June 9, 2026
June 8, 2026
Guess Gils check finally cleared
Marty Moon is back with his 70’s disco outfit and an important assignment; announcing the release of a Milford student from the ICE holding facility, at which there are a total of 3 cars in the parking lot. I would say they need more employees to handle all these ICE prisoners. We know one of them belongs to Pranit Smith. Still using his iphone with the selfie stick instead of a real camera crew. Talk about fuckin cheap. How long is that stand holding the selfie stick?
Isis father was bald last time we saw him. He appears to have grown out his hair in the past week. Isis is still wearing that purple top. How does it smell?
Of course Keri is there to greet her friend with tears. Shes sorry again, for what? Protesting? Not getting Isis out sooner? And Isis clears her of any wrongdoing. I just dont have sympathy for either of them at this point.
June 6, 2026
Warning – Protests ahead
Looks like school isnt out for the summer yet as the girls are talking about prom and not attending it; I assume Keri would ask Horse Girl again? Inma seems to think Isis is still locked up somewhere,or at least barred from going to prom for whatever reason, of course its unexplained. Confused about why Keri is planning another protest at the prom but not attending it? So am I. At least Inma is good with going about her life no matter Isis’ status in it, like normal folks.
Back at the Thorp house, Beth is probably at work as Gil and Keri talk about Keri’s plan to stage another protest. Well, the previous protests apparently were enough to get that court order to release Isis and her dad, so its not all bad. But ol Keri is still mad about her dad disapproving of another one. Isnt Isis free yet? Maybe not, after all. (paperwork, red tape etc) Why is there a need for yet another demonstration? Looks like we’re going backwards. Why even have that panel the other day in the ICE center?
Again I thought the Isis thing was in the rear view mirror. We need a little more continuity instead of reading minds. Yes I know Keri’s cause is justice for immigrants, in the big picture, but her taking it out on everyone is the wrong approach, as Gil suggests, especially since Gil is footing the bill for her Isis release.
Lets see what Gil comes up with as an alternate plan to help Keri focus her energy in the proper way. Thats what we need to see Monday. But it’ll probably be back to the golf course again.
June 4, 2026
I’m Glad You Signed Up Because I Was Clueless On Other Sports Plot Ideas.
One item you can count on with either Gil or Rex, they spend more time BS’ing before any action really gets undertaken. Why head in the direction on acting upon the task at hand when you can lounge around and shoot the bull(literal and figurative) and preserve any care whether any progress enhances itself. Let’s just keep thrashing a dead bull and let Greyhound do the driving.
I’m glad that Lucas found a sport he enjoys. He switched hobbies from coach-punching to a more gentlemanly sport, coach-punching w/the putter. With that in mind, thank God this isn’t the Masters. We’d still be stuck on Tiger’s masterpiece in ‘97 if that Masters Classic was motioning at the pace the plot is undergoing now.
Gil, we’re not blind. We can empathize with the conversation but honestly, three panels that includes your own golf game as a matter of debate slow the whole sports action process at a comatose rate. Can we at least prod Lucas into golfing some more???? I’m confident Lucas isn’t using his driver to fend off the audience whenever James Brown does “Live At Milford Amphitheater!!!”
Well, at least Beth can whack Mama Thorp next time she accuses Beth of only possessing friendships at the Best Little Whorehouse in Milford.
Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer
”Mama Thorp And I Get Along Fine!!!!!!”
sub headline
”She even offered to pay for my hunting license when Duck Season rolls around.”
REX ALERT!!!!!! REX ALERT!!!!!!
We have, as if it were a consolation prize on Joker’s Wild, some continuity SOMEWHERE. But that’s like saying Oliver Twist will never starve if they keep adding oregano to the never-ending gruel.
Lorna Starr, if I’m gathering the information correctly, will never return to her mansion and is in fact putting it up for sale. She will hook up with Mud Mountain Murphy and have better intimacy than Wanda has with her ironing board, given her dearth of vivacity in bed with Truck Tyler.
Okay. Feel-good stories are always welcome.
Pow wows that take a week when buying comfortable shoes at a Foot Locker or Payless Shoes would have solved Fatty Butt’s predicament are not.
Instead of Rex ensconced in some gut-wrenching toenail surgery, we’re waxing bored to tears because the lead kitchen dude called the Pueblo community to handle the overflow???? Fatty Butt wants to give up Peyton Place to invest in the same motel Jimmy Swaggart sleazed in when he wasn’t digging into the Motel Cafe’s All-You-Can-Devour-Waffle Blue Lite Special???? Man, don’t sacrifice your principles for a man who talked principles but indulged in trashy women when he didn’t clean all his plate of Sausage & Amish Grits. Like the manager said, we better take this one slow, even if it is prolonging the plot and stretching the rubber band so that Hooke’s Law no more enters the equation any more than Swaggart could enter his old church again.
