****
I’ve got just two words to say to you.
Do the jokes not write themselves with this one?
I’m tempted to embellish for the humor-deprived. Buuuut, I think, if you are witty enough, you’ll see the humor. And, to be clear, this is an actual brand of canned food…for people.
Smell ya later.
***
I don’t know! And, no, I’m not talking about the story that turned into an early 1980s musical-movie, starring Carol B., Tim C. and Burnadette P. I’m talking about the name, Annie. I don’t like it.
[Yet, after hearing tales of the legendary Annie Oakley, the keen riflewoman of the old/Wild West, and developing a sort of crush, you’d think I’d enjoy the name. Honestly, I’d prefer her pen name to be Anne or Anna Oakley, though the Oakley part makes her sound old and stiff.]
But, I like other similar sounding names, some immensely. I love Amy (looove it), Abby (versus Abigail), Angie (though all forms of the name are delightful), Becky (but Becca and Rebecca are also nice), Callie, Chloe, Debbie (versus Deborah), Emily, Gabby (though Gabrielle is pretty), Jessie (though I may love Jessica even more), Katy (though Kate is nice and Kat is sexy), Lily, Maggie (versus Margaret, though I love Meg even more), Mercy, Molly, Tori (though Vicki is sweet and Victoria is powerfully sexy), Zoey… I like Mandi (but often lean toward Amanda), Tammy, Stacy, Tracy, Trixy, Roxie (though Roxanne is appealing, too), Lexi (though Alex, Alexis and Alexandr(i)a are increasingly better), Julie (though Julia sounds a bit nicer), Nicki (though I often adore Nicole, as well), Penny and Kelly. All those names have a distinct “E” sound at their end. They’re almost cute, girly names. But, Annie…agitates me, for some reason. And, I don’t know why. It must be subconscious from a previous life.
I guess I have similar feelings about women named Alison or Alexandra who get called “Ali” or “Allie.” I think the “longer” names sound more elegant. The shorter names sound wrong and leave a bad taste in my mouth. Likewise, Frankie makes me a little ill, but I like Francesca, which reminds me of a certain soda (beverage). Marcia sounds better than Marcie. Some think it’s cute to call a Jean or Jeanette “Jeanie;” I’d disagree (unless Jean decided to wear her hair in curly pigtails and wore something cute and girly). Anyone who would call an Andrea “Andie” would also irk me. Andrea is a lovely name; Andy is a guy’s name. ‘No wonder we’re seeing so much gender confusion; we’ve confused spirits with names that don’t quite match their given gender. [Heck. It’s a miracle Anne Rice was able to stay feminine and assert herself with that name, considering the story of her birth name.]
I definitely prefer the name Barbara over Barbie; don’t get me started on why the latter irks me. [I had an aunt I’d never call Barbie.] I prefer Catherine or Cat (‘love Cat) to Cathy, yet I like Connie better than Constance. Lori and Laura could go either way; they sound equally nice, but Lori seems easier on the tongue. I’ve had a strange obsession with the name Liz, preferring that and Beth over Betsy and Elizabeth; whenever I write an Elizabeth into one of my stories, I tend to call her Liz. If I had to choose between Rose (or Rosalyn) and Rosie, I’d favor the former, which stirs thoughts of flowers.
I’ve never been a fan of the name Mary, though it comes with immense religious history. Perhaps it’s that fact, alone, that makes it seem like a burning statue no one should touch. Mary might be a great figure/person, but I leave her to live her own life and write her story. Give me any other variation of the name, like Marionette, Mary Jo, Mary Jane or Mary Ann. I can work with those. But, Mary bothers me. Every Mary I’ve ever met has made my skin crawl in some way; they seem to come from a past era and retain souvenirs as their preferred apparel, and their egos almost always clash with mine. I know a Mary Jo who is much nicer and not as trapped in the past.
Occasionally, I meet people who become like thorns in my side. And, when they do, I am compelled to write their names off as trouble. I decide not to write about them and avoid people with those names. It may seem a bit unfair, but when you pair up with someone by the same name, you’d hate to repeat the mistakes you made with the previous one. And, as difficult as it may seem to believe, there may indeed be similarities in people with the same name, just as sharing the same astrological signs can bring out similar traits in two individuals.
Personally, I’ve known a few people who could call themselves Anne. And, the one who was often referred to as Annie was not particularly upsetting…in fact, she was a source of information and got me started with crossword puzzles, which I use regularly to combat anxiety and social discomfort…but she did have an eerie aura which occasionally rattled me. She could look like a vulture on a post and send a chill up my spine. But, as a person, she seemed decent and even gave me a photo of her to remember her when she left our workplace.
