’s Home we knew no longer exists. Government red tape forced the orphanage to close in the early 1980s. The home then became a private Christian school in 1986, leaving the mountaineers to fend for themselves or depend on government handouts. My children will see the orphanage only through my eyes when I reminisce on my own experience. I often wonder, since Great-grandma is gone, since Aunt Mildred is gone, and since the home where so much love abounded is gone, who will take care of the orphans?

My Daddy, Great-Aunt Mildred Josephine Golden, Great-Grandma Gladys Myrle Golden-Frantz, and Little Me! Visiting Bethany Children’s Home.

My Mom, siblings, me, and my Great-Grandma… and of course, Babette our Poodle!

Mom, my siblings, and me on the right, visiting Bethany.

“TRIXIE”

He was only a Shepherd doggie,
And because he couldn’t talk,
He told the boys he loved them
By his tail wags and his bark.

His owner wanted him at home
To tend his stock and farm.
He wanted more to live with us,
And keep our boys from harm.

Although his owner tied him
And fed him extra food,
He slipped away to Bethany
Each time he found he could.

And so he lived at Bethany
For fifteen years or more.
He went to school for several years
And lay there by the door.

He reached the age of twenty
But still could see and hear.
One night some dogs attacked him,
And he no more is here.

He served his place as watchdog
As best as he knew how,
And so we all have missed him,
Since he isn’t with us now.

Miss Mildred Golden

Printed in:

Wolfe County Kentucky – The Bethany News

Page 1 – Volume 28, No. 3 – Bethany, Wolfe County, Kentucky – July 1955

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**UPDATE

I have revisited Bethany Children’s Home a few times through my adult years. The original log cabin still stands tall on the hill behind the chapel. Remnants of the old playground where I twirled on the merry-go-round as a kid are hidden in a weed patch. The dinner bell still rings loud and strong.

Amazingly, the saddlebags that my Aunt Mildred threw on the back of a donkey to travel up those mountains to deliver babies are still hanging in the cabin along with the original beds and the back porch kitchen. My memories hold true and strong of my great ancestors…

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False Assumptions

On our Indiana farm, when the snow falls, the fields are but a blanket of white covering the ground. It is absolutely beautiful, and, of course, I am continually snapping pictures. Our farm is always full of photographic moments.

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However, on the coldest night of the season last year, Elsie, one of our dairy cows, went into labor. The calf was breech, so the next night, my husband called the vet to assist with the birth. Unfortunately, by that time, the calf had died, bloated inside, and Elsie was fading fast. After working on her for a while, the vet finally said there was no hope and she was not going to make it. He turned to my husband and chastised him for not calling earlier that morning. The vet let him know just how horrible his farming abilities were. How could any farmer neglect a cow, resulting in the death of both cow and calf? The farmer did not respond. Being a city girl, I could not respond either. This was the first time I had ever witnessed something so ugly, and I was trying to process the magnitude of what just happened. The vet left disgusted.

If only he had known the events of the previous 24 hours…

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The snow had been falling all day, and by evening it was pretty much a whiteout. Here in this Indiana farm, the wind blows like an Oklahoma prairie. My poor husband was outside in sub-zero temperatures trying to make sure the animals were fed and gathered in protected areas. He noticed Elsie was starting to calve and proceeded to corral her into the barn, where she could give birth in a calmer, more protected environment. She must have been frightened by the fierce snowstorm and turned toward the pasture at full speed. He ran after her, but the snow was falling so thick it completely covered her trail. He came back for a flashlight and headed out again. As the temperature was already below zero, he was eventually forced to go inside to keep his feet and hands from frostbite. If he had been gone much longer, I would have gone out after him and in the whiteout we both might have frozen to death while looking for each other, along with the cow. Early the next morning, he took Salty, the herd dog, and headed out to the fields to find and bring in Elsie. But she was nowhere to be found. The ground was covered with at least twelve inches of fresh snow, and even Salty was unable to pick up any tracks or scent of the cow. The temperature was so low it was too dangerous for the dog to be out long. My farmer brought the herd in to milk and then went out to look for Elsie again. Finally, she wandered up to the back of the barn about dusk, and he was able to lead her into the barn, where he had made a bed for her with hay bales, and immediately called the vet. The tracks she left led back to the woods. No farmer ever would have found her in the whiteout the night before.

