Posts Tagged ‘forgiveness

17
Jan
23

Response to She’s Cut Off From Grandkids, Too… (Ask Carolyn)

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Categories: Responses to Ask Carolyn Advice Columns
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***

Ask Carolyn (Hax) column originally titled “She’s cut off from grandkids, too, not just ‘angry’ grandpa.”

This letter/case addresses an aging mother/grandmother who is being denied time with her son’s children because the son refuses to visit and even speak with her. But, the enclosed blame for the lack of communication is placed upon the son’s father who is described as being a toxic, angry parent. The mother/grandmother feels she has been only kind, caring and supportive and thus has no reason to be denied time with the grandkids; she believes her relationship with the son was a good one…until he stopped communicating with her (and his father). The mother/grandmother tries to bridge the gap by sending gifts to the grandkids…and there is no mention of how those gifts are used/received.

Carolyn (Hax) does a decent job of bringing my attention to one possibility I did not consider, while reading the letter…and also possibly making the mother/grandmother feel exceedingly guilty/self-conscious in an already tender, tragic situation. The psychology here may be more fragile than it appears in text. And, I wouldn’t want the already troubled mother/grandmother to do anything further to ruin her health or end her life as a result of “tough love” from a columnist. But, as Carolyn seems to suggest or hint at, the psychology might also be something in the head of the mother/grandmother who is in denial of her part in the parenting mishap. [I could say the same of my parents. One (if not both) is definitely living in denial.]

—————-

Very Sad Grandma, I hope you are NOT my mother and thus someone who refuses to take any blame for how she performed (and continues to perform) as a parent…even though she might be right when she says she did the best she could…even if that means she just wasn’t ready/fit to parent. I hope you are just as much aware of your own potential missteps as you are able to point fingers at your son’s father, the other half of the parent equation. I hate to admit I am skeptical…because you did not make any mention of what even MIGHT be your fault…because you claim your relationship with this son was good. Either way, we, the readers, have little to no evidence, just your word.

[Acknowledge that it takes two to have a child and be parents (plural); admit that much. I am not saying single parents cannot adequately parent, in some (not all) cases. But, certainly, two happy, healthy mentors can do better than one struggling to make ends meet, so to speak (just like two kidneys over depending upon one).]

But, I also hope you are not the self-sacrificing, martyr type who will blame herself for more than she is guilty just to open a closed door and then repeat the problem that closed it. And, I hope you are not the sort who perpetually blames herself until she is a mindless corpse (because no amount of confessing seems enough to improve the situation). I hope you are not a “doormat.”

I will acknowledge, as any of these advice columnists must feel like saying though it is rarely if ever addressed, sorting out such a touchy subject outside of a therapy setting, where you can hear from all sides, provided all sides are present and permitted to speak freely in an orderly fashion…if that ever happens in our modern world, anymore…sorting out your big crisis through a newspaper column doesn’t seem very effective, productive and/or sensible. You write out your thoughts as they come to you, emotionally, in the moment. If you’re lucky, you review what you wrote before turning it in to the columnist. The columnist reads what you wrote and has to wrap their assessment into a set space.

…The whole thing just feels like a futile and tensely packed situation with no clear resolution.

[I would also like to address how writing an emotional plea to anyone, for advice or just to be heard, is a confusing effort when you include more than one person of a particular gender in a single sentence. This letter becomes a bit confusing at points, mixing the father of the son with the father of kids of his own. See what I mean? We need to break these sentences down to be extra clear; discuss one person at a time and watch those gender-specific words.]

Regardless, I have a few thoughts/ideas of my own I’d like to offer, if you are receptive.

There is one path Carolyn does not even bother to consider…because she is focused on the possibility that your relationship with the son’s father might be…er, dead. You might be divorced. You might be separated. You might no longer get along with the son’s father and feel you have separate rights to be with your kids and their kids. The path I am referring to involves you setting a “date” with your son to meet and be with the grandkids AWAY FROM THE FATHER.

Is that not possible? Couldn’t you contact the son and suggest a time and place you could meet which would not include “angry dad” and thus spare the son the agitation of being around the worst parent one more minute?

If the answer is no, if the son gives absolutely no response to any communication you send…how do you know your “gifts” are even received and/or put to good use? How do you know they are not tossed in the trash?

If you cannot make ANY contact with your troubled son, in which he responds with some form of opinion/thought, you really don’t have much you can do except go on with your life…YOUR life. [And, that doesn’t have to include your “angry” partner…at least, not all of the time.]

