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SNICKERDOODLE – EMERALD POODLE

AKA

The Great Christmas Cookie Caper

Cheryl Ann Guido

Once upon a time in a not too distant future’s past, a tiny country named Snickerdoodlesberg began their annual celebration of the coming of Christmas. Nestled high in the mountains of Austria, this country had only three hundred and thirty-two residents, soon to be three hundred and thirty-three. But that is another story.

Prior to World War I, Snickerdoodlesberg became their own country when a young man who should have been a prince and who would otherwise have been King upon his father’s death, declared them separated from Austria and made himself King, albeit only in this remote little section of the Alpines. He moved the royal palace to a grand chalet atop the highest mountain and made good on his pledge to continue the old traditions and ways.

Our story begins on the first of the twelve days of Christmas. The air was chilled with a gentle wind. White sparkling snow covered the ground. The native pine trees stood tall, their fragrant pine cones releasing a holiday scent throughout the area. Trimmed in garlands of freshly fallen snow, Snickerdoodlesberg presented a picture post card fairytale haven, untouched by the harsh reality of the world around them.

“Isn’t she magnificent!” It was a statement not a question.

Candy Cane rolled her eyes. “Yeah, she’s really pretty but what I don’t get is why is she dressed like that? She looks like one of them old toilet paper dolls all gussied up for Christmas.

“My dear, our little country celebrates the coming of the Yule Maid on this day every year. It is a tradition we have observed for centuries.”

“Hmm.” Candy cocked her head. She had never heard of any Yule Maid tradition. Then again, this remote little country probably had all sorts of quaint rituals and celebrations that nobody else even knew existed. “I get traditions and all that but why Lana? I mean, she’s a … .” Candy thought better of finishing that sentence the way she intended. “A-a really fun lovin’ girl who loves her … uh … fun.” Candy’s eyes shifted from left to right. Maybe she shouldn’t have said that either.

“Exactly. That is precisely why I chose her. When I saw her picture in the catalogue, I knew right away that she was our Yule Maid. She is absolutely perfect and how can anyone resist that gorgeous smile.”

Candy wrinkled her nose and grunted. What the heck did this old dude think pictures in that escort catalogue were for? Could he really be that naive to believe that all the girls in that book only worked as fashion models?

Her eyes roamed up and down the body of the man next to her. She estimated his age to be somewhere in his early sixties. With a tall trim form that he carried like a born aristocrat, he exuded a charismatic aura almost impossible to resist. Impeccably dressed in a black tuxedo, his white ascot sported a huge emerald tie pin shaped into a poodle set into pure gold in the center of the knot. What a rock! But a poodle? Really?

The fact that his hairline only partially receded without giving way to baldness impressed her. Then again, he was a king and had money, lots of it so hair treatments were not out of the question.

That king thing also seemed weird. Austria had not had a monarchy since World War I or so she had been told. Yet, in this isolated Tirolian country somewhere in the frigid mountain wilderness of nowhere Austria, he presided over the little nation of Snickerdoodlesberg as their resident royal. Since her arrival, she had witnessed town folk kneel, kiss his ring and always address him as “Your Majesty.” So, when is Austria not Austria? When it’s Snickerdoodlesberg. She laughed at her clever joke. Still, even she knew that a country within another country was highly unusual.

A young woman made her way over to Candy and the king. She carried a tray filled with the most delicious smelling cookies.

“Snickerdoodle, Your Majesty?” Her lips opened in a toothy grin.

The king chose a cinnamon encrusted treat. “Yes. Thank you. They smell delicious.”

“Snickerdoodle?” The woman pushed the tray in Candy’s direction.

Candy sighed then wrinkled her nose. “No thanks. I’m watchin’ my weight.”

The king glared at her. Candy bit her lip. Her refusal had insulted him. Apparently, declining to eat offered Snickerdoodles here in Snickerdoodlesberg was unacceptable. “On second thought, don’t mind if I do.” She snatched one from the tray and simply held it in her gloved hand. The king’s icy stare remained and Candy realized what else was required. She took a bite. “Delicious! Thank you.”

The young woman curtsied and moved on. Candy side-glanced at the king and exhaled a sigh of relief as she noted that his pleasant expression had returned. “Really good cookies, Your Kingliness. Really tasty.”