I’d say, yes, Fatty Butt should just be hostess and indeed sign an autograph or two. But why wait until Swaggart got caught red-handed before deciding that Fatty Butt shouldn’t be wandering all around the dining area imprinting John Henrys and refilling Folgers at the speed of light???? If we tried to catch Swaggart in the act at the rate somebody put two plates and two plates together and came up with a tray of meat loaf and chicken cacciatore dishes the size of Fatty Butt’s butt, he’d be at the shopping mall sizing up which engagement ring to buy for his latest sleaze companion from all those love offerings he accrued.
Buy your damn shoes, Fatty Butt, put on a hostess’s uniform, and get on with your duties. And if I need an autograph to sign on my basketball that Coach Knight signed with a Paper-Mate, I’ll be sure to make room for you to sign.
In the meantime, Truck will be in the bedroom with Wanda this evening, right???? Or did the Milford Zoning Board’s Variance Order overstay its welcome this week????
____________________________________
I like golf too. I also like to play it. Get the hint, Thorp.
God bless you, Gang.
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”Ericka, am I allowed to take a drop on this hole????”
”At Putt Putt????”
June 3, 2026
Sand(geet) Volleyball!
Filling in for teenchy while he takes a well deserved break from being Joan Rivers. What have we here? Beach volleyball, or practice? Hey, its summer. Why not break out a new sport? But we’re never sure until we see more, since the artist may just be using this background for now. And we have coaches, and uniforms, for practice. I already said uniforms are for GAME use only, but its falling on deaf ears. Maybe its some kind of summer league? Whatever it is, please stick with it for more then 2 days.
We havent seen coach Babu in a while either, but she is volunteering to help out at Gils wedding. Thats great. But why not talk to Beth first? Does Beth have enough bridesmaids? Maybe get that one crossed off first.
Babu qualifies her help; she will only help if she can plan ‘THE’ sangeet. https://emmalinebride.com/planning/what-is-a-sangeet-ceremony/Uh, how does she know thats even on the program? Theyre allegedly having the wedding in the school gym, and what wedding doesnt already have some music and singing (and dancing etc)? Babu wants to introduce her own personal touch, probably from her own family traditions, (reading more on it it looks like an Indian pre-wedding ceremony involving wearing special garb, and also has its own invitation) but just assuming Gil will be cool with all this, without even talking to the bride about it, is so presumptuous it borders on bizarre.
But surprise! Gil gives the ok just like that. Without a moments thought, or even consulting Beth, who is the de facto captain of the wedding ship. Just- ‘there is now’. Hey, he needs all the help he can get, no matter what radical alterations to the agenda there are. Talk about flying by the seat of your pants involving the big day.
Cant wait to hear Beths reaction. If it involves more tears, what does he do now?
June 2, 2026
Fran’s Mother Croaked, Therefore I’m Due At Milford Comedy Club. That Makes Sense.
When there’s two panels of Charlie Brown and Linus at that brick wall where they chew the cud over the philosophy of Life and there’s only one panel of baseball, it doesn’t bode well. It can only presage that we’re going to receive twice as much non-sports tripe as anything remotely related to competition. We might get twiddly winks eventually after we mull over Beth’s dire need of people not associated with bartending, Emily’s burden that she’s no longer fulfilling maternal duties or instincts, Dr. Pearl actually resembling Dr. Pearl, HeeHaw’s journey into Sheol, or even Fatty Butt taking orders for Fried Chicken and autographing the customer’s tab. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
More Reductio ad Absurdum occurs when Luke understands what he just said, i.e., Fran’s mother transcending into the Elysian Fields, then expects us to follow along when he suddenly has ambitions to follow in the footsteps of Lilah Krytsick and Steven Gold. Yeah, knock ‘em dead at Open Mike Night on Mondays, Luke Lunkhead.
To paraphrase Casey Stengel, can anyone around here play sports????
Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer
”Rumors Quickly Shot Down About Milford High’s Baseball Future!!!!!!!”
sub headline
”Schedules have been passed around and even Gideon members have distributed them along with Bibles.”
REX ALERT!!!!!! REX ALERT!!!!!!
Again, and I mean AGAIN, how long are we going to schlepp this melodrama at Motel Cafe???? Thank God the manager locked the door before any more of the plot could wander into kitchen past the pizza oven.
Fatty Butt, we’re past getting a grasp on the concept. It’s like Lincoln hyperextending the Gettysburg Address. If Rex were to overstay this agony, the Address would have extended to the Battle at Spotsylvania Court House. Only the Conference at Yalta lasted longer than the Tripartite Discussion about Fatty Butt’s fame yesterday.
Then my next question is WHAT THE HECK DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANY MEDICAL SPEED BUMPS, THE RAISON D’ETRE BEHIND REX MORGAN????
It’s like watching Candy getting hit by the city bus, she being airlifted to Glenwood General and then switching over to Gilligan’s Island. Rex, we know you like to tour with Cheap Trick and doing Pete Townshend whirligigs on “Surrender” is about as close to foreplay as you’ll ever do with June but this daggone plot is a mess and no way relates to the medical field. Unless, of course, Fatty Butt, indulges in too much French Silk Pie and contracts arteriosclerosis. By then, General Hospital will have used up its time slot and give way to Eight Is Enough.
