Posts Tagged ‘single

07
Dec
24

What Is Ahead of Gray Divorce?

By writingbolt Leave a Comment
Categories: Concerns and Alerts and Uncategorized
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****

I’ve only recently heard the term.

GRAY DIVORCE

It refers to people ending their marriages typically after reaching retirement age and/or after your “nest” becomes empty (when all of your children have homes of their own). And, apparently, it’s a growing trend? This is the next wave in human sexuality, following the birth-control, or casual-sex-is-exercise, generation and the oops-we-fooled-around-now-I’m-stuck-with-a-kid-let’s-get-married-so-we-don’t-burn-at-the-stake generation.

I heard someone say gray divorce is for people who “find they no longer have much in common.” Excuse me? Isn’t that what so SO many couples boast when they marry (if they don’t rush into marriage within a year or two)? “I married my best friend.” “We have so much in common. It was inevitable we’d get married.” If you have used either of those quotes, you deserve to get your butt kicked. Gray divorce makes those lines almost worthless. I’m…discouraged. Common interests are no longer enough to secure happiness? What else is there? An endless longing for what cannot be fully perceived? A void that cannot be filled?

A world without love stories? Is that what’s ahead? It’s so terrifying and sickening… Just imagine people losing interest in romantic films, including romantic comedies. Or, maybe, all romantic stories will become comedies because lasting love has become a bad joke. Is marriage really no longer the apex of life and love?

It’s shocking to hear which celebrities have already faced this, knowing (from TV sources) these were people who had claimed to be so content and happy with their spouses. In some cases, I’ve remotely envied them and wanted to be their devoted partner. But, in general, I’ve looked to these people as examples of what is right and what can last. They made it work. How did they do it? I can find lasting happiness, too. But, if they get divorced…what does that say about this old chestnut about lasting happiness called marriage?

[Well, at least, I have a shot at Meryl Streep, now. Ha. I may have a “bucket list” of older women I’d like to date. I’d mention names, but I don’t want to cause any premature gray divorces. Ha, again. I’d say “marry,” but, I guess, that’s no longer valued or necessary.]

If marriage is no longer a sensible pursuit, what is left?

I’m sure many would respond with something similar to the opinion of a tattoo. People rush to get tattoos; they don’t wait a few years or a decade to get one unless they are just “getting by” on a thin budget. So, you get divorced because you feel you and your chosen spouse no longer have “the spark.” You hear what others (who have been “gray divorced”) are saying, and decide you feel the same way; so let’s do this. Shortly after getting it done (like knotting the tubes), you think you just opened the doors to a dating (and sexual) grocery store. You are free to explore, again.

That’s all fine and good for those who always were rather adventurous and careless (versus careful). Good luck with that. And, be sure to let us know if STDs and unplanned pregnancies are no longer an issue with your wrinkled sexual exploration. [Don’t even get me started on abortion law or how it impacts anyone’s moral/religious code.]

Yet, no matter who you are, life isn’t quite the same when you’re older. Just as you are not likely as fit and/or quick as you were when you first got married, you’re not likely to be as adept at finding someone new (if you try). The dating pool seems bigger, but is it really? And, how do you even choose to do something with someone if common interests no longer guarantee something that will last? [Or, do you join a club and hang out with fellow “classmates” until the final session ends and then move on to something (and someone) else?]

If you choose to remain single after “gray divorce,” are you REALLY single for the rest of your life? Or, are you dipping your toes in sexual pools wherever and whenever you can?

Now, here comes a traffic sign I presume few are expecting. [EEERRROOP! Hit those brakes.]

INFIDELITY ALERT!

If you take away enough wedding rings and set these caged animals free, you suddenly change the (food) chain/pyramid, particularly for safe and secure marriages. And, if you know people are considering divorce at any age, you’re more inclined to pursue someone who’s currently married (like a salivating hyena that just found some new prey to hunt in his forest).

There’s a little line that goes something like this…

IS THE PERSON I’M ATTRACTED TO LEGALLY ABLE TO PAIR UP WITH ME?

We’re going beyond the concept of “cougars” by introducing some of those “dinosaurs” we didn’t consider a concern until now. With marriage no longer a mountain to bypass or avoid when you’re “single and looking,” you might pressure someone to get (gray) divorced, claiming the separation is only inevitable (as the marriage may have been, once). How sick is that?

“Hey, babe. I know you’re bound to get gray-divorced sooner or later. So, let’s cut to the sooner and have you get together with me.”

You may laugh at the thought of some gray-haired individual flirting with you or your chosen partner, but it could happen. Some people actually like older folks in a special way.

[I’m not particularly focused on any age, but some women DO age gracefully and can be admired with their weathered features. You do not need to Botox or color yourself until you look like a toy. If I wasn’t entirely happy with my marriage when Meryl Streep (or one of the other names I refrain from mentioning) decided to flirt with me, I might be tempted to indulge in some infidelity. If she approached me while I’m single, I wouldn’t hesitate. ‘Just saying. If she’s not your type or someone you’d consider “hot,” just understand that not every attraction comes from being exceptionally physically attractive. Meryl has a “swag” that cannot be contained; she exudes charm, and that’s why so many of her roles are enjoyable.]