“Of course they are. We are known throughout Austria for our Snickerdoodles.”

Candy faked a smile then turned her head, eyes rolling. Apparently, they took their Snickerdoodles seriously here in Snickerdoodlesberg.

Candy’s gaze shifted back to the sleigh carrying her best friend. Boy, oh boy, Lana really played up this Yule Maid gig. She chuckled as she watched Lana turn from left to right waiving at all the cheering people who lined the route to the chalet. The sleigh came to a stop in front of them and the king extended his hand to help Lana out. Head held high with an ear-to-ear grin pasted on her lips, Lana took his hand and poked out one dainty jewel encrusted six-inch stiletto high heel from beneath her voluminous green skirt. It made contact with the slippery surface and down Lana went, into the snow. Her bottom hit the ground with a dull thud.

The hands of the many observers flew to their cheeks with a collective gasp. Candy snorted unable to control her laughter. Poor Lana had always been the poster child for that old saying ‘you can dress her up but you can’t take her anywhere.’ The king’s eyes momentarily popped but he quickly recovered and helped Lana to her feet. Red cheeked, Lana smiled a sheepish grin and waived. “I’m okay everyone. Don’t worry, I’m not hurt.”

She smoothed out her dress then took the king’s arm. Candy watched her friend ascend the stone steps leading up to the entrance. Feeling a bit left out, she glanced around hoping someone would escort her in as well but no such luck. She exhaled and raised her head high. She looked like a million bucks tonight and she knew it. “I don’t need no damn escort,” she mumbled to herself. She turned and briefly waived to the crowd like a queen. Then, wearing a haughty half-smile, she began the long climb up the stairs to the entrance of the massive villa.

Once inside, Candy’s arrogant demeanor disappeared as she stared wide-eyed at the ornately decorated great hall. The other guests had already been shown to their tables and stood applauding Yule Maid Lana as she took her seat at the head table situated in front of the rest of the party-goers. The king, seated to her right, raised his champagne glass. He gently tapped the expensive crystal to get everyone’s attention.

“For centuries, on this twelfth night of December, the Yule Maid has ushered in the Christmas season. Let us raise our glasses as she begins our joyful celebrations.”

Lana rose to her feet. She held her champagne glass high. Standing in the rear of the room, Candy crossed her fingers behind her back. Lana had a short poem she had been given to recite and Candy hoped her friend would not flub it. She better not. She had driven Candy crazy practicing it over and over ever since they arrived in this strange little country.

“Let sleighbells jingle

While good folk mingle

‘Neath pine cone filled trees

In the cool winter breeze

Without further suspense

Let the celebrations begin … uh … commence”

Candy winced. Poor Lana. She had really tried. When informed she had to recite a poem, she had confided to Candy that she was sure she would mess it up because she never could memorize anything. Well, Candy thought, she did a lot better than I expected.

As Lana took her seat, the king whispered something into her ear. Lana’s eyebrows arched as the color drained from her cheeks and Candy noted that she looked terrified.

 “Your friend looks scared. My father must have told her Krampus will punish her for ruining that poem.”

Candy’s head snapped around. An incredibly handsome young man stood beside her. With perfectly coiffed sandy colored hair and wearing an obviously expensive black tuxedo with tails, the man’s broad grin only added to his boyish good looks. For once, she was speechless. That fact did not go unnoticed by the gentleman. He took Candy’s gloved hand in his. “Forgive me. I am Alexander Havensburg, son of King Johann Havensburg, Prince and heir to the royal throne of nothing.” He laughed then grew serious as he kissed the top of her hand.

Candy froze in shock at the gentile act then remembered her manners and curtsied. “Pleased to meet you, Your Highness.”

He pulled her to her feet. “Now-now, none of that Your Highness business. It is just a load of old-world crap anyway. Call me Alex.”

Candy smiled and nodded. “Alright. So, what is this Krampus thing you mentioned?”

 “Krampus is not a what, he is a who.” He tapped his finger against his cheek. “Well, actually I suppose he is a what given his grotesque appearance.”

 “But, why would the King threaten Lana with him?”

 “Krampus punishes misbehaving children, or so the legend goes. Centuries ago, the belief was that he was an assistant to Saint Nicholas. Saint Nick rewarded good children with delicious treats to eat while Krampus beat the bad children with a rod.”

