Musings #018

Today was a day off and I seemed to be consumed with negative thoughts through the day.

Today was such a weird day. Barely uttered any words. Slept and ate. A lot of time wasted on social media platforms like Reddit and Instagram.

Room is a mess but didn’t clean it up. Watched a movie that was slightly disturbing (Luckiest Girl Alive on Netflix). Pondered and worried about my increasing weight, saw the pictures over the last one year and how I am changing.

Recalled an incident from the past where a lady was rude in particular.

Should have gone to sleep but decided to take a bath at 2 am while reading Slyvia Plath’s Bell Jar. For those of you who don’t know, the protagonist is undergoing mental health issues and I ended up reading the part where she is contemplating cutting off her wrists in a warm bath. Major eye roll moment. Got a little freaked out. Saw a few pictures of my partner who is away at the moment to comfort myself. Decided not to read any further.

Now ending this bummer of a day with a blog post.

Adios!

In betweens

What does one do with the momentary thoughts in between?

When you love a person dearly and they disappoint you gravely on some days.

When you like your job but it tires you out to exhaustion at times.

When you know your friends have your back but you hesitate to reach out.

When you adore your parents but also get annoyed with them, for not holding the phone right during video calls.

When the weather is sunny but there are clouds too.

All the riches in the world, yet you lack the feeling of contentment.

When you cherish someone’s memory but won’t contact them, as you have crossed that bridge once.

When the wound has healed but the scar is determined to stay permanent.

When you are seeking answers in black and white and it’s grey.

That weird little feeling of exasperation.

Fleeting, yet impactful.

Doesn’t linger, doesn’t simmer, still burns you from inside.

Count your blessings

These days are rare..but when they happen, i whisk away into the thought pool happily, with abandon.

On such days, I just lay back and allow myself to feel things. Overwhelmed by gratitude for everything I have been able to experience in my life.

Strong connections, great friends, some really nice people, a loving and supportive family, a caring partner.

In this age of instant gratification, we get so caught up in the day to day rush, that we forget the people we have met over our journey to this point. How at peace some moments made you feel. Places where you stayed for two three days, but felt like you belonged there.

Some utterly beautiful sunsets, some very tiring, very worthwhile walks, some long night conversations, some bonds that didn’t seem forced.

Today I am counting my blessings. I know life will throw its setbacks my way, but today I rejoice. And today, I cherish.

Musings #011

How does one think beyond the limits of one’s surroundings when one is confined in the same spot for a really long time. No change of scenery, no human interaction, no intimacy, no banters. I feel like my mind has frozen. Stuck in this loop of mundane activities, trying really hard to stay positive but to no avail. These bad thoughts and scary moments sneak their way in, somehow. I want this feeling of unrest to end. I would like to feel the lightness in my steps and have a zinger for my thoughts. It’s not like I am constantly sad. But I would like to be in a state of carefreeness. I know that feeling, I crave for it now more than ever. Peace in solace. Just, plain and simple peace. 🙂

Attention

Am I writing for the likes?

Posting photos for the views?

Living for the heck of it

And loving for attention?

Am I incapable of deep thought?

Am I too simple to be complex?

Is complexity the only mystique thing?

And am I seeking to be mystique then?

No vices make the virtue look boring

Am I overly consumed in my virtues?

And too self-centred to notice?

Or am I getting carried away with opinions again?

Musings #008

Could WE co-exist with a little bit of YOU and a little bit of I?

At times, there is so much of YOU that I feels trifle. Some days it’s only I and no trace of YOU. One moment too distant, next minute too involved. Do YOU and I ever find a balance? When I sulks could YOU hold strong; when YOU panics could I stay calm. When time doesn’t move forward, could I keep the clock aside? When everything is haywire, could YOU stand the storm. If only I could be I, YOU could be YOU and they still manage to discover WE; US would make quite a story!

P.S. : Only time will tell.

Musings #108

Could WE co-exist with a little bit of YOU and a little bit of I?

P.S. : Only time will tell.

Mind games

The most agitating feelings of all is to realize someone’s absence and not be able to shake that stupid bug off. Then have a long list of productive things to be done, in your head and watch the time fly by. To be aware of the futility of the situation and still somehow get trapped into nothingness.

I better start off my day. Much to be done. Music coming to the rescue.

P.S.: Be happy with yourself. :).

Life is for the living

It takes a lot of might to think beyond yourself. Your problems, your shit, your happiness, your importance. I am apparently swimming against the current of stream. Or so it feels. Not even sure if it is the right direction or if there is a way ahead. If it’s all in my head, i’ll better shut off for a while and focus on better things. May be, ignorance is bliss for the moment.

P.S.: Going “philosophical mode ON” today for random reasons.

Musings #005

I don’t talk much about you..I don’t like to. You are sparsely present in my life. Not in essence and yet hovering in back of my mind. Like salt is to a dish we can say. When I think about it I realize that you..you were a novelty episode. Something I didn’t stumble across before. That I couldn’t relate to from past. And so you struck me like a bolt. There or not, you arouse a whole new dimension of emotions inside me: unprecedented, inexpressible and immensely fervent. Could I talk of you a little less? Sure. Could I think of you a little lesser? No. What’s to become of me? Now that I am tinted in your hues.