And, here’s another little likely unexpected speed bump. What if some elder person flirted with you (or your partner) and was rejected so painfully that they had a heart attack? Can you imagine?

[Coming up on tonight’s breaking news, a local man breaks Meryl Streep’s heart for the last time. Witnesses say she collapsed on a bed of magnolia petals shortly after her latest fling broke up with her. Police on the scene did nothing because rejection and separation are not considered murder.]

It’s one thing to face heartache in your youth. But, how well can a motivated retiree take it? Again, like doing certain physical activities, if you’re not in that kind of shape, it may not be smart to get too excited about any intimate prospect. [Or, is the opposite true? Could being aroused by the sight of a potential mate make you feel…younger?…safely?]

Could that be the future of gray divorce? Could people settle for simply enjoying arousal when and where they find it, rather than pursuing another course of what went wrong? Could people find contentment without a relationship (or flirting with sexual hazards)? Or, in some crazy science-fiction-al way, could humans evolve in some way that allows them to forego marriage for a more casual sexual experience without hazard and commitment? Could humans somehow break the cycle of STDs and choose to get pregnant?…’sounds like playing god if you ask me.

What are your thoughts on this matter?

Be sure to hit the LIKE button and subscribe to my post if you are still physically able to do so, at your age. ‘Just kidding.

28
Apr
23

Does a Perfect Music Album Exist?

By writingbolt Leave a Comment
Categories: Concerns and Alerts and Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

****

I know many music lovers and chasers, these days, don’t even think about music in terms of CDs or maybe even albums; they just seek out “tracks” on some online supply chain. You probably watch the latest music video when it “drops” and leave the rest to social-media gossip. But, I still find myself sifting through CDs, new and old, like autumn leaves, looking for those that satisfy my interests, sometimes just for their cover art.

The average CD (and LP, or larger vinyl record) has one good song on it, typically the one played on the radio to promote the artist/CD. How sad is that?! ‘One good song on an album! That’s a waste. But, it’s truth. Unless you’re a slave to the sounds an artist or band makes, there may only be one good song on that foolishly prized and perhaps highly promoted album.

Not too long ago, in my perspective of time, there was such a thing as a “single” which came on an audio cassette or “45.” You could get a favored song in some format and replay it until the damn thing became warped. I wouldn’t recommend listening to music that way; but it did cut down on costs (sort of).

I can rattle off a few names of soloists and bands that have been sold on the radio only to disappoint when I push myself to pick up one of their albums. The Killers, Sting, Seal, Motley Crue, Nickelback, Sponge, Sum 41, AC/DC, the Fray, Train, Filter, Limp Bizkit, Jimmy Eat World, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, All-American Rejects,** Green Day, Len, MC Hammer, the Cranberries,^^ the Proclaimers, etc. When you’re dishing out chunks of money to savor 1-3 “hit” songs on a CD or LP, you’re wasting your time and money…which is why, I suppose, now there are so many people “streaming” and “ripping” single tracks from online sources. It’s still sad for the countless other songs that are left in the waste bin; the artists spend who-knows-how-much time crafting those just to be ignored…except, maybe, by die-hard fans who will eat anything.

**Gee. You’d think there was something in the name to tell you purchasing an album is a bad idea.

^^The Corrs have a similar vocal quality and generally more pleasant music. I might still cut a Corrs album down to 1-3 songs worth replaying, but, overall, their music is less dreary than that of the Cranberries.

[Just to be clear…the number of great songs on any particular album is not necessarily limited to those replayed on the radio. Now and then, there are tracks the radio ignores which have replay merit. It’s just convenient, it seems, how the radio seems to spotlight certain songs which, in turn, become replay-worthy/favored. I wonder how that happens.]

Far less often do I find what can only be described as a “gem,” an album I can play start-to-finish without wincing or feeling the slightest discomfort, enough discomfort to skip a track (or two). And, if an artist or band could produce an album that is a treat all the way through…well…that would shine brighter than a diamond, shine brighter than a diamond…in the sky.

The closest I have come to a gem of an album might be Katy Perry’s pop-rock debut, titled One of the Boys. If there is a bad track on that (CD), it’s still decent music, which is saying something, considering how many albums I’ve had to sit through and wonder why I want them to be better than they are. I don’t know exactly why I should hold that album up as the standard by which I measure all others…but I think I have to do just that. [That does not mean I have to dwell upon cherry Chapstick or scantily clad women firing whipped cream from spray cans from their bras in the company of Snoop Dogg.]

I consider myself a rather strong fan of bands like Linkin Park and Foo Fighters. Both are great workout bands; you could set yourself up in a gym with a treadmill and/or punching bag and get a great workout while listening to the music. Yet, if I go through their albums, I am still likely to find at least 1-3 songs on each (CD) that I could do without.