Candy scrunched up her nose. “How awful.”

 “Indeed. However, his existence was meant to be a way to frighten children into behaving. Back in those days people believed in all sorts of creatures and spirits.”

 “But Lana isn’t a child.”

 “No, but she did mess up that last line so I guess in Father’s eyes, it put her on the naughty list. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it though. He probably only said it to make her uncomfortable.”

 “Oh good. I really didn’t want to have to watch her back for some creepy monster guy out to get her.”

Alex chuckled. “No, I don’t suppose you do. Besides, Krampus hasn’t been seen around here for a very long time.”

Candy squinted. “How long?”

 “Oh, about a year now.” Alex winked and broke into uproarious laughter.

Candy’s lips formed an uncertain smile. “I see.”

 “You have not told me your name.”

“It’s Cand …” Something made her stop. This guy was really gorgeous and such a gentleman. He made her heart skip a beat and that never happened. She needed to show him she had at least some class. “Ace.”

 “Ah Candace. What a lovely name. Do you have an assigned seat, Candace?”

Candy visually searched the room but every table appeared to be fully occupied. “Actually, I’m not sure.”

“Well then, let me escort you to my table. It’s that big one, up there.” He pointed to the banquet table where the king and Lana sat. “Shall we?” He extended his arm.

Lana’s lips opened into a wide grin. Apparently, she had an escort after all. She threaded her arm through his. “You bet your royal backside, Alex.”

Dinner proved to be overwhelming for Candy. She had never been served so many scrumptious dishes. Between the courses of roast duck, tender beef with hollandaise sauce, three kinds of sausages and baked salmon swimming in white wine sauce, all with sides of fresh vegetables and creamy potatoes, she felt like the seams of her gown would burst open at any second. After the meal, rich dark coffee appeared in steaming ornately decorated china cups and saucers.

Every so often, Candy glanced up the table at Lana. Poor Lana did not look as jolly as she had before and Candy worried something might be wrong.

“Snickerdoodle?”

The familiar sound of the young woman’s voice made Candy grimace. She turned and rolled her eyes. “You again?”

The woman smiled sweetly and offered the tray. “Snickerdoodle?”

Candy exhaled. Now that she knew the drill, she grabbed a cookie. “Thank you.”

With the creepy smile still pasted on her lips, the woman turned and offered the tray to the prince. “Snickerdoodle, Your Highness?”

His eyes twinkled in amusement. “Of course.”

The woman curtsied then moved on.

Alex broke the cookie up into pieces, tossed them onto his dirty plate then covered them with a napkin. Candy chuckled.

“You don’t like them either?

“Hate the damn things, actually. I have been smelling cinnamon my entire life. I was forced fed these obnoxious Christmas cookies almost every day as a child. Now that I am an adult, I will not eat them. I will only take a Snickerdoodle politely when offered because I must, then ditch it as soon as nobody is looking. When I am King, I will ban Snickerdoodles forever and my kingdom will no longer smell like a bakery.” He pounded his fist on the table then grinned.

“Alexander the Great Snickerdoodle Slayer, huh?”

“Indeed. I will also issue a proclamation that chocolate chip will replace Snickerdoodles as the National Cookie.”

“How scandalous!” Candy covered her mouth with her hand as her sides shook with silent laughter. She was liking this prince more and more every minute. “Do you mind if my Snickerdoodle joins yours?”

“Not at all, milady. Crumble away.”

Candy lifted the napkin, squeezed the cookie in her hand then dumped the crumbs onto the prince’s plate. Once again, she glanced at Lana who had turned quite pale. She did not look well at all. “Alex, please excuse me. My friend doesn’t look too good. I’m gonna take her back to the hotel.”

Alex rose to his feet. “I’ll come with you. The rest of the night will be boring anyway.”

***

The prince waited on a couch in another part of the suite while Candy tended to her friend. After changing out of the voluminous dress and into a pair of comfortable pajamas, Lana climbed into bed.

“Can I get you anything, Baby? Do you want a cup of tea or a glass of water?”

“No. I just want to sleep. You go have fun with the cute guy. I’ll be fine.”

“Sure thing, Honey.” But Lana did not hear her. She had already fallen fast asleep.

