Sorry

I suddenly feel remorse for the things I've done to people I've cared for.

Bleargh

Would it hurt so much for people to pick the phone up more often? Not asking you to spend "precious" credit, but at least when I call. Sick of chasing cars already, gonna choose ones that aren't moving from now on.

back

Lo there, I'm back for no particular reason (back on the blog, that is)... Bored outta my lungs atm. Got hammered at Floritas last night, feeling the backlash atm ><

Gonna rest head, brb.

Meh.

Meh.

That's about all I wanted to say.

Meh.

Comatose...

Five months on since my last post... what a rollercoaster it's been. I'm back at the starting point now. Not so keen to get on board again.



Enough metaphors. I now know what it's truly like to miss someone. She would've just gotten onto the flight to KL. 30 minutes ago. Now the 11 hour wait till I can hear her voice again. I'm slipping into my emo rock song mood again.. Just downloaded Comatose by Skillet.

I hate feeling like this

I'm so tired of trying to fight this

I'm asleep and all I dream of

Is waking to you

Tell me that you will listen

Your touch is what I'm missing

And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you

Comatose

I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

[Chorus:]

I don't wanna live

I don't wanna breathe

'les I feel you next to me you take the pain I feel

waking up to you never felt so real

I don't wanna sleep

I don't wanna dream 'cause my dreams don't comfort me

The way you make me feel

Waking up to you never felt so real

I hate living without you

Dead wrong to ever doubt you

But my demons lay in waiting

Tempting me away

Oh how I adore you

Oh how I thirst for you

Oh how I need you

[Bridge:]

Breathing life

Waking up

My eyes

Open up

Don't leave me alone

It's on repeat now. It's one of those songs. You know the ones, those you can't put in a playlist with anything else, cos it's unique and anything that follows just won't match up. I've put it in a separate playlist with "7 days to the wolves" by Nightwish, as part of an emo rock playlist. But I'm not ready to switch over to any other song at the moment; this too well suits my mood atm. Btw, who said WoW's good for nothing... if not for those bosskill vids, I would never have heard these songs. Christian rock, so what. This isn't the right moment to distinguish genres, any song that suits the moment - does just that.

I can't recall exactly what her feelings were during the previous post (1st Jan), but something tells me I was a bit of an invisible man in her eyes at the time. Invisible man no more. She's fully aware of how I feel for her now. What can one do though? Apparently I'm too much of a good boy for her, and that's not what gets her going. I'm not gonna deny it, I am a "good boy". As long as wasting my parent's money isn't considered "evil". I'm not gonna get started talking about how bad I feel for my parents, I've not got the time to spiral into depression. Not for the next 3 weeks anyway. Fuck, 2 weeks.

Little reminders remain. Reminders of her. Used to be she used Herbal Essences as a shampoo. Before the last time she left, that is. Then I started using it. Any bets how long before I start using that strawberry thing she used to? I'm gonna hate myself for quoting Sin City, but she "smells as angels should".

How long before I slip back into my cookies and coke diet? How long before I revert back to bi-weekly baths? How long before I start playing WoW again?

Lets hope none of the above start too soon.

Something tells me I've got to start stocking up on supplies. Cookies and Coke will happen when I run out of proper food. Baths, when I run out of that label.M conditioner from Toni & Guy i'm semi-addicted to. WoW? Who the fuck knows? I woulda guessed when she left, since the presence of either her or WoW would feed my addiction to RL/RP.

How long before my RL feels so impotent that I have to log onto Ani and kick some ass? Perhaps it is as I suspected, perhaps my lack of physical RL presence was the reason I rolled Tauren, prefer aggressive play and prefer to sink into my virtual shell - WoW.

How long before I do an Annoar and get married in-game? I've gotta get my RL sorted, I can't sustain myself on online addictions for very much longer.

Yes, I claim that all changes when I go back to Malaysia. I'm actually someone there. But who really knows? I'm a changed person now. Am I a ghost of the person who left his home town to pursue an education abroad? (And instead got disillusioned and distracted.)

Just as no song adds up to the one that perfectly suits the mood at the particular moment, I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to add another girl to my playlist. I need her on repeat at the moment. But.. there's nothing. Void > replacement? Or vice-versa?

Oh how I adore you
Oh how I thirst for you
Oh how I need you

Words that prompt the peak of my emotions. No, I'm not broken down in tears. Never was a crying one. The stab still hurts though.

I like how I first attempted to soothe the pain by picking up my guitar. Then I realised that there was nothing I could play that would help. And so I write. One creative output or another.

Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

Time to sleep then? And wake up just in time to make the call?

I've gotta get over this. C'mon. Stiff upper lip. For two weeks, at least.

You poke your belly and giggle.

One for the WoW peeps reading this.

[/emo]