Linkin Park is obsessively angry, sad and occasionally painful. [So, why do I like their songs and own almost every album? I’m not sure, considering I listen to music to get out of a bad mood/rut and be inspired. I guess life hasn’t been great, so far; so I use the music as a sort of therapy. I know that I definitely decode the songs well and enjoy the occasional thunderstorm; I don’t replay them daily…even if I used to hear the band, daily, on the radio.] Numb is potent, powerfully emotional and makes me think of the tense relationship I have had with my own parents. In the End, which is quite similar to Numb, has its own unique ending which leaves you deep in thought, sometimes about who you can trust, as the lyrics say. The music seems fit for some really gritty, pulse-pounding action/fantasy movie…maybe a “dark knight” story…not exactly a confusing, disappointing Transformers spectacle. I hear a Linkin Park song and almost immediately start plotting a movie scene or video of my own. Linkin Park put out break-up songs that you wouldn’t necessarily associate with a romantic partner. [Tragically, they also seem to stimulate deadly thoughts.]

The average Foo Fighters song makes you wish you had long, messy hair and the space to thrash around the room with it. They’re generally a raging party band. But, not every track is like that; a few can be a bit sad and somewhat repetitive, like a broken record (namely Times Like These, which feels more like a jam/practice session than something you want to enjoy with friends…even though it has a few inspirational moments/lyrics). I tend to dismiss those and replay the ones I prefer. The Pretender, All My Life, Everlong and Walk are frequently favored.

Outside what may be considered the commercial box are artists/groups like Mannheim Steamroller and Bond. You may not know them by name but may recognize some of their (mostly) instrumental music. Not every piece they put out is a runaway hit. Some are sleepers…or remotely annoying. Yet, Mannheim Steamroller has crafted sooo many albums, and each has a certain magical, artistic quality; you feel like you’re filling a bookshelf with colorful covers rather than collecting music. I’d certainly use a few covers as wall art. Their Christmas albums have, maybe, one or two songs, each, which I’d scrap; otherwise, they are decent varieties/blends of holiday music. I only have two by Bond, a fairly daring group of women who try to be unique, even when they may be merely changing a few notes in a piece of music by someone else; both feel more like cover-band collections than original works. Yet, there is something about the spell woven by Bond that keeps me looking for more from them.

As an artist, myself (a visual artist with an interest in crafting music, as well as fashion and other types of art), most music I look to as a means of inspiration, something to fuel my own creativity. I don’t use music to harp on anyone. I won’t likely craft something that marks someone for life unless I genuinely believe that person is evil. And, even then, I wouldn’t want to hear my own words repeating those hateful messages…because it would bring the past misery back into focus. If someone came to me and said they loved one of those hateful, menacing songs, what sort of person would I be to agree or smile? A dark wizard, I guess.

What about you and your luck at finding good music?

What albums would you consider those rare gems (and why)?

And, which would you rather cut apart just to get out one or two great songs (which are probably replayed on the radio, in excess)?

08
Nov
22

Response to World’s Greatest Aunt (Ask Carolyn Hax)

By writingbolt Leave a Comment
Categories: Responses to Ask Carolyn Advice Columns
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

***

Ask Carolyn (Hax) column originally titled “Did world’s greatest aunt give up on love too soon?”

Happy? is a matured single woman who divorced once (20 years ago) and was denied the chance to have kids (genetically, I presume, though I am inclined to think anyone who appears “sterile” or otherwise incapable is a Mary who just hasn’t found her Joseph and messenger angel). After a few other disturbing relationships, which shattered her confidence and endangered her personal security, she became a content aunt, sister-in-law (somewhat forcefully) and working woman. She claims to be ninety-nine percent happy with her lifestyle and only bothered by the one pecked at by her so-called friends who want to pair her up with someone.

Carolyn, somewhat surprisingly, does a fine job of answering this letter. So fine that I have little to say about it. Yet, I feel, at least, one percent agitated by the question Happy? presents.

————-

Happy? If you are, indeed, content, and can list all of those assets, why do you have ANY doubts? Why does it seem like people who claim to have everything don’t? I suppose, if you were really content, you wouldn’t have to say anything; you’d just be…happy and living your life. When people spit out lists of badges and such, it seems they might be pulling out the emergency kit and throwing everything inside at a recent wound.

I cannot believe I am saying this…but Carolyn is right when she says, “What kind of friend corrects her?” A good friend shouldn’t vote against you; they should vote with you and support your decisions. BUT…if that good friend knew or sensed something that cannot adequately be conveyed in a letter to an advice columnist, who you wouldn’t need, at all, if you were truly 99% confident in your happiness…right?…then that friend SHOULD be free to say something about what is somewhat secretly upsetting you. If that good friend senses you are putting up a good defense yet suffering quietly when you finally take off your social disguise…is that so wrong?