Candy sat down beside Alex in the sitting room. A fire roared in the marble fireplace sending cozy warmth throughout the room. The handsome prince put his arm around her pulling her close. She rested her head on his shoulder. I could really get used to this, she thought. But she knew this wonderful feeling could only be temporary for someone like her.

“Alex, as much as I am enjoying just sittin’ here and cuddling with you, I think I should get some rest myself. Tomorrow is our last day here and I wanna do some sightseeing. Your country really is beautiful.”

“Would you like to go on a sleigh ride tomorrow?” Alex squeezed her shoulders a bit tighter.

“That would be nice. Yes.”

“Splendid! I shall pick you up at noon. We can ride to town and have lunch at Café Von Strudel then ride along the Pine Tree Trail near the edge of the mountain.”

“Café Von Strudel? You’ve got to be kidding me. Are all the businesses in this country named after baked stuff?” Candy snorted through her nose.

Alex shrugged as his head bobbled from side to side. “Hey, I didn’t name it, I just eat there. Just to be clear they do have delicious …”

“Let me guess, strudel?”

“Yup.”

“Alright, noon tomorrow. Is it okay if Lana comes along? I hate to leave her alone.”

“Darling, I was so hoping to have you all to myself but, of course. You are a true friend to that young lady.”

Lana’s dark brown cheeks glowed ruby red. “I’m sorry. It’s just that she’s like a sister to me and she tends to get herself in all sorts of unintentional trouble and …”

“Say no more. A trio we shall be. See you tomorrow.”

***

“Candy, wake up.”  Candy turned over and buried her head under her pillow. “Candy, wake up!” Lana’s tone of voice sounded urgent. Candy grunted and raised up onto her elbows. “What time is it?”

“It’s a little after four.”

“Four am? You crazy, girl?”

“Candy, I’m in trouble.”

“What? How can you be in trouble? I’ve been with you all night.”

“Look.” She opened her hand and there in Lana’s dainty palm, the king’s emerald tie pin sparkled under the light of the bedside lamp.

“Oh damn, Lana. You stole it?”Lana’s eyes opened wide and she shook her head. “No-no! How could you even think that. We’re straight now. No more lifting stuff that doesn’t belong to us. You know that.”

“Well, how did you get it then?”

“That’s just it. I don’t know. I went to hang up that awful Christmas tree dress and felt it in a hidden pocket. I didn’t put it there. I didn’t even know it had a hidden pocket.”

“Are you saying someone broke in here last night and planted the tie pin?”“Yeah, I guess that’s what I’m saying.”

Candy swung her legs across the bed and slipped her feet inside her slippers. She grabbed her coat out of the closet. “We gotta get this back to the king. C’mon, we’re goin’ to the chalet.”

“In our pajamas?”

“Yeah, no time to change. Just throw on your coat, his chalet is right down the road. We can walk there in a few minutes.”

Lana’s lips pursed into a pout. “I don’t know, Candy. I have a bad feeling about this.”

It took less than ten minutes to walk to the chalet. Both Lana and Candy were frozen and their feet felt like icicles. However, they did not have much time to lament over their icy state. The chalet glowed with lights shining from every room. Official looking people buzzed about hurrying in and out.

“What’s going on, Candy?”

“How should I know?” She frantically glanced around looking for someone to ask. A hand touched her shoulder. She spun around and stared directly into the baby blue eyes belonging to Prince Alex.

“What are you doing here, Candace?”

Candy crossed her fingers behind her back. “We … were woken up by a couple talking in the hallway. They said something big was going on at the chalet so we came to have a look.”

His eyes lowered taking note that she wore only slippers on her feet. “Have you no boots?”

“We didn’t bring any. We didn’t think we’d need them.” It was a lame excuse and she knew it. She winced inwardly hoping he bought her explanation. She hated playing the dumb chick, but it was the only excuse she could think of.

Alex nodded. “Well darling, something has happened. I have gone from heir to the royal throne of nothing to being King of the Snickerdoodles. My father is dead.”

Candy’s mouth dropped open. She turned toward Lana who turned her own head away from them both and whispered, “shit.”

Candy elbowed Lana then placed her hand on Alex’s arm. “I’m so sorry. How did it happen?”

“Someone killed him.”

Lana took a few steps back, turned her head to the side and squeezed her eyes shut. “Double shit.”

