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Monthly Archives: November 2011

So nervous…

In life, there are some things you can control, and these things are wonderful. Things like when you get up in the morning, what you wear to work, what you have for lunch, or who you talk to during the day. They allow you to exert your will on the world, and who doesn’t like to feel in control? But in practice, these are harder to control than they appear to be. This is due in part to pesky things like emotions and habits. But it is more likely a result of that vast menagerie of factors that you CAN’T control: things like ethnicity, disasters, weather, computer bugs, illnesses, sports teams, traffic, and, of course, other people. These can wreak havoc on your ability to direct your life, and, without the proper perspective, can lead to a serious affliction known as

WORRY

If you’re reading this, you’ve been alive long enough to have noticed that things often don’t go your way. They can be circumstances that you’re born with and are therefore stuck with, or events that happen over the course of your life that either piss you off or completely alter your perspective and direction. These things are everywhere, and you’re worried sick about them. Why?

”I’ll tell you why, they’re screwing up my life! Every time I make a plan or try to get ahead something shoots me down! There are things about me that could ruin all of my goals!”

Yes, I probably can’t argue with any of that (not to where I’d convince you, anyway). Death, recessions, bad genes, car crashes, nutty colleagues… all of these suck, clearly. But why are you worried about them? If they happened in the past, you’ve probably moved on to some degree. You’ve fought those battles and hopefully made peace with the outcomes, because if there’s one thing you DEFINITELY can’t change, it’s the past (unless you have a time-turner, in which case, Godspeed). But worry isn’t about the past, it’s about the future.

In fact, this whole post is really about the future. Think about the future, please. In your mind’s eye you might see yourself taking an upcoming trip, getting married, having kids, growing old, winning the lottery, getting a promotion. I have some bad news: none of those things is going to happen. Yes, I said it. And do you know why? Because your mind’s eye is extremely prone to illusions, and all of the things you see happening are laden with little details that your mind is filling in. Those things might happen. In fact, I hope they do! But I can almost guarantee they won’t happen the way you expect them to in your daydreams. Does that make them bad? Absolutely not! I, for one, have been on vacations that were ten times better than they were even in my most optimistic predictions. But the places I went were almost nothing like what I expected.

Now I want you to think about the future again. This time your mind’s eye has a dark circle around it as it looks upon bankruptcy, infertility, deaths, fire, burglary, losing jobs, being betrayed by friends. STOP LOOKING! Are you beginning to see the point? These things are possible, but not only are they highly unlikely, but your mind is filing in all sorts of sordid details that make them a thousand times worse than they would be in real life! Even if the worst case happens, it wouldn’t be as bad as your mind could make it. The mind is a powerful animal. The same way it can create vivid, life-like dreams, it can create one of these dark futures in your mind, and then you become convinced of its reality by living and reliving it in your head. The same way you get excited when you mentally play out a vacation, you produce anxiety by mentally torturing yourself. This is the foundation of worry, and it’s going to drive you crazier than you already are.

Here’s a secret about the future that your mind doesn’t want me to tell you: IT DOESN’T EXIST! Even if everything is written out in some cosmic book, as far as you’re concerned the present moment is all there is. The past is more real than the future because at least it leaves some physical trace of its passing. Yes, there are indicators of things that are going to happen in the future, and yes, some things can be predicted. But even though you can predict the sun will rise, you can’t predict exactly what it will look like. You can get excited about a magnificent golden display, or worry about a dreary overcast sky. But that’s your mind again, and the things you are really worried about aren’t as cut and dry as whether the sun will rise. Instead, you are worried about how it will make you feel, how it will affect you, and more importantly, how it will affect your PLANS. Your mind has decided what the “ideal” future looks like, and now it is doing its best to find all the ways it could fail. Your own expectations are setting the stage for your worst fears.