I love the name Anne and, occasionally, Anna (preferably with the two Ns, versus the one, which may be pronounced “Ah-nuh”). So, what is it about Annie that irks me? Again, I just don’t know. But, it comes to mind as I hear someone use that name on TV.
‘Any ideas what might explain this?
Now that I think of it, perhaps I need to work this into a story. Perhaps Annie needs to be an unexpected villain who stirs up past feelings in the protagonist, an ill wind that blows in from another dimension/world to alter the course of one man’s journey through life.
***
Let me start by saying I do not wish to cause anyone emotional distress (or “offend”) with my thoughts on this matter. You may have a masculine name and either be at peace with it or have your own personal conflict. I don’t want to add to your troubles. [So, if it’s a touchy subject, you have the right to not dive further into my rant.]
But…
What’s the deal with parents giving male names to some of the most beautiful women of this world? And, not just one; they give the beautiful girl a first and second male name. WHYYYY?
Examples?
Musician Taylor Swift, for starters. Taylor?…like the former U.S. President? ‘Not exactly a befitting name for someone so beautiful and graceful. So, I prefer to call her Tay, which has a certain elegance, like May, Fay, Emily or Amy.
Actress Conor Marie Leslie is also quite gorgeous, an exceptional dark-haired beauty. [I only know of her from tiny tips toward her name in association with personal interests; I cannot even recall what made me look her up online. Was it something about DC Comics? Teen Titans? And, I am astounded to see so many pictures for someone I otherwise wouldn’t know…but certainly someone I’d like to know better.] And, while the latter two names are adequate, the first is questionable, to say the least. Conor? That almost sounds like Conan. I suppose you can call her Connie. [I will.] But, why not just name her Connie, then? Or, Constance (like the lovely Constance Wu)?
Actress/Dancer Robia Brett Lamorte (aka Robia Scott), who first swept me off my feet as Jenny Calendar in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series…is positively stunning and charming…and has TWO masculine-sounding names. Well, technically, just the middle one. The first has been modified from Robert. Robin, as a possible alternative, could go either way, it seems. Robia is certainly feminine but still a bit odd.
Legal correspondant Chanley Painter…is another exceptionally beautiful woman. I’m not even sure how to classify her first name. It sounds like a family name…like Carolyn Chanley…er, Channing. [Some of you might be saying, “Who?”** I only know of her after stumbling across her stunning face when Johnny Depp’s latest trial was being televised in some fashion. And, not long later, I felt prompted to look her up online.]
**This might be another factor. Other than Taylor Swift, the women above are not “household names.” They are not as famous as–say–Deborah Messing, Shania Twain, Whitney Houston or Amy Adams. And, I wonder if it’s not because of their names. Could these names cause such beautiful women to withdraw from the spotlight?…or not get as much credit/attention as women with more elegant/commonly-feminine names? From my awareness/experience, women with unusual/not-very-feminine names tend to take on voice-actor jobs; you’ll find them voicing cartoon characters more often than appearing in front of a camera. And, tragically, some of the prettiest faces and voices don’t live as long as they could (have).
Now, sure, not every pretty face has to be a celebrity and/or have a career in which they are on display. Even the above women could be perfectly content without cameras in their faces and without a page on that IMDB website. But, now that they’ve made themselves “known,” I cannot help being aware of this detail.
I’d just like to understand and warn parents who are quick to name their children…..
If there is any chance your child could turn out as beautiful as any of the above women, why, oh why, in this world, would you dare to give her a name that–in my opinion–does not adequately encompass the beauty she is?
Don’t let your male-dominated roots drive you to make such a crucial decision. You may want a son, but you were given a goddess. Respect her. [Obviously, this is no use to anyone who has already named their goddess and the beauties given the masculine names…unless you legally change names? But, perhaps, parents who have yet to have or name a child could take note for future life-giving.]
If you are reading this and own one of the above names, I apologize if my words rub you the wrong way. You may have made peace with the names you were given. I do my best to respect you as you are. I just feel you deserve better.
[However, if I dared to think of better names, I would risk altering the fabric of reality and warp what nature has provided. Names come with personalities, like genes. How could I be sure the name I pick would improve who you are other than how I address you? But, given enough time and the right circumstances, *we* could probably find more suiting names.]
[It’s no wonder why I struggle to name characters in stories I attempt to write. I want my characters to be as memorable and iconic as some who have already achieved that fame. But, I also want them to be favorable in my own heart, which may not be easy to explain.]