I think you can see by now the point of this little story. How often do we jump to conclusions and pass judgment based on partial information? The vet based his opinion of the farmer on what he saw…not knowing anything about the previous night. Nor did he ask. How would his opinion change if he had been here the night before with my husband outside freezing in the sub-zero snowfall? Instead of leaving in a heap of disgust, he would be crying with the farmer and giving him a hero’s pat on the back for trying so hard to save the cow and calf. What a difference the other side of the story makes in our conclusions. There is always more than one side to every story. How different might we see things when we dig deeper? The sin of assumption…

How many lives have been destroyed by gossip based on the word of one who only knows in part? How often have false accusations based on judgments derived from partial information led to destroyed relationships? How hard is trust to regain? I believe we have all come across those who decided to dislike us based on the biased words of another.

Forgiveness. Wisdom. Prayer. The knowing that the only one to whom we are responsible knows all. The Lord knows the other side of the story. He gives comfort to hurting hearts. The 27th Psalm of David says, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” ~Psalm 27:10 In other words, though every person turns against us, usually based on misleading information, the Lord knows the heart and will, as Isaiah 54 puts it, “refute every tongue that accuses us.” ~Isaiah 54:17 He will hold us in the palm of His hand and dry every tear. The knowledge of God’s amazing love gives us the power to forgive those offenses and be aware of misleading situations so as not to offend others ourselves. No matter what floats about in the thoughts of others, we can rest in the comforting arms of the Lord, for He is where truth abides.

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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My Journey… (short version)

My prayer life opened up a few years back when I was able to grasp the end of “The Lord’s Prayer” in Matthew 6:14-15, which most do not quote: “For if you cannot forgive, how can you be forgiven?” (My shortened version)

I lived a lot of years in a very dark place, very bitter and angry, with no hope. I experienced the hypocrisy of so-called Christians and naturally ended up turning away. I had been hurt more by Christians than non-Christians. I was lied to, lied about, and victimized. In my self-protection, I became the villain. As a teenager, I lived on the wild side. I was always the life of the party… but full of bitterness and very self-destructive.

After spiraling down so far, my very existence was nearly wiped out. God arranged a meeting for me with Jesus during Senior Church Camp. My presence in that camp alone was nothing but a miracle. But, deep down in that vacuum hole, I wanted freedom from the torment in my soul. I couldn’t comprehend God’s love at the time, but I sensed there was a God somewhere out there that was unlike the picture man had modeled before me.

After having my first baby, I spent the next several years trying to “work” my way to forgiveness… and acceptance. Eventually, I hated myself for being too religious, lacking an intimate relationship with God. I was taught that the way to heaven was by following the rules. Then, in the late 1990s, while keeping up appearances on the outside, my soul fell into a deep dark hole. There was no way I was going to live. Of course, there was not going to be a suicide (for I could not have my kids live with that picture), but death is what I felt I deserved. I was self-destructive… again. Life was not worth living. I felt like a failure to everyone… especially my father. Through a series of events, the Lord broke through my bondage and allowed me to see myself the way He sees me… not the ugly way I saw myself… or the critical way the world saw me.

The morning I was at the end, I scribbled these words…

My feet brush soft grass, stillness fills damp air.
Bones lie six feet under, no hope for a prayer.
 
The passion for love is lost in life’s yesterday.
The gravedigger rests as dreams and hope decay.
 
Existence disappears, waters rage in life’s sin.
Innocent dreams are dead. Wrongs are silent within.

