Posts Tagged ‘employment

27
Nov
24

Representation Overkill Causes Nausea

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News at 11!

Or, whatever.

I’ve had enough! I am quite sick of everyone on TV (and I’m sure other forms of media) having to represent something while putting their face or voice “out there.”

You may be “black” or “Muslim” or have some missing body part that makes you special. Maybe you’re gay and recently decided to advertise this discovery, as if you found King Tut’s tomb. Whatever the case may be, you cannot just do anything caught on camera without representing SOMETHING. Some cause needs to rally around your actions to sponsor or, at least, pressure to sponsor you. Every face spotted in a public place or televised program must MATTER somehow.

Are we all NASCAR racecars in need of multiple decals applied to our appearances? Isn’t spotlighting someone for being black or handicapped as bad as mistreating them for the same reason? I’d say so.

Oh, Mr. Writingbolt. You have a big head. What does this thing you are doing mean to all the other big heads in the world? How does it feel to be a big-headed person in this event? [Why don’t you just take a picture and plaster my big head on your billboard while you’re at it, you thoughtless jerks. Better yet; start a charity for big-headed people and ask me to be the spokesperson, so I can annoy people with incessant ads while they’re trying to unwind from their day.]

If you don’t represent, you don’t matter…UNLESS you are the poster boy or girl for some branch of the Disney Empire…then you’re straight. You’re okay. You can skip the representation line. In fact, it’s best if you don’t represent anything and can be molded into whatever role they’re willing to give you. If Disney says you’re going to be a penguin, you be the best damn penguin you can be and remain the same for eighty years. Okay? And, don’t you dare be caught on camera as anything or anyone else.

[Some would say the opposite of the above is true, regarding Disney. You might say they are all about representing something bigger than an individual’s effort/achievement. And, I wouldn’t say you are wrong. But, there is a strange sort of “molding” in the world of Disney that is racist, sexist and/or pressurized. If you are approved by Disney to be part of their world, just about anything you do will be heralded and applauded. You cannot lose if Disney approves you. And, the more ground and resources Disney acquires, the more they can approve and manipulate. Once you lose or abandon that approval, you go into witness protection (so to speak); you disappear and, probably, keep your mouth shut if you don’t want trouble.]

My stomach cannot remain calm. I’ve seen far too many bleached teeth, BOTOX’d faces and staged dramatic scenes befitting some show bent on pairing people together while too often failing to do just that.

—–

Spontaneous detour…

Meanwhile, I see someone, who’s generally pretty, flashing a shine on their cheeks and/or their forehead…maybe a little cleavage, too. And, I want to scream. I know how I don’t like to look at myself in the mirror, anymore. But, if I have to resort to THAT, to treating my face like a clay pot with cracks in it, any confidence I claim to take from it will never be genuine. It’s fraud that’s so apparent, you don’t have to “represent” it.

If I looked like that, I’d be cracking on the inside, anyway. My calm would be as fragile as tissue paper (as if it’s not already). I might as well slather myself in mayo…because, you know, every “helpful” cream out there has to be as white as bird poop. Am I hiding something? Am I repairing myself? No; what gave you that idea? What? You can SEE the stuff on my skin? The size of my head doesn’t suit the rest of my body after taking weight-management drugs? You mean I don’t look fit and trim when I’m obviously uncomfortable in my own natural body?

How do you address someone who is obviously paranoid about every little line on their face (yet unable to do anything about moles)? How do you convince them that they don’t have to look plastic to be accepted for who they are? It’s not any easier with so many ads for toothpaste and the same dentist/dental assistant ready to put you in the spotlight for being “less than white.”

This sort of vain behavior is the collateral damage, the side effect, the aftershock of excess representation (and soooo many accolades, so many trophies).

You can treat your body like a plastic toy. But, soon enough, you’ll sacrifice your mind and soul, too, just to forget what you did to yourself out of vanity overload.

Now, I’m not saying you cannot “have work done” if it genuinely helps you feel better on a daily basis. If it helps you look in the mirror with comfort, have at it. If it allows your clothes to rest comfortably against your skin without an annoying burning or itchy feeling, that’s good. If you can remove a bothersome mole or outbreak of spots that make you look like you’ve been hit with a plague, I approve.

