Tag Archives: girlfriend

3537. Such a sudden tragedy

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Honestly, Rebecca had gone out with Vernon for four years now and he had always clung to her like a limpet. At first she felt honoured that she should be so doted upon. But in the long run he couldn’t do anything on his own; he couldn’t think a thought without first asking her opinion. She didn’t know why she hadn’t dumped him ages ago.

Rebecca had always wanted to wander one of the many walks through the Purple Mountains  (so called because the haze in certain weather made the mountains appear purple). The walks were fairly steep but well sign-posted; and there were rare plants and birdlife to admire and wonder at. Of course, on the walk, Vernon wanted to come too. And he did.

As Rebecca had predicted, he ruined everything. He was such a bore. He was such a blood-sucking leech. That is why when the opportunity arose she accidentally pushed him over a cliff.

3520. Rasputin clone

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There must be something in the Russian genes. Remember Rasputin? He refused to die. They couldn’t kill him. He was stabbed in the stomach. He was poisoned, shot, beaten, and drowned.  Three shots from a revolver finished him off eventually.

My girlfriend’s Russian. I’m sure she must be descended from Rasputin. She seems immune to everything. I just might have to resort to the same fatal solution that finished Rasputin off. Usually it doesn’t take this long.

3180. The knife thrower

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Tonko worked for a circus. He performed under the name of Tonko but his real name was Anthony. Tonko was a knife thrower. He threw knives at a board with Miranda, his girlfriend, standing in front of it. These knives when thrown missed Miranda by about quarter of an inch. It was very skilful and the audience were always on the edge of their seats.

It had been a long season. Tonko and Miranda had worked every night for almost six months. It was at this time that Miranda confessed to Tonko that she had been seeing Claude the trapeze artist. They were going to elope now that the season was over. “I’m leaving you. I’ve grown to hate your guts.”

Tonko pointed out that there was still one performance left.

2790.  Bathroom renovation

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Bathroom renovation was the last thing on Harriet’s mind when she stepped out of the shower that morning. Her bathroom was ordinary and satisfactory. It wasn’t anything like those fabulous bathrooms one sees photographs of in glossy magazines. Her bathroom was functional and painted white.

On that very day Harriet’s life was about to change. During the lunchbreak at work she popped down to the nearby bakery to buy a croissant and there she met Jock. Jock was in the bakery buying a cinnamon bun for his lunch. They clicked immediately. In fact when the lunchbreak was almost over they were still holding their unbitten buns and chatting like billy-o. They agreed to go out to dinner. That was the start of something wonderful.

Jock was a plumber by trade but had developed a successful business renovating bathrooms. In fact the photographs of bathrooms he had renovated were fashionable and classy. They were the stuff of glossy magazines. He said to Harriet that he’d be happy to renovate her bathroom for free – it meant they would be in close proximity throughout the renovations! They planned the bathroom meticulously. Harriet would use the neighbour’s bathroom during renovations. Such kind neighbours!

Jock went to work with a sledge hammer. You wouldn’t believe the destruction! Not a single scrap of bathroom porcelain was unshattered! You can’t make an omelette without breaking an egg.

That was when Harriet discovered that Jock was married with three kids.

2590. The patio proposal

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Lucas certainly wanted his marriage proposal to Elizabeth to be special. He wanted it to be a surprise. He wanted it to be romantic. He wanted it to be everything that Elizabeth had ever dreamed of.

This proposal had taken weeks, nay months, of thought and planning, but at last he had decided. He would wait until the wisteria was fully in flower (Elizabeth loved wisteria), set up a romantic table for two on the patio (Elizabeth loved outside dining), have Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos playing quietly in the background (Elizabeth loved Bach), and then he would go down on one knee with the engagement ring and pop the question. She was coming for dinner this very evening.

There was a knock on the door. It was Elizabeth.

“You’re early!” said Lucas. “Come through! Come through! We’re having dinner on the patio at the back of the house. You look as beautiful as ever!”

“Look,” said Elizabeth, “I’ve come early to say our relationship is over. I’m calling it off.”

2278. Empty station

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By the time I reached the station the train had gone. I had been going out with Dolores for almost three years. In fact I was about to pop the question. I was planning how best to do it when she announced it was all over.

“It’s over,” she said. “I’m eloping with Patrick.”

I couldn’t believe it. I went outside and stood there looking at nothing. Eloping with Patrick? Eloping with Patrick?

I saw Dolores leave the house and head for the train station. Someone said she and Patrick were heading into the distant blue. I was at a complete loss. After half an hour or so I thought I’d race to the station and plead with her to give me another chance. But the train had gone.

I don’t think I will ever forgive my brother.

1981. A well-planned homicide

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Randy had “pinched” Willy’s girlfriend of two years. Needless to say, Randy and Willy were no longer friends. Willy decided that revenge was the best option. Randy was on Willy’s unwritten list: To Be Murdered.