Yes, it would be lovely if every branch of every family could cohabitate and share life’s joys….but that seems like a hoop dream, lately. It’s romantic TV fantasy; it’s a family show from the 1950s, promoting good values where there are none. It’s propaganda to sell you dish soap and cigarettes for when the kids are asleep. Maybe real family life isn’t so rosy. Ya know?

But, if you can, try the secluded meeting option. Try setting up a meeting with your son and the grandkids in which “angry dad” does not attend. Then and only then might you be able to resolve what is surely keeping you distressed day-to-day (because you cannot let this go).

IF you can make contact with your agitated son…and IF he (still) refuses to meet with you apart from the father he (supposedly) detests, you’ll have your answer, as tragic as it may be. You are partially to blame for the son’s anger. Either you report back to his father in a way that makes you an associate to the problem, a subordinate contributor…or you are equally “bad” and just don’t see/admit it. Either way, you’ll know. Then it’s up to you, sigh, to accept the fallout and move on with YOUR life.

[On a recovery-from-fallout-with-my-son note, consider giving your motherly time and attention to kids who are not your own…not collecting lifeless dolls the way my mother’s family seems to do, voiceless, infantile representations of what they initially desired and not at all what happens when those cute little dolls mature. Consider being a mentor and, potentially, a gift giver to kids who lack guidance and emotional support. You won’t be able to take them into your own home (unless you legally adopt). You cannot call them your own, say or do anything that might violate some legal/family boundaries. But, you’ll be able to put that energy you currently cannot give out to good use, I’d hope.]

Carolyn isn’t wrong in suggesting sending a “genuine apology” *without any mention of you wanting time with the kids.* That IS the key/trigger, here. You cannot confess feelings of any kid to the son AND say you want to see the kids. That’s like attaching TNT to a care package…or giving a present with a tag that says “NOW, WHERE’S MY PRESENT?” You don’t want to harm your son, but you might be by mixing your wants for one thing with another…and by ignoring the bomb wires attached to your own hand in the parent trap. Cut the wrong wire, and you blow up your contact opportunity. It’s not pleasant to hear…but may be the truth.

So, to mend fences, or, at least, re-establish communication (if, currently, there is none) yes, try to apologize without a “gimme” clause. But, if you genuinely believe you are not to blame, at all, I don’t think an apology makes any sense. If you are guilty of something and take no blame upon yourself, you’re lying through your smile. If you blame yourself for something you didn’t do, putting yourself on the sacrificial table like a martyr, you’re adding unncessary emotion to the situation and could arrive at the same conclusion, a son who thinks his mother doesn’t know what she is saying and thus isn’t understanding the situation.

But, at the very least, if you cannot hear back from that son yet CAN admit some responsibility, yes, send a letter of apology…and then…pardon my language…SHUT UP. Stop beating on the door that won’t open (and let that door open, again, when/if it chooses to do so). Let that son reach out to you, if he still can. Communication is a two-way street. And, no one person, not even a guilt-free parent, can pave a smooth street, alone. All of your “force” isn’t repairing this road. So, accept what you did, try all that you can and then let the matter go…or sink with the ship.

[And, pardon me for mixing road metaphors with aquatic ones.]

Understand…this may be a wound that needs more time to mend before that part of the social body that is your family can continue to function. Like a gash on one of your limbs or a broken bone, we cannot rush recovery time, even if your insurance won’t cover more rehab. The body heals as it can, as it will. So do relationships, sometimes. Sometimes, effort is needed to accelerate and make productive change/improvement. Sometimes, nature just needs to take its course at its own pace. This may be an instance of the latter. Picking at the “scab” could just make matters worse.

[Don’t be the kid who won’t shut up in the backseat of the car, repeatedly asking, “Are we there, yet? Are we there, yet?” Kapeesh?]

11
Nov
22

Response to That hopeless feeling…; Ask Carolyn (Hax)

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Categories: Responses to Ask Carolyn Advice Columns
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***

Ask Carolyn (Hax) column originally titled “That hopeless feeling is the depression talking.”

Depressed is someone (not sure if they are a man or woman and don’t want to presume too much) married to a woman who they fear will throw a fit if D. confesses to being overwhelmed and depressed, as the spouse previously did (presumably from what D. says). This isn’t the first big bout with depression (and anxiety, I’d wager).