Robbery was one thing but murder? This new development did present quite a problem.

“Did they catch the killer?”

“No Candace, they did not. My guess is that killing him was not part of the plan. He probably walked in on the burglary and tried to stop it. The robber then grabbed a poker from the fireplace and beat him over the head.”

“Like Krampus?”

“Why yes. I didn’t make that connection but it is a case of beating by rod, only this beating resulted in death. Anyway, I’m sorry but our date today is off.”

“No problem, honey. I understand completely. Didn’t think we’d be heading into the woods with sleighbells ringing after what happened to your father.”

“Ah well, win some, lose some.”

“Are you okay, Alex? You don’t sound too busted up about your dad being dead and all.”

The prince cleared his throat. “To be perfectly honest, I’m not. My father was a horrible man. I can say that now. He ruled our country with an iron fist and made the citizens pay way too much money in taxes. I’m not sorry to see him gone. I’m just pissed because this all falls into my lap now.”

“Well, you can always do what you said, give Snickerdoodlesberg back to Austria.”

“Yes. Anyway, you must excuse me. I see the Captain of Police over there gesturing for me to join him. I’m sure he has a lot of questions.”

“Okay Alex. No worries.” She gave him a quick hug. “Hang in there, honey.” The prince managed a half smile then walked away.”

“What are we gonna do now, Candy?” Lana’s eyes shone with unshed tears.

“Well, first we go back to the hotel so I can think this out. Where’s the tie pin?”

“I put it on top of the dresser in my room.”

“You what? You didn’t hide it?”

Lana’s mouth opened and closed as her eyes darted back and forth. “Um, no. Why? Wasn’t that okay?”

“No, it was not okay. Anyone can find it there. What if the maid comes in or some other hotel employee?”         

“Shit.”

“Stop saying that! C’mon, lets get back there!”

***

Upon entering their hotel suite, the two women were startled by an intruder. She stood facing them wearing a defiant look. In her left hand, she held the tie pin. In her right, she gripped some kind of knife. Neither Candy nor Lana had ever seen one like it before but both of them knew that it was definitely not a prop.

“Well, if it isn’t Miss Snickerdoodle. Whatcha got there, Cookie?” Candy took a step forward. It was not that she felt brave. She simply wanted to see what Miss Snickerdoodle would do.

The intruder pointed the knife in Candy’s direction. “Stay back, you filthy woman. I know what you are.”

Candy cocked her head. “And what does that have to do with any of this?”

Lana pulled Candy back a couple of steps. “Shh. Don’t antagonize her.”

Miss Snickerdoodle’s lips formed a sneer as she snorted. “Yeah, listen to your little friend. Don’t antagonize me.”

The warning did not stop Candy. She needed to know why this weird little cookie girl stole the tie pin then planted it in Lana’s dress. More importantly, she needed to know why she killed the king. “You planted that tie pin in Lana’s dress, didn’t ya? How did you know about that secret pocket?”

Miss Snickerdoodle waived the knife at Candy and Lana forcing them away from the door. “Because I made that pocket. In fact, I made the whole damn dress.”

“But why frame me? What did I ever do to you? I don’t even know you?”

“Because I was supposed to be the Yule Maid until King Havensburg took a trip to Atlantic City and saw you. You stole that away from me, you little tart! The icing on the cake was when he ordered me to give him the dress so you could wear it.”

Nodding her head, Candy crept a bit closer to Miss Snickerdoodle. “Hey, I get it. The dude was awful to you. Instead of letting you be the star of the show, he gave you a supporting role as a cookie server. I heard he was not a very nice man.”

“Not very nice is putting it mildly. When he became King, he turned into an overseer and made all of us his servants. He took our land, declaring it to be his and made us pay enormous taxes on everything. He forced us to bake those horribly sweet cookies. He abused his power and he knew it. He didn’t care.”

“So you killed him.”

“Yes, I killed him. I didn’t mean to but he caught me stealing the tie pin. I was going to sell it, take my family and leave this dreadful country. He tried to stop me. I had no choice. Originally, I had a different plan, I drugged one of the cookies and gave it to your friend. I figured I’d plant the pin and then tell everyone I saw her take it. Then, after I led the police to your room and pulled the pin out of the secret pocket, I’d discretely switch it with a pin of my own, then stumble and drop that pin out the window. While the police searched the bushes, I’d disappear with the real pin. But after I accidentally killed the king, I just wanted to retrieve the emerald and escape this godforsaken country. Ah well, best laid plans and all that.”