Of course Willy didn’t want to spend the rest of his years behind bars. An undetected murder would take some creative planning. There were two viable options: accident or natural causes. All other forms of death could be construed as being possibly murderous.

Willy didn’t have enough knowhow to construct a death by natural causes. You would have to be a doctor or a chemist of some sort to engineer that. Constructing an accident was the best and only option. There was no hurry. Willy had a new girlfriend. The old girlfriend was a distant memory, but the memory of cheating Randy was still fresh in Willy’s mind.

A car accident? An industrial accident? (After all, Randy worked in a flour mill). Falling off a roof or out of a tree? Something like that perhaps.

The mutual rancour between Randy and Willy grew. Willy’s new girlfriend, the literary Sandy, oft quoted William Blake:

I was angry with my friend;
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

Willy was now just two days away from implementing his carefully planned murder. That was when Randy’s plan was enacted. It was a perfect murder. Willy, the murder-planner, is no more.

1937. Ayleen bakes a cake for Rodney

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Ayleen decided to bake a cake. I mean, what else was there to do on a cold rainy day? Besides, her boyfriend, Rodney, was coming to dinner. There was nothing different or special about that but Ayleen thought that to finish with a delectable dessert might sweeten the reality that she was going to announce: as far as Ayleen was concerned the relationship was over.

Ayleen had good reason for it. They had never fallen in love; it was a relationship of convenience. It was “someone to take out”, especially if a group of friends went out partying. But now, Ayleen thought that having a relationship of convenience was a hindrance to finding the right person. Who is going to invite her out if she is already attached? This business with Rodney has to end to make room for whoever was around the corner.

The cake baking went satisfactorily. It was a blueberry yogurt cake. She’d used the recipe quite often. It looked nice enough. A slice of the cake with a dollop of ice cream would be an adequate introduction to her announcement.

Rodney was the fourth guy she’d baked a blueberry yogurt cake for in the last six weeks. When on earth would the right guy come along?

1915. How to pick up guys

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Bridgette was having none of it. This was the third time she had told her new boyfriend that she didn’t take sugar in her coffee and the third time he’d sugared it. Didn’t he listen?

He said it was no big deal. When he moved in he said he wanted to sleep on the side of the bed nearest the door – “Because guys end up going to the bathroom in the night more often” – but did she listen? No. She was in the bed and nearest the door before he could undo his shirt buttons.

Anyway, said Bridgette, it really annoyed her the way he drove the car – and it was her car. He drove along glancing at the rear vision mirror like it was an obsession. Glance glance glance. He said he was looking out for cops. There might be a cop following. So Bridgette asked what have you got to hide from cops? And he said the only thing hidden around here is your brains. He meant it as a joke, but Bridgette flung her sugared coffee (by now it was thankfully cold) all over her new boyfriend and he said things that shall go here unrecorded.

Everything grew into a momentous argument and Bridgette said she would show him around and said “I’ll start by showing you the door”. He told her to jump in the lake, he was going nowhere, but she was welcome to get in her car and go off to where he didn’t care. He repeated that he was going nowhere, and Bridgette said “It’s obvious you’re going nowhere and never will.”

Bridgette said she was sorry, and he said “Try telling that to someone who gives a shit.”

He’s gone now. Thankfully. Bridgette realized she had made a mistake with him initially. It was her fault for inviting him into her life in the first place. One day the right guy will come along. You never know from one minute to the next what exciting person Fate is going to throw in your path. Tonight she’s going down to the pub to see if Mister Right is in fact waiting just around the corner.

1868. Liberation

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Velma Clout was having a bad morning. It wasn’t twenty-four hours since her boyfriend of eighteen months had left her. And what a relief it was. But the morning saw her with a mighty headache and a massive hangover. She had celebrated the boyfriend’s rejection with a wee bottle of wine or two. Honestly, his leaving was what she herself had wanted to do for a good several months but she was too nice. But now it had happened and there was no going back. If only she had celebrated with more restraint and then she could enjoy his absence without feeling like death warmed up.

Her cell phone rang.

It was her boyfriend of eighteen months. Did she want to get back together? He was upset. He had made a mistake. He knew only too well that Velma wouldn’t have the heart to say “No!”

“Yes!” said Velma. “I’ll see you here for lunch.”

Oh why did she do that? Why why why? Why was she so stupid? So silly? So weak? Why why why? Why couldn’t she take a stand?

Suddenly, grabbing a bag of stuff and her purse, Velma got in her car and headed for a day’s outing at the beach. It was for her the first independent thing she had done in ages. She was now the one doing the breaking up; not him. Oh the freedom that went with that! Velma wound down the car window and sang her heart out fortissimo. It was 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover all the way to the seaside.