That very afternoon, I literally saw the Lord’s hands reach out to me with his nail-scarred piercings (this was before the movie The Passion of the Christ!). I realized He really did want to forgive me and accepted me just as He did the woman at the well. But I had to forgive those who destroyed me. And, more important, I had to accept His forgiveness for all my failings and be released from the guilt and shame. The Lord was able to calm my heart and let me know we really are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” ~Psalm 139:14 When no one else knew me, knew my dark secrets, the Lord saw me when I was yet unformed… and loved me. I don’t understand how, but when I released my hurt, bitterness, and anger, the Holy Spirit filled my empty soul with love and endless joy!

Isaiah 54

I wrote down my journey after God rescued me from that dark pit…

My Journey

A tiny infant cries, for comfort from the womb.
     Through pain and agony, innocence fills the room.
A child peacefully plays, her tender smile displayed.
     Ignorance surrounds her, a carefree life portrayed.

She tastes the sin of those, who take for their own will.
     Her chastity obscured; her innocence to kill.
Rejected and alone, the pain she tries to hide.
     Embarrassment and shame, she buries deep inside.

Desperate to escape, destruction is her life.
     Hope and love are lost to bitterness and strife.
Weeping for lost passion; tormented in her soul.
     Severed from affection; still longing to be whole.

Two hands with nail-scarred stain wait gently for her call.
     Longing to bring healing, if she would give her all.
Lost deep in dark despair, with sorrow for her sin.
     She opens up her soul, and reaches out to him.

Quietly a small spark, burns deep inside her soul,
    reminding her dead heart, Christ’s love makes one whole.
Forgiveness she has found, from one whose life He gave,
     for those who least deserve, the grace He gives to save.

The life He gave for all, cleansed her pain and sin,
     washing her white as snow, giving new life within.
A smile is in her heart. Christ’s love has healed her scars.
     As joy delights her soul, new life shines bright as stars!!

Me~

Life after that day was not perfect nor without pain. I still ended up with a few shattered relationships, and with God’s grace, I am able to handle the consequences of my past. I know who I am in Christ. I finally have God’s perspective, purpose, and hope. Psalm 27:10 says even though my parents do not accept me, I have peace knowing that God accepts me and makes me His own! He also said in Isaiah 54 that I was like a wife who married young, only to be rejected… and He brought me back with deep compassion! The Lord Almighty is my redeemer, and He is my husband. He really is a God of Restoration. In Isaiah 61, He bound up my broken heart, gave me freedom from captivity, released me from the darkness, gave me beauty for ashes, and restored my soul! There is NO pit too dark that His light cannot shine through!

Psalm 27.10 

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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After Divorce…A New Drama Begins…

Continued from my very first post, here: Divorce… Necessary Drama??

So… after the divorce… The parents move on. The kids adjust. Everyone establishes a new life full of peace, without the fighting and drama from their former marriage. We all blissfully co-exist…

Oh, if only this scenario were true. In reality, lonely parents try to find new love with guarded hearts, now full of baggage. The kids build walls to guard against further relational hurt. Friendships shift into his or hers, or not at all. Family members pick sides. A new drama begins.

When marriages crumble, the Trinity is severed. Our God-reflection is shattered. The culture of our world is forever marred. Future generations walk a broken path. Consequences follow us the rest of our lives.

Children look at the family unit as a reflection of the Godhead; the Trinity (see Ephesians 5:22-33):

God… the Father

Jesus… the marriage

The Holy Spirit… the family unit (the children)

In divorce, no matter what the cause, when the family is split the Spirit is severed. The Godhead correlation is distorted. Their security in the unit they once trusted has disappeared. The consequence is a warped view of what constitutes real love. Children lose sight of God’s love for them when the love of the family grows cold. They wonder how God can love them when the example of the Godhead before them has split into two households.

