I read something last week that struck me as fundamentally True. It said that the only truly significant thing you can do in life is to love. I realize that “only” is a strong word, but think about this for a moment. What is more significant in life than love? Love of others, love of self, love of whatever God or higher being you believe in: I would bet that just about everything you do in life stems from these things. Anything that doesn’t is probably something you want to change, whether or not you recognize why. People spend a lot of time looking for meaning, purpose, and Truth. Not only do they not always find it, but all too often they come away feeling worse than they did when they started! To find the Truth, and for it to mean anything, you have to look in the right place. So I want to spend some time exploring that place, which happens to be the most important thing in your life:
LOVE
I get that it’s actually Valentine’s Day as I post this, and I doubt I’ll convince you that it’s a coincidence. Unfortunately, when most people think of love, they think of Valentine’s Day. Or sex. Or at the very least, a romantic relationship of some kind. That’s great, and if done correctly, these are very powerful aspects and expressions of love.
But that’s not the Love I’m talking about. Love is greater than all these things, and it can be very difficult to define. Most everyone, religious or not, is familiar with St. Paul’s well-known description of love in 1 Corinthians 4-8. This is essentially what I’m talking about, but it’s still very vague and poetic. What does it actually mean that love is patient, always trusts, or never fails?
Love, at its core, is about connection. Religions from every time and place have venerated this universal connection, whether through a God or gods, an all-pervading life force, or a powerful spiritual state. But believe it or not, atheists often talk about the same thing when asked about the meaning in life. They just describe it differently, usually with more personal and less specific language. Even science, through studies of quantum phenomena and consciousness, is beginning to explore and validate this connection, both on a global scale and between individuals. You may be surprised or angry, and you may disagree, but whatever you believe about it, Love matters to you.
Once you see love as a connection, it’s easier to see it that it comes in many forms that aren’t “romantic.” The love between parent and child is one of the most potent, as is the love that exists between siblings (once they get over fighting with each other). Love exists between friends who open up and share their experiences, from inside jokes and mutual fun to struggles with grief and stress. Listening to your friend vent, supporting them at a relative’s funeral, and throwing them a surprise party are all expressions of love. And though it may be hard to realize, allowing a friend to do these things for you, to accept and be grateful for their love, is equally important.
Is love only between friends and family then? That’s a resounding no; the key we are talking about here is connection, which can apply to anyone. You might think of random acts of kindness. Smiling at a stranger who looks upset, holding a door, giving a genuine compliment, even rushing to someone’s rescue are ways to cultivate a connection to the “outside world” beyond your circle of friends and family. This is still “direct” love between you and another person.
That’s it? you’re thinking. Tell me something I don’t know. This is way obvious.
Remember how I said love is the most important thing in your life? I meant it, and not in a weird, vague sense. Whether it’s challenging or easy for you, direct love is amazing, and the more naturally it comes the closer you are to really getting life. But Love goes even further, into parts of your life that you might not associate with it.
Have you ever sat down to a task that you absolutely hate? If you’re lucky, these tasks are few and far between. But you might feel this way about something that takes up a lot of your time, like work or school. Do you sit down and wonder why the heck you’re doing it? I bet I know why, and I bet it can be traced back to love.
You might think this statement is a stretch. Laundry? A crappy job with a low salary and no hope of advancement? Paying bills? And you’re telling me this is Love?
If you live with someone, either your parents or your significant other or your spouse or your kids, you might see what I’m getting at. You are working that job to support your dependents, or someone is doing the same for you and you’re grateful. You do laundry and dust to keep the environment clean, which improves your health and promotes a positive mindset. You pay the bills to provide for people. You go to school to improve your ability to do these things.
If you live alone, these reasons apply a little differently and bring another love, the love of self, into play. This gets a bad rap because most people replace self-love with selfish. But these are two different things. Brushing your teeth, getting a physical, making money to support yourself, eating well and exercising: do these scream “selfish” to you? Of course not, and yet you do these things out of a love of self. Why? Because taking care of your body, your mind, and your emotional state is critical to being able to relate to the world and to other people. How are you going to love anyone enough to share a smile or give your time if you’ve let yourself go and are miserable and unhealthy?
