Posts Tagged ‘selling

08
Sep
21

The Covid-19 Auction 2021

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Hi! Welcome to the Covid 19 Auction 2021. I’m your host, Lazy Spender. The auction has already started. I can hear a few people coughing and sneezing. Most of the bidders are seated apart at the recommended distance. I see two gentlemen with oxygen tanks. Not everyone is wearing a mask. AAAnd, someone just puked in that corner. Let’s check out what’s up for bid…

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Auctioneer: Our next item up for bid is a dose of the latest vaccine. It is NOT guaranteed to make you immune to the latest deadly variant. But, it will likely spare you from a large hospital bill.

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Lazy: Now, for those of you who are new to this venue, bidders voice offers they are willing to accept if they are granted the item up for bid. Auctioneers begin the bidding with the first offer provided by a particular sponsor who is prodding bidders to take the deal. The actual number of items available to distribute to the bidders remains unclear. Let’s get down to the action.

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Bidder 1: I’ll take a free donut–No! Wait! $100 and my *free* shot!

Bidder 3: Pfft! That’s pathetic. I’ll take a Subway gift card and let my barber give me the shot when I get my next haircut!

Bidder 5: Good luck. Like I’d trust a barber to give me the vaccine, while other customers sit around you in a cramped barber shop. I’ll take a Toyota Rav 4 and my shot!

Bidder 7: Are you here for the Oprah Auction?

Bidder 5: Yeah. Why?

Bidder 7: That’s in the other warehouse. Number 25.

Bidder 5: Oh! Whoops! Gotta go. Twenty-fiiive…

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Lazy: It looks like there are plenty of shots to go around. This could go on for a while. But, there are other tables with items up for bid. Let’s move to the next one where it appears jobs are being offered to the unemployed, including those who were hastily stripped of their sole source of minimal income when quarantine began. Any bidder who accepts the offer is welcome to claim their prize…because these companies are getting desperate for staffing.

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Auctioneer: I have a low-rank warehouse job with the promise of steady hours, insurance buying options, minimal sick-leave pay, vacation time to those who survive a trial period and a starting wage of $10 per hour.

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Bidder 9: *Cough*

Bidder 11: *Sniffle* *Cough* [Clears her throat.]

Bidder 13: …… [Cracks his neck.]

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Auctioneer: Uuuuh, I have the same job but with a starting wage of $16 per hour and a signing bonus of $500. Of course, with gas prices on the rise from devasting storms and warfare…and the remote location of the warehouse, there will be a bit of a drive, getting to work. I’m sorry, affordable electric cars are not yet a thing in this world.

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Bidder 15 (whispering to her neighbor, a fellow single mother): Is he serious?!

Bidder 17 (the other single mother, sitting with her brother from another mother): I wonder how much he’s being paid to run this thing. And, why isn’t HE wearing a mask?

Bidder 19: Unless it’s a posh Google job with a company car, I’m not budging. I heard someone got a job at McDonald’s with a free trip to college. Hmm! I’d say sign me up if I wasn’t sure I’d die from wearing a mask while working over a hot grill. And, NO one wants a burger made by someone who might be a carrier. Mmm-mmm. No, sir, ma’am or the other.

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Auctioneer: Alright, forget that one, for now. I-I have a position at Google…(looks directly at the bidder who said she wanted such a job, because there is no privacy at this auction)…with a starting wage of $25 per hour, access to a free workout room, cafeteria pass and use of a company car. It looks like someone just lost this cubicle when the quarantine of 2020 began. So, it hasn’t been certified as sterilized. But, we can look into that for you.

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Bidder 19 (projecting beams of hot red light from her eyes at the auctioneer): …..Still not good enough. I’m not boxing myself in a place like that when I don’t know if the fifty other people in the room aren’t fully vaccinated and wearing masks. And, even if they are vaccinated, there’s no guarantee I’m safe from getting terribly ill. Also, I don’t like needles. So, I’m tellin’ you all, right now. I haven’t gotten the shot. Not one, two or the other. So!

