Posts Tagged ‘different

30
Nov
22

Being Over- Is Wealth and Potential

By writingbolt Leave a Comment
Categories: Confessions of the Rabbit Kind and Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

*****

I was just watching an episode of The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, and I heard Jerry Seinfeld say he’s always over-thinking things (before he said Jimmy was the sort of guy who’s always positive, in so many words). And, it sent my mind spiraling down a rabbit hole of introspection.

I hear that term so often…over-thinking. I do think quite a bit. I do analyze, question, theorize, suspect and…too often, unwillingly criticize (and do not enjoy it nor what comes as consequence). But, I refuse to submit to the finger-pointing and judgment that likes to think “over-” is a bad thing…because, if you look hard enough, I am sure we are all over-something.

[But, let it be known, my over-thinking is a by-product of perpetually being under-something, as well, at the same time. I am under-fed in terms of social interaction and general good luck. As much as I like to think I’m a good guy, my misfortunes send me reeling, withdrawing into a quiet place where only my thoughts can sustain me. So, yeah; I invest most of my energy in thought. And, for those who benefit from that thought, you should be/feel welcome. It’s my gift to you. Respect it. Don’t abuse or mistreat it. It’s not a party trick or stage show for your amusement and critique. I’m not your entertainer, your butler/maid or ATM of therapy.]

Over- is another way of saying wealth…isn’t it? And, it’s also, likely, a synonym for potential.

If you need a good example of how the above equation works, look at the most common understanding of wealth, money. When you have a lot of money, you’re rich. What is money? Money is potential energy/fuel/resource to acquire/buy/spend or employ (others) to achieve some desired goal. It’s not food but it can get someone to make/bring you food, sometimes. It’s not water or anything that can cleanse your being. It’s potential energy.

But, how often do people say…

“You’re over-rich.”

or

“You’re over-earning.”

I don’t think those words have ever been uttered or written…until just now. [Yaaay. I’m a first. Woo.] Or, was something rather similar used in A Christmas Carol? About Scrooge? I’m not sure. Someone look into that for me. 😛

If you sat five people together and compared wealth of hair, unless they were all balding, you might become aware of how one of the five is envied more than the others for that person’s wealth. They have the most hair…maybe too much hair. It’s not too much hair. It’s just MORE than YOU have.

Do you look at a tree, which produces an abundance of seed and leaves, or a dandelion, which turns gray and casts its seed out into the air, where it annoys anyone with allergies…and say, “Hey, plant! You’re over-seeding!” [Do you even notice your neighboring trees and flowers, if you’re not already so consumed by your buzzing, radiating technology and vain affairs?]

And, what about the pine trees that drop sooo many needles which burn the grass under their branches, leaving reddish-brown barren soil. Do you suspect the grass ever kicks up a fuss and says, “Yo, pine-face! You’re over-shedding! You really burn me up!”

The trees have a wealth of something. And, what they produce isn’t always appreciated. Who really enjoys raking leaves or cleaning out gutters clogged with what trees produce?

Yet, it doesn’t stop us from planting and favoring trees for their aesthetic beauty or, if you have any common ecological sense, the clean air and atmosphere they help produce. You wouldn’t even be walking the planet, right now, if there weren’t, at least, enough plants to hold it together and stimulate an atmosphere worth breathing. And, anyone who uses wood or other plant materials in their crafting (or home construction) would be crawling on their knees and turning to shady, unnatural plastic or metal crafting if they didn’t have the blessing of trees, those otherwise obnoxious overly spawning obstacles of fauna. You’d be mining your planet dry until the ground crumbled underfoot.

But, if you have a small-minded outlook, an impoverished, negative outlook, you might be annoyed by the trees and flowers. I know I hate allergy season and can get quite angry at the plants when they turn on me, when they get in my way of enjoying life. Yet, that’s life for them. That’s their nature. They are what they are and produce what they do. Is that so wrong? Or, are they just getting in *my* way?

Wealth isn’t necessarily bad. But, if you lack the same wealth, you may become annoyed/agitated. And, if you have to be around someone or something producing a wealth/abundance of something, it might crowd/suffocate you. It might dwarf you and make you feel endangered.