A good friend isn’t always going to agree with everything you say or do; not when they have experience or higher wisdom to know you are in denial or need something you’re not addressing/getting yourself. A good friend shouldn’t put you in any range of harm or danger nor come to blows over any disagreement; nor should they ever say anything that makes light of what you take very seriously (as if they think you’re a fool). But, if they try to nudge you out of your comfort zone with good intentions, that’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes, a good friend knows you better than you care to admit (yourself). [However, personally, I draw a line at “let me hook you up with someone I know.” That just hits a nerve. Bad family history.]

I’ll nod in agreement when Carolyn shuns the “blind-date vending machine.” Set-ups have personally troubled me since I learned how my parents met. Suffice to say, that has given me fear similar to the sort you seem to be projecting. And, yes, you may be suffering from bad-relationship trauma. You’ve had some rough luck with men, the sort of luck that would turn some women into lesbians or bisexual experiments.

The way you describe being close to your brother and his wife’s family…concerns me. No in-laws that I know enjoy a sibling that much. I, myself, have been a source of resentment to one branch and agitated by another (which keeps me at a distance in more ways than one and weakens my sibling relationships). My brother has injected agitation into the lives of some “friends” who are married, one who recently had to divorce and relocate. [I seriously suspect my brother was key to that divorce, the friend getting in the way of an otherwise busy couple/marriage (with kids).] When a sibling/friend spends enough time within the tender environment of a couple, it seems to stir negative feelings. The sibling/friend is no longer a welcome guest paying a rare visit; they are a growing distraction and unwanted audience to what may be a marital spat or other relationship challenge. A couple doesn’t want or need an outside party taking their emotional upheaval with them (or to other parties not involved, in the form of gossip).

You also state that “zero tolerance” with conviction, which, to me, suggests you are DEEPLY troubled (and, sort of, in denial…yet on the brink of confessing something). You wouldn’t have to confirm zero tolerance if you were zero tolerant. You see what I’m saying? I claim to be zero tolerant about certain matters, and, when I do, I feel just the slightest bit concerned I’ve only alerted the “gremlins” to come pick on me, again, because I am admitting my fear. I could, instead, say nothing and keep the concern completely (zero) out of conversation. Let the violator cross the line before you tell them to hush.

You taking relationships “off the table” to work on yourself…which became a lifestyle…is like me going back to school to get a degree. I put it off for a reason, or reasons…and, to turn back and face that old worrisome decision, again, seems like a huge stomach upset neither of us want to face…but something is telling us we should or need to face it.

I still cannot see myself confronting another year of school work, especially at a college level. And, I have those old reasons…and I have a strong desire/demand (my own “tolerance”) for a better support system, if I ever dared to try. Without that comfort zone and support, I would just be prone to some old demons who ruined my school years…and, possibly, my whole life.

Likewise, you know what went bad before and have intense fear of facing the risks, one more time. Why take that gamble? Why does everyone afraid of haunted houses have to go through one? If you don’t like burning your tongue until you’ve gone numb, why punish yourself with spicy foods (just because “everyone else” is okay with experimenting)?

For you, it’s not as simple as your “friends” wish to make it. Maybe they are the casual dating, bar-fly type who seem like fun pillows to keep around you but aren’t exactly the best counselors or supporters, even if you swear they are the best of friends. They may make getting out of your “sanctuary” less daunting, allowing you to loosen up and do things you’d likely never try alone…but they’re not so in sync with your “tolerance” that they also make you entirely comfortable in your solitude. [I’m just being honest without more information on who these people are.]

Brushing all of the above aside, you ultimately decide for yourself when and if you are ready and willing to start another (romantic) relationship, not your friends, not your brother, not your brother’s wife’s family, not your potentially curious nephews or nieces who may ask why you’re not married like their parents. You.

But…if you are having even the slightest doubts or concerns about remaining single and somewhat solitary…..

HUG

You’ll get through this. You’ll get over it and go back to your habits, good or bad. “When the time is right,” you’ll hopefully NOT pass up a good thing. And, even if you do, hopefully, you’ll get another chance. But, when YOU are ready (and when the Fates allow, just like motherhood).

Oh. AAAnd, one more thing. Even if you were “lying to yourself,” you’re human. But…shouldn’t you have more faith in those “good friends” than an advice columnist you’ve never met? THAT is the clincher. If they were so good to you, why would anyone need the input of an advice columnist? [Have you no faith in your friends?]

Have a nice day.

14
Aug
19

The Older Man at the Dating Carnival

By writingbolt Leave a Comment
Categories: Looking for Love and Happiness and Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

****

So, there I was, a middle-aged man at what is essentially a carnival, surrounded by families, couples and a zoological encyclopedia of younger women often traveling in small packs like wild gazelles.

I found myself longing and looking at the young gazelles…and then feeling completely out of sorts and out of place. Had I indulged my youthful thoughts, I’d later admonish myself for acting like some pedophile. I look around, trying to spot the older cheetahs, the cougars and elephants…and I can’t see anything other than mothers, wives and grandmas. I feel completely out of place with attachment to nothing other than the family I accompany, and even that is sketchy attachment, like a loose tooth waiting to pop out of a kid’s mouth. I am adrift in the sea of human connectivity. And, being so lost, I had almost no interest in being among the crowd.