THE TAKE AWAY

Maybe you think I’m going to launch into a spiel on “don’t worry, be happy,” or “don’t worry about what you can’t control.” I’m not, because you know these things and you still worry, so clearly that’s not the answer. Instead, I only ask that you think back, maybe twenty years ago, maybe yesterday. Think of something you were REALLY worried about, maybe something you had to do or a situation you were in that you couldn’t see ending any way but badly. Got one? Good. Now don’t think about what happened. I don’t care if your worst fears were realized or if your enemies suddenly fell on their own swords and vanished. Instead, think about right here, right now, reading this post, and recognize that no matter what happened, or what happens next,

Look into this face and tell me you’re still worried

Right now, you are okay.

Maybe a loved one is dying, or your job sucks, or you’re having relationship problems, and you are convinced that you’re not okay. I didn’t say EVERYTHING is okay. I said you are. You’re breathing, you have enough money to afford whatever you’re reading this on, and someone somewhere loves you. Don’t believe me? Well, eventually, whether a few hours or many years from now, you’ll look back on this time and think, “Yes, that happened. But I’m okay now.” And that’s the beauty of the future: the sun will rise, this too shall pass. And when you’ve lived your last day and past, present, and future blend into one, I hope you realize the truth that has been lurking there just out of sight all along: That no matter what storms are blowing around or inside you, no matter how little control you feel like you have, you are, and always have been, okay.

WHAT’S IT TO YOU?

Think of a time when you were worried sick about something. Did it end well or poorly, and what effect did worrying have on the outcome (if any)? How does remembering that time affect your perspective on whatever you’re worried about now?

Comments and discussion are always welcome! Life teaches us all lessons. Share what you’ve learned!

2 Comments

Posted by wittytruth on November 15, 2011 in Future, Perspective, Positivity, Tribulations, Worry

Tags: future, life, life lessons, perspective, philosophy, worry

If you can’t take the heat…

09 Nov

Ready or not, the holidays are coming, and no matter who you are, you will most likely experience an upswing in stress in November and December. Some of this is good stress: time with friends and family, anticipation of gifts, college football bowl season. But many of you will experience negative stress as well. Perhaps you love but don’t actually LIKE your family, you ridiculously procrastinate in your gift buying, or you don’t observe religious holidays and are just a bit irritated about the whole thing. But between the cheesy office parties, family gatherings, and general explosion of food everywhere, you probably won’t be able to entirely avoid the topic of

BAKING

For the purpose of this blog post, please ignore the nitpicking semantics differentiating baking vs. cooking vs. roasting vs. broiling. Set your mind on casseroles, or cakes, or pies, and notice the commonality: when they enter the oven, they are cold and runny. At best they are kind of awkward and gelatinous; at worst, full of raw eggs and ready to ruin your day if you eat them. But when they come out of the oven, delicious, smelling heavenly and tasting even better…drool, drool. Go find some pie (I know I’m going to!).

And welcome back again! I hope it was perfectly done: not too runny, and certainly not burnt! Because baking can be a bit tricky: to get that perfect pie, you have to make sure the temperature is right, or you’ll end up with a mess. After you’ve gathered up all of the ingredients and mixed everything just right, you have to send your creation into the oven, leave it in there for a while, and basically hope for the best. And let’s be honest: an oven is a terrible place to be. The hapless holiday dish is trapped, suffocating in the devilish red glow that burns it without and within. Essentially hell, right? But the result can be magnificent, if it’s not overdone.

Now remember a time (probably more than one) where life was baking you. Maybe a class or job was wearing you out, your house needed a major repair, money was tight, or a caustic relationship was straining you on multiple fronts. Chances are, you were pretty runny heading into these situations. For whatever reason, be it naiveté, lack of experience, conceit, or crippling fear, you just weren’t ready for the situation. You found yourself trapped, elements of your life heating up all around you. You were baking. Now recall that one of three things happened: you were either

Burned—something terrible happened. You were fired, or divorced, or suffered a mental breakdown. For whatever reason, you were in the oven too long, the heat was too high, and you’re still putting out the flames.
Undercooked—you got out of it. Congratulations! You escaped the fires of hell unscathed, but guess what? The happy holiday-makers are afraid to put you on their table and risk the health of their loved ones. You’re unproven, and have little to show for your stint in the heat.
Done! You got into this situation for a reason, whether by fate or choice, and that was to come out better. And though you might be a little crispy on the edges, a little gooey in the center, you’ve solidified into what you were meant to be. You stayed in just long enough and kept the temperature just right. You’re ready for the feast.