——-

Truth be told…if one person/being holds all of something and doesn’t apply/spread it, somehow, it would be a devastating monopoly of that resource. So, there is a point where wealth IS too much…when it looks more like greed or insatiable hunger. But, that wealthy being won’t realize the mistake until it’s too late…until life ceases around them and they have to flee in search of other shelter (on another planet, perhaps).

And, as I said of myself, if I am over-thinking, it’s a by-product of lacking something else. It’s an imbalance, in a way. But, until I can find that better balance, I have that wealth of thought…which isn’t necessarily bad.

An apple tree can have a surplus of fruit and fall over from the weight. A buxom beauty can feel slowed down by her wealth of breasts. You can relieve the apple tree by picking some apples and putting them to good use. And, I suppose, you could perform surgery on the buxom beauty to lighten her load…but, personally, that seems like a crime of nature to me. [Yet, why would any higher power give a woman more bosom than she can carry? And, what is she supposed to do with that wealth?]

I don’t hoard my thoughts. I share them, frequently. And, too often, they are not appreciated in a way that reassures me.

Just as having a wealth of money isn’t necessarily bad…if you eventually put it to good use. A big vault of money is just a waste of space. And, the most generous person who is able to throw money around isn’t really helping the world, either, because it’s only fueling that term “economy” which was designed to create some kind of order, putting out the desire to riot and rebel against authority…even though money still does just that; it’s always a matter of distress and potential rioting. So, in a way, all monetary wealth is an illusion and waste of resources…which is why you see so much buzz about virtual/digital currency, versus paper and coin. But, is that really going to solve the problem of quarrels over monetary excess/wealth and poverty?  No.

I could spend another hour or more and pages of space on how those with wealth are prodded to give, to be charitable, to spread the wealth, to market themselves, etc. But, I won’t.

——–

The same can be said of anyone who is wealthy, or abundant, in something. And, though they are wealthy, that doesn’t mean you have to be annoyed by them…but we are. Why is that?

It’s that ancient seed someone planted that stirs the pot of the “haves” and “have-nots.” It’s the seed of strife and conflict, never satisfied…because, if that seed ever fully blossomed, the world would probably self-destruct from the *wealth* (or surplus) of want. The world would claw itself apart until nothing but crumbs were left. The evil weed would have succeeded in eliminating all viable soil. Nothing more would grow. The planet and all of its assets would cease to exist.

If you’ve ever heard an old line about money being a root of evil and/or idle hands being evil’s plaything, is it possible that’s just a variation of that itch that comes from the “have-not” weed? Is it possible all of human distress comes from some big, menacing pot of gossip regarding what one has and one does not?

…Wait. Look at what I just said. What one has and one does not. The latter part…what one does not. If you do not, you’re not doing (something). When you’re not doing something, you’re idle. When a car idles, it’s not going anywhere and may be losing fuel/resources if the lights are on or the engine’s running. But, if that car is lit and/or running, it still has resources and the potential to do something. Is that bad? Or, should every car always be driving to the limit every second of its existence?

If every car was on a road driving itself dry, what would you say?

That’s a lot of noise, pollution and traffic. Right? You’re sure to find yourself in a sea of vehicles. It’s too much. Well, at least, it’s more than the rest of the world has…the part of the world that isn’t overrun with vehicles and their mad drivers.

If you’re not doing something, some would say you’re wasting time. Others would say you must have a wealth of free time. They envy you because they use their time some other way and feel, in some way, distressed by their lifestyle, by their choices.

Those without may be over-something, as well.

If you worry too much, you exhaust your stamina and go hungry…or hangry. [But, worry is a form of thought…so that might fall into the wealth of thought and may be cautious thinking others just don’t appreciate/understand. Still, you need to stay hydrated and fed (when you’re worrying).]