Emotionally, everyone, especially children, will experience the same stages as in mourning a death. Bitterness sets in, and their lives become self-destructive. Children see the broken trust between their parents, and that brokenness is transferred to their own hearts. They feel their parents walked away from them. Children of divorce are more likely to experience divorce themselves. They do not have a true commitment modeled before them. It is easier for adult children of divorce to walk away from their own marriages after experiencing their parents’ failed marriage.

After the separation, the children face the adjustments to an empty house and/or a new home. Babysitters and latchkey kids replace the constant of a nurturing parent. Children long for a connection with their missing parent. Resentment sets in for the parent most blamed. Some will blame the custodial parent; feeling like the custodial parent pushed out or ran off the other parent. Or, some will blame the non-custodial parent, with feelings of desertion, rejection, and failure. Most of the time, the children blame themselves. The reality of a separated family is indescribable.

The authority structure is shifted, causing children to lose respect for anyone in authority or who attempts to lead, whether it is a parent, teacher, or the government. Discipline becomes either nonexistent or rejected. Studies show once well-adjusted children (and especially teens) now become unruly, disrespectful, and bitter. Most of the damage from the parent’s divorce is neglected, ignored, or stifled, thereby carrying the damage into their own subsequent marriages. The experts say the Millennial Generation on down has chosen to cohabitate rather than to marry. Unfortunately, this arrangement brings up another host of dysfunctions. The divorce rate is even higher for those who cohabitate.

At the first separation, the parents (especially the mother) are so consumed with surviving that they do not recognize the hurt inflicted on the children. Each spouse believes the children will “believe” their side. After all, if the parent does not like someone, naturally, their children will not like them either…right? Except in this case… the other person happens to be the other parent, the one that holds half their DNA. No bond is greater than the parent bond…with both parents, no matter how bad the parent. Have you ever sat on half a toilet? The result has the same correlation in the life of a child of divorce. They feel nothing works right, and every time they try to succeed, they end up with a mess all over the floor. Since the trust has been severed with the parents, they run to the closest “janitor” to help clean up their family mess. Unfortunately, the people the children seek help from are usually their peers who are going through the same situations. They gather advice from wounded healers, driving the bitterness deeper while learning to put on masks of false strength.

Is there hope? Is there help? Family and friends tend to pick sides, without seeking unity. Most people in the church are too busy condemning the breakup to unconditionally love, forgive, and restore the rejected or the wayward party. Where does a hurting person turn? We look to the beginning. Wouldn’t the One who created mankind know what is best for mankind? Don’t look at the picture mankind has created of the Godhead…look at who the Godhead really is. Search Him out for yourself.

My biggest goal in writing this blog is to help hurting people. Sometimes, we have to see the darkness on the other side of the door to keep us from opening it and walking through. I have been on both sides. No matter which side of divorce you are sitting on, please realize the side that has the greenest grass is the side that you cultivate, fertilize, and water. Start watering with the Word. Not the word of religiosity, but the Word of God’s infinite love. Are you seeking revenge on the person who wounded or deserted you? Trust me; your actions will only backfire. Let it go…out of your heart. Leave revenge, judgment, and the other person to God. Your peace will only come when the truth of God’s love fills your heart.

You do not have to get cleaned up to take a bath. Neither do you have to be religiously perfect before you can experience God’s love. Realize God loves the person while hating the sin. Pride, bitterness, and revenge only destroy you, not the other person. Seek forgiveness for your part. Then extend forgiveness to those who sought to destroy you. Repentance, forgiveness, and restoration are for anyone who trusts in the Lord. Rest in God’s love. God created you. God accepts you. God can turn your ashes into beauty!

 Isaiah 61.3

Isaiah 61

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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Divorce…Necessary Drama??

The crumbling of mankind…

Where does it start? With one word, with one lie, with one man: Adam. Where does it end? With one word, with one truth, with one man: you!