Carolyn covers most of the bases and provides an outlet for seeking therapy. And, for once, I am not totally opposed to the suggestion(s).

However, one little bell keeps ringing in my head, a familiar sound that I think I’ve heard in my own life.

There’s a second letter regarding a Show Stopper, who has earned a lucrative job upgrade and is at odds with less wealthy friends who miss their nose-bleed-seats companion at various events/shows. I don’t have much to say about that, but I’ll address it, briefly, in the end.

———–

Depressed, your wife is an emotional loudmouth. Am I right? When she reacts, she gets LOUD and rubs your delicate nerves the wrong way. But, instead of being confrontational, as some would do, you withdraw and whimper. I know that sounds bad…but just be honest with yourself. You cower and withdraw rather than bark back and defend yourself. You don’t want an argument/fight. If your wife “worries,” she is going to make you feel worse when she starts stuffing her face and making a bigger, scarier picture out of everything you wish wasn’t so troubling. She sounds an alarm when anything “bad” happens. She’s like salt in a wound when you “worry” her, not a bandage or cooling solution. Right?

It’s possible you’re being overly sensitive and doing what Carolyn says, letting the depression speak for you. [That was a pretty darn good metaphor she gave about the depression being like an organism or entity possessing you, directing you. Ooh, that felt good to read (for this metaphor guy).]

[I just saw a case of a “hoarder” on a reality-TV show in which his wife hasn’t been in the space occupied by his cluttered collections in 14 years! She has left him to his habit and avoided part of their home for more than a decade. Talk about not touching a tender matter with a ten-foot pole. Now, there’s a couple avoiding a time bomb. I guarantee one or both of them is afraid to talk and overwhelmed by something. The reality-TV show don’t care much about the reality…just making money on TV spectacles.]

However, IF it’s not JUST the depression talking…if your wife is of the “tough-love” and “independent” mentality that wants each of you to pull your own weight…if she doesn’t feel any need or desire to be the nurse in your times of need…what kind of a partner is she? [I mean…we just determined if she was one or the other. I’m just spitting out words as I breathe to relief my own internal stress.] And, did you know all of this when you married her?

You’d like her to be more gentle and comforting. Am I right? But, she’s not like that…for whatever reason. [I could be here all day analyzing the possibilities.] And, she wants you to “man up.” Right? But, you currently cannot “man up” because you’re stuck in quicksand, sinking into despair. You want her to throw you a vine and help you get out…but she’s the sort who is inclined to say, “You got yourself into that mess; you gotta get yourself out!” She’s willing to go “halfsies” with you, but, right now, you’re not even close to half. And, you cannot entirely blame yourself, unless depression and anxiety are crimes of neglect on the part of the possessed party.

You’re in a tough knot, D. I’ve felt like you when dealing with my own “friends” and family. I’ve been down your dark, troubling road so long, I still feel like I’m stuck in the mud and flailing to stay afloat. No one is really free or willing to come to my aid. I have to get myself out of my messes. And, while I cower and fail to do that, my body and health in general is suffering.

When you say she will be upset because you don’t tell her sooner…exactly how SOON are you supposed to inform her of your condition? The first moment you feel glum? Are you two not openly communicating about your daily feelings/state of mind? Is that so strange or wrong? Well…not strange, because plenty of couples seem to be failing at communication. And, that…is definitely wrong. It’s not good. But, it’s sadly common.

If you are not quick enough to convey your distress, that is a “step” you COULD work on…like right now. Face that fire she throws at you, one more time. Why not? You’ve been through this before, right? So, “man up” and take one more hit from the fire dragon you married. Then, once you get past that battle (and, surely, you can survive the fight), be quicker on the trigger the next time you feel crappy or troubled. If you’ve never done it before, try telling her the first day you feel uneasy about something. Say, “Honey? I’m not feeling so good about ___.” And, if you want to talk about your feelings (you should), invite her to talk somewhere comfortable.

But, you’re right. If you go find a therapist without talking to the wife, first, she is bound to throw a fit, again. You’re in that position where getting care is just as troubling as sitting with the problem, not because care is necessarily too hard to find (and we haven’t even touched on your financial/insurance status, which is sure to play a part in this situation), but because the people you have to live with are like pets that don’t want to go to the vet. She will kick up a fuss, tear the house apart and rattle your bones as if you can do nothing right and she cannot stand the fact you’re less than half the person she married, right now.

