Writingbolt's Creation

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So, I’m interested in the new (The) She-Hulk: Attorney at Law TV series. Suffice to say, the character is a bit of an obsession for me, even though certain artists have cast her as a rather…casually sexual explorer. But, I don’t expect much from what’s already a Disney disaster in the making.

[I mean…the lead actress had to alter her hair to match Mark’s (Bruce Banner/Hulk), when I just saw her with blonde hair, looking, actually, fit to play a blonde Jen Walters. She had the perfect ponytail to match the look of brown-haired Jen on some of the covers I’ve seen. Is it so wrong for a guy’s COUSIN to have different hair or even ethnicity? I have cousins with every color hair in the book; why can’t Jen have straight blonde hair even if Bruce has curly salt-and-pepper hair? The original “Savage” Jen had blonde hair (while Bruce had brown hair). That’s not a racial issue or even a question of family ties.]

[And, you know what Disney is likely to do to retain the interest of disenchanted fans? ‘Probably put out a ton of merchandising and ads for products like Tide detergent, featuring She-Hulk, just because they can afford to pump the masses and feed the landfills of the what’s-next, instant-gratification, never-satisfied-with-the-current-speed-only-because-advertising-says-so generation that’s taking control. And, if I crumble just to grab a She-Hulk T-shirt, coffee mug or figurine from the latest cattle trough, I deserve to die, not when I’m used up and a spotted prune but right here and now. Just get it over with, already. Hit me. If I see another “Funko Pop” with eerie, death-like button eyes, I’ll…well, I just won’t wasted my energy on a reaction. But, I’ll tear the place apart when I find them in the landfills…because that’s where all the “merch” is headed, until the planet can’t house or recycle anymore, and everyone who’s rich and privileged gets a one-way ticket to Mars.]

Let’s look at past “hits” from the latest Marvel-Disney releases.

Moon Knight? I watched a good chunk of it. It was more mad than good, overall. But, sure, good on Oscar Isaac for playing a crazy man so well. The villain role is well played, as well; actually the villain outshines the hero…or, heroes, considering we have to add an ethnic-representative and female hero (heroine) to the cast, these days. And, special effects?…spare no expense, par for the Disney Empire.

Wanda Vision? I enjoyed the timely TV settings and humorous touches. But, the story sort of turned into a bad cup of tea with a dark finish, supposedly prodding viewers to watch for a movie…which just happens to involve Dr. Strange and his persistent assistant, Wong. [Also, I am not a big fan of the casting for Wanda/the Scarlet Witch, nor the let’s-try-to-stay-original new costume design, when the 1980s comic-book version, which made an appearance in the mini-series as a “gag costume,” looked great.]

Loki? I liked the female Loki. I liked some of the other Loki variants, for as long as they lasted, just to appear as brief jokes or inspirations. The original Loki was…well, the same sort of guy he has been in all of his appearances, just handed a job and a shirt and too depressed to be wicked. I liked the suggestive secretiveness of the mini-series, the hints of things to come…yet, by the end of the first “season,” I felt more lost than entertained. I felt like I’d wasted my time.

I’m initially uneasy about casting for the new She-Hulk series. I heard one name I knew that I thought would be interesting to see…haven’t seen her in any of the ads run, so far. So, what happened there?

And, just recently, I see Wong, that ever-present sidekick of Dr. Strange, opening a portal to the series. Pardon my cursing (expletive…expletive…major, scorching, Mount-Olympus-sent expletive), but why does a show about Hulk’s cousin need to be linked to the “madness” of Dr. Strange? And, why do I get the feeling this is all building to some team-up movie with Dr. Sherlock Strange…or maybe just Wong…as the leading role? Heaven forbid Jen Walters/She-Hulk is reduced to a minor role in her first film appearance, like a Mantis or Nebula.