Let’s stick to the facts and quit wandering around the globe like you’re the Mississippi River that lost its way and ended up in Rogers City, Michigan because you turned the wrong way at the New Madrid Fault. People are watching you and would rather not be on a steamboat without a driver because the driver jumped off and paddled a canoe towards St. Louis. Yank Fatty Butt and Oreck Man off the stage and stick to the medical field. Or did you flush your stethoscope down the toilet after you disposed of your ‘ludes???? Buy an another one at a yard sale and stop gamboling where Custer met his match. At least Custer had a map to get him there.
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Oh, I get it, Gang. Luke Lunkhead didn’t have any more Bhutan Phenoms to scout and the airlines were on strike so he thought he’d try his hand at comedy. His day job is safe so he can freelance and act like a jackass in another profession. Logical.
In the meantime, God bless you all.
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Gil at Milford Comedy Club
“…so The Joker asked me ‘Are you and Emily getting back together????’ And I responded ‘What do I look like, a used towel at a car wash????’”
Dead silence.
Heard among the tables
”Thank God for Half Price Pretzel Night.”
June 1, 2026
50 days and 50 nights
So after Isis and her dad are arrested by the ICE official on April 11 and taken to this facility, all it took was some official we’ve never seen finally filing a false arrest petition and saying kids walked out of class (April 20) and there were protests, and Gil visiting Isis (April 29) to release them. Thanks a lot Gil. You were too busy coaching golf for a month to get this done sooner.
Wait, Gil is paying for all this? How? He makes that much? What happened to Pranit Smith doing Gil a favor? Sure took a while. 31 days. I hope Pranit delayed the release after Gil put his hand on his shoulder.
Yeah dont worry. You only worried for 50 days. Now everythings fine and dandy. While you were here school ended for the summer. No more protests at the school since school is out. This guy sounds like a moron telling them things they knew 6 weeks ago. Doh. If there were no protests, would they be stuck there forever? If all it took was protests for everyone in ICE to be freed, well; golly gee, they might as well walk out as soon as they walk in. A high school coach will pay for everyones release. Bada bing bada boom.
Talk about fuckin stupid. Who cares if theyre illegal immigrants, which is the gist of the matter. Kids walked out of class. Thats all we need in this country. Not real reasons to release them. No sirree. Everyone in these facilities has friends. But if your friend is Gil Thorp, all is well. Who cares about all the others?
May 30, 2026
Arise, Count Thorpula!
We skip the part where Beth goes home and spills her guts to Gil about Big Momma and cut straight to where Gil confronts Big Momma about it. Little strange that it’s happening at the bridal wear shop instead of a formal wear shop; at least in my experience I’ve never seen the two combined. On top of that, either Gil is on a massive pedestal or the tailor at Deborah’s Bridal must be Lilliputian.
Big Momma’s explanation turned insult is just so much bullshit and Gil knows it. Her little emphasis on affair lets Gil know what she thinks of the whole relationship. Be cool if he follows through with his threat ’cause the less we see of this retconned Big Momma the better.
Finally the old ghoul fiddles with Gil’s, uh, bolo tie? and suddenly he takes on a drastically different appearance – one we’ve only seen before in dream sequences. Yes, it’s the return of Count Thorpula! Maybe he can suck the life out of Big Momma, not unlike how the life has been sucked out of his namesake comic strip.
meta: I half joked about watching ’70s-80s-90s Atlanta Braves baseball when mentioning the passing of Ted Turner and Bobby Cox. I neglected to do it again when Bob Horner recently passed. I spent many an idle afternoon and evening at the Launching Pad watching Horner hit bombs and watching a fanbase grow more sophisticated as they got better at discerning when a ball had the trajectory to clear the fence instead of being just a loud out. Thanks for the memories and rest in peace, Bob.
There’s another passing that’s hit even harder. I spent this past Christmas in Quebec and was hoping to catch a Habs game at the Bell Centre as it’s been a bucket list thing for me, at least since the Forum closed. Missed them by one day as they went on a road trip ’til the end of the year. The whole pregame ceremony where a former player enters the arena carrying le flambeau is just inspiring and really revs up the home crowd. This past Monday, it was Claude Lemieux who got the nod. Not always a beloved player but a respected one and the kind you hated on other teams but loved on yours. He played for several teams and won the Cup with more than one, but it was in Montreal where he got his start. Hearing the news that he took his own life three days later was beyond shocking. Yet another reminder to check in on people; you never know what’s going on in their minds. (edit: It’s been reported that Lemieux’s brain is being donated by his family for CTE research. That his mental state may have been influenced by CTE makes his loss no less shocking and the need for intervention no less critical.)
That’s it from me until June 13. Rob and tdrew will have each other’s backs and help each other out, so play nice with ’em while I’m away. teenchy out.
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This Week in Milford 