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[I started to write this and quickly realized I had “no cap.” I started to write a second draft and heard myself rambling. I could go on for hours and not feel satisfied without a responsive audience…aha. There’s an appropriate lesson in this. So, I will insert a condensed version up top and let those die-hard readers swim through the remnants of a longer draft if you so desire. I applaud anyone who can get through my long speech (only because I get so much grief when I “ramble”).]
In short, a big chunk of the people in this world are sick. And, NOT SATISFYING OURSELVES is the cause. [And, I’m not referring to whatever perverse pornographic or food-based obsession you may be imagining.] If this wasn’t a concern (or, in sick minds, a way to make a profit), people would not be crafting “quick-fix” drugs and trying to be “weekend warriors” when they want to correct a mistake. We wouldn’t turn to “dating apps” instead of facing people in public and taking chances or asking friends for assistance (if we had friends).
There is an excess of SUBSITUTION and too little action WITH PURPOSE. When we act WITH PURPOSE (with good intent that transfers into positive, sensible action), we feel full, CONTENT. When we SUBSTITUTE, we LOSE INTEREST and add to PILES of DISCARDS.
[My family is VERY SICK and steeped in denial, myself included, at times. But, only I seem able to admit my “crime.” Even that may be a faulty assessment, knowing my family. The “giveaway sign” of the sickness is a perpetual discontent with life. You don’t see many in my family who do not have to boast and who are definitely, consistently happy with life. Alcohol and smoking rear their ugly heads, eventually. Divorce is shockingly common, yet I wouldn’t say anyone in the family is prone to conventional sexual practices.]
If you eat/consume WITH PURPOSE, you feel energized AND content and may even hear someone say you are “glowing.”
[You don’t complain or suffer afterward (unless the cook–or cooks–made a mistake).]
If you shop WITH PURPOSE, the things (and services) you buy satisfy a need (replacing something unfortunately ruined or used up, giving yourself a new useful tool, improving your physique/appearance for a reason other than vanity, helping someone else in need, etc.).
[You don’t collect every item in every color, fill a home with stuff that might be worth more than you paid, someday, nor “flip” things you could have let someone else acquire, first-hand, just because you ambitiously plot to make profits.]
If you socialize WITH PURPOSE (which is probably the biggest challenge and greatest need for most of us…and a driving point of this discussion), you mingle and meet people to find those with common interests and beliefs, who then may become closer friends if not life partners.
[You don’t become guilty of “cheating” or of being cold, cruel or harsh in any way. You don’t USE someone for a night or a self-indulgent habit (treating the person like a butler/maid/slave).]
If you’re not “shopping” for a friend or loving partner, maybe you socialize (with purpose) to feel good about yourself as a charitable, helpful person. One hazard with this alternative method of “being a good person” is deceiving yourself (from the harsh truth). There is genuine charity…and then there is what I like to refer to as the “tax write-off.”**
So, just like mindful meditation and other methods of calming yourself to avoid meltdowns, inject these two words into every plan and action you make, whenever possible.
WITH PURPOSE
You can have good intentions and not act on them…which is not great; some would say that’s evil. You can have negative, harmful intentions, because you’re angry with someone or some outcome; that’s also bad news for everyone around you. But, even when you are not fully aware of your own good intentions (meaning you may do something, unconsciously, which benefits you and/or others), acting WITH PURPOSE *should* make you and, ideally, those around you feel satisfied, content.
If you use those words before taking action (even just going into the refrigerator or pantry for something to eat) and cannot add a good response (not a flimsy excuse), hopefully, you’ll learn to curb and eliminate bad habits without someone having to tell you (which, I know, annoys many of us, especially if we don’t get along with our parents and/or other “authorities”).
I imagine a life lived WITH PURPOSE would end more happily than the alternative, which seems like a sham, an excuse (and/or a cheat). If you die knowing you did all you could to make the right decisions and not step on or otherwise mistreat others…if you stood by your beliefs and didn’t become a “Nazi dictator” in the process…that must be rather satisfying, in the end. Though, I suppose, you can’t please everyone, even if you are a “people pleaser.” [*cough* Jimmy.]
In any case, I believe acting WITH PURPOSE is the ultimate “golden rule.” You’re not just treating others the way you want them to treat you…you’re treating yourself with respect and self-discipline, too. So, do unto others as you’d have them do unto you…and seek out your own contentment without imposing yourself upon or upsetting others.
