I fell in love with his silver linings. Those blurry areas around the silhouette of him made me feel content about everything I had in life. I never got the chance to put a face to the silhouette. The deeper I went the more blurry things got, boundaries got vague, and at many times he felt invisible. It felt like walking through a cloud, when you are at a distance from the cloud, you feel you’ll touch something, the closer you get to the cloud the hazier things get, and you never get to touch that ball of cotton floating in the air moving along with the wind. And yet, after you have passed the cloud, you’d feel that you have experienced something incredible. I felt the same. An experience that was something incredible. I have never been able to pin point this mysterious something. I looked back to catch hold of this something, but just the like cloud disappears in the wind, he disappeared. And as we keep walking through the mountain, we come across other set of clouds, each of them giving a different experience. But I am stuck on that mysterious incredible experience. This curiosity is never able to accept that a cloud once gone, never comes back. But people, they are meant to stay right?

Or atleast there has to be some specifics. Something more than a silhouette. This vagueness and uncertainty made me anxious. To beat the anxiety, where once I was happy in the blurry pictures, I got greedy. And so I started to draw clear lines, I even wanted to paint the picture with different colours. But it looked like he didn’t like the picture. If only he had said something in specific, we could have made the picture together, a picture that we both liked. But I didn’t even knew if he was even interested in the painting. Again, the loneliness made me anxious. I didn’t want to believe that this was the end of the painting, I don’t want to believe that this is end of the mountain and no more clouds are gonna pass by. The beautiful thing about anxiety is it will remind you that you are alive. Anxiety gives me the push to look for more clouds, draw more pictures, and explore as many silhouettes as possible. But anxiety sometimes is addictive. Sometimes I feel like I want to drown in that pain and loose all the energy I had gathered during the time I was making anxiety my friend. But this is anxiety, not water. One cannot drown to death in anxiety. One day I will have to get up and pickup all the pieces I can find, make a different picture of those old pieces and move on. Maybe try eating different food. God, food can make anyone greedy. It is time to be greedy. I might not find that same mysterious incredible experience again, but I might find something better!