If you work too much, you could do the same or seriously injure/cripple yourself. [Okay. Now, there’s one instance when over isn’t wealth. You cannot have a wealth of labor if it results in disability and/or lingering misery. So, what do you call that (then)? Or, is that a wealth of labor which isn’t properly distributed/applied? Is that misused labor? You could say over-working someone is giving one person too much work; the workload needs to be distributed among more workers/helpers. Similarly, you cannot be a lucrative producer of merchandise with just one customer, even if that person is the only person on the planet with all of the money. What kind of business is that, if only one person on the whole planet steps forward to buy something? And, what stops that one person from taking over your business so they don’t have to spend any money? But, you might suddenly say you no longer feel like producing anything–in the face of such an overwhelming financial force–and leave that customer wanting, oblivious to the influence, the power of their own wealth.]

[And, breathe…]

So, you see, all of you who have ever been told you’re over-something. You’re not a bad person. You’re not over-anything. You’re just more than the person or people near you, like that pine (or EVER-GREEN) tree burning the soil at its root with its own “sweat.” You’re just wealthy (and sweaty). And, aren’t you lucky. We all are…somehow, I’m sure.

‘Too bad we can’t all accept and work together with that. Blame the weed. Just think of what we could accomplish if we didn’t waste so much time and energy pointing fingers at everyone’s wealth with an unpleasant taste in our mouths, with acid or venom on our tongues.

———-

If you encounter someone who is over-something or has a wealth/surplus, don’t just point a finger or complain. Find a way to balance that individual. Prop up that overloaded fruit tree so it can continue feeding us all. Give that buxom beauty a better undergarment to support her figure so she can move comfortably. Help that “scrooge” put his or her money to good use. [I said good use. Not good-for-you-alone use.] Let’s balance our world and spend less on “over-time.”

If you find me over-thinking, what can you do to help put my thoughts to good use, to make me feel more productive and full of purpose? How can you balance my “excess” of thought and “lack” of productivity? I can tell you, right now, you’re barking up the wrong tree if you only tell me what I’m not doing, talk about selling myself or yank me out of my comfort zone without adequate support/reassurance. But, if you come forward and see how your ideas can mesh with my ideas and produce something we both approve, you’re the stuff of legends, my friend.

28
Feb
17

My Response to “An Ace in a Hole” (Dear Abby)

By writingbolt Leave a Comment
Categories: Concerns and Alerts and Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

*****

You can find my response to this and other letters on the designated page. But, while you’re here, have a read.

Ace is a… Well, let’s be clear about this. Ace doesn’t exactly say if they are a boy/man or girl/woman. So, the mere fact that Abby decides to address the person as a young woman may be in error. While some details might suggest Ace is female, it is not certain from my perspective.

Ace is struggling with an “asexual” identity. He/She is being pestered by friend and family alike to do what is “normal,” including sex and having kids while Ace shows no interest. As with others who feel abnormal or exceptionally unique, he/she is distraught and seeking a means of maintaining friendship with those who bother him/her.

I myself never questioned my sexuality other than how I appear to others (which has been a source of concern and annoying conflict). I have been labeled and scrutinized most of my life and had to accept some battles as defeats or stalemates, which ultimately weakened or even tore ties to certain people. Thus, I will speak from experience.

————-

Ace, you might help me out by making your gender clear. What I have to say might slip into applying to one gender or another. But, I will do by best to keep this asexual.

One quick question: Why do you call yourself “an ace in a hole?” The term “ace in the hole” is defined as an advantage waiting to be revealed. I’d say being openly asexual while enduring punishment from those closest to you does not match that definition.

[If you have no interest in my personal experience/opinion outside the realm of advice geared specifically to your problem, you can skip the following portion and start with the separate question.]

———–

While a mother pushing the idea of marrying a gay man at you tells Abby you are a woman turned off by sexual intercourse, I am wondering if your mother didn’t have another motive, if you are an asexual man, and she thought a gay man would eventually awaken the gay manhood in you or make you comfortable with someone who didn’t look at sex the same way heterosexual couples do. I could be way off base here. But, hopefully, you can see how/why I’d make such a statement.

Some might bring up the matter of having children. Well, would you really be more likely to have children as an asexual woman with a gay man than with a straight one? No. You’d likely adopt or be in a situation like James Corden who is apparently married to a heterosexual woman AND gay (or bisexual) with kids.