But…you have to tell her SOMETHING…eventually. So, if you DO seek therapy, tell her that’s what you feel you need to do, and have a little courage in yourself to admit that. You’re not her child. You’re an adult, her partner, her equal (even if you’re not feeling or acting the part, right now). If she cannot respect you for admitting a course of action, even if you could have had a better track time (as if you were a runner in the Olympics trying to shave tenths of seconds off your record time), then assess the relationship. Right now.

I suggest group therapy over single-person because then you don’t have to feel alone with your concerns and just might find someone else going through the same despair, who can then compare notes with you to reach a solution you both can appreciate. Also, group therapy might be more convenient if one-on-one therapists are “booked up.” I suspect the more clients a therapist can see, the better; so why wouldn’t a group dynamic be more convenient/available than one-on-one, in which the therapist has to schedule individual hours for a dozen? clients.

If you can stomach it, bring the wife along and see what the others, including the therapist, think of your situation with her. You might want an outside perspective on the relationship…even though, truly, you two should be working all of this out on your own. If you two were a well-oiled unit, situations like this wouldn’t break the bank or rock the boat; you’d face them together and get through this. So, what is preventing that teamwork?

Food for thought. Don’t let my words add to your troubles. Hopefully they help, somehow.

——–

Now, as to the second letter of this column….

I’ve written my thoughts, twice, and they already feel too long/wordy.

Carolyn pretty much said all of it, in as many words.

Show Stopper, if you value those friends, you’ll compromise and take turns with “posh” and “poverty,” if they are so poor. Isn’t that obvious? What other solution did you expect? Someone telling you to dump those friends or expect them to come up to your level all of the time?

If the “cushy” job costs you your friends, which is worth more? Which is easier to replace?

Yet, if those friends are truly “offended” or otherwise so strongly bothered by you offering to upgrade their accommodations, once in a while, how are they ever going to be comfortable with you, ever again, if you remain at this new financial status? You could take a “lower seat” with them and be unable to control yourself when you say something “posh.” That might bother them, too. What then?

[I know myself; I am not comfortable when someone wealthier than me says or does something that makes me feel poor. Nor do I want to feel pressured to “tip generously” or otherwise spend more just to come up to another person’s level. It might not even be a financial risk, but I feel endangered by spending more than what feels comfortable and/or fair.

And, once it happens, the rest of that time together is a wash. It’s no good. I want out and to get back to my comfort zone…and probably never speak with that person, again. I don’t want to feel like a miser/penny-pincher or penniless bum, especially in public, where the slightest glance or raised voice can paint me a spectacle.

Yet, if I go into a meeting, knowing the person is wealthier and choosing to be with that person, I must accept that, once in a while, the difference will arise, somehow. I have to make myself comfortable with that…or choose not to be with that person in that particular situation (not always, because there may be more private instances in which we can cohabitate and be near-perfectly comfortable, together).]

One might also ask…has the new job had any impact upon the person you are and/or have become? Are you different, now, when among those friends?

If you are comfortable where you currently are at and cannot get any “lower” because it would mean breaking off your angel wings, then, by all means, wish those mortal friends well and find solace in your new heaven with fellow angels. You’ve…er, evolved. And, surely, you can find fellow evolved individuals to call friends? [There’s always the chance one or more of your “lower” friends could find a financial lift, too, and rejoin you.]

If, down the road, you find yourself looking back, wondering what happened to that lot, well, then you have a tough choice, a sacrifice, to make and a road of atonement to pave.

[Oh. Gee. I still feel wordy. But, I’m stopping here…now. Knowing me, I’ll come back and edit this a few times, anyway.]

11
May
22

Mistakes That Cannot Teach

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Categories: Uncategorized
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***

When I was younger, I was seemingly raised to be a tense and worrisome perfectionist. I grew up worrying about every little scrape I might get and every red mark on a piece of homework and test. It didn’t occur to me until my teens that my family was trouble for my otherwise carefree soul.

I read about the “scarlet letter” and thought that was only something that happened to people from another time and place or when you did something so scandalous that people thought it was a sin. But, not every “scarlet letter” comes from sin. It can come from more common peer pressure, just for being different. And, it can be placed upon yourself when you feel like something you did wrong cannot be undone.

I’ve heard more than once that it’s okay to make mistakes because you are supposed to learn from them. But, how do you learn from a mistake that cannot be amended?

