YES! When no one else will… the Lord gives forgiveness, grace, and mercy! He loves us!

And yet, most people do not think about an unforgiving God. He is a forgiving God, a loving God, a just God… and yes, an unforgiving God. Even though that thought should scare most people, it doesn’t. The most direct indication that God does not forgive is in the words of Jesus during his sermon on the mount (Matthew 6:5-15). God says we have to forgive… so that we can be forgiven. Otherwise, he will not forgive us! Why will he not forgive us if we do not forgive others? Because God cannot look upon sin. And unforgiveness is sin.

God is a God of reconciliation and restoration. But true relationships are built on trust. Since we live in a fallen world with a carnal nature, no human is perfect. Our relationship with the Lord begins with a confession of our own sin. Without an admission of our faults, we cannot begin the restoration process. This is true with any relationship. Jesus said to “Ask, Seek, and Knock” then we will find. (Matthew 7:7) Forgiveness works the same whether it is man or God. Our relationships will always be broken unless we first confess, repent, reconcile, and then restore, in that order.

We’ve all heard the quote about addicts that the first step to recovery is admitting to the problem. If we do not admit to our guilt in the relationship, any relationship, we hide behind lies. For no one is without guilt. A relationship based on lies is no relationship at all. 1 John 1:8-10 says, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” Yes, it all begins with our own humility. Then and only then will the relationship be open for restoration.

Confessions (or ‘fessing up to our wrongs) are that which makes us humble and gives us a pride reduction. How often do we (speaking for myself as well) hide, justify, or blame-shift our sins? Not only is it humbling to admit that we have messed up, it’s embarrassing! We even throw the “you just can’t take anything; I was only joking” card because we have too much pride to admit our own wrongs. We want to ignore and excuse our own sin by throwing it under the rug. At the same time, we expect everyone else to forget our offense, forgive, and go on without repentance, as if no wrong was done. We even claim the person we hurt is unforgiving and self-centered if the pain we inflicted is not simply ignored. That, my friend, is blame-shifting and making excuses to justify our actions. I think we have all done that a time or two. Throwing the responsibility of the relationship rift onto the other person while ignoring our own wrongs simply negates reconciliation.

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forgive

/fəˈɡɪv/

verb -gives, -giving, -gave, -given

1. to cease to blame or hold resentment against (someone or something)

Word Origin

Old English forgiefan; see for-, give

The modern sense of “to give up desire or power to punish” is from use of the compound as a Germanic loan-translation of Latin perdonare.

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The best way to keep in a close relationship with God is to be at peace with others, even those whom I have wronged. Sometimes, that means I may have to humble myself and admit I really messed up, which seems to happen pretty often. But to keep any hard feelings or resentment out of my relationships, I need to let them know that I know I messed up and apologize. And then, their forgiveness is their responsibility, not mine! My responsibility is to admit my wrongs, ask forgiveness, and attempt to make amends. The rest is up to them. But, remember, we have no right to be concerned about the other person’s heart until we have cleared our own first.

What if others do not forgive us? What if they always harbor resentment? Then, I still need to do my part. Their heart, their forgiveness, is their responsibility.

What if I am the one who is hurt and the offender never admits or repents for the hurt and pain they inflicted? What if they move away or die before the relationship can be reconciled?

It is essential for us to be willing and ready to forgive others, to have freedom in our own hearts, and to keep bitterness from creeping in. We do not negate the sin, but we continue to treat them with kindness while we wait for the Lord to open their hearts to repentance. The sin is still there, but we need to release to God our right to punishment and/or revenge. The relationship may always be broken, and the trust shattered, but our hearts need to be free of vengeance and always be ready to forgive, just as we have assurance of God’s forgiveness for our own sins.

When a relationship needs reconciliation, mutual trust needs to be repaired. Does that mean we fall into the “forgive and forget” philosophy? Absolutely not! We have brains! My husband and I recently took the Self-Confrontation class at our church. The huge study manual contained the best explanation I’ve seen. Here is an excerpt from Lesson 12 by the Biblical Counseling Foundation:

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IV. Does God require you to “forgive and forget?”