At an early age, I was “informed” having children was “normal” and to be expected. And, as early as maybe twelve, I thought about having two kids of m own. But, once I learned about sexual intercourse and all that came with it, over many years and from meeting many people, I kinda lost interest in bringing kids into this world. [I’m not ruling kids out completely; but they seem unlikely in my future. Still, I might help others with their kids and consider that my “parenting time.”]

No discomfort intended, but I am surprised you have ANY supportive friends (unless the friendships are very “cool” and “casual,” not people you spend extensive time with outside of work and/or have heavily personal talks with, for example). Being as you are cannot be common in your area. Can it? If your supportive circle consists of other asexual individuals, well, aren’t you lucky. I’m more likely to believe the people you know are quite comfortable discussing and seeking sexual intercourse while just patting you on the back as they bite their tongues in your presence (if they are that respectful).

From as far back as the age of five, I can recall kids being quite mean to me. I’ve had my share of bullies picking on me for everything from the shape of my head to how I walk or dress. I could have curled up in a closet and decided years later I was gay because I couldn’t connect with girls the way other boys did. But, that’s just not me. I knew early on I liked girls; I just didn’t know how to convey my feelings without embarrassment or social conflict. And, as I learned about sexual intercourse, I was turned off, much like you. The new knowledge only made socializing more difficult.

There was one girl in particular I befriended for whom I had strong feelings. And, as these feelings became apparent to our peers, we were harassed until we–or she–made a decision to separate. It was painful to lose touch with her. Meanwhile, a few of the hecklers were having their first sexual experiences with foreign exchange students; and I don’t recall them being harassed for attempting this.

There was also one boy who I’d call asexual because he never expressed any interest in a boy or girl other than as an ally or enemy. Everything seemed to be about war with him. You were either his “right-hand man” or on a list of people he had no problem talking about wiping off the planet (though he never followed through with his threats). I thought he was a Nazi leader. It was hard for even me to understand how he could be so robotic and, in his own way, juvenile.

In my late teens, I was viewed by some of my peers as the equivalent of a “gay priest.” I was, like you, repulsed by the realities of sexual intercourse, especially the common practice of “casual sex” (including “oral” which I refuse to try or accept others doing). I was also serious about respecting religion which seemed to be a foreign concept to my peers though we were attending a Catholic school. [Had I not been given such a steady diet of religion growing up, I might have had no qualms about casual sex.]

I could admit to liking or even lusting for a girl. But, the truth came out under pressure and, usually, with unpleasant results. I consistently hoped I’d have a quiet moment alone with whoever interested me so I could express my feelings without heckling or judgment and cope with the rejection I might yet receive if the feelings were not mutual. I was a passer of notes who had little to no luck doing so. My unique mindset made me an outcast. And, a few bold souls pressured me to try things with which I was not only uncomfortable but also opposed.

On occasion, the suggestions/dares were made in jest, just to see how badly I’d make a fool of myself following orders. Suffice to say, high school put a big dent in my ability to socialize. I went from a “plus one” (in terms of social aptitude, on a scale of 1 to 10) to somewhere in the negative digits. I might as well have been dead. That would have made everything easier. But, in my heart, I still longed for companionship and hid those strong sexual feelings most of my peers had and discussed freely.

Ultimately, I had to accept being an outcast and cutting ties with people who seemed unable to respect my choices. [And, though I didn’t always see it at that age, I was not the most respectful of choices made by my peers, either. If I didn’t like something they did, I’d complain when they were in my company. But, I didn’t nag, tease or challenge anyone. I just bluntly said, “I don’t like ___.” Or, “___ are stupid.” And, often enough, I’d give reasons no one really wanted to hear. I thought I was being social and honest, having an opinion.]

————

How do you maintain contact with these people who are becoming increasingly bothersome/suffocating?

Right off the top of my head, I’d say you don’t (maintain contact). You set yourself apart from them and regroup. Why continue to stand in their line of fire and take that “abuse?”