If you fail to do something at a once-in-a-lifetime moment, how can you learn anything? If there is such a thing as reincarnation, odds are you won’t remember the mistake you made–if the opportunity reappears for some strange repeating-life reason–unless you get hit with deja vu in time to spare the repeat mistake.

If there is only one of something in a game or your world, and you miss, break or lose it, it’s gone. If it’s “only a game,” there’s a chance you MIGHT be able to start over, retrace your steps and get that rare opportunity, again. But, it’s not guaranteed in every game. Especially with modern video-gaming, there are times when an opportunity cannot be reset, when an event or brief chance to get something comes and goes away. You didn’t see the notice? You didn’t participate in the week-long event? It’s gone. You missed it…and all that came with the opportunity.

What do you learn from that? If you came across another one-of-a-kind person, item or other opportunity, how would you know it’s that rare or precious until it’s gone? Would losing one one-of-a-kind something enforce you to grab everything and everyone that comes into your life from the moment you know you missed one? Wouldn’t that just as likely make you excessively tense and greedy and lead to hoarding? You could end up with a home full of stuff and a social life full of people you don’t need just because you felt a need to secure each and every one/thing that came within reach.

Some would say forget calling the incident a mistake. So, what then DO you call it? A…MISSED OPPORTUNITY? Is that any better? Do those two words sound better than the previous one? I missed an opportunity; let it go. I made a mistake; let it go. Is there a difference?

It might seem tolerable to make such a mistake when it doesn’t affect your body and/or soul. But, what if it does? What if that once-in-a-lifetime mistake costs you a part of your body and/or leaves you handicapped? What if your mistake resulted in making you a monster or doomed you to an afterlife of torture? Or, what if it leaves you penniless and…soon enough…homeless? Sure, some who wind up homeless find a way back to “riches,” if Hollywood and professional-sport survival stories are true. But, that’s not a guarantee (for everyone).

Just out of curiosity, would you say Adam and Eve ate the forbidden apple (from the tree of knowledge in the Garden of Eden) because they were told it was a rare (and forbidden) opportunity or simply because they were hungry? The story seems to suggest they were curious about the forbidden tree or made curious by the serpent (not to mention God, who supposedly told them about the tree and warned them to avoid it) which ultimately coerces them to eat the apple.

Gee. They missed an opportunity to preserve their innocence and lost their paradise by eating some apple. Lesson learned. Right? MMmmm…I don’t know.

Surely, there were a number of apples in that tree. Was there only one moment in which Adam and Eve were safe to reach the tree? Could getting an apple have been like robbing a bank at which there is only a brief period when no security guard, camera and/or seal is protecting the loot? Was the tree or its apples going anywhere? Did the tree wither away or get up and leave the garden if Adam and Eve hesitated?

When Adam and Eve ate the apple, they “learned” about nudity and humility and were made to believe they had committed a terrible sin; the guilt-filled thoughts were put into their heads. When they left Eden, they had to learn how to survive, a second time/way. But, how could they learn from their biggest mistake if it never reappeared? It’s not like God was the sort of father who said, “I hope you’ve learned your lesson.” And, after that verbal bit, he just lets Adam and Eve back into the house. Adam and Eve didn’t get temporarily put in a corner or sent to bed without supper for one night.

Is there a second story about meeting a serpent in which Adam and Eve turned their noses and refused to be fooled, again?

There is a way to put all of this out of mind and attempt to return to that innocence Adam and Eve once knew. There is a saying. Life goes on…until it doesn’t…until it ceases, whether you did wrong or right.

Adam and Eve’s “mistake” did not end their lives but it took away their home in Eden. Life went on, bringing them a couple of crazy kids who couldn’t live together for long. And, many years later, here we are.

Is anything worth calling a mistake or missed opportunity? We have SOME control. Yet, even that remains uncertain. We can avoid things that do harm. But, we cannot guarantee avoiding one thing won’t cause another.

Maybe, the next time you do something “wrong,” whether it’s in a one-time-only video game or something closer to home/your precious life, you could dismiss the thought of guilt with three simple words.

Life goes on.

Well, not every life story ends like Disney’s Frozen. Does it? The people we hurt don’t always forgive and/or survive the harm we cause. Spirits of the fallen don’t magically reappear in visible (blue) form to smile and forgive us (even if some of us are fortunate enough to have visions). Some “ice” doesn’t seem to melt. Can we all just…let it go?

