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Unable to sleep the other night, I decided to go through some CDs I have collected (much the way someone would go through “vinyl”, except I don’t have one of those dusty fabric/cardboard boxes stashed by a bookshelf). I desperately needed some music to clear my otherwise troubled head. But, in my quest for happy thoughts, I, instead, found volumes of what can only be described as heavy, deceptively creative persuasion to do greater harm to oneself. [I’m not going to say the S-word. You get what I’m saying…or not.]
I transferred a few songs/tracks to my computer for future projects I might compose. And then…I looked over the majority of music I have gathered…and saw only misery, self-torture.
Rare are the gems, like Ingrid Michaelson’s “The Way I Am,” which is a happy-er love song with a reassuring vibe (not lustful, deceptive or vengeful…yet there are a few little lyrics which don’t agree with me). Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing” is a rather personal and bitter pill to get over a bad relationship, despite its light, swift and upbeat notes; it is a great piece for exercising (good “cardio”). He has other somewhat upbeat songs, but they tend to drag me into mourning past relationships; some have a distinct “blue” tone (though he made a whole album about a yellow-brick road and often wears red-tinted glasses). I knew a woman who didn’t want me to listen to Elton John because it would only remind HER of a past relationship that failed. [How do you stop listening to music you sort of like just to please someone you want to remain good company?] Katy Perry has a few songs which definitely help keep you moving, and she’s a Scorpio Rat (year)! Some would say that’s a self-destructive type.
I remember, vaguely, how I acquired the CDs. The ones I went through last night came from a sort of yard sale; someone was discarding their previous misery, and I didn’t realize that. I just saw CDs I didn’t already have which had tracks I knew were played in movies and/or on the radio. Why I felt I had to acquire these, I don’t know.
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And, that, right there, is a sign of humanity losing its way. When you purchase something that doesn’t have a definite personal value (not simply filling a void in your life), you are hurting yourself and, eventually, others, as well. [Yes, Cranberries; what’s in our heads?…the zombies of humankind.]
The Cranberries are a key example of misleading record sales which, in a way, are similar to misleading “bestseller” books that don’t deserve that title for any reason other than a publisher mass-producing them for sale. If you know the most famous songs put out by the Cranberries (circa 1994), there are two semi-romantic, semi-upbeat songs and one “power ballad” which is very emotional and particularly angry. Their fame was built around those three songs. I never heard any of their other tracks on the radio or in any movie. But, the happier two “hits” were definitely in movies (I recall).
Countless CDs (and other album formats) are sold without adequate (prior) sampling. And, even if you get to sample the music, do you really get to hear the whole songs before you buy? Thirty seconds of a song too often leaves out the lousy part(s), which is just as deceptive.
There are many, many bands and artists putting out songs that speak to “youth” (or “teen angst”) and stimulate dark thoughts; so if you wonder what makes a kid go do something shockingly violent, it’s not just a lack of sound parenting, weapon availability or recreational drugs…it’s likely the music in the air. In fact, one of the bands I like (which I’ve grown to admire for using easy-to-understand lyrics) lost its lead singer some years ago. Poof. Dead. A father…took himself out. Why? Have you listened to his (band’s) music? It’s actually tragic, angry, depressed, violent. I question my own interest. But, like I said; they speak clearly…and I can relate. And, that scares me, just a little.
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If I try to pick out a collection of music that makes me happy, I seem to struggle with the task. But, not because I’m depressed or angry at the world. It’s because musicians don’t really put out happy songs, anymore! If you find a remotely happy song, it’s:
A) Dated (from an era when people were drenched in drugs and puke-worthy colors). Those songs are maddening because they use lingo that no longer delights and seem to have zero grasp on reality. [And, back then, there was just about as much sexual and racial upheaval and ignorance as there is today.] In order to lift someone up, you need to be able to grip and lift their weight. If you ignore the weight, there’s no lift.
B) Suggestive, meaning there is a sexual, financial or drug-related element which is foolish and dangerous. If the song’s answer to life’s problems is to get drunk, blow cash or mistreat a potential sex partner, that’s not helping anyone. It’s just more trouble.
C) Instrumental. Now, this isn’t terrible. But, even instrumental music has its limits. One, I can only listen to the five or so happier instrumental pieces I’ve found so many times before I feel like I’m trapped in a horrid retail chain (or an opera, where the language is foreign to me). And, two, without helpful lyrics, I’m, again, back at that place where the “dated” songs send me. It may feel nice for a moment, but it’s not helping me get on with my life nor appreciate what I have (which, to be quite blunt, isn’t worth writing a song about…not a pleasant song, anyway). I don’t need a fifteen-minute symphony that has two minutes of familiar joy and thirteen minutes of sedating filler.
Speaking of instrumental music, there have been some pieces, among those I recently sampled, which have GREAT, powerful instrumental tracks and good vocals (including the Cranberries and Nickelback) but questionable and/or unclear lyrics. If I could strip away the negative, confusing voices, I’d actually have decent music for meditating and stoking creativity. I suppose this is the challenge/problem that has existed ever since I first “tasted” music. There are countless songs that have a pleasing beat yet questionable and/or lousy, repetitive lyrics. It’s a real shame because the artists behind the instruments get slighted by their leader, potentially turning a whole album of work into rummage-sale refuse.
Now, if you have any brain cells left and remember the 1980s, you might say I’m blind to that decade and all of the joys it produced. [Or, maybe you are a child of the 1970s and addicted to disco.] I know the 1980s well. And, sure, there are a number of stimulating songs which can prod you to dance. But, other than love songs (which need not apply to a life void of happy relationships, for now), I don’t see much of a difference from the music of later decades. Some of the songs I grew up with were deceptively suggestive (if you could decode the subtle–and some not-so-subtle–lyrics).
So…
In short, the majority of music available to me has become like untreated, brown water, sitting in a puddle, tempting me to satisfy my thirst, taking advantage of my low defenses.
I also don’t think true, lasting friendship exists or is endangered. [If you say you have it, just ignore me. And, aren’t you just one of the lucky few.] If you make a friend, something takes that away from you…love/marriage, school, a job, war, a plague/disease, etc. Friendship is like a balloon; it only looks pretty and stays afloat for so long before it disappears.
And, love, if you are so fortunate to find it, is too often misused and misunderstood. If I can say I’ve known love, it exists, like friendship, in tiny pockets of memory. I retain moments I shared with someone I never grew to hate; they left me, but their value remains. They taught me something. They got me out of my comfort zone and helped me learn/try something new. They inspired me.
Yet, just like those who clear out old CDs/music, I continually need to dump the emotional baggage that crowds those valued memories. And, I realize this habit will likely compound (hinder) future relationships…because who really enjoys hearing the stories of past friendships/love that go with souvenirs your new partner refuses to discard? I know someone who keeps albums of photos from past relationships; what good does that serve except remind her of happier times when her present disappoints? How can you say you do and fully love someone if you can just as quickly dive back into the past to relive a romantic highlight from what fell apart (and learn nothing from that past)?
I guess music cannot help me (either), right now.
Was there ever a time…? Will there ever be a time when helpful, happier music outweighs the dark temptations? Isn’t there more to enjoying life than inappropriate sex, violence, greed, waste of assets and drug use (including alcohol)? Or, are those of us who haven’t “indulged” just wasting our time? Perhaps, we should “get on with it” and die sooner (rather than invest in one more “insurance plan”).
What’s in YOUR head, reader? [If you’re already a zombie, I probably won’t get an answer.]
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