Part of me wanted to blink my eyes and storm right back to the car or even hike all the way home. Part of me was lingering like a child insistant on getting a balloon or toy before he goes home. I came to sample new foods and help my nephews have fun and be safe. I could only manage the babysitting duty. The food (and mingling, if I had that nerve) just couldn’t fit itself into my abilities; the heat and crowding didn’t help.

Some day, you’ll find me in a National Geographic special on human nature and see the lone, hungry outsider who can’t seem to find a mate or make many decisions. He will be tortured by constant references to Taylor Swift (whose name kept popping up at said carnival as if the phone was ringing for me to take some kind of action I did not know).
[What am I to do, Tay? They’re playing your song. They’re naming pigs after you. They have your “swag” for sale. The days of Hannah Montana and the first wave of Spice Girls didn’t generate as much attention. Suddenly, you’re everywhere…and I feel like I am nowhere. I don’t want a Taylor Swift sundae or Cotton Cand-Tay. I want to *savor* the real thing.]

Sorry, readers, for bringing her into yet another blog post. But, it happened for a reason. Of that, I am certain. I’m just not sure why.

21
Feb
18

Happy Untied Day! February 21, 2018

By writingbolt Leave a Comment
Categories: Concerns and Alerts, Creations, Looking for Love and Happiness and Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

UNTIEDDAY-photoexample-loosescarf-chocolatehoodie-explained-2018-ap-2*****

Today’s the day!

Oh, wait.  Did I send out enough memos and flyers?  Did I post the posters?  I’m sure I did.  Has anyone noticed?

Well, get out there, single people, and represent yourselves.  Today is your Valentine’s Day.  What can you do to cheer yourself up?  What would make today special?  And, if you’re lucky, you’ll find some fresh single face like your own to connect with and start something new.

Don’t forget to wear your loose tie or ribbon (a scarf, in my case, on this chilly day).

SEE MY RELATED POSTS FOR MORE INFO AND ARTWORK.

 

UntiedDay-logo-2017_RBnW-color-splash-ad-2018_ap-CSPP-900sq-16J

16
Jan
18

Untied Day Art, Posters, Etc.

By writingbolt Leave a Comment
Categories: Concerns and Alerts, Creations, Looking for Love and Happiness and Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

*****

Here will be my initial gallery space for Untied Day materials, including explanation and simple flyers/ads you can distribute as you please to spread the idea.  If more come into creation, I’ll add them when I can.  The 900 pt square ones, I think, make nice (car) window decals and/or napkins.

Let me know which you favor and what could be improved.  If you have any to submit yourself, you can post on your own space with a link to this space (and leave a comment below to connect readers here to that space).  Or, you can send them to my mailbox (or discuss sending them, beforehand).

If you’re a lil foggy on what this is all about, be sure to seek out my previous post on the new holiday (conception).  There you’ll find screen-printing and coloring page versions of the logo and all the details I painstakingly composed in an effort to make single, widowed and divorced folks just as happy as anyone who celebrates romantic holidays like Valentine’s and Dragobete.  Untied Day is one day that takes place between those two, on a day noted by a 2 and a 1.  Run with that concept as far as you feel able.  [Yes, I put some “riddle-me” thought into this.]

16
Jan
18

Untied Day: A NEW Holiday for Singles to Represent and Get to Know Each Other

By writingbolt Leave a Comment
Categories: Concerns and Alerts, Creations, Looking for Love and Happiness and Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

*****

On February 21st, if you are single, widowed or recently divorced, feel free to celebrate…

UNTIED DAY
(c) (R) AP 2017

How many of you are single and sick of Valentine’s Day and its cousins, including Dragobete? How many of you are tired of worrying about what gift to get someone you like/love, what greeting card will make that someone happy or forgetting one more holiday date just to end up in the doghouse with your significant other? And, how many of you are walking around, looking for love but not keen on online dating sites or singles “bars?”

Wouldn’t you like to go out and know who is single, looking for love or interested in something else, just like you? Wouldn’t you like a sign that tells you more about the person you meet out there? Well, have I got the holiday cure for you.

On Untied Day, anyone who is without a paired heart on Valentine’s Day or a lock on Dragobete can be themselves and let others know a little (or a lot) about who they are. There is no need for worrying about getting a gift, how much you spend, forgetting something that happened one or fifty years ago or being late for a date.

————–

WHAT TO WEAR:

A) A loose tie or ribbon, draped loosely over the shoulders/around the neck. [IE An untied business tie for a man or a hair ribbon for a woman.] If you are capable of wearing more than one ribbon at a time (to display a variety of interests/opinions), more power to you.

AND/OR

B) An Untied Day shirt/patch** with the appropriate color(s).

AND/OR

C) Represent your personality/tastes/interests with accessories and/or color/pattern choices (or wear what you happen to have and take your chances on explaining to curious individuals why you dressed that way). You could even substitute an Untied Day shirt/patch** with one that features an image or message that represents you, something you may already have stashed away somewhere.