THE TAKE–AWAY

Life is often an oven, and like any technology, ovens can be prone to going crazy and bursting their contents into flames. But for the most part, there are aspects of baking situations you can control, and how well you take the heat while balancing these other factors will determine the quality of the result. Perhaps you regretfully end a relationship that has singed both parties to prevent it from progressing to an unhappy marriage and ultimately divorce. Or you manage a successful work-life balance through a punishing deadline, or budget effectively through an economic downturn. Despite the heat of the situation, you handle it and come out better on the other side. Your products, of course, are those qualities that are solidified by your experience. Virtues such as patience, humility, perseverance, and compassion are just a few sweet results of life’s baking.

Perhaps the most important take-away from baking is that even if you are burned to a crisp, you can gather the ingredients together and try again. The good news is, unlike that smoldering casserole, life will give you another run in the oven. You just have to be willing to combine the ingredients, get in the pan, and go for it.

WHAT’S IT TO YOU?

What are some of your own oven experiences? Were you burned, undercooked, or baked just right? What “baked goods” did you end up with? Leave comments and discuss—we’ve all learned lessons from life, so share your wisdom here!

Spice it up!

03 Nov

“WHY is this sandwich so dry!??!?” Why, indeed? You managed to drag yourself out of bed and go to work or school, you made it through a grueling morning, and your just reward is upon you: lunchtime. You reach into the lunch container of your choosing and pull out the thing you’ve been waiting for: your sandwich. And as you take a bite into its soft, meaty, cheesy goodness, you revel in its comforting flavor, until a few chews later it turns to cotton in your mouth. Your heart sinks, you suck down a gulp of water, and you curse yourself. You forgot the

MUSTARD!

Now, you have to ask yourself: Why exactly did you not include mustard on your sandwich? If the answer is that you don’t like it, or that you are a vegetarian, vegan, or are gluten-free and therefore do not eat the above-described sandwich… well, stay tuned if only for the clever life lesson. There are a few reasons our mustard-eating friends might have left it off this time. Perhaps they…

Just forgot it while making their sandwich
Didn’t buy it; maybe it was too much work to visit the condiment aisle
Thought about it, but didn’t think it was worth it. I mean, if it’s a new bottle you have to
- Unscrew the lid and peel off the little seal inside
- Shake it like crazy to avoid soggy mustard juice
- Squeeze it onto the bread and dirty a knife to spread it for even distribution

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making fun of you for any of these. I’ve left mustard off plenty of times for just these reasons. But let me explain a few things about mustard, especially to you nay-sayers who think we should have picked a different condiment entirely. Mustard is…

Virtually calorie-free! I like mayo as much as the next guy, but it’s the biggest loser in this arena
Low-cost. A quick internet search reveals that classic yellow mustard sells for a mere
- $11 for FIVE HUNDRED packets. What is that, 250 sandwiches? At least 100…
- $2 for TWO 14oz. bottles. That’s a dollar for every 3.75 cups. Mustard is CHEAPER THAN WATER! (at least when sold in a bottle, from a vending machine)
Chock full of flavor! Whether you like it or not, it’s hard to deny that mustard packs quite a flavor punch per unit volume compared with other leading condiments.

Clearly mustard pros > mustard cons. And the question of whether you should include mustard on your next sandwich is answered. The other question you have, however, is not yet answered: What could mustard POSSIBLY have to tell us about life? Well, I’ll tell you.

What’s the mustard in your life? If you’ve been reading this blog, your mind is already looking down this rabbit hole. The mustard in your life needs to take just a little bit of effort, like getting out mustard for your sandwich. But it also needs to have three huge pros. It’s got to be 1) Good for you, 2) Low-cost (time and money-wise), and 3) Really enjoyable, considering how little it cost you.