On the other hand, if you think you can plaster wrinkles the rest of your life, you’re crazy. There comes a point when the human body simply unrolls something in response to your chosen lifestyle. And then there is aging. We all have to age someday…as far as I know.

But, DO NOT attempt repairs if you must be on camera “the next day.” You might as well have your clothes on the floor. I suspect this is why some actors and actresses must learn to put up with things like crowded teeth; the alternative would be more detrimental to their career, especially if they “have to always be on.”

If this “work” leaves you looking like an art project gone wrong…I’ve got nothing positive to say. It’s tragic (what you did). I’m pretty sure the right people–as I’m often told–would accept you, wrinkles, spots and all.

[I haven’t exactly found those people, yet. So, I could be wrong. But, I’m still bothered by the excessive and obvious evidence of vain reconstruction.]

I know a few celebrities who actually look good with wrinkles and gray hair; they aged well. And, even if they don’t, how can we be heartless and treat them as anything other than human (like ourselves)? I don’t necessarily approve of everyone who “embraces the gray” and changes everything to be “platinum,” including their wardrobe. But, some “grayheads” look good. The others simply don’t need me or anyone to evaluate them.

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Back to the matter of excessive and canned representation…

If I hear one more person ask, “What does (what you recently did on camera) mean to you (as a representative of ___)?

It means everything to you. The experience is amazing and unbelievable. You are so fortunate. [And, you recite this more than once, whenever you are hit with the same tired, abused questions, as if you have to sell the show, so others will submit to its deception and feed the monster.]

…I don’t even want to say it. But, I’m ill.

—–

I’m going to pause, again, to give a response from my own gut. I don’t care what televised thing I am doing. Even if it actually alters my lifestyle, my personal world and space, in some way that makes me feel life just got better, it does NOT “mean everything to me,” no matter how dazzling it may seem. I could win the billion-dollar lottery and still find myself facing the same daily struggles when the money runs out (if I don’t invest wisely).

I don’t think anything should hold the value of “everything” because that would make it lethal. Your life means everything to you…or you die. A few weeks with a televised contest of a very staged fashion should not impact whether you live or die. Those trite expressions really annoy me. They are a loss of your common sense, submitting to emotional overload. Some would call this dramatizing, the equivalent of throwing a fit about this being “the worst day ever.”

Are we honestly supposed to believe every person who recites the above lines is being genuine? Everyone of them has had the “everything” experience from being part of this show? I highly doubt that. So, why say it?

If anyone is saying something just to respond to a microphone in their face, to appease the snoop, I’m going to get agitated. If it was a great experience for you, say so, but don’t exaggerate to the extent that you make it sound like everyone should do what you did. Odds are they won’t get the chance; so don’t deceive or tease them. Just speak for yourself (and say you had a good time).

And, if you want me to say the above lines, I will not respect you. If you threaten me to say those lines, I will probably comply and then avoid you like the plague for the rest of my days, regretting the trap I entered. I will speak unkindly (to say the least) of you whenever possible. I will NOT be coming back to watch others play your game. And, I will not tell others to play along.

—–

How is anyone supposed to feel “normal” or comfortable with anything they do if it has to be put in the form of a term-paper Q-and-A?

What makes matters even worse (on top of nauseating) is when what someone “represents” is tainted with falsehood, when something like charity is just a wholesome cover for something questionable. Imagine someone who is being promoted as the poster man or woman for a new movie while secretly participating in sexual assault or financial fraud. Imagine a charity that’s just an excuse for a tax write-off (evasion) or cover for a measly paycheck on some game show. And, we never know until someone decides to take that person to court; that seems to be the status quo for exposing a lie.

When the truth comes out…if it ever truly comes out…there’s often no coming back from it. They’re marked. [Yet, some famous faces have a remarkable way of redeeming themselves in whatever way they can. Some buy their way out of legal action. I don’t necessarily accept that redemption. But, others seem to give it a stamp of approval.]