A. Scripture says that God’s forgiveness involves remembering sins against you no more (Isaiah 43:25; Jeremiah 31:34; Hebrews 10:17). This means that He will not hold your sins against you since He has cleansed you with the precious blood of Jesus Christ (Romans 3:23-25; Ephesians 1:7; Hebrews 10:19-22; 1 John 1:7).

• 1. While God forgives, He cannot forget (erase His memory) since He is the Almighty God and final Judge who will bring every act and every careless word to judgment, whether good or evil (Ecclesiastes 12:14; Matthew 12:36-37; 2 Corinthians 5:10; 1 Peter 1:17). Therefore, since God’s character and His Word give assurance that He does forgive completely, forgetting is not required in order to forgive.
• 2. Your responsibility is to forgive another as God has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32), which involves not holding another’s sin against him (i.e. “not remembering”). Then, you are to commit the fault and the person to the Lord since He is the final and righteous Judge (Matthew 16:27; 2 Timothy 4:8; James 5:9).

B. Scripture uses the term “not to remember” as meaning “not to mention or bring to mind” or “not to keep an account.” For example, David requested of the Lord “not to remember” (literally, “not to mention”) the previous sins of his youth (Psalm 25:7).

C. Scripture uses “forget” in the sense of “escaping notice.” For example, the Apostle Paul could remember (bring to mind) his earlier sins (1 Timothy 1:12-17) yet confidently proclaimed “to forget” (“not take notice”) of those things that were behind in order to press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14).

D. Nowhere does Scripture require you to have a blank memory about your own sins or sins committed against you. In fact, the memory of certain sins (even though these sins have been forgiven by God) is important for your training in righteousness, to help you not repeat them (for example, notice David’s remembrance of his sins in 2 Samuel 12:13-23 and Psalm 38). The only requirement is for you to forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32), even when you clearly remember sins committed against you, which now have no power over you.

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I’ve been falsely accused of not being a forgiving person simply because I have a brain and a pretty good memory! Though, when we forgive, we don’t beat the offender with the offense. Sometimes we do need to take a step back to heal. Remembering has to do with learning lessons from mistakes. Search out how many times in the scriptures God used the term remember! Trust has to be rebuilt! Until the offender makes restitution and changes course, trust cannot be established.

Don’t misunderstand; forgiveness does not negate or dismiss the sin. Sin is still sin. The other person is still responsible to God for their sin. But we must forgive to be forgiven. For us, to forgive means to release to God our right to punishment and/or revenge for the wrongs done to us. We free ourselves of the responsibility of judgment against another. Why must we forgive others in order to be forgiven ourselves? Because, when we hold bitterness, anger, or hatred in our hearts, we are essentially playing God. In our pride, we forget our own sin as we focus on the sins of others. If we have unforgiving hearts, we have sinful hearts. When we release others from recompense and repent of our own sin, God’s forgiveness flows through our hearts, and His JOY floods our souls!

Let’s let God deal with the hearts of others. Release them and let it go. When we admit to our own faults and ask God for forgiveness, He is always eager to forgive, just as a loving father forgives his child. Even though God is just, he is also love. We have but to ask. He is not asking for our perfection; that’s why he sent Jesus to die for us. He is only asking for our hearts so he can pour in his love!

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” ~Matthew 6:14-15

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Scriptures to ponder:

“I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.” ~Psalm 32:5

“So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and suddenly remember that a friend has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar and go and apologize and be reconciled to him, and then come and offer your sacrifice to God. Come to terms quickly with your enemy before it is too late…” ~Matthew 5:23-24

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” ~Matthew 6:14-15

“Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” ~Romans 12:9-21

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**Yes, the pictures are mine! ;)

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**Highlights in color are links for more information.

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