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I’ve only recently heard the term.
GRAY DIVORCE
It refers to people ending their marriages typically after reaching retirement age and/or after your “nest” becomes empty (when all of your children have homes of their own). And, apparently, it’s a growing trend? This is the next wave in human sexuality, following the birth-control, or casual-sex-is-exercise, generation and the oops-we-fooled-around-now-I’m-stuck-with-a-kid-let’s-get-married-so-we-don’t-burn-at-the-stake generation.
I heard someone say gray divorce is for people who “find they no longer have much in common.” Excuse me? Isn’t that what so SO many couples boast when they marry (if they don’t rush into marriage within a year or two)? “I married my best friend.” “We have so much in common. It was inevitable we’d get married.” If you have used either of those quotes, you deserve to get your butt kicked. Gray divorce makes those lines almost worthless. I’m…discouraged. Common interests are no longer enough to secure happiness? What else is there? An endless longing for what cannot be fully perceived? A void that cannot be filled?
A world without love stories? Is that what’s ahead? It’s so terrifying and sickening… Just imagine people losing interest in romantic films, including romantic comedies. Or, maybe, all romantic stories will become comedies because lasting love has become a bad joke. Is marriage really no longer the apex of life and love?
It’s shocking to hear which celebrities have already faced this, knowing (from TV sources) these were people who had claimed to be so content and happy with their spouses. In some cases, I’ve remotely envied them and wanted to be their devoted partner. But, in general, I’ve looked to these people as examples of what is right and what can last. They made it work. How did they do it? I can find lasting happiness, too. But, if they get divorced…what does that say about this old chestnut about lasting happiness called marriage?
[Well, at least, I have a shot at Meryl Streep, now. Ha. I may have a “bucket list” of older women I’d like to date. I’d mention names, but I don’t want to cause any premature gray divorces. Ha, again. I’d say “marry,” but, I guess, that’s no longer valued or necessary.]
If marriage is no longer a sensible pursuit, what is left?
I’m sure many would respond with something similar to the opinion of a tattoo. People rush to get tattoos; they don’t wait a few years or a decade to get one unless they are just “getting by” on a thin budget. So, you get divorced because you feel you and your chosen spouse no longer have “the spark.” You hear what others (who have been “gray divorced”) are saying, and decide you feel the same way; so let’s do this. Shortly after getting it done (like knotting the tubes), you think you just opened the doors to a dating (and sexual) grocery store. You are free to explore, again.
That’s all fine and good for those who always were rather adventurous and careless (versus careful). Good luck with that. And, be sure to let us know if STDs and unplanned pregnancies are no longer an issue with your wrinkled sexual exploration. [Don’t even get me started on abortion law or how it impacts anyone’s moral/religious code.]
Yet, no matter who you are, life isn’t quite the same when you’re older. Just as you are not likely as fit and/or quick as you were when you first got married, you’re not likely to be as adept at finding someone new (if you try). The dating pool seems bigger, but is it really? And, how do you even choose to do something with someone if common interests no longer guarantee something that will last? [Or, do you join a club and hang out with fellow “classmates” until the final session ends and then move on to something (and someone) else?]
If you choose to remain single after “gray divorce,” are you REALLY single for the rest of your life? Or, are you dipping your toes in sexual pools wherever and whenever you can?
Now, here comes a traffic sign I presume few are expecting. [EEERRROOP! Hit those brakes.]
INFIDELITY ALERT!
If you take away enough wedding rings and set these caged animals free, you suddenly change the (food) chain/pyramid, particularly for safe and secure marriages. And, if you know people are considering divorce at any age, you’re more inclined to pursue someone who’s currently married (like a salivating hyena that just found some new prey to hunt in his forest).
There’s a little line that goes something like this…
IS THE PERSON I’M ATTRACTED TO LEGALLY ABLE TO PAIR UP WITH ME?
We’re going beyond the concept of “cougars” by introducing some of those “dinosaurs” we didn’t consider a concern until now. With marriage no longer a mountain to bypass or avoid when you’re “single and looking,” you might pressure someone to get (gray) divorced, claiming the separation is only inevitable (as the marriage may have been, once). How sick is that?
“Hey, babe. I know you’re bound to get gray-divorced sooner or later. So, let’s cut to the sooner and have you get together with me.”
You may laugh at the thought of some gray-haired individual flirting with you or your chosen partner, but it could happen. Some people actually like older folks in a special way.
[I’m not particularly focused on any age, but some women DO age gracefully and can be admired with their weathered features. You do not need to Botox or color yourself until you look like a toy. If I wasn’t entirely happy with my marriage when Meryl Streep (or one of the other names I refrain from mentioning) decided to flirt with me, I might be tempted to indulge in some infidelity. If she approached me while I’m single, I wouldn’t hesitate. ‘Just saying. If she’s not your type or someone you’d consider “hot,” just understand that not every attraction comes from being exceptionally physically attractive. Meryl has a “swag” that cannot be contained; she exudes charm, and that’s why so many of her roles are enjoyable.]
And, here’s another little likely unexpected speed bump. What if some elder person flirted with you (or your partner) and was rejected so painfully that they had a heart attack? Can you imagine?
[Coming up on tonight’s breaking news, a local man breaks Meryl Streep’s heart for the last time. Witnesses say she collapsed on a bed of magnolia petals shortly after her latest fling broke up with her. Police on the scene did nothing because rejection and separation are not considered murder.]
It’s one thing to face heartache in your youth. But, how well can a motivated retiree take it? Again, like doing certain physical activities, if you’re not in that kind of shape, it may not be smart to get too excited about any intimate prospect. [Or, is the opposite true? Could being aroused by the sight of a potential mate make you feel…younger?…safely?]
Could that be the future of gray divorce? Could people settle for simply enjoying arousal when and where they find it, rather than pursuing another course of what went wrong? Could people find contentment without a relationship (or flirting with sexual hazards)? Or, in some crazy science-fiction-al way, could humans evolve in some way that allows them to forego marriage for a more casual sexual experience without hazard and commitment? Could humans somehow break the cycle of STDs and choose to get pregnant?…’sounds like playing god if you ask me.
What are your thoughts on this matter?
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