Where is society’s breakdown? The family… Like the frog in the pot of boiling water dying one degree at a time, one lie at a time. Then, one day, the steam is so thick that reality is completely distorted. Finally, we wake up to find ourselves immersed in dysfunction.

mt-olivet-cemetery

These are just my rambling thoughts on divorce. Some of my writing is my observations from the many divorces around me, but most is from my own experience. You may or may not have similar experiences. But, we can all glean from others’ mistakes in some form or fashion. I only wish I knew then what I know now. If you’re on the road to divorce, have you considered where you will be in your old age? Have you talked to the aged who’ve been there?

We live in a transient world. Not just physically, but socially, philosophically, and emotionally. As I am in the final laps of life, I have seen divorce destroy families, friends, and society. I’ve been there. Nothing hurts more than the death of a dream, the death of a unit. The ONLY thing divorce can be blamed on is selfish pride from both parties. Our society is set on blame-shifting, which comes from the pride of never being wrong. So, it becomes his/her fault. Personal responsibility is taboo, and the cycle of destruction continues.

Ecclesiastes 4.9

The divorce rate in America is around 50%, with the church not far behind depending on what statistics you look at. The media proves to be pro-divorce and anti-family. We have lost the generations who modeled stability. If ‘everybody’ is doing it, the grass must be better on the other side, right? The reality is we only trade one problematic life for another. What really happens to our lives after divorce? Isn’t divorce supposed to take us out of our tumultuous situation into single bliss? Will the kids not be better off without Mom and Dad fighting all the time? What about commitment? What kind of example are the kids following? These questions and so many more receive varied responses depending on which side of divorce you stand on, pre- or post-.

Long before the marriage ends, emotional separation begins before the first one moves out or the papers are filed. I love the frog in the boiling water description. That frog could have croaked for help to get out of the pan and into the pond long before the water boiled. Was it ignorance? Maybe its own comfort? Possibly. A wise man (Solomon) once said, “Folly brings joy to one who has no sense, but whoever has understanding keeps a straight course. Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” ~Proverbs 15:21-22 (NIV) Pride keeps us (especially men) from seeking counsel, asking for help, or even admitting the marriage is less than perfect. So we stay in our rut of dysfunction until the pot boils dry. Marriages can be saved. God really can turn your ashes into beauty (Isaiah 61). We need to set aside our pride and learn the art of forgiveness.

Unrealistic expectations are often the cause of many a conflict. Frustration creeps in when someone does not live up to your desires and wants. In their quest to satisfy unrealistic desires, women tend to turn to soap operas, and men tend to turn to pornography. Women feed the emotion, while men feed the physical. Women evolve their world around their kids, and men evolve their world around their work. Both live in a false reality.

Typically, women expect their husbands to be their “everything.” God did not create any man to be their source of wholeness (see Isaiah 54). Women depend on men to be their provider (or at least a co-provider), their protector, best friend, etc. Men are expected to be a warrior as well as an empathetic confidant. Men are expected to be a conqueror as well as provide the emotional fulfillment of a fluffy girlfriend. Bitterness creeps in when the girl realizes their man was not created for both roles and is not able to fulfill their every need. After the honeymoon, when she wakes up to find he is not Prince Charming, her resentment begins. Respect is quickly lost. The lack of respect for men in our society is the root of the “man-bashing” mentality. If only women would realize that God is their only source of wholeness and the only one who can fill their desires, then they would have the freedom to release their husbands from unrealistic responsibilities. They would then appreciate them for the person they were created to be.

God’s path teaches husbands to love their wives and women to respect their husbands. Scripture has several examples, as in Ephesians 5:33, where Paul points out, “Each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Wouldn’t it be easier the other way around? After all, men do not love naturally; they only want to conquer. And women do not respect naturally; they only want to control.