THE TAKE-AWAY

Life’s mustard moments are often taken for granted, but once you’ve tasted them their absence is VERY noticeable. Playing a game with your kids, taking a walk with your spouse, looking at the stars, breathing fresh air, having a quick exercise session, pausing for a brief chat at work despite your busy schedule, calling and catching up with a friend, parent, or grandparent. It takes a little work: that walk might take half an hour; the phone isn’t going to pick itself up. But my goodness! Wasn’t that worth the modicum of effort it took?

Put a little effort into the little things, and the flavorful burst of joy, love, peace, or contentment you receive will spice up life’s dry days.

Today, look for the mustard moments, take the time to peel off the seals and shake things up a bit, and enjoy the positive feelings that pour out. Enough raindrops make a pond, enough pennies make a fortune… enough little mustard moments make an otherwise unspectacular life well-lived and admired. So go ahead, spread them around, and spice up your life!

Making it Stick

01 Nov

Everyday objects sometimes have a lot to tell us about life. Some, like three ring binders, have pretty cryptic life lessons, I’ll admit. But others have a story to tell if you’re paying attention. Take books for instance! Yes, pun intended.

Really though, take almost anything and you can find a way it applies to living life. Today, in the absence of any other real inspiration, let’s think about

TAPE

Yes, like Scotch tape. Why tape, you ask? Because it has two sides to it. Look at the smooth side: it faces the world and lets you know it’s there, but is pretty ineffectual otherwise. That’s the idea, unless you’re dealing with double-sided tape which is just insane. Then there’s the sticky side, the reason the smooth side exists, the one doing all sorts of work. The thing is, the only time you see the sticky side is when it’s being useless. And then you KNOW it’s being useless. Or worse than useless, it’s being downright annoying and sticking to your hand.

How does this relate to life, you ask? Well, my inquisitive reader, I’ve observed that there are two sides to life. The “sticky” side, or action side, is what you’re doing when you’re attending class, doing homework, working at your desk, attending meetings, etc. You’re in the thick of things, and the world isn’t exactly watching you while you go about your day-to-day mundane schedule. Think too long about the proportion of your life spent spinning your wheels like this and you’ll be depressed, but eventually you get to reap the benefits of the smooth side.

The smooth side is the public result of your sticky actions. Just like a piece of tape holding up a poster, the only thing you see is the smooth side and what a fantastic job it’s done to hold up that huge poster, not the molecular bonding actions that the sticky side is using in its epic struggle against gravity. In life, the smooth side is the stuff you enjoy, the client presentation that goes well, the good grades, the awards, the promotions, the published papers, the completed projects on your resume or bio. This is what people remember you for, and what you work for. You turn to face the world, and you show them the poster you’re hanging up.

THE TAKE-AWAY

You’re probably thinking that your life is more interesting than a piece of tape, and for your sake I’m hoping it is. But today I want you to dumb it down and think about the times when you’ve been focused on the sticky side of your life, and what benefits you reaped when you turned to the smooth side. Moreover, notice that without the sticky side THERE WOULD BE NO SMOOTH SIDE. And there would be no way for you to share your accomplishments—your poster—with the world.

People really want to see your poster, but unfortunately they aren’t going to look on the ground for it. You’ve got to put in the work that lets you hold up your accomplishments for the world.

Sometimes you have to use your sticky side just to repair things, or at least patch them up. And sometimes despite your best efforts, your actions aren’t going to stick, or they’re going to stick to someone the wrong way and irritate them. Everyone has a unique sticky side, as different as Scotch tape, packing tape, athletic tape, electrical tape, bandages (just go with it), or duct tape (the Renaissance man of tape). We all have a way to use our actions to make a difference in the world. So go ahead, find your passion, find a way to put it to work for the world, and make it stick.

wittytruth

Monthly Archives: November 2011

So nervous…

If you can’t take the heat…

Spice it up!

Making it Stick

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