If you, at any time, feel you are NOT living WITH PURPOSE and are “at the end of your rope,” do NOT resort to…well, you know. Nor do you have to resort to “going ballistic,” just to face a premature end (with potential legal consequences). While it seems like the only way out of a never-ending nightmare, I’d like to believe some force will, eventually, present itself and get you out of that rut (without a weapon), even if you have to endure so long that you feel cursed or doomed. [At least, I am hanging onto that. I came close, once, and I do not want to do that, again. A little help (in staying among the living, to say the least) would be appreciated, even though I have no current ambition or reason to be “immortal” (other than in “legend”).]
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**You cannot partake in a cause to atone for something you consistently do (wrong), especially if the cause, project or event has nothing to do with your “crime.” There is a difference between atoning and making a good impression to gain approval. A “good face” is too often an annoying crime (committed on top of some other offense).
You can’t give food to the needy at the same time you raise prices on your own factory supply. What sense does that make? You certainly are not giving away the food or other goods you sell. Just find a way to make your pricing more fair/affordable. If, as an artist, I decided I needed to charge more for my (commission) work, for any reason (but more likely because I feel “cheated” if I don’t), and then took art made by someone else and gave it away for free…isn’t that just horrible? I think so. Those other artists should say, “Hey! Give away your own art, you jerk!”
You cannot be a guidance counselor if you are in dire need of counseling. [That is risky therapy, to say the least. And, it should be a sign to the would-be-counselor that they really need a friend before they attempt to guide or teach anyone, lest they lead their student(s) down a dark path.]
[Now, pausing right there, if you read what I have written and see me as some sort of motivational speaker (or guidance counselor), that is your choice. But, I do not claim the title (nor boast a plaque with a degree that cost me a ridiculous sum of money, charged by people who put their price on my ambition). I could not even attempt to be your art teacher, just because I am an artist. I could be a coworker or partner (or a friend)…but never claim to be an expert at anything. I could advise and instruct, based upon my opinion and experience, but that doesn’t mean what I say is right or the only way. People have called me arrogant for less. Why would I even attempt to advertise myself as an expert or professional advisor? I’d rather say I’m a hired provider of insight and opinions who has a bizarre psychic/empathic gift/curse and a desire to problem-solve. People could come to me for my thoughts. But, I wouldn’t claim to be “smart” about anything, even when people tell me I am (which I’d attribute to that psychic/empathic response I have). That sort of “ego” gets out of hand, rather quickly, like alcoholism. And, no one needs that.]
Similarly, you cannot pass yourself off as a dating or lifestyle coach if you are not content with your own life(style). If you seek the services of such a coach and discover they are going through or recovering from a bad breakup of any kind (job or intimate relationship, most likely), you just signed up with the wrong person. And, how do you calmly walk away from that?
[The movie Hitch, with Will Smith as the “coach,” is a fair example…with a lousy ending. He just needed his own good friend, a partner, and thought he had something to offer others (possibly based upon <phony> compliments received). I’d do the same, probably, foolishly, but, hopefully, not waste movie tickets or books in the process. I can see myself trying to play cupid for people…but would it really do any good? And, is it enough to advertise myself as an expert/pro of any kind? I sure don’t care for most “experts” who appear and promote themselves on TV; they seem so…smug. And, I wager, if I could probe, I’d find them just as flawed as “Hitch.”]
You can’t partake in a charity drive to curb or eliminate pollution if you actively (currently) contribute to the problem (with your own factories, maybe). Oh, sure, you’re trying to correct the problem…while you’re letting it fester. That’s like helping flood victims while dumping excess water into another town. Your plan is to eliminate air pollution in ten years? Good; let me know when you get there. Until then, don’t act like you’re a saint raising money to “cure air pollution” or to rescue some land that’s suffering. You probably have the funds to change the situation. Or, you could just do business (and make the money you NEED not just amass because you can), differently.
Are you really going to feel so much better when there is no air pollution (if that’s even possible, considering human habits/failings, which is why “wackos” might be trying to replace humans with machines…built by the same dumb humans), after you caused so much harm with it? I suppose there has to be a form of atonement that forgives you…at some point. Anyone who has found this sort of forgiveness is free to share their experience; maybe I can learn from it…rather than dismiss you as the follower of some twisted cult or delusional practice.
[I wrote more on this subject but felt it was never going to end. I could rant all day and night. But, it’s pointless if no one reads/hears me and responds. So, if you find this and REALLY want to discuss it further…send me a letter or leave an encouraging comment. Maybe my thoughts will do something for you.]
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