[And, to all you who may object with a “non-binary” perspective, I say get over your trending selves and let me have my opinion. It’s not just about having a gender-suitable name; it’s about having a name that befits the beauty placed in this world. It’s something I just feel in my gut. There are some who have fine names; I can look at them and say the name suits them. There are others who I will encounter and wonder…how did they ever get THAT name?]
****
Come, sit and watch the World Cup (of soccer/futbol/football) with me. Take a break from all things economy and political. Maybe you can explain something to me.
Why do soccer players pass the ball backward?…to the goalie?
What is achieved by backward movement, versus forward progress?
In American football, occasionally, players might make use of “lateral” moves. The offensive team’s ball holder (what is the proper term for that position?) passes the ball, backward, to the quarterback before he decides to throw, hand off or run. But, generally, the ball progresses in one direction.
In soccer, I understand how you might have only one person to pass the ball, who stands somewhere to your side and maybe to the rear. But, the goalie? Why go that far back and chance the other team racing to score?
Why do they do it? Because there’s no visible way to move forward? What difference is the goalie going to make? They’re just going to throw or kick the ball away from the goal, anyway.
You’re putting your faith in the last line of your defense, a single player, when you pass the ball to the goalie. At best, he (or she) is going to kick the ball far down field, with no guarantee it will land in the possession of a teammate. You could do the same and be further down field, closer to the goal you seek, not the one you defend. Even if your kick puts the ball in the other team’s…er, feet, it doesn’t count as an interception or count against you. It puts you closer to your goal. Relax. You can get the ball back.
But, no, chicken out, pass the ball to your goalie and then cry foul when the other team brushes your ankle. [Pardon me for being blunt, but…pansies. I still refrain from using a more potent word, only because I fear losing my soap box in the world of “cancel culture.”]
A ninja/kunoichi doesn’t start with the caltrops and smoke bombs. Those are his/her getaway tools. The goalie is your team’s getaway…er, salvation. [I don’t want to call someone a tool who hasn’t proven to be one. I consider the word tool an offensive term when used to describe a person, not the asset variety.] The goalie is there to cover the smallest of fields at the crucial moments. Don’t add unnecessary pressure by putting your goalie always on alert. He (or she) doesn’t have the liberties you do. [But, the goalie does have the liberty to use hands. Yet, those hands are not going to save your hide every time you fail to make progress toward your target.]
If I played professional soccer, you wouldn’t see me passing the ball back toward my team’s goalie…not unless I was threatened legally/financially by those responsible for my paid position on the team…and, even then, I’d be livid, because the goal is to make progress, not retreat and risk the other team scoring on the one person I am turning to in my own cowardice.
In battle, if you move backward, that’s a retreat. A tactical retreat is not always a bad thing. But, if you retreat, retreat to rest or replenish your resources. The goalie isn’t going to do that for your team. The goalie is your messenger or archer, at best. He (or she) is not some giant or legendary monster that can unleash fire or throw a mountain at the enemy.
——–
While we are on the subject of progress…
I just saw an amazing (chips) commercial with (pardon my groaning) Payton Manning and David Beckham. [If you want to know why I groan, you’ll just have to strike up a chat with me, elsewhere. Do you have an hour to spare?] The ad is amazing for its cameos and comical efforts. I couldn’t care less about the product they are pitching or the usage of children to sway/influence.
The ad brings up the matter that has been plaguing me since I first learned the Spanish word “futbol.” I was born and raised to accept what Americans play with the oblong, brown ball as football…and to identify the white, round ball, dotted with black spots as a soccer ball. But, that’s not how other cultures call the play. And, if we don’t resolve this, it’s just going to be a festering wound. Isn’t it?
Or, is this just another jargon thing? Do we just go on with…
You say flashlight.
And, I say torch.
You say hard candy.
And, I say lolly.
Restroom.
Wash closet.
Bubbler.
Water fountain.
Let’s call the whole thing off.
Personally, I’d like to settle the matter, once and for all, on the field. Let’s have a tournament of…er, the round, spotted ball…which decides the name for the sport. The winner decides the name (as the prize). And, if need be, the loser may raise the challenge, down the road, to turn the tide back in their favor. And, if they win, they can call the sport by their choice of names. [From my experience with online gaming, I just hope no winning team ever has the audacity to use some variety of “poop” or a more offensive word for the sport. Let’s keep it tame…or just between soccer and football/futbol.]
Who’s with me?