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Lazy: I-It looks like we have a tough crowd. And, bidding is stonewalled by a lousy healthcare system. Well, we’ve run out of time. If there IS a next time, join us, here, at the Covid 19 Auction 2021. Thanks for watching. Even if you didn’t enjoy this program, be sure to hit the LIKE button, below, on your screen. I’m your host, Lazy Spender. Goodnight and get vaccinated. Don’t wait.

(whispers to camera operator Glen) Cut the camera! Get me OUT of here. I haven’t gotten MY shot. And, this place is making me SICK!

Camera operator Glen: Uuuh. How do you turn this thing off, again?

Lazy: It’s a smartphone, Glen! It shouldn’t be that–! *groan* Here. Give me the damn–!

Pfft! [TEST PATTERN AND SILENCE, FOLLOWED BY A NUMBER OF GIF VIDEO LINKS TO OTHER LAZY SPENDER APPEARANCES, INCLUDING A PIE THROWN IN HER FACE AND A SUPPOSED SWIMSUIT MODELING SESSION, ACCORDING TO THE CAPTION, THOUGH THE IMAGE ONLY SHOWS GLIMPSES OF HER FACE FROM DIFFERENT ANGLES.]

gas pump restoration auction

gas pump restoration auction

04
Jun
21

Global Equality and Happiness; Philosophical Meandering, June 4, 2021

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I caught something on TV the other day about Elon Musk’s girlfriend? promoting a form of communism.  She said something about eliminating work, using more AI to run the planet and everyone benefitting from this shift.  And, someone responded by saying they could see some logic in the young woman’s presentation.  [Though I couldn’t help raising an eyebrow to the markings on her face (pre-surgery, I presume) and wonder what in state her mind actually was.  When you’re prepping for surgery, your mind can say and do strange things.]

This wasn’t the only stimulus for today’s pondering (or meandering).

I’ve been bombarded with so many thoughts in the past few days, some of which have sparked ideas for rants that never took shape.  I’ve also been feeling exceptionally distressed and depressed for no particular/new reason.  

Now then…

Can you imagine a world in which no one has a job or requirement to pay taxes and such and can simply live off the land as everyone pleases?  I’ve seen something close to that on certain versions of Star Trek.  And, sure, we forget some of the details of “reality” when watching just about any movie, TV show or, the current trend, online videos which could be uploaded by just about anyone for any reason and altered with a variety of computer/video tools (to mess with our heads).  But, is such a world possible?  That’s, essentially, my question.  And, feel free to contribute your thoughts below.

While I aspire and long for such a world, I have lingering doubts it could ever exist.  And, I will tell you why in a minute.

The longer I live, the angrier I get at humanity as a whole.  I know it’s not good to throw all your apples in one basket.  There ARE good apples…as well as bad ones.  But, it’s difficult to sort them out and getting more difficult each day.  Just when you think you have a good apple, something crazy and/or disappointing happens.  And, there are a number of possible reasons/influences for this.  [But, I won’t overload your brain with those, now.]  But, bad apples spoil the bunch and make life miserable for everyone, including themselves once they hit a discouraging dead end, a point when all the gold in the world isn’t making them happy, whether they admit it or not.  Or, they just die and hand over the wealth to the next generation of entitled fools.

Actually, that ties into what I’m about to say.  

Why is a peaceful world enjoyed by all, equally, so impossible to achieve?  And, why are all our efforts to achieve…well…anything “good” in vain?  Because there will always be a “sense of entitlement” or some other variation of that phrase that drives certain people to be less charitable than others.  At least, I don’t see how it can change for the better.  

You’ve probably seen some of this in movies, too.  Someone comes up with a solution for the fossil-fuel problem, and, whether or not it becomes public knowledge, someone in a high seat swoops down on the invention to “capitalize” it.  One minute, you’ve got fresh air for everyone; the next, the air is being bottled and sold at your “convenience.”  It’s not convenient to turn the world into one big outlet store.  It’s not convenient to slash a price from $400 to $40 when the item isn’t worth anything other than what humans stamp on it, when the item is available to all if we’d let it be.