I could go on and on, but if you think about your life, anything you choose to do that you would rather not do can be traced back to love. What about things you DO want to do? Well, that’s a little tricky. Things like sex, splurging on food and luxuries, or venting your complaints to a friend are healthy and can contribute to a full, beautiful life. Done well and in moderation, they are important expressions of love. But you and I both know they can also tear a life apart if done in excess, and they underscore the fact that Love is deeper than just temporary gratification. Many things point to Love, but access to Love itself is more of a state of being, a mindset.
THE TAKE-AWAY
You might have come to this post expecting the keys to life, and might be feeling like I’ve given you a whole lot of nothing. The thing about love, which has been explained by generations of theologians, scientists, philosophers, and everyday people, is that it is both immensely complex and intensely personal. What I want you to come away with is just how important Love is to EVERY aspect of your life, from your daily commute to a romantic night out. To truly understand Love, take a step back and look at why you do what you do, every decision that you make. See your life objectively, and try to recognize how you feel about its various aspects. Each of us has qualities about ourselves that we like. Maybe you’re a good listener, a mentor, or generous with your time. Chances are, these aspects of yourself, things that lead to satisfaction and fulfillment, are where Love is most present in your life. Other qualities, like a self-destructive habit or quick temper, might indicate somewhere where your self-love is lacking, which adversely affects your ability to Love others. Either way, I want you to leave this post and look at your life with this in mind:
Love is at the heart of everything you do. Your ability to recognize it, cultivate it, and truly live it is directly related to your openness, your perspective, and your attitude.
Keeping yourself oriented toward the positive, the meaningful, and the fulfilling aspects of your life is a struggle that we all share daily. The more you do this, the more you come to see drudgery as a time for reflection, setbacks as opportunities to reassess, tragedy as an unexpected instigator of love, and anger as a matter of perspective.
Victory in this internal struggle is never permanent. There is no magic cure-all and this struggle will take every fiber of your will and being to succeed. But once you’ve experienced this true Love, even for an hour or a day, you know it is the answer you’ve been looking for. To lose sight of it is the ultimate disappointment. And to regain it, though it may take years, is the sweetest joy and freedom. You will experience both. But what will determine the quality of your life is how relentlessly you seek to experience Love, and how dedicated you are to resisting the easy path of frustration, self-doubt, complaint, lack of discipline, and despair.
The ultimate expression of self-love is to seek out Love in every aspect of your life. The ultimate expression of love of others is to give of yourself, to recognize and live out your connection to the people around you. Only from an understanding of Love do you gain Purpose. And there is no greater contentment than to know that the Purpose for your life is Love.
What’s it to you?
For the last few months I’ve been discontent. I’ve been constantly looking at aspects of my life I want to change. I’ve been frustrated, anxious, quick to anger and complain, and frankly I became sick of it. That’s really what it took: choosing to be tired of the rut my life was in and it led me to take a step back and try to be more positive. And for the last week, that same life has left me optimistic, fulfilled, and positive. I’ve found myself more responsive to the emotional needs of others, and I’ve begun to recognize the relative unimportance of the stressors that I’d been allowing to define my attitude. And all it took was a decision.
No matter how your life is going, I urge you to do this. Take a look at your attitude toward your home life, your job, your relationships. Is there anything you don’t like about your relationship to these things rather than the things themselves? If the answer is yes, dare to change yourself, or more specifically, your perspective. It will give you the freedom to love others and take yourself less seriously, and if there are external things you want to change, you’ll be in a much better place to conquer these challenges.
No one does this Love stuff perfectly. In fact, I feel somewhat hypocritical for writing this because of my own constant shortcomings. But that is the heart of my message, and my greatest hope for this post and this blog. By sharing both my struggles and insights, which are all too often brought on by tragedy and hardship, I can give you perspective that can help in your life. By reading this and reflecting, by sharing, by commenting, you can hone these ideas and spread them. We are all in this together. Let’s make it mean something.
wittytruth 