Tag Archives: water

3526. Bathtub plug

19 Replies

It wasn’t every day that nine-year-old Ricky Hayward had a bath. Don’t get me wrong; he usually had a shower. But ever so occasionally he would run the bathtub and jump in.

He always followed the same procedure. He would get out of the bath, dry himself, get dressed, and then go and ask his mother to pull the plug in the bath to let the water out.

He had this irrational fear that he would get sucked down the plug hole. It made such a squealing noise as the water spun around and got drawn down the plug hole. It was dangerous. The screeching was the water calling for help; yelling to be rescued.

Enough is enough. Ricky’s mother said he was now grown up enough to pull out the plug himself. It was all in his mind. “And don’t take the easy way out,” declared his mother, “and not take a bath ever again.”

Ricky decided to face the music. He would bathe, dry, dress, pull the plug, and run. He bathed, dried, dressed, and pulled the plug. No one has seen him since.

3347. Mind the potted plant

9 Replies

Rochelle was simply terrible at looking after her potted plants. She couldn’t resist buying them. “Oh look at that pretty cactus! I must have it!” She would take it home and never water it. “It’s a cactus. They live in the desert.”

After a potted plant had died she would rarely throw it away; only to make room for a newly bought pot. “You never know when they might spring back into life.” That philosophy came from the fact that she once had a potted plant that did seem to spring back to life. It was the only plant she ever tended, and as it turned out it was a self-sown weed.

Her kitchen and sitting room were like potted plant mortuaries. “I don’t like to water them because they make such a mess in their dishes.”

And then disaster struck. Her young niece came to stay. “Aunt Rochelle, I’ve watered all the potted plants,” said Simone.

Rochelle was thunderstruck. “You what?” she said. “They’ll all sprout and we won’t be able to move.”

And many did sprout. And sprout, and sprout. Rochelle had to move out and sleep in the garage. Thank goodness after several months they all withered up again and Rochelle could move back.

I know there are many cynics among us who will doubt the veracity of this story. But it’s the truth and I’m sticking to it. I can’t resist a potty plant myself. Kind regards, Rochelle’s Psychoanalyst.

3202. In the Sahara

19 Replies

John never imagined in his long life that he’d die alone and waterless in the middle of the Sahara Desert. He had got separated from his travelling companions and his camel had run off. Not only had the camel run off but John had taken off his sunhat to wipe the sweat off his brow and had placed the hat on top of the camel’s head. Dying hat-less, water-less, and camel-less somewhere in the middle of the Sahara would surely be quick. But it wasn’t.

Oh for an oasis! Oh for the shade of even a shabby palm tree! Oh for the tiniest comfort with the touch of some hand!

And then he felt someone touch his hand. Most gently. And someone put a damp flannel on his forehead. And he heard someone say “His hallucinations seem to have passed now, Doctor. Hopefully he will sleep peacefully.”

John never imagined in his long life that he’d fall down an elevator shaft and be trapped underneath the elevator car. There was no one else in the office building. It was after midnight…

2877. Drought

15 Replies

You wouldn’t believe the callousness and civic irresponsibility of some people. I say “civic irresponsibility” but it’s straight out civic disobedience.

Hi. My name is Marrick and I was put in charge of policing water usage during the drought season. The law says when a state of drought is declared that water has to be used carefully and is limited to two gallons a day for each household. There is a serious water shortage.

Just the other day I was out in the countryside and I ran into this chicken farmer. I said to him that his vegetable garden looked pretty lush if you ask me, and he said that over the wet winter he had stored water in two large tanks. He needed the water for his chickens and some for his vegetable garden to feed his family during the drought.

I pointed out that he should buy his vegetables like everyone else. He is not above the law. People are suffering. There’s a limit of two gallons a day for each household.

He said he’d saved the water when there was plenty falling from the sky.

Ridiculous! I’ve sent a crew out to his farm to empty the tanks. Two gallons a day is the stipulation. If he protests there’s always the court.

2674. An alien encounter

24 Replies

People had always regarded Evan as being a bit strange. He was obsessed with thoughts of space aliens and unidentified flying craft that went this way and that instantaneously.

Lady Luck was on Evan’s side. A strange alien craft had landed on his lawn. How did they know that of all the lawns in town his lawn would be the most welcoming. Evan went out to greet the machine.

A loud voice through speakers welcomed him. It spoke in immaculate English, perhaps with a slight tinge of South African accent.

“Welcome Earthling!” said the voice. “We would like to meet you in person. There is a hatch door at the top of our craft. If you wish it can be opened for you to enter, but you will need a ladder to get to the roof of our craft if you wish to use the hatch.”

Evan went to his shed and got a ladder. The hatch opened. Evan jumped into the craft. It was all water. Evan drowned. The aliens were some sort of fish.

2581. Water

8 Replies

It had been a wet season. Not only was Theodore’s driveway slippery with moss, but the roof of his house and guttering had sprouted lichen. There was only one thing for it: he had to spray.

The problem was that his water supply was rain water. He lived in the country and it was the roof that filled the water tank. There were two pipes flowing from the guttering to the water tank. Theodore disconnected them and safely sprayed. After a week or so and several heavy rains it would be safe enough to reconnect the pipes.

What Theodore didn’t know was that there was a third pipe. Unbeknown to him the spray had run into the tank.

Theodore got an upset tummy. He felt increasingly sick throughout the week. He went to the doctor.

“Ah!” said the doctor, “a simple case of stomach flu.” He gave Theodore some pills and said “Avoid dehydration. Drink lots of water.”

1405. Cold water

14 Replies

Eight year old Annie wanted to go to Disneyland but her mother said she couldn’t afford it. Annie came up with an idea. It was a hot day. She would sell cold water at the gate.

The water wasn’t really that cold. It had been in the fridge only for a little while. Annie made a sign:

COLD WATER 5 sents Help me get to Dinseyland

All sorts of kind people passing by purchased a drink of water. Some even paid more than the five cents. By the middle of the afternoon, Annie had collected seven dollars fifteen. Then a bossy lady turned up:

“You want to get to Disneyland? I’ll get you to Disneyland. Where’s your licence to sell water? I’m phoning the police.”

The bossy lady phoned the police and a policeman turned up and made Annie shut down her business. But the reporters were there too from the local television station. The bossy lady had phoned them as well.

By sundown an outraged millionaire had paid for Annie’s entire family to go to Disneyland.

1215. Nematodes

8 Replies

When Merle read in the waiting room of Hair and Nails Beauty Salon that there were nematodes invisible to the naked eye swimming in her drinking water she just about threw up. She almost painted the walls of the beauty parlour with psychedelic chunder. For years Merle had thought she had eaten meat-free and then suddenly… a revelation…

Of course, she could boil the water first, but that would be no different from boiling a leg of mutton. She’d still be swallowing boiled meat, albeit dead worms. Distilled water from the shop was no solution. The nematodes had been ruthlessly murdered so the water could be sold in all its purity. She would not be party to such dastardly actions.

Merle’s husband, when told, had no such qualms. He had eaten meat wholehearted all his life, and thought that having digestible-friendly worms in his water simply added to things.

There was only one thing for it; from now on Merle would drink nothing but Coca Cola. So much more animal friendly. So much healthier. So much cheaper than buying bottled water.