I know from recent comics (well, recent if we go back to 2008) that She-Hulk was doing more legal work than she’s ever done in her pre-2000 history (so many years being listed as a lawyer, rarely if ever appearing in a courtroom). I know she was handling cases for a wide variety of bizarre clients. But, there ARE other ways to get those clients than having some wizard-monk play special-delivery guy. Ya know, spaceships DO travel to Earth. Aliens DO open their own portals, as they did in the first Avengers film. And, gosh darn it, there are plenty of mad folks on She-Hulk’s home planet who provide clients from mad experiments gone wrong. She could use her powerful legs to get around, once in a while. Or, here’s a novel idea, hire a cab…board a plane.

Wong signed on with Tide detergent, and suddenly he’s a household name like Mr. Clean? I don’t wash my clothes with P and G. And, I don’t mix my laundry with Wong’s.

Clearly, I’m already tired of Wong. And, I haven’t even been bombarded with ads for his own feature movie/series, yet. I’m sure that’s on the way, along with more from the “Ten Rings” franchise (which didn’t impress me, much, either). [I can just see the writers clawing at their foreheads, right now, trying to develop a script that won’t be utter crap, pandering to the racial circus that’s still assembling.] It’s not a racial matter for me…though it’s clearly a racial matter for those who make movies in the Disney Empire. It’s a lacking interest in a particular character who’s being milked for his ethnic roots (meaning his physical appearance, not where he was born, necessarily). Heck, they turn the male mystical master into a pasty woman with an accent, and I’d rather watch more of her than Wong, and that’s just wrong.

So, if I see more of Wong, I’m going to tune out. I just am. Because I’m tired. I’m sure he’s a really nice guy and a loyal sidekick, for what that’s worth before some evil presence or broken promise turns another hero into a villain. But, I just don’t care about him that much; and you cannot make me.

Actually, you COULD have made me interested…if he had his own story/show WITHOUT invading the homes of every other character in the Marvel Universe. You might as well reboot Seinfeld and stick him and Cumberpatch in that. [You could do that, right, Disney? You have the resources. Just buy Jerry Seinfeld, like Baltic Avenue in Monopoly, and turn a DC/Superman fan into a Marvel-Disney minion. While you’re at it, buy Hulu; then you could bump off the second “U” to add or insert a “K” and call it the Hulk or Hulku channel, just to further promote your Hulk/She-Hulk programs. I mean, Hulu has a green logo; how perfect would that be for a Hulk channel?]

If you stuck She-Hulk in other Marvel series, I would complain less…much less if the appearance made sense and if I genuinely liked the actress playing her. But, she’s a character I’ve grown to like…like…a lot. It’s a fairly easy win (which I would not be surprised to see tossed in the dumpster by poor writing).

Instead, you slap Wong on everything as if he was (baby) Yoda or Harry Potter, and even they don’t cross over into anything else; they just gain popularity from their original, singular source. It reminds me of some old comic books in/on which ads would appear for other comics or toys I had little to no interest in owning. I sort of dismissed all of that as a kid, focusing on the pages that featured characters and artwork that meant something to me, as a budding artist. But, thinking back, it was just another phase of what’s happening now.

Comic books might have been magazines for kids, heaps of advertising injected with small stories about beloved (and some dreaded) characters, celebrities for those who don’t look at or care much about real, living people who somehow acquire fame and riches. All I cared about was the artwork, seeing characters I liked looking good and performing deeds I could respect, occasionally being witty. I didn’t need a cardboard airplane stamped with the face of Captain America, weight-lifting hoop dreams or a joy buzzer from some dial-up service offering novelty madness.

If I want to read a comic book about another character or group of characters, I’ll be drawn to its cover at the comic-book store. I’ll be seduced or excited by an artist’s creation and give it a try. I don’t need it thrown in my face while I’m currently interested in the story I just cradled in my delicate hands. That’s like pop-up ads on commonly viewed online “entertainment.” Except, the ads were on paper.

It’s one thing to insert an asterisk and a hint about a “crossover event” regarding another series (as the comics of my youth would often do to let me know the current story extends into another character’s series). It’s one thing to include something (new) of equal interest. But, when there is no relevant connection to the feature, or when the advertised content is stomach-turning, it’s just a senseless waste of space and my money…and time. You might gain a few new fans, but you might upset far more people who have no interest and don’t want that mess in their investments.