**Currently, there are none in print/production. So, for now, you can simply print/reproduce the logo (a ribbon fused with a dress tie in the shape of the letters UNT) at your own expense, provided you give credit to yours truly. [I did come up with the design and the holiday name, after all.] For now, the idea of the holiday may be nothing more than something “trending” if it will be. But, I aspire to fashion tees, hoodies, tanks, sleeveless turtlenecks and camisoles as well as a variety of patches/badges.

————–

Suggested accessory #1: If you want to go one step further, get yourself a good and sticky nametag (or, if you prefer, a pin-on, clip-on or magnetic type), one that either has the words or upon which you can write this message:

HI. I AM ____.

And, in that blank, I want you to put either your first name or a word that best describes you. [IE HI. I AM Fred. HI. I AM silly. HI. I AM frank. HI. I AM shy.] Just don’t put a word like “dependable” or “trustworthy” because you’d have to work harder than most to prove it.

Put the nametag on one side of your (Untied Day) shirt. If nothing else, it helps clarify your “untie” of choice.

————–

The following are suggestive color/pattern choices which you may apply to your choice of Untied accessories. The point is to represent yourself so you don’t have to explain everything to interested/potential mates. If you don’t agree with these explanations, feel free to explain yourself when approached/asked.

COLORS:

BLACK = Strictly business, not looking for romance/a relationship. You are single and okay with it. And, if you are looking for a partner, it’s only for business/work. You’re hiring.

WHITE = Virgin. [You gotta be quite brave to represent this, these days.]

BABY BLUE = You have a son or sons. [For greater accuracy, wear one logo for each child.]

PINK = You have a daughter or daughters. [For greater accuracy, wear one logo for each child.]

GREEN = Newly single; you just got out of a relationship or are new to dating. [Be sure to represent any other factor of that status, including past sexual relationships and children.]

BLUE (any pure blue other than baby blue) = A very emotional person; sensitive. Possibly coping with depression. A sign of caution to potential partners; you need to be handled with care. You might also be gentle with others.

RED = Aggressive; an avid hunter. You have limited patience and are not afraid to admit it. Stop. Don’t bother asking ME a question; I’ll come to you.

YELLOW = Cautious or too shy to say hi or ask someone out, at the moment. You need someone to approach you, first. [At least we know you’re not hostile or superficial. Right?]

ORANGE = The hands-on/tactile type who don’t mind getting their hands dirty. In terms of dating/relationships, you are someone who prefers holding hands, hugging and physically laboring to show you care. [Compare with PURPLE.]

PURPLE = The intellectual/intuitive type who like mental challenges and never stop being students of life. In terms of dating/relationships, you are someone who prefers heart-to-heart talks and thoughtful gifts that may not even be tangible (like planning a trip somewhere your partner longs to visit or frequents). [Compare with ORANGE.]

GRAY = Mysterious; you consider yourself a mystery, enjoy being one and/or like to explore mysteries where you find them. You like interrogation, both giving and receiving.

BROWN = Chocolate-lover. Quite simply, you are in need of the brown (or white) stuff and are letting others know what would put a smile on your face on a day like today when you don’t have someone to love (in place of chocolate). You don’t want to dwell on feelings, who’s happy together or who’s starved for love. You’re not seriously looking for companionship. Just give you some chocolate.

——————-

COLOR COMBOS:

BLACK AND WHITE = Religious and/or marriage-minded. Religion is important to you.

RED, WHITE AND BLUE = Politically driven, patriotic or an activist. You support your nation’s government with pride.

RED AND BLACK CHECKERED = Lover of (board) games and puzzles.

HALF RED/HALF WHITE = You are in a medical field (of work), a surgeon, pharmacist, dentist, nurse, etc.

——————-

PATTERNS (OF YOUR RIBBON/TIE AND/OR ACCESSORIES):

POLKA DOTS = Bubbly, lighthearted or having a good sense of humor. You occasionally clown around and can take a joke (about yourself). Humor is important to you.

STRIPES =
ONE STRIPE = You’ve had one previous sexual relationship (no longer a virgin).
TWO STRIPES OR MORE = You’ve had more than one sexual relationship.

HEARTS =
ONE HEART = Monogamous; you are seeking one partner for a lifetime.
TWO HEARTS OR MORE = Polygamous or open to unconventional relationships.

ANIMAL PRINT = Nature-lover and/or animal-lover. Pick a print that best fits your interest/personality, like a spirit animal. If you think of yourself as a tigress, wear a tiger stripe ribbon/tie. If you are chatty like a parrot, wear a tie/ribbon with a parrot face/profile. If you favor dogs over cats, wear a tie/ribbon that has (a) dog(s) on it.

STARS =
ONE STAR = Divorced/Separated.
TWO TO FIVE STARS = Divorced (#/multiple) times.
MANY (SMALL) STARS = An interest in astrology/astronomy and/or space exploration.

DOLLAR SIGNS =
ONE DOLLAR SIGN = Money-minded; you give great importance to a person’s income and how they spend/save it.
MULTIPLE DOLLAR SIGNS = You are rich and proud of it.