When do we get out of the classroom, out of the spotlight or off the podium? When does a “celebrity” get to just be the person they were named instead of the face of something on a poster? No wonder we can’t be okay with a little weight gain or flawed skin. Every time we see someone “famous,” they have to be…perfectly okay with everything. If they’re having a bad day or craving something that’s not family-channel approved, there must be something wrong with them; they need “help.” [And, that isn’t the sort of help you get from spending a relaxing day with a good friend.]

Of course, we need to have more ads for psychological help, for all those harmed by the sheer overload of representation, I bet. It’s damage control for a bad habit that’s being promoted like smoking (or, more recently, “vaping”); we are told it’s bad but some people still feel the need to sell you something that contributes to the problem. It’s like sitting at an award ceremony and going home with nothing but the memory of being caught on camera with no accolades to advertise.

So, what are YOU doing here at this award ceremony, where so many are being spotlighted for their recent projects? Nothing? Well, at least, you and your plus one are…uh…looking good. Who are you wearing? Okay. We don’t care. See you on the best dressed reel, tomorrow, and in the next issue of People magazine. Do you have a quote we can use?

It’s bad enough “celebrities” have to be canned the way they are when “promoting” their latest film, podcast or whatever. It’s like a never-ending job interview. You can’t say anything negative about anything, even if it just popped in your head while being asked about the director or a co-star you cannot stand. What was it like? It was…AMAZING. It’s all good. Right?…as you choke on the vomit in your throat. Pitch that resume. Get the next job offer. Everyone wants you because you don’t complain. You’re flawless. [As if.]

Now, if the above turns me off, it turns off my TV. And, if other people turn off the TV or ignore the magazines, all that time and effort applied to painting celebrities as polished and perfectly happy is wasted. No one’s even looking when someone is jabbing a microphone in a famous face and, obviously, making them feel pressured and uncomfortable with the “routine.”

I may not be a fan of some people, but I’ll be less of a fan of more people if they continue to be displayed this canned, artificial way. Even my favorite faces darken my heart whenever I see them “masking” something. I don’t like telling lies, and I don’t like seeing others do it. I’m not the best judge of liars, but, eventually, I know and retaliate.

If celebrities are prone to seeking psychological help, using recreational (and illegal) drugs and facing plastic surgery, what do they think their “fans” are doing? Isn’t it apparent? If someone is in the spotlight, silently saying “this is okay” (what they are doing), witnesses will emulate. And, if the witnesses cannot afford what the celebrities are doing, they will bankrupt themselves in more ways than just financial.

Talk about being bad examples. Forget whatever you think you’re representing for a job that lasts less than a year. Think about your impact on the lives watching you. Of course, when your luxurious financial well-being/ego depends upon that job, you might slight (all of) your spectators. Having to be more selective about the food and/or clothing you buy or what parties you may have to skip is too much to bear (for you).

[If all of this “pressure” is deemed necessary to get a film into theaters (especially a film that betrays its source material by changing the story, as so many films do for whatever reason), I’d say the whole thing is a waste of resources and people. A big budget disaster and lie is what I’d call this. Instead of sticking one cigarette into one person’s mouth, you’re making the whole sky toxic by crowding countless mouths with rolls of excuse paper. Add on the magazine features, DVD extras and merchandise…and I’d be inclined to consider something dark and disturbing I’d rather not mention.]

Can’t everyone just be somewhere, participating without representing? If you’re a guest on a talk show, sure; you’ll want to have something to discuss. But, honestly, for anyone who’s just happy to see someone they like, can’t fans simply enjoy that?…versus pressing the same old questions about what’s coming to theaters or (Cable) TV? See. Then it would actually be good to see someone, again, versus catering to a “plug.”

You know what would really make a celebrity shine in my eyes? Seeing them completely comfortable in their own natural skin, warts and all. [Of course, few or no warts would be better because even I have been conditioned to be that vain.] They don’t have to be the most shiny Muslim or black person (who isn’t exactly black because their parents are “mixed”) or participant in any celebrity showcase. They don’t have to be wearing designer clothes I’ll never afford nor wear. They don’t have to have their ribs showing, bleach their naturally brown skin or dark hair or fit into a size-0 dress. They certainly don’t have to flash cleavage (especially if it’s not there). They don’t have to invite thieves and trolls to assault them (with how they present themselves).

