Writingbolt's Creation

*****

Dearest Kate,

It pains me to see you leaving SNL, more than it pained me to see so many other favored personalities go over the years. In just a few brisk years, you went from being an odd duck to a woman I both fear and love at the same time; fear you when you decide to play outspoken old men and audacious lesbians; love you when you’re more lady-like (ha) and just generally and undeniably funny. You’ve worn so many faces…you should probably have a statue at the studio.

[Don’t expect me to name any of your characters; I cannot remember their names. But, I enjoyed the pet (cat) shop saleswoman who always had a slightly dumber partner to show off cats…your desperate last-call bar fly who occasionally resorted to using plastic wrap for protection (though I had no interest in seeing you swap spit and tongue rolls with so many other bar flies)…your German leader who frequently referenced her “oo-mails”…and whatever sort of artsy foreigner you were, paired with Cecily Strong, wearing those equally odd yet intriguing black-and-white outfits. I believe I have a picture I snapped with my camera, while sitting by the TV. Your outfit was odd. But, overall, you looked nice…yea, sure, Cecily looked great, too; I love her combo.]

And, here you are…on trial, apparently, instead of Amber Heard, who currently is still in a courtroom somewhere.  [This was for a Ghostbusters promotion?]

July 8, 2016 – Hollywood, California, U.S. – Kate McKinnon stars in Ghostbusters and Saturdaynight Live

[And, where, when, why was THIS one taken?  You probably don’t consider yourself a model…but you do just fine.]

Why does anyone leave the cast of SNL? Amassing quarrels with the boss? Getting too funny/rich for your own good? What is the reason?

I know you’ve done a few commercials. You’ve been in a movie or two. So have a number of “alumni.” I guess this is all routine. You start out a budding funny face, hoping to get more than a skit or two on SNL. Then you get outside work and get kicked to the curb, replaced by people with greater ethnic balance to aid the show’s “fresh” rating for being “open to all kinds.” ‘Gotta keep working the PR to keep SNL alive.

Oh, Kate. Why does this wound me so deeply? Clearly, you’ve opted to give up on men. Yet, here I am, a heterosexual man deeply infatuated (if not in love) with your wit and charming face (when you look feminine). [I don’t need to see any scary sewer clowns or possessed politicians/campaign assistants.]

Like I already said, there have been other women to leave SNL and wound my heart. But, none of them hold a candle to your array of characters. Others may have had one or two running gags to secure their place in my heart. But, you’re just a fountain of possibilities. And, that doesn’t come along, often.

You’d likely do well with a variety show of your own, if you could swing it. I think you’d give 1970s-1980s Carol Burnett a run for her money with the right cast. Could you rope in Dana Carvey and Mike Meyers? [I know; Maya Rudolph tried and didn’t do very well. But, you’re not her.]

So, where DO you go from here? I’m going to sound like a guy you meet on a street corner, near one of those steaming sewer vents and traffic lights. You got a place to stay? Where ya headed? I’d like to know. I really don’t want to see you disappear. And, commercials won’t cut it for me.

Please, stay in touch, if you could…if you would.

Sincerely,

Writingbolt, a dear fan (and wishful-thinking boyfriend)

[With our wits put together, we’d knock the whole world senseless with laughter. They’d wet themselves and go into a coma. And, we’d rock the bedroom, too.]