Right now, bottled water is all the rage.  Every cotton-picking flavor and type imaginable is being advertised.  And, everyone has their gimmick to sell it.  SELLING WATER.  Isn’t that the beginning of the end?  Isn’t that one step from The Lorax?  Come on, people!  Wise up!

The world is perpetually one step away from a Moonlight Madness Sale.  Someone presents a crisis or craze, and the sheep, cattle, dogs, rodents…all of them go running in all directions, trying to get a piece of the action.  Someone shouts fire or virus, and people panic.  Someone shouts FREE ___!  And, people rush to get the bargain or catch the T-shirt or jump through flaming hoops to get a prize which requires some paperwork and payment of taxes. 

THIS is sharing?  Well, you might say, “Nooo.  That’s not it.  That’s not the level of equality we can yet reach.”  But, I think it is.  I think those without the status and power to delegate and trickle down the benefits from their high seats are always going to be chasing and wasting and competing with others, regardless of their status.  And, even those “at the top” surely have their competitions for “more” and some false sense of security.  Because, let’s be honest, does ANYONE really feel anymore secure than they can justify with some artificial support?  Doesn’t everyone boast some nest egg or financial support system of some kind to secure their status, their lifestyle, whether you are a welfare case or living at Park Place?

Now, you might be of the mindset that you are a good person.  But, how good are you in that mob scene at the big sale on some holiday weekend?  What are you doing there if not running with the bulls to get a rare bargain?  What do you have to experience to be reduced to the mentality of something like The Hunger Games?

If you take a long, hard look at yourself, you might find a darker shade to your light.  I’ve seen it, myself.  I try to be a good guy.  But, there are moments…  And, I cannot guarantee something wouldn’t eventually turn me. 

But, if you DO take that long, hard look…and you only see good…well, either you are full of yourself (and something soft and brown and smelly) or you are one lucky individual.  Well, luck is subject to opinion and definition and could just be the enemy of the ego…but…

So, how can the world ever be free of its current state of quarreling rights and economies if we all cannot part with our “status” and “entitlement” and share the world’s resources? 

And, by share, I don’t been buying shares of a company.  I don’t mean sharing the burden by paying more fees and taxes to have some of what the other guy has.  I don’t mean renting the services and resources we need the rest of our lives just to slave away to feed some higher, wealthier ego and then listen to the praises of said ego and his wealthy status. 

Oh, please, sir, tell me more of your mansions and car collection and plans for universal domination.  NOT!

Here’s today’s philosophical metaphor for ya.

If you had a big, frosted cake and had enough for everyone in the world, would you divide it evenly and be satisfied?  Or, would you–even for a second–think you should stash away more of that cake for yourself and divide the remainder among the rest of the world?  Could you be content with your own equal-size piece?

But, here’s my cynical, skeptical kicker, right below that.  If someone told you they were giving you a piece of the cake everyone is sharing equally, would you believe they were giving you your fair share?  See.  That’s another problem…or shade of the same problem.  Trust.  There is very little trust in the world.  And, those who DO trust too often get swindled.  I’ve been swindled quite a bit, and it has made me so bitter; my own obtuse family gets tired of me.

Yet, it’s possible someone could offer you your fair share and be holding out on you.  But, how would you know?  And, how would you verify…anything?

Now, you see?   You see why I cannot take my heavy egg-shaped head off my tense fist and rigidly bent knee.  

If you need me, I’ll be on the stump…er, toilet…ridding myself of today’s crap.  ‘Got any Thought Paper?

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06
Jan
15

Profound Thoughts: Am I Pimping My Fantasies?

And now, it’s time for another addition of Profound Thoughts with Writingbolt…

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I find myself writing similar stories…
About guys like me at different ages…
And the girls/women with whom I dream about sharing intimate moments…

But, as I ponder the possibility of being published…
I wonder…
If I put my fantasies up for sale…
Am I a pimp making money off my “ladies?”

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