Crack a joke. Tell an embarrassing story, once in your life. Blush a little when you make a mistake. You’re human. Represent that.

But, he or she can’t just be comfortable with their self. They also have to exhibit a compatible personality (for me to like or ever love them). And, if they don’t have that compatible personality? Then I don’t have to be a fan…and that’s okay! Everyone doesn’t have to be the fan of everyone else. Just don’t add to the hate by pretending to be something you’re not or letting anyone spotlight you for something you did not come to do.

[In the case of a certain dancing competition, you didn’t sign on to tote a sign for “black lives matter.” You came to prove you could dance and, maybe, win a trophy. So, if someone asks you how it feels to be the first black woman (if that’s even true) in the finale (and ensuing tour), you don’t give them a single word of compliance. You tell them this isn’t about being black. This is about you. And, as selfish as it may seem, it will be respected. Maybe you’re not toting the weight of every racial issue popping up in the world, but you’re helping yourself with art therapy. Represent that. It’s more important for all of us to heal ourselves and appreciate the arts than think about how being famous and black makes you the spokeswoman for an entire race of people. And, shame on all who press these routine questions on camera; you are tools, slaves of the media. What do we know about slavery? Exactly.]

Go away, you who are phony, canned, visibly waxed, bleached….artificial. And, if you are being forced to represent something for a cause rather than being welcomed for who you are as a person, I don’t want to see you. Forced representation sucks. It’s a bad perfume ad. We don’t need perfume or makeup to cover what we are. We need to know who and what we are and accept that.

Period.

Mic dropped.

I accept that I may be more wordy than others; it’s a side effect of the pressures I’ve been forced to endure. Being more wordy has helped me be more creative expressing myself. It helps with creative writing and solving word puzzles, too. I used to be a quiet kid who did as he was told, trusted and respected most adults (even some who were not family and probably should not have been trusted) and kept himself busy (so he wouldn’t anger his unhappy, quarreling, fussy parents). Then someone, who I trusted to help me steer away from suicide, threatened my life with what they were paid to distribute. And, that turned me into what I am today. I don’t need to represent other wordy people as some sort of cause for mental health or promoting a movie. I’m just me, one of the more wordy people in this world. If you don’t like me, find someone else to read.

04
May
24

What’s a JOB? Just Sell Stuff Online.

What’s a Job? Just Sell Stuff Online.

Jobs are too often scarce. Jobs are fussy about your education. Jobs get cut. You don’t need any of that. So, just sell stuff online like countless other people taking over modern commercial space.

What kind of STUFF? Oh. All kinds of STUFF. There is no limit to the kinds of STUFF you can sell and pitch on TV. As long as you’ve got a small factory in your garage, basement or neighborhood, pumping out this STUFF like some non-stop 3-D printer, and a link to the Amazon delivery empire, so you can have your STUFF sent by drone, you won’t ever need to think about seeking another job. If you can manage it, find a “professional” who can promote your STUFF with some phony status that is intended to make you believe the STUFF isn’t going to fail you.

Ain’t that just delightful?

Yes. A world full of dummies selling their STUFF and signing their souls over to Amazon delivery (just delivery…yeah, sure). What a wonderful world. [Bull shat.]

Anyone out there familiar with the Tupperware era? Or, Avon cosmetics? How about Asbestos or that pink insulation promoted by the cartoon Pink Panther?

You know where all of those fads ended? In a heap of what-do-we-do-now and a world scrambling to sort out one more ecological crisis. You may not need or want a JOB, but the world you depend upon for existence might not survive if all you do is contribute to the mass production of STUFF. STUFF is like smoking and alcoholism. It’s easy to slip into, especially if someone provides you with the means to make enough STUFF to satisfy demand. But, when you really think about what you’re doing, if you have any conscience at all, you might get a little nauseous (like I do).

