We had lunch with a bunch of family members of the next generation up a few days ago. They are a hoot! A couple of them are widowed, and somehow the conversation came around to their lives as “single” people and their latest “dates.” I found myself amused at their outlook and wondering how our society got here. I was caught between cracking up laughing and fearfully crying!

Loneliness is, in my opinion, the number one killer among the elderly. Actually, no matter what the age, when we lose hope, we lose the will to live. Did you know that some of the largest age groups on dating sites are of the elderly? Like my uncle said, he doesn’t want to get married; he just wants someone to go to dinner or accompany him to an event once in a while. We all need community. God created us for His companionship, so, of course, we need each other! Though it’s a blessing to be healthy enough to live on our own, still, people were not created to be loners!

I caught myself thinking about the days gone by. The cultures that seemed to thrive were based on moral principles. The basis of their theology was to love and care for others the same way they wanted to be loved, otherwise known as the Golden Rule. What is our future? I could list a thousand different ways society (people groups) has handled their elderly. Not many cultures throughout the centuries have been very compassionate. The elderly have, for the most part, been thrown aside the minute they cease to produce. The sad thing is, we have differing opinions about what constitutes production. Do we cast them aside when they are unable to work for that paycheck? Do we cast them aside when they are unable to drive themselves to the store? At what point do we consider them useless? At what point do you want others to consider you useless?

When it comes to the elderly (our parents and grandparents), our whole mindset has changed over the last century, especially in regard to women. In times past, families lived close by and frequently in the same house. Today, the average American family will move at least once every 2 to 3 years, most often living a few states away. In times past, women who were above childbearing years (60ish), very rarely remarried. She found fulfillment and usefulness in helping to bring up the next generation, usually living with an older child and very rarely living alone. Widowers usually remarried (men just cannot seem to do their own laundry!) or one of the children lived with him, not he with them, being more independent, but rarely living alone!  

The downfall of independence is isolation and loneliness. Women now take pride in relying only on themselves. A widow today would not dream of living with any of her children! Not only would that be an imposition on their families, but she would not be able to do what she wants when she wants! Our society has been convinced that a woman’s only fulfillment comes from being independent. Widowers would rather remarry, or at least date, to maintain the position of a provider, rather than allow his children to provide for him. Men cling to the position of the patriarch that leads, not one that is led, and they need to.

I really don’t blame them for living independently, even if loneliness accompanies the morning coffee. People don’t get along in today’s world. Younger generations take offense to every little thing, and older generations are full of pride. So we stay divided and isolated, not realizing the following generations are the individuals who will pay the price.

Without the elderly, we lose our history.

Without our history, we lose our purpose for today.

Without purpose, we lose hope.

Without hope, we lose our future…

“Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. . . . In this, Friendship exhibits a glorious ‘nearness by resemblance’ to heaven itself where the very multitude of the blessed (which no man can number) increases the fruition which each has of God. For every soul, seeing him in her own way, doubtless communicates that unique vision to all the rest.” —C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

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