Wait. I’ve got it. There is only one name for the non-video-game, “home edition” of the sport. FOOSBALL! Right? So, what if we call it Foosball instead of Soccer or Football/Futbol? That’s universal-ly agreeable. Ay?
****
Who is responsible for picking some of the horrible names carried by race horses?
I tell ya…
If I was a horse, I’d feel like quite the tool if someone named me something like Empty Tomb or Commandeer. Why don’t you just call him Barren Balls or Whipped Fool?
I’m watching a race featuring a horse called Life Is Good. And, the show keeps advertising the widespread lack of concern for human safety; only a handful of cautious souls wear masks. The rest are very vain, wealth-minded people who think this is still summer in 2018, and all is well. As if! Thanks for letting the rest of the world know you are responsible for spreading the deathly variants, you fools who name your horses like computer passwords.
And, Life Is Good won. Good luck enjoying the rest of that life, horse. I’m sure it’s all planned out for you. Though, listening to your owner, I hardly understand what he’s trying to say. I’ve noticed that about people connected to horses; they don’t make much sense; as if they’re speaking a foreign language. It’s infuriating.
I’m playing Pokemon Shield, presently (after taking a break from Pokemon Moon); and I spend WAY too much time thinking up good names for all the various creatures, especially Ponyta/Rapidash. And, now that there are two varieties, the fire type and the fairy/psychic type, it’s doubly challenging to pick good names.
Well, the easiest way for me to name a horse is to think of My Little Pony. That toy/cartoon collection has a number of decent horse names. Applejack, Windy, Moondancer, Minty, Rarity…all good names. Well, better names than Empty Tomb; that’s for sure.
Can you imagine the party after a race won by Empty Tomb? Who attends that? Dentists and morticians? Wealthy thieves who raided the coffers of some rich fool?
Oh, stand a little closer, you vain extroverts who show no concern for public safety, even if you can vouch for being vaccinated, for what that’s worth. Pop some more champagne and wear your lame, tool-fitted white baseball caps. Get some more intimate interviews; talk closer to the microphone; would you? Oh, what a wonderful, safe, fun time we are all having in January. [Just sickening…literally.]
If I am lucky to ever have a horse capable of racing, someday (grant me that hoop dream), I think I will name it Virus and see just how popular he/she becomes. Yeah, that sounds smart of me. I’m sure he/she will be a real winner. And, I’ll be sure to wear my diamond watch and cufflinks to the affair, attended by the hundreds of underlings in my company, who will be so busy capturing everything for their personal/business social media. What a highlight in this life that will be.
It all really makes loving horses so much more difficult. Don’t you think? The prized missiles of the wealthy and hasty instead of a natural wonder we could all learn to appreciate in the wild, doomed to have a shortened life by humans who treat them like sports cars they tire of only a few years later.
****
HELP!
I am in dire need of name suggestions for ghost characters, male and female.
Have at it. Give me your best shots. Any ideas? I am bone dry.
If you were thinking Boo, Spooki, Haunter, Kooki, Specter, Mysteria or Lorelei, they’re taken…er, not an option.
****
So, I am working on a story and need a name for a pet snake. I’ve come up with a short list of names and would like readers’ input. Which do you prefer for a yellow and white/albino python found in a forest setting during summer vacation?
Summer
Sherwood
Stacy
Whitney
Amber
****
And, get famous (whenever I publish) by having YOUR name (or a pen name you supply for yourself) worked into my latest book (project). You could wind up a primary character, opposite the protagonist(s), a neighbor, CEO, taxi driver or police officer, for example.
The names I direly need are LAST/FAMILY names. So, go nuts combining letters, words and/or sounds to get something special.
I am looking for:
Submit your ideas to my mailbox (on the contact page) or in the comment section below.
Get brainstorming.
And now, it’s time for more Profound Thoughts with Writingbolt…
*******************************************
I imagine meeting someone like George Clooney and having a discussion about love and his recent marriage. And, I can hear him telling me, a guy who has yet to come close to any relationship remotely resembling marriage, to go out and find my Amal.
Considering he went as long as he did as a bachelor after a broken marriage left him numb…and the odds of a long, successful/happy marriage in the modern world…there’s one thing I’d have to tell him.
Do not give “her” a name.
Imagine if you met a married someone who told you the same. What if–dare I say it–something unpleasant were to happen to their “one true” love? Does that then mean that your “friend” wanted you to meet/marry someone who would leave you?
You know what I’d say to that? Thanks a lot, you jerk! What kind of crap speech is that?
********************************************
Writingbolt's Creation 