Musings #019

4 am

I am overwhelmed by a range of emotions that I don’t have a handle on. Am I happy? Am I sad? I am definitely restless. And clueless.

It’s so difficult to keep yourself busy when your mind isn’t at peace. And god, the social media does not help. Have stopped using IG and switched to Reddit. And it’s slightly better? Who knows.

Been reading books, watching movies, TV shows, going to the gym. I have found a new obsession with Apps. Using an app for everything.

Goodreads for books

Letterboxd for movies

Serializd for TV shows

Money Mgr. for expenses

MyFitnessPal for calorie count

NikeRun Club for Gym

Happy Scale for weight

Spotify for music

Too much time to kill? Probably yeah. Been reading Bridget Jones’s diary and feel like I am turning into her.

Can’t believe my last blog post was one year ago.

Nerves. Got to rest the nerves.

Morning Anxiety

I am losing confidence in myself. That can’t be good. I decide I am not good at something even before attempting it. Something is not right guys. This isn’t me.

And enough with the self victimization. I am growing old of it myself. Shitty things happen in life. Get over it. There will be new chapters. And better days.

Another noticeable fault in my system is that I am starting my day by looking at my phone screen. My inner angel self(you know out of the two, angel and demon) is questioning it too, ’Girl! Really? Morning with a phone screen!’. And I am not waking up with very good thoughts. Morning then really sets the tone of my day and I am anxious throughout.

I know better. I genuinely do. And I am not looking at my phone when I wake up tomorrow.

Blessing in disguise!

Adversities bring out the best in you. Or sometimes the best to you. My current adversity involves sudden malfunctioning of my phone. Malfunctioning did I say?! No…it abruptly died last week. Kind of like two people walking on a lone island..having a good time and suddenly out of no where one person drowns. In that moment..I blurted weird reactions. Firstly I got excited..okay time for a new phone! Then I felt a little bad…because as humans, we tend to get attached to myriad things. Then a thought crossed my mind…now is the time to cut off from world. My contigency plan stepped up in the form of a low key phone I used to carry five years back. I rummaged through old cartons and luckily found its charger. Now my voyage(well..sort of!) began. No mails…no notifications..no clicking of random pictures..no contacts..felt lighter in a strange way. I remembered five contacts and that was all. I was happy..carefree..strolling..wandering..sleeping without anxiety..waking up without caring to check my phone..battery of my sturdy old school lasting for two days straight..life was good. And then..well..technology got the better of me. I succumbed. I wish God had given me a stronger will power to stay disconnected. Anyway. Adversity is over. Have ordered a new phone. Truely speaking…I have mixed feelings about it. It’s like..okay now I was alone in the island..had gotten accustomed to the surroundings..was scavenging alone..having my own fun..and now a new person will tag along. Whatever! We’ll find our peace. And there is the pic…in memory of my old phone! 😛 Drew it long back..