[Imagine picking up a Harry Potter book and finding three pages dedicated to cigarettes and/or a movie about a scary clown. Do you want that sitting on your library shelf? Do you want to pick up that old friend and revisit those horrors? Oh, it’s a wonderful story…and just ignore the dated ads in the middle.]

As soon as you tell me the story gets a mad, mind-bending twist and/or a “representing” character (or a “diverse” cast for the sake of being diverse, even when the original concept had no such diversity, not because the artist was racist but because those were the people they knew), I zone out like I did with Inception. Now and then, I just like a nice, straight-forward story to unfold; it begins, it ends…it sparks a sequel, a next chapter. It’s entertaining and makes me want to cherish the story (whether that is an original story or one that respectfully represents a previous work of art), not look online or at some salivating YouTube-er, who babbles on and on about what every little detail means and what I missed, for clarity.

My sister will likely sigh and say, “That’s just how things are, these days.” As if I’m supposed to just accept whatever is dumped on some “feed” for the masses to feed like mindless vegetables; get real (and not reality TV). Just suck it up, accept it and keep swallowing senseless crap. So what if every female character I grew up liking and every new one to spark my interest gets turned into a lesbian. Moo.

I will not be so naive or blind. Whether it’s a racial/LGBT drought or a racial/LGBT flood, it’s no good. And, not every ethnic actor needs to come with a damn British accent! Can’t you even get actors and actresses from the native lands you attempt to represent?…not southern California or South Africa or Wales or the British-dominated hunk of India.

‘You mess with the She-Hulk, you mess with me. But, then again, why bother getting upset? Maybe Sis is half-right. It’s just how things are going, after Stan Lee handed the keys of his bankrupted Porsche to Disney. He might as well have handed them to Google or Musk or Starbucks.

Fun-size everything and just about every glimmer of joy in the world is being downsized into oblivion and despair. You can’t even enjoy a popsicle from your youth, anymore, without being subject to shrinkage. It’s a depressing world, all around. Local news has boiled down to futile political disagreements over wealth and violent, death-dealing crimes. Reruns of shows long-ago departed quickly lose their charm…when you think about how much time you already spent watching them when they previously were reruns and before you invested in DVD collections.

So, why expect any genuine joy from a new TV series? Heck, when’s the last time I enjoyed a commercial break? I cannot even remember. Ads have gone to heck in a handbasket, too.

‘Sucks. Sorry, Jen. Maybe I just won’t look…then I won’t get disappointed. I’d rather forget you than watch you be mistreated. It was a good run, back in the Savage days, when your costume made itself iconic; though it made little sense, just like Bruce’s shorts…purple pants.

But, this…crisis…is bigger than Wong. And, he’s smaller than She-Hulk.

Whoever said all good things must come to an end is a jinx, a pox, a virus to us all, the ultimate Debbie Downer. There’s a prevailing evil force growing around the world, and there aren’t enough real heroes and heroines, it seems, to repel it. The evil isn’t racial/gender deprivation. It’s the twisting of truth (to get your own way) and what is sacred to artists, their original work and creativity. Books don’t translate into movies. Books get pushed to the publishers like cattle to the slaughter before they’re warped into movies that don’t match the text. And, I’ve already seen more books in the past decade than I’ve read in the rest of my lifetime; just about every single one contained some typo. How does that happen? How does a book that’s intended to be cherished and added to some bookworm’s favorites list permitted to slip by without proper editing and get stamped with that damn New-York-Times-bestseller label?

Joys of the past are being twisted and depleted. This affects everyone, not just a particular race or gender. That’s a major villain, people; though he doesn’t come with a particularly apparent costume.

We need more heroes and heroines, and I don’t mean costumed wanderers at some comic-book convention. Who’s with me? Avengers, assemble. [Why do I hear crickets?]

[I say that when I’m a total Tony Stark (minus the alcoholism, though I may have other budding addictions), who is not the best at joining/leading causes/teams, feeling more comfortable working solo though it sucks to be alone, after a while.]