In our society, the Women’s Liberation movement exposed the sin nature that causes women to seek to control men and causes men to avoid women. No matter how you feel about “submission” and “head of the house,” you must admit we were all created for individual purposes. Not just during marriage, but at work, in church, in the community, etc. We all function best when we are doing what comes naturally. When envy creeps in, we stop being satisfied with the station of life we are in and seek to overtake those in our path. This overtaking has been going on since the garden. Just like a church, a business, or a government will not function without a hierarchy, or what we call “the pecking order,” neither will a family function properly without order. When an establishment does not have clear lines for each position, they only have chaos. The same goes for a church, a sports team, and especially the family. The problems begin when one or both cross the line of unity and one or both set out to control the other. Sin makes everyone want to be in control… not only of their own lives but also the lives of the surrounding ones. Love makes everyone want the best for the other person or the family. No matter what the station (family, workplace, sports team, etc.), submission is fought and lost when the one in authority demeans and controls the counterpart. No wife willingly respects and submits to a controlling husband… and no husband loves a controlling wife. When someone tries to control another, respect is lost on both sides. When respect is lost, so is love.

For men, the same is also true when they expect their wife to completely fulfill their desires. After the honeymoon, when he wakes up in the morning to find she is not the woman on the Vanity Fair magazine cover, his disgust begins. Typically, men expect their wives to physically remain the same as the day they met, not accepting the decay of the human body. Men are generally creatures of sight, not emotion. Countless marriages are lost to midlife crises and skinny girlfriends twenty years younger, indicative of a shallow society stamped by our entertainment industry. The porn industry is rampant due to men searching to fill needs that only God can fill. The saying “Looking for love in all the wrong places” is ever so true. So long as men have perfectly formed, airbrushed, young women put before them on TV, the internet, etc., they will never be satisfied with their imperfect, flawed, and aging wives. These images overflow into the bedroom. She will never feel acceptable to her husband, which then flows over into all other relationships. She begins to see herself as inferior and unworthy, which, in turn, causes the husband to lose interest and find satisfaction elsewhere. (More on the pain of porn here: From a Wife’s Perspective.) Porn is not the only distraction or addiction for a man. Oftentimes it is work, fast cars, sports, etc., or car salesmen get rich money-making schemes.

Bitterness and anger set in when he began to view his wife as a liability rather than an asset. He feels resentment when his paycheck is used for the family, when his time is engulfed in the family, and when he is faced with the everyday responsibility of family tasks. God says in Genesis 2:24, and Jesus repeats the same in Matthew 19:5; “A man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” And also, Jesus states in Matthew 5:28, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” So, if a man treats his wife as if he is looking in a mirror, as he would want to be treated, would he not want to leave all others and have eyes for her only? A husband is not married in the way God intended unless he is united as one with his wife. Anything less is only a roommate. Paul states in Ephesians 5:32, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” And in verse 25, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Now if marriage is a correlation between Christ and the Church, should the husband feel comfortable dabbling in addictions outside the marriage by placing value on others above his wife? (This pretty much sums up my experience. I not only had to deal with not measuring up to my ex’s unrealistic standards, but I also had to deal with knowing that marital love and unity would never exist with him.)

So, how does our modern society handle marriages that have disintegrated? We divorced. After all, a no-fault divorce is much easier than being vulnerable enough to work through hard issues, admit faults, and rebuild on better ground. Pride refuses to let couples be vulnerable to each other. Not only out of fear of being hurt, but no one wants to find that they may actually be wrong. The fault is always the other person’s, right? Everyone is a victim. No one is the villain. Even when one spouse refuses counsel, the other is still blamed. Lies begin. Lives are destroyed.

Who wins? No one.

We find ourselves battered and torn apart.

Alone.

Continued in Part 2: A new drama then begins…

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The words of Malachi 2:13-16:

“And this again you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor at your hand. You ask, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness to the covenant between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Has not the one God made and sustained for us the spirit of life? And what does he desire? Godly offspring. So take heed to yourselves, and let none be faithless to the wife of his youth. “For I hate divorce, says the Lord the God of Israel, and covering one’s garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to yourselves and do not be faithless.”

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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