MASK(S) (THEATER, CARNIVAL OR HARLEQUIN) = An interest in role-play (not necessarily role-playing games, aka RPGs). You favor costume(s) (parties) and pretending to be other characters/creatures.

——————-

WHAT TO DO/NOT DO ON UNTIED DAY:

DO:
1– Treat yourself to something you normally push aside because it’s not “frugal,” too flashy to wear most days, not the best use of your time or not the best for your “diet.” [But, see DO NOT #1.]

2– Represent yourself, your interests and/or personality (quirks) with what you wear.

3– Approach someone else dressed for this special day if you like or care to know more about what you see, knowing they are single/unattached like yourself. And, chat with that person, starting with some question or comment related to their chosen attire/accessories. It’s the best and fastest cure to being single/alone on a day like this.

4– Respect the interests of others dressed for this special day if they choose NOT to speak and/or be nice to you. Not everyone on such a singles day needs or wants to kindle a new relationship (with you). Mind your distance, be open to rejection and respect the color code (if the person uses the one I’ve provided). And, if you are approached but not interested in who approaches, respectfully let the person know.

5– Meet new singles in public, drug-free places. [IE A mall, a restaurant, a department store, your workplace or a dog park.]

 

DO NOT:
1– Spend more money today than absolutely necessary to please yourself or buy any material things (IE new clothes or jewelry). You should not be taking any financial risks on a day of love (other than missing a day of work, perhaps). You might know the old expression about money not being able to buy you happiness (or love). I personally do not like buying anything on my birthday; that’s a day for other people to treat ME (respectfully and/or kindly). Likewise…

2– Pretend to be someone or something you are not. Faking is dangerous and often cruel.

3– Assume what someone is wearing for this special day means what you think it does. [See DOs #3 and #4.]

4– Criticize or try to discourage anyone from dressing festively for this special day. You can spare one day from spreading your negativity. Can’t you? Ease up on the uniform policy; think of this as a casual (Fri)day.

5– Look for new partners at a bar or anywhere you might be less conscious of your actions (should you partake in drug use). DO NOT get drunk to loosen up or forget something/someone. You know you are not content with yourself if you do so; you only ignore your nerves/conscience that way. [Then again, this IS a singles day. So, if you fool around, you’ll likely get another chance to dress up next year. But, you might like yourself less.]

——————-

There you have it. Now, get out there (or lounge where you may) and represent your single selves. Remember, this is a day to either be content with your single status–not pursue any new relations–or let others know who you are if they are seeking a partner. Be creative. Be happy. Be free. Be un-tied.

UntiedDay-explanationposter-2018-ap-900sq-1JUntiedDay-logo-2017_RBnW-color-splash-ad-2018_ap-CSPP-900sq-16J

 

[If you would like to be a part of an Untied Day creative committee, feel free to drop a letter in my mailbox. If approved, you can offer suggestions for improving the guidelines and partake in the production of Untied Day merchandise/apparel.]

 

*****A partner post to this one will be appearing, soon, including an assortment of first-draft Untied Day greeting cards and explanation ads/posters you may freely distribute to spread the word/idea (but don’t forget it is a Writingbolt/AP invention).*****

But, here are a few visuals to help “decode” my logo and provide some means of reproducing prints/coloring pages (so you can fashion your own T-shirts and such).

 

 

 

27
Aug
13

What I Look For in a Woman

By writingbolt Leave a Comment
Categories: Looking for Love and Happiness
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

YOU:

I don’t have a specific type. I have loved all shapes, colors and sizes. However, I do have some general preferences (which may lean toward specifics that are essentially “ideals” to shoot for and not expectations).

AGE:

As long as you’re not a minor or more than…I’d say 14 years my junior or 24 years my senior, you should be okay. [Astrology is important in some cases. Not so much if you are closer in age. Mental/Emotional/Social compatibility is also key.] Personally, I’d prefer it if you were between 8 years younger and 12 years older. One of my fears is dying too soon and leaving my chosen lover to find another man. I don’t like the idea of being a number.

RELIGION/POLITICS:

As long as you’re not an atheist (unless you consider Buddhism atheism)…practicing Wicca/Scientology…or unable to put religious rules aside of love, you should be okay. I don’t otherwise care if you’re Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, etc. Just don’t try to threaten or convert me (or anyone else) by force. As for politics, if you are strict in your political views (most often because a family raises a child this way) and prefer to wave flags than be open to examining both sides, we’re bound to clash.