Give yourself a place and time to shake their pressured intentions from your mind (and soul) like a plane shaking the fire from one of its engines. Maybe there’s a coffee shop or fast food restaurant/cafe you can visit to unwind and entertain yourself with some tabletop hobby (IE reading, crossword puzzles or doodling). And, if they continue to seek you out and push their views, you give them one last warning before cutting ties completely. If they ignore your warning, there’s your answer; they are not going to change.

It may hurt to lose a friend or warm relationship with a parent, but crap happens. If your mother won’t accept you as a person and family member because you don’t get married and/or have kids, you tell her she has only so much time to change her way of thinking because you are going to be who you choose to be until that changes, if it changes, which will not happen because of her pressuring you.

Abby says this is an opportunity to educate. Well, who says you have to be the spokesperson for “asexual America” and go on talk shows to start a movement for supporting people like you? If that sounds good to you, go for it. If not, defend yourself. At the very least, you tell these nags that you will consider other options when and if your feelings change. And, if that’s not enough to shut them up, again, set boundaries, make ultimatums and follow through. Accept the fact that you may not always have the best of relations with your parents and/or that one person you call a friend.

But, let’s do our best to be polite about these matters. Right? Because it wouldn’t be “prudent” to lose our tempers. No. It would just be natural. If you value yourself and what you believe/feel, you do what is necessary and may not be able to sort out–at the time–what is excessively hostile. Still, there are things we can say and/or do via impulse that might be worse than necessary. And, we should avoid doing more harm than good.

08
Dec
14

One Person’s Quirk Is Okay with Another

By writingbolt 8 Comments
Categories: Concerns and Alerts
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I like to think of myself as a multifaceted therapist. I’m a great back massage giver. I call them magic fingers. I haven’t done much with it, but I consider myself a decent art therapist (using art exercises to help people work through their “mental clutter”). And, I’ve been a decent listener most of my life without collecting $75-250 an hour for my time and saying very little.

But, here I am catching a few minutes of one goofy talk show in a million and hearing these “professionals” tell people with quirks that bother them that they should get help…and all I want to say is, “I don’t mind that quirk. I think it’s kinda cute. It’s unique and refreshing.”

And, isn’t that okay? Aren’t our quirks okay? Or, is every little odd/unique thing we do automatically a reason to sound the therapist/nut house alarm?

Warning: I’m about to rant. So, if you suffer from a “short attention span,” you may want to skip down past the partitioned section to the wrap-up.

———————

That’s ridiculous! It’s a quirk. It was probably caused by conditioning from exposure to some particular behavior from other people…whether that’s family, classmates or coworkers. And, all it takes to get out of that “kink” is to adjust yourself to someone new who makes you more comfortable. Until then, any conditioning therapy is going to be like slapping a smoker on the wrist to make them quit. You might force change, but will that make you feel better or just break the habit? Will you feel good about changing yourself or just comply with one more reprimand from peers? Is peer pressure a prescription for costly therapy and/or hazardous medication?

If you ask a “professional” outside the office, I am sure they’d love to set you up with a session schedule if they are starved for clients. But, once you get in that office, if they tell you your quirk is just part of you that you need to accept, what are you paying them for? And, if they recommend treatment or pills, what are you doing in that crazy person’s office??

A “professional” cannot replace family and friends the person really needs who will likely know more about the person rather than have them have to dig up aaaaall the history anew for some total stranger collecting a steep hourly fee. And, if you add up all the hours it would take to go through all that family history to get the “professional” up to speed, how much do you suspect that would cost?

Have you ever heard these expressions?

If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

I am so sick and tired of what some consider a weakness or strange being sufficient reason for telling someone to “get help.” It’s bad enough kids get bullied in school for having a big head or small frame or a lack of a good role model/sport coach or extra body fat.

Well, guess what.

I suffer from poor self-confidence.

I grew up with a small frame and a big head for which I was frequently pestered.

I was bullied.

I had a fifth grade teacher who couldn’t stop clearing her throat; so I started doing it reflexively, and it took a whole year to break the habit. These things happen. The same way we pick up and lose accents when we live among different cultures.