Instead of shipping everybody’s latest variation of something paper or plastic they are trying to make outshine fifty other sellers, we should be discussing pipelines for properly distributing the goods this planet can and does often produce, instead of letting that natural STUFF go to waste. We live in an age/era when nature is somewhat out of balance and animals, not just humans, go hungry.

[And, yet, some groups trying to supply the “hungry” don’t always seem “legit” and may be just passing around food that’s expired or unwanted by fussy folks claiming to be on welfare.]

We have and promote a limited variety of wireless communication options which make just about anything seem possible. If you can connect minds, across the globe, to find common intentions (and interests) willing to work together to achieve a goal, that has to be better than posting a sign in a window or newspaper (or one website). Right? We have the means to reduce the need for income and taxes to zero. And yet, with the contributions of those who like to cause trouble and inject fears (which supposedly can only be cured with the latest “security app” or insurance offering), we humans still struggle with socializing and cooperating. Thus, we see/hear stories of tragic results from poor communication and see ads for services trying to get you into the virtual office of a therapist.

[Am I injecting fear? Maybe. But, I’m not following that with a pitch for some product or service you need to pump with your borrowed money. I’m not selling you anything here.]

There is a mountain of discontent hidden in all of what I just said. And, it’s not going away if you pump out more STUFF. Your conveniently manufactured body paste, sexual stimulant** or wall decor is not going to make the world a better, safer place to exist. It’s just going to give people a temporary, fleeting thrill before it ends up in a landfill of instant gratification failures. Then you and everyone else who didn’t want to work together to resolve the world’s problems is going to be looking for the STUFF that gets them off this doomed planet and moving somewhere safer.

**On that note, we have advertisements for sexual stimulating STUFF (“improving male confidence and stamina” and pleasing women at the same time), on one hand, and, on the other hand, governments debating the rights of humans to use abortion and birth control STUFF to counter what is a biological DUH! from having sex without self-control and common sense (that includes assaulting someone and leaving them pregnant). How dumb do humans have to get before we realize we’re screwing ourselves? Forget I asked. You already know. You just choose to douse yourselves in alcohol and other memory-warping drugs, hoping to forget.

Does your STUFF reduce waste? Eliminate garbage? Recycle garbage in a way that won’t upset stomachs or frighten to death? Does it put an end to ads for charities that are not always true to their word? Does it help reduce world hunger (including the loss of environment for animals other than humans)? Does it bring people together in harmony? Does it cultivate teamwork and friendship? [Or, does it just make people more vain and anti-social like “mean girls?”] Does it avoid feeding a monopoly which could easily wipe out all small businesses and thus end your financial pipeline?

[And, if you say it’s creating jobs by giving job to people who would otherwise struggle to find employment because of past “criminal” or otherwise disapproved behavior/history, I will slap you senseless. Having those people help manufacture and/or package your stuff, until machines take over, is not a positive to promote anywhere. While you are pitching that fabricated American dream, countless other humans are scrambling across national borders, looking for answers to their own misguided lifestyles.]

You know who’s going to be waiting at the exit ramp to abandon Earth? Those wealthy giants you fed with your shipping orders. Your convenient delivery assistants. And, they will decide your fate…kind of like a boss deciding if you should remain on the job.

So, you see, pretending you’re Betty Crocker or the next Mr. Clean isn’t going to last. It all piles up under the launch pad being built by people already looking at other planets to conquer, people who started out with something small and quickly manufactured because it was convenient, a seemingly modest service to the world which became hungry and started eating up other businesses until it no longer looked like a humble business with a singular purpose. And, the old fears of alien races taking over planets won’t be about little gray or green oddballs with big eyes and no body hair…it will be about your fellow human beings (or you, if you are so “fortunate” to become one of the next financial giants). We are the monsters of those alien stories. And, the more we ponder the possibility of selling STUFF, the bigger and dumber our eyes get.

Take me to your Amazon, earthlings.

Before you press the button to set your next whim into production, take a long hard minute to think about what’s ahead.

18
Nov
22

Do You Ever Feel Like Your Slot in this World Is Taken?

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Do you ever feel like your slot in this life/world has already been taken by someone else?