If only putting these “little stumbles” out of mind was easier. But, if it was…easier…we might become exceedingly careless and ruin everything for everyone even quicker than we already seem to be doing.

Now, you might be wondering what prompted me to write all of this at this time. Or, I just made you curious, like the serpent in Eden. Well…it’s a video game I (foolishly) played. I made a mistake. [Some would say it was a mistake to even start the game, like Jumanji.] And, the only way to undo that mistake would be to erase all the saved data and start over…which would cost me countless hours of retracing my steps. At least, there is that chance. But, is it worth the time and effort? Still, I awoke this morning, thinking what a mistake I had made, and I couldn’t let it go.

I have made other mistakes, in video games and life, mistakes I cannot undo/fix, and it seems impossible to learn from them. I’m not going to have “another opportunity” unless I repeat this life…and I surely don’t want that, even if people in TV shows and movies say “I would do it all over and wouldn’t change a thing.” No. I cannot imagine reaching the end of this life and being okay with reliving it unless the end was so miraculously blissful that the value of the prize was worth the torment. Instead, as much as I try to forget the mistakes, they remain with me. And, maybe that’s a mistake, too. But, it’s what I do.

Tell me it’s a mistake, and I’ll add your complaint to the pile. Or, help me to forget the troubles and to find a happier path through what remains of this life.

Some days, I find myself looking at other animals in nature and wondering how much simpler life would be if I was one of them. How simply wonderful and carefree it must be to live life as a squirrel, hunting nuts and seeds, building nests and chasing mates. Then…I start to wonder if they don’t say the same thing about us humans. And, what if the life we think is simpler is just as vexing as our own?

Ain’t humanity grand? We are all just so darn grand special with our abundance of thoughts. Thanks, mom and dad, for eating that apple. [Happy parents’ day. Ka-runch.]

08
Sep
21

Join the Cancel Culture Club!

By writingbolt Leave a Comment
Categories: Concerns and Alerts and Uncategorized
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****

Have you heard? It’s the latest hip thing to groove your generation. And, if you’re down with sacking the kings of mountains (or queens of the Stone Age), you’ll be top of the crap heap or just another brick in the wall in no time.

It’s the Cancel Culture Club! And, unlike the Culture Club of the 1980s, this one is headed by Chief Boi R and D; that’s Research of online history and Development of public scandal. Ain’t it cool? Ain’t it cool to be nosy and rat on rolling stones?

Don’t know what I’m sayin’? Well, catch this, faze-ing beach bois and manly valley girls.

“This ain’t a scene; it’s a god-damned arms race.” ~Fall Out Boy

“It’s interesting when people die; give us dirty laundry.

Dirty little secrets; dirty little lies.
We got our pretty little fingers in everybody’s pie.
We like to cut you down to size.
We love dirty laundry.” ~Don Henley

Someone says or writes something etched on a tiny piece of internet territory. Celebrities are practically encouraged to rant as an alternative to professional therapy; anything to stay famous if the price is right. Maybe no one says anything, in response. Maybe they do, but it gets swept under a rug.

You know how it is. You blog, and, if you’re lucky, some rare soul leaves a comment. Or, you pour your furious heart out on the screen, and all you get is dead silence and shady “follows” from people who might just be covers for secretive, spy-like organizations or websites looking to make a dime off you (possibly by involving your internet space in a scam). [I’ve looked into a few “followers” and found empty spaces and a few 404s. Surprisingly, not that many 420s. They seem to be swarming to arenas like Rocket League.]

Years roll by, and the thought just sits there, collecting cyber-dust. Then, out of the blue, someone pulls the pin on a tabloid grenade and blows up your claim to fame or just a sustainable lifestyle. Boom. Down goes your career and all you cherish. You’re public enemy number one and will be joined on the firing line by a dozen other similar saps wishing they were in a witness-protection program.

[So much for The Great Escape, Boys Love Girls.]

Welcome to the Cancel Culture Club, where the drinks are free but the price of admission will take you by surprise. You don’t get drunk here. You get SUNK…as in cement boots of shame and a cold farewell.

What? You thought it was just an innocent explosion of your temper? You were under pressure and venting steam? Oh, I understand. But, the trending majority do not and are too eager to pull the trigger that ends your comfortable life.