Incensed that she had been made a scapegoat, Lana’s blood boiled. She lunged at Miss Snickerdoodle who fell to the floor. The tie pin flew from her hand. Candy scooped it up but Miss Snickerdoodle flipped over and kicked it away. Once again it went flying. This time it was rescued by Lana who sped down the hallway with Miss Snickerdoodle right behind her while Candy brought up the rear.

Lana raced outside and headed down an alley. Seeing a doorway, she opened it then bounded up a flight of steps. The door at the top opened into an automated cookie bakery. Rows of raw cookies were moved by conveyor belts into huge ovens where they became the country’s signature Snickerdoodles.

Something hit Lana in the head. She lost consciousness and slid down onto the floor. As she did, her hand opened and the tie pin fell onto one of the unbaked cookies on a conveyer belt. Miss Snickerdoodle dropped the big wooden spoon she had used to hit Lana and dove toward the belt but she was too late. The cookie had already gone into the oven.

Candy tore the lace trimming off the bottom of her nightgown. She grabbed Miss Snickerdoodle, pulled her hands behind her back and used the lace to tie them together. “Never turn your back on a woman in my profession, honey. We are quite resourceful. I feel sorry for ya but not sorry enough not to turn you in. Let’s go.”

***

Lana pressed a bag of ice to the back of her head while she and Candy watched Miss Snickerdoodle being placed into the back of a police car.

“You are my hero.” Alex beamed as he hugged Candy. “I hope your friend will be alright.”

“It’s not too bad. I’ll live.” Lana managed a weak smile.

“I’m sorry we lost the tie pin.” Candy shook her head. “Somebody is gonna be mighty surprised when they bite into their Snickerdoodle.”

“No worries. It wasn’t a real emerald and the setting was gold plate. My father kept the original in a locked safe. He never wore it because that little dog was worth a fortune.”

Candy smacked the back of Alexs’s head. “You mean we risked our lives tangling with that Snickerdoodle psycho for a piece of junk jewelry?”

“Ouch! Yes, you did. And I do thank you for that. Look on the bright side. You solved my father’s murder.”

“Hmpf. Yeah, we did. Believe it or not, this ain’t our first rodeo.”

“That sounds intriguing.”

“Maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime, Sugar.” She kissed his cheek. “But not today.”

“You know, you are just the kind of woman I’ve always wanted, Candy.”

“Candy? How did you …”

“Did you really think I didn’t know about my father choosing your friend out of that escort catalog? I played along with your charade because you’re just so damned cute.”

Candy blushed. “Busted.” She rolled her eyes then spit out a laugh.

“Look, all kidding aside, will you marry me? If you do, you’ll become a queen, you know. I’ll even make your friend a princess.”

“Honey, I already am a queen. But yes. I’ll marry you.”

***

And that is how two streetwalkers named Candy and Lana became legitimate royalty. And, of course, they all lived happily ever after.

“Uh, yo! No! I can’t see ya but I sure as hell can hear ya so listen up lady who keeps yakkin’ and never shuts up. This ain’t no fairytale and you ain’t making me into some prim and proper royal prissy miss who drinks tea all day and plans hoity toity royal events. Who the hell are you, anyway?”

“Why, I’m the narrator.”

“Yeah, well narrate this …”

“Wait just a minute, Candy. I also wrote this story. You will behave as I’ve written. My story, my rules.”

“Nope.”

“Yup.”

“Not happenin’ Sis. I’m goin’ back to Atlantic City right now. Let’s go, Lana.”

“Okay Candy, but what about Alex? Like that invisible lady said, he wants you bad.”

“I most certainly do, Lana. So, I’ll go with you girls. I love the beach and I didn’t want to be a king anyway, remember?”

(sigh)

“Fine. I’ll rewrite.”

And they all went to Atlantic City together. Alex bought a casino and made lots of money while Candy and Lana continued to entertain the high rollers.

The End.

“Better now, Candy?”

“Much better.”

…

©2023 by Cheryl Ann Guido
All Rights Reserved
Images within story created by Cheryl Ann Guido using Covet Fashion

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