Have you ever discovered someone with the life or job you desire and thought…they’ve got this. So, where does that put me? What’s left for me to do when someone else is doing that as well as anyone could want?

For example…how many people can really take up the space occupied by famous authors? How many of those authors being presently thrust into the spotlight…with talk shows throwing copies at audience members…do you expect to be remembered and heralded decades from now? Who do you see being the next Dickens or Wells? So, you wrote a children’s book or a novel liked by a few people you happen to know who took the time to flip through it. If you cannot even get on one of those talk shows, what are your odds of acquiring a respectable number of readers? How do you compete with other authors who put out a new book almost every year or every few years? Are you content just being published, even if your book ends up in the ghost town of clearance racks at Barnes and Noble?

You can’t do better than that other person. Or, even if you could, you doubt anyone would value you more than that other person, based upon popular opinion. And, most likely, you’re not popular. You never had the chance to become famous for anything. Everyone has beat you to it.

When you pursue a new job, you’re supposed to “sell yourself” and stand out from the others seeking the same job. Is that realistic? Or, do you just exaggerate and/or lie to enhance your spotlight?

Look at those speed-dating shows in which one man or woman is surrounded by twenty-or-more members of the opposite sex (or the same sex, whatever), and the former picks off the latter, one by one, until two fools are left with the slim hope of achieving more than those who went before them. How does one person stand out from the others without stepping on their toes and shoving them out of the way just to steal a moment of the star’s time? Is that what’s left? Pure, savage force at the risk of starting a brawl? Is this Planet of the Apes? You…jerks…you’ve ruined it…ruined my chances of finding happiness.

Now, imagine or consider actual one-on-one dating and what happens when your date decides to “see other people,” not just you. What if your date has a type, and you’re just one of that type. Now, some other person of the same type scores slightly higher than you for whatever reason. You’re out. What then? How does that leave you feeling? Do you just suck it up and try the same approach/routine with someone else?

So, where does that put you? What’s left for you in this life? A routine job and mediocre-at-best social life? Just joining the herd of laboring cows in this world?

Do you let your “friends” put you on the blind-date cycle and hope for the best? Do you start “swiping” and lowering expectations to the point you feel like one step from a prostitute? Do you steel yourself for a life of solitude and considering pets and the kids of other people as your own? Do you submit to becoming the “crazy cat” person?

I think I just got lost in a chain of questions. Swirling… Bitter food for thought. Hmm.

08
Sep
21

The Covid-19 Auction 2021

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auction-sendittonumber802-3

Hi! Welcome to the Covid 19 Auction 2021. I’m your host, Lazy Spender. The auction has already started. I can hear a few people coughing and sneezing. Most of the bidders are seated apart at the recommended distance. I see two gentlemen with oxygen tanks. Not everyone is wearing a mask. AAAnd, someone just puked in that corner. Let’s check out what’s up for bid…

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Auctioneer: Our next item up for bid is a dose of the latest vaccine. It is NOT guaranteed to make you immune to the latest deadly variant. But, it will likely spare you from a large hospital bill.

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Lazy: Now, for those of you who are new to this venue, bidders voice offers they are willing to accept if they are granted the item up for bid. Auctioneers begin the bidding with the first offer provided by a particular sponsor who is prodding bidders to take the deal. The actual number of items available to distribute to the bidders remains unclear. Let’s get down to the action.

****

Bidder 1: I’ll take a free donut–No! Wait! $100 and my *free* shot!

Bidder 3: Pfft! That’s pathetic. I’ll take a Subway gift card and let my barber give me the shot when I get my next haircut!

Bidder 5: Good luck. Like I’d trust a barber to give me the vaccine, while other customers sit around you in a cramped barber shop. I’ll take a Toyota Rav 4 and my shot!

Bidder 7: Are you here for the Oprah Auction?

Bidder 5: Yeah. Why?

Bidder 7: That’s in the other warehouse. Number 25.