Sure. Some unpleasant crimes hidden away in a deceptive past may finally see justice served. [If you were raped at a younger age or drugged on a date, you have every right to shed light on the monster.] But, just as likely, the white paint will go too far and wipe out some colorful characters who merely cast a brief shadow on the immaculate world so many wish was their utopia. There seems to be no such thing as a small crime or little slip, anymore. The oppressed are rising up like The Planet of the Apes and taking down anyone who gets in their mad way, big fish or small fry.

[My skills at getting the dirt on people could use some honing. It’s no good to kick up a fuss without sufficient evidence. And, back when I was in school, there was no internet, just tiny bits of film you could magnify in a library, clippings of old news articles and whatnot. I suppose it could cause the same scandal if you put in the effort to research, but you’d have to buy air time on TV versus taking the convenient YouTube/Vimeo route you have today.]

Well, wake up mouseketeers. If you get sucked into the dark pleasure of tattling, it’s only a matter of time before we all go down in flames. You think you’re innocent, now. But, you just try to paint yourself as the next Mother Theresa. Good luck. The writing is on the movie screen.

Now, I’m not saying we should all throw away our conscience and/or morals, if we have any left. I’m not giving everyone a license to be rude (all of the time). But, I understand how events can boil and cause some otherwise innocent souls to be bent to the side of darkness.

Right now, you might not have an axe to grind. Tomorrow, someone does something to threaten your pleasant outlook on life, and you feel the burning prod of revenge. If you lash out, your action might be justified. [Well, maybe not in this present age of turning every little thing into a crime.] You’re only truly a monster if you make a habit of it and take pleasure in your torture. A one-time rapist can still atone. A serial or habitual rapist needs more help (and maybe some jail time).

[Then again, Cain only had one brother and put an end to that rather quickly. I guess there wasn’t much room for atonement there…unless he started a Big Brother organization for counseling troubled youths with annoying siblings. Ha. Can you imagine? The guy who murders his own brother managing a company that counsels youths lacking proper emotional support and discipline.]

Maybe, as a kid, you stole something from someone or a store, just because you couldn’t resist the desire to have one of your own. If you were still a good little kid, you might have returned what you stole (and golden if you apologized). Even if you kept the stolen good(s), as long as you don’t take up a life of crime, you can, at least, seek forgiveness, even if the victim doesn’t forgive you. You can redeem yourself.

Cripes; even Luke Skywalker wasn’t a whiney bitch all of the time. He had his light and dark force moments, like his father before him. Did he join the Sith? Nope. He turned his semi-robotic life around and shed some light on the universe. Just imagine if he’d been cast out of the rebel alliance or struck down faster than that prune-faced emperor guy. Your box set would probably be a fraction of the size it is now. [I think I heard a stand-up comic recite this bit, once.]

Let karma (or a higher power) sort the criminals from the innocent (if you can’t trust the police or government). Don’t be the internet troll unless you want to abolish free speech, forgiveness, atonement and privacy, along with your long list of tiny crimes. Be the internet muse or the internet counselor. No one needs a troll. [Sorry, actual trolls who might just be nice creatures living under bridges. I’m just…I-I should come up with a better term for the type.]

As The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus says…

“A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect.
Every action in this world will bear a consequence.
If you wade around forever, you will surely drown.
I see what’s going down.”

So, either mind every little thing you say and do in life (because someone seems to be watching and privacy just might be endangered) or take your chances and pray you don’t take the fall. Eventually, even the rats get eaten, when there’s nothing else left to call food or target practice.

Thanks, Internet. You’re the bad gift that just keeps giving, like “smartphones,” your ugly cousins who suck the enjoyment out of every live experience because they can’t stop filming and scrolling. Like Jurassic Park, you were the dream of a man seeking a free circus, and you spare no expense. You let us in and made us feel fairly comfortable with all of the ice cream and toys before the dinosaurs broke out of their cages and started tearing us all apart.

If you’re looking for me, I’ll just be sneaking around the heaps of ankylosaur feces, peeing in can of shaving cream. You know, ankylosaurs, the dinosaurs who knows how to CLUB.

I won’t likely be joining. I’ve never been a good “joiner” (or reader). Knowing me, I’ll be too blind to see the hammer coming. But, I’m not that blind, yet. And, I’m just too cynical and bitter at my age to shut my mouth. ‘Doesn’t make me a fill-in-the-blank-ist. I’m not a mobster; I typically operate solo. If I hurt anyone, they probably had it coming and ignored the warnings.

Party on, rebels.

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