I have lost some hair in places, and it makes me uncomfortable.

I wear eyeglasses, and they make me feel crippled; but I cannot see myself ever using contact lenses without infecting my eyes because my hands are too busy to be that clean when needed.

And, ya know what else?

If you’re kinda quiet, shy or humble (not as bold, confident and daring as the people around you), that’s just fine. I won’t mind.

If you feel the need to pick your nose, you’re human. Just do it when I am not looking and clean those fingers, after.

If you burp for whatever reason, an “Excuse me” is wonderful. But, I won’t think you rude or weird if you forget.

If you wear two different socks, is that such a big deal?

[I think I’ve said some of these before. And, it wouldn’t surprise me if you found them among older posts (like the “looking for love and happiness” ones where I state my “dating preferences”). There are habits I don’t like, including some people who talk incessantly without conscience as if they can’t tell when someone isn’t genuinely listening to them…yet they keep talking even as I walk away. But, if I wasn’t quirk tolerant, I don’t think I’d find someone like Zooey Deschanel appealing, at all.]

————————————

If you have a quirk, some habit that is unusual to others, it doesn’t mean you are mentally ill or unworthy of someone’s affection/attention. It may be annoying to some, but I’d prefer not to think it bothers EVERYONE. And, if your chosen spouse or mate happens to be bothered by it, maybe you’re hanging with the wrong tree. Ya know?

Every piece of the big picture puzzle fits somewhere. It just may be more difficult to find their place for some (myself included). It doesn’t mean we cut off our “bumps” to fit better. But, if YOU don’t like some aspect of yourself, it’s your call to change/fix it.

[Gosh, I get worked up when “professionals” turn nature into costly experiments.]

27
Aug
13

Why Am I Posting/Looking Here?

By writingbolt Leave a Comment
Categories: Looking for Love and Happiness
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

First and foremost, I consider myself an unusual, perpetually single heterosexual guy. At least, I haven’t found another guy like me with which I care to associate myself. This is not as much a rebellious choice as it is simply an observation. Please understand this comes with occasional humor, sarcasm, cynicism and/or pessimism. You might see this as negative/unattractive. I see this as honest. If you prefer exaggeration and lies, continue saying yes to the bad boys, drug addicts and smooth talkers.

I hate pick-up lines and common/modern dating practices. I don’t go with the flow. I technically have zero friends, no inner or casual circle with which I “hang out” or speak regularly. I am terrible at mingling in a crowded place. I am lost in the woods, looking for a direction right for me.

Second, I know this isn’t an internet dating site. I don’t feel anymore comfortable at a site designated for comparing dates than I do entering a bar of guys ogling a few women. I am generally intimidated by women (for a few reasons) and male competition. And, sometimes I scare people without understanding why.

I don’t want to be afraid or discouraged by a misguided attempt/approach without a “wingman”. Men come in beer-guzzling wolf packs and cross-town rivalries, pushing each other around to get their prize to the bedroom. Women come armed with female friends or massively selective egos. Women can turn to their “sisters” for emotional support or to cut a guy off at his genitals before he knows what’s happening.

Online, I see how women receive dozens of “letters” from men seeking their attention, and the women can simply brush them off or filter through them like junk mail. Do the men have this liberty? Do women line up at a man’s door and let him pick them off one by one? I highly doubt it. I’ve dabbled. I was disappointed with the results. I am not comfortable with this. Everyone is supposed to be good for someone. Or, is there actually a subspecies–unfit to be coupled–destined to rot like bad apples alone?

Some even have family on their side. I don’t have these luxuries. I can’t recall the last time I could talk freely with anyone and feel completely at ease with myself.

Here is about as unusual as any to assert my “single and looking” status; no? I can assert myself here as well as any other website; right? It’s not like anyone puts that much personal info out for the public eye to see on their profiles. It’s all stored in some dating database and used to track/direct prospects to the right person/s with mixed results. So, why not mix it up somewhere different? I could put this on my About Me page. But, I will give this post a try, first. Consider this a free opportunity to meet someone instead of paying $30 a month.

Unknown's avatar

Archives

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started