Bidder 5: Oh! Whoops! Gotta go. Twenty-fiiive…

****

Lazy: It looks like there are plenty of shots to go around. This could go on for a while. But, there are other tables with items up for bid. Let’s move to the next one where it appears jobs are being offered to the unemployed, including those who were hastily stripped of their sole source of minimal income when quarantine began. Any bidder who accepts the offer is welcome to claim their prize…because these companies are getting desperate for staffing.

auction-computerbank-room-2

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Auctioneer: I have a low-rank warehouse job with the promise of steady hours, insurance buying options, minimal sick-leave pay, vacation time to those who survive a trial period and a starting wage of $10 per hour.

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Bidder 9: *Cough*

Bidder 11: *Sniffle* *Cough* [Clears her throat.]

Bidder 13: …… [Cracks his neck.]

****

Auctioneer: Uuuuh, I have the same job but with a starting wage of $16 per hour and a signing bonus of $500. Of course, with gas prices on the rise from devasting storms and warfare…and the remote location of the warehouse, there will be a bit of a drive, getting to work. I’m sorry, affordable electric cars are not yet a thing in this world.

****

Bidder 15 (whispering to her neighbor, a fellow single mother): Is he serious?!

Bidder 17 (the other single mother, sitting with her brother from another mother): I wonder how much he’s being paid to run this thing. And, why isn’t HE wearing a mask?

Bidder 19: Unless it’s a posh Google job with a company car, I’m not budging. I heard someone got a job at McDonald’s with a free trip to college. Hmm! I’d say sign me up if I wasn’t sure I’d die from wearing a mask while working over a hot grill. And, NO one wants a burger made by someone who might be a carrier. Mmm-mmm. No, sir, ma’am or the other.

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Auctioneer: Alright, forget that one, for now. I-I have a position at Google…(looks directly at the bidder who said she wanted such a job, because there is no privacy at this auction)…with a starting wage of $25 per hour, access to a free workout room, cafeteria pass and use of a company car. It looks like someone just lost this cubicle when the quarantine of 2020 began. So, it hasn’t been certified as sterilized. But, we can look into that for you.

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Bidder 19 (projecting beams of hot red light from her eyes at the auctioneer): …..Still not good enough. I’m not boxing myself in a place like that when I don’t know if the fifty other people in the room aren’t fully vaccinated and wearing masks. And, even if they are vaccinated, there’s no guarantee I’m safe from getting terribly ill. Also, I don’t like needles. So, I’m tellin’ you all, right now. I haven’t gotten the shot. Not one, two or the other. So!

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Lazy: I-It looks like we have a tough crowd. And, bidding is stonewalled by a lousy healthcare system. Well, we’ve run out of time. If there IS a next time, join us, here, at the Covid 19 Auction 2021. Thanks for watching. Even if you didn’t enjoy this program, be sure to hit the LIKE button, below, on your screen. I’m your host, Lazy Spender. Goodnight and get vaccinated. Don’t wait.

(whispers to camera operator Glen) Cut the camera! Get me OUT of here. I haven’t gotten MY shot. And, this place is making me SICK!

Camera operator Glen: Uuuh. How do you turn this thing off, again?

Lazy: It’s a smartphone, Glen! It shouldn’t be that–! *groan* Here. Give me the damn–!

Pfft! [TEST PATTERN AND SILENCE, FOLLOWED BY A NUMBER OF GIF VIDEO LINKS TO OTHER LAZY SPENDER APPEARANCES, INCLUDING A PIE THROWN IN HER FACE AND A SUPPOSED SWIMSUIT MODELING SESSION, ACCORDING TO THE CAPTION, THOUGH THE IMAGE ONLY SHOWS GLIMPSES OF HER FACE FROM DIFFERENT ANGLES.]

gas pump restoration auction

gas pump restoration auction

22
Apr
20

Quarantine Humor: ITT Doesn’t Matter

****

Well, this explains ITTself.HumanResources-humor-hiringpostquarantine-nohaircuts_comics-ap-CSPP-2020-1200x800-1B

 

And, remember.  We’re in this together.  😛

writingboltsjobapplicationphoto2022_cousinITT-800x1200-1

addamsfamily-jobinterview_morticia-cousinITT_comics-ap-CSPP-800x1200-1




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