Tag Archives: safety

3568. Bathroom grab bars

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Evan had always presumed that there would be some sort of official organization – if not the government – to help out if or when he was in a wheelchair. No such help appeared to be forthcoming. He and Marie, his wife, scrimped and saved and managed bit by bit to have enough to buy support grab bars for the bathroom and shower.

They had never counted on the cost of getting a workman to install them. But all was done. Evan and Marie might well be in debt, but Evan could at last manage a few things on his own.

What got to Marie the most was having to keep trying to pay off the workman after her husband had died.

3567. Alphonsus goes to school

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What a proud day it was when little Alphonsus started school; a proud day for Alphonsus and a proud day for Mum and Dad.

They lived in the country and after a few days (Mum had picked him up at school for the first week or so) Alphonsus caught the school bus and was dropped off near home at the top of the hill. He had to go down a hill, cross a plank over a creek, walk up a little hill, and he was home. His father had put the plank across the creek for him.

Around about the third week it rained. The creek was in flood – not too much of a flood; just a little bit. Alphonsus’ mother went down to the creek  and watched from behind a tree. Here comes Alphonsus now! He walked over the plank, no sweat. Alphonsus’ mother went home.

When Alphonsus arrived home his mother asked, “Did you cross the flooded creek safely?”

“It was easy-peasy,” said Alphonsus.

3509. Safe driving

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Every time Louise got in her car to drive somewhere she would say a little prayer to keep her safe. This time however she had forgotten to bring her purse, so she had to get out of the car, pop inside, and get her purse.

 By the time she was backing out of the garage the little prayer had quite escaped her mind. That was when she backed slap-bang into her husband’s car.

3011. A sad farewell

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Good afternoon. We are here to farewell Graeme Willoughby who passed away in his sleep last Thursday evening.

In the interests of public safety if an emergency arises please use the doors at the back, and assemble on the grass next to the children’s cycling park. If there is an earthquake, please get under the pews until the shaking stops, then make your way to the grass next to the children’s cycling park.

The toilets are situated in the adjoining hall. Make your way through the back doors and turn right across the path and there you will see the door to the adjoining hall. The toilets are well sign posted. Please note that this venue is right next to a busy highway, so parents and guardians keep a close eye on children playing when we leave this hall.

We would appreciate it if all cell phones could be turned off.

That is all we have time for I’m afraid. The crematorium likes to keep to a strict schedule. Would the pall-bearers please come forward.

2905. Safe driving

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Yes, Officer, I know I was driving in the middle of the road, but there’s not much traffic, and with my bad eyesight it’s easier to see the centre line. I move over to the side when I see a car approaching – at least I move over most of the time. A couple of times it’s been a narrow miss, but I’m pretty careful.

You say my speed was erratic? Well I’ve only got one leg, haven’t I? I suppose you can’t see that from the window. So I’ve got to manipulate all the pedals with just one foot. Sometimes too my shoe gets caught up in the pedals. That probably explains why the speed is not regular.

Indicate? How can I indicate with only one arm? I’d have to take my hand off the steering wheel. You’re advocating dangerous driving sir. I indicate as carefully as can be if I’m stopped at an intersection. It’s the sudden pulling out to pass a slow car on a busy road  that’s the problem. You should stop those slow drivers, and not me.

Your suggestion is ridiculous. Get a self-driving car? Utter nonsense. They’re so unreliable.

2619.  Swim between the flags

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It was summer and Mr. and Mrs. Barriball bundled their three children up and loaded them into the car. They were off to the beach for the day!

The Surf Lifesaving Club had put up flags on the beach. People were to swim between the flags if they wanted to be rescued if they got into trouble.

Mr Barriball thought that was silly. “There’s a lot more space to enjoy oneself in the water without a crowd of fat people splashing around.”

At the end of the day Mr and Mrs Barriball bundled their three children up and loaded them into the car. They were off home! “See,” said Mr. Barriball,” I told you that swimming between the flags was a silly idea.” He gesticulated grandly as he spoke.

“Slow down a bit on the corners, dear,” said Mrs. Balliball.

“The speed indications they give on corners are always far too slow,” said Mr. Balliball. “You can almost always double the speed indicated.”

Mr. and Mrs. Balliball and their three children arrived home in no time.

2411.  Mother to the rescue

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When Chadwick mowed the lawn in his bare feet his mother gave him a lecture:

I don’t know how many times I have told you to wear proper footwear when mowing the lawn. Your father’s cousin lost a finger while mowing the lawn by fiddling around with the grass-catcher while the lawn mower was still running. You don’t seem to realize just how dangerous these things are. You have also left a width of long grass over there by the gate. I wish you’d take more care and do things nicely. People can see our lawn from the road and goodness knows what they think when they see the haphazard way the lawn is mowed. You wouldn’t get a job as a caretaker at a sport’s field. Also I don’t know how many times I’ve told you to use the grass-catcher. This mowing the lawn without a catcher leaves grass clippings all over the place and I get grass on my slippers when I go over to the fence to tip the used ground coffee beans into the neighbour’s. The grass is impossible to get off simply by wiping shoes on the front door mat. I have to take my shoes off and remove the grass by hand. Now since you appear to have cut off all your toes I’d better get inside and make a phone call. I hope you realize the cost of an ambulance.

980. An inevitable end

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980rail

Cedric had to cross a railway line to get home after work. It wasn’t a direct thing. He would get dropped off next to the railway line after his ride home from work. Then he would walk through a small line of trees, cross over the railway track, pass through another line of trees, cross an unbusy road, and he would be home.

He did that every working day for nearly five years. The trains came through at regular times, so he didn’t need to look as he crossed over. Besides, who couldn’t hear a train coming?

And so it was; get dropped off; go through trees; cross the railway track; go through more trees; cross the road; home.

After five years, Cedric decided to move house. On his very last day in his old house, before moving, he crossed the railway line, and was tragically hit by a car while crossing the road.

Listen to the story being read HERE!

792. Save the tree!

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792gum

SAVE THE TREE! SAVE THE TREE! chanted Colleen standing beneath a derelict, old, and rather dilapidated gum tree.

The protest had raged for weeks. Years ago, a visiting celebrity had planted an Australian gum. It was to commemorate the union between the two countries; Australian troops had fought alongside local troops in some forgotten war. The gum tree was planted ceremoniously in the park. And now the town council wanted it removed.

The village had grown over the years. The road out of town had been straightened and widened. There was still a dangerous curve. The gum tree was in the way. It had to go to make way for progress.

SAVE THE TREE! SAVE THE TREE! chanted Colleen and her friends. Colleen even enlisted the help of her fourteen grandchildren. That certainly swelled the numbers!

The dreaded day arrived. There is an almost iconic photograph (forget the man in front of the tank in Tiananmen Square) of Colleen standing, hands on hips, brazenly blocking the advancement of a bulldozer. And she won! She won! What a celebration! The tree was saved for the enjoyment of future generations!

Anyway, to cut a long story short, a few months later a phone call came around eleven at night. Colleen’s grandson was killed in a car accident. His car hit a tree on a dangerous corner on the way out of town.

To listen to the story being read click HERE!