LOOKS:

Generally, I prefer TALL brunettes with NATURAL dark brown HAIR. [Natural hair is the key word. No dye jobs or hair pieces unless you’re clean shaven for good reason. But, I am not opposed to red, “raven-haired” or lighter blonde women. I just don’t care much for “dirty” or dark blondes.] As for height, anyone 5 ft. 5 in. (165 cm) or taller is okay. But, ideally, I’d like someone in the 5 ft. 8 to 6 ft. range (172 cm plus).
I look at the FACE and upper body mostly. [I don’t stress too much about your lower half or overall shape as long as you are in GOOD HEALTH and able to keep up with me physically. I’ve met some chubby women who can run faster than me. So, that tells you something:P But, do keep up. I walk fast.] I look warm and/or striking EYES with (typically) average EYEBROWS (not to thick or wire thin). I look for a “cute” (slender) NOSE with curled tip, ideally. I like fuller (rather than thinner/broader) LIPS to compliment my own, something I can really kiss with passion and that doesn’t look bad with lipstick (though I prefer you don’t wear it).
This verges into interests, but I like/want a woman who isn’t afraid to wear COSTUMES. She should be comfortable wearing silly and sophisticated HATS and dressing up in character now and then (not every month if that’s what worries you). [I am big on having fun on Halloween…not scaring people or making them sick. No evil/gross monsters.] If you find this childish or improper, look elsewhere for your man.

PERSONALITY:

[This is difficult, going into specifics. In general, consider the details for myself and be sure yours are compatible/manageable. Ideally, you are rather reserved/polite in public while keeping your “wild side” secret until you and I are alone at home (or out somewhere together).]

“The Rules of Mood/Anger Management”:

1) If you are angry, either “go to your corner” (preferably after explaining your exit) or insist we work it out properly…preferably playfully with padded boxing gloves, pillows or other wrestling tools to blow off steam without an excess of physical/emotional injury. 2) Though it is preferred we do not go to bed angry/upset, if you need to or must, let us sleep in separate rooms for the night. There’s no need to share an angry bed and struggle with sleep. 3) Neither partner may refuse to hear the other partner’s side though each may lose self-control in a rant. Both sides must be given adequate time to speak/express. And, any denial of something addressed by the other is open for discussion. Both sides must be or be made aware of their own refusal to see something and/or resort to self-analysis/meditation to come to grips with this. 4) Hitting–though not preferred–is permitted provided no injury is inflicted except in extreme cases (typically self-defense against an abusive spouse…which should not be a case for us). Weapons of any kind (other than words, hands and/or feet) are inappropriate. 5) As my partner, you are free to have your temper/moods. But, you will not be found crying in private when I am available to shoulder your tears or discuss your feelings. Nor will you force me to discuss/express feelings when I am busy with something else at the time. We will agree upon/schedule a meeting of moods if necessary.

Social:

[Preferably…] You do not have a circle of male friends (especially not exes you can’t seem to release). [Nor do I hang out with women I’ve been with intimately without your approval or, preferably, presence.] You don’t have to have many (or any) female friends. But, you and I will be accepting of acquaintances both male and female without sexual tension/history. If either of us has sexual history with someone we visit, it should be discussed upfront early in the relationship. [Personally, I am not comfortable with a woman hanging out with a guy she slept with previously. That puts excessive pressure on my trust.]

Romance/Intimacy/Dating/Relationships:

[See the details I have listed under ME.]

1) You do not encourage/insist upon/engage in oral and/or public sex. 2) You do not set rules for scheduling sex during dates. [IE No sex before the third date. Sex on the fourth date is mandatory.] 3) You do not respect my concerns for casual sex while dating other guys and sleeping with them as you please. [Wouldn’t that seem just a tad cruel/unfair?] 4) You do not compare me to an ex/other date in terms of sexual performance or any other “skill”. [IE My last boyfriend ___ed more with me. You’re not as good at __ing as my ex.] 5) You do not have an ex that shares my name. I do not want to be a bad repeat or second try. 6) Likewise, if you’ve dated other guys with an astrological sign that matches one of mine, try not to bring it up in discussion unless I specifically want to discuss history. 7) You do not keep ex lovers as close friends unless they are other women (you “experimented” with). There will never be a time when you are alone with another man who has had such contact with you. The risk is too high. It goes beyond the natural bounds of trust and veers into “an open relationship”. 8) You do not initiate sex through temptation without ensuring safety precautions have been put in play. If we are having “careless” sex, we had best be prepared for the possible outcomes. [If ya know what I mean.] 9) You do not expect a regular schedule of sex/intimacy. I am not a machine. [Yeah; yeah; I know.] If one of our “systems” runs at a higher speed than the other, we work out other means of dealing with this or do not engage in a sexual relationship, at all.

In regards to money/spending/saving…and this could get touchy/ugly…I will simply say that I prefer a woman who is not materialistic or as likely to collect as me. I have a big enough problem limiting myself when I get carried away. I need to reduce my inventory and keep things simple to make moving/relocating/travel easier. I don’t want or need someone with “a hundred ceramic hippos” competing for storage space or requiring a moving crew. However, if you are have a closet of costumes or are avid reader/bookworm and have a few shelves of books, that’s fine. I might even like to share. One other rule I have about money/spending…DO NOT ever find yourself shopping and telling yourself/someone else, “I better get home quick and sneak this in the house before my man gets home.” If you are sneaking purchases into our space to avoid confrontation, you will be sorely mistaken and feel/hear my wrath. Deception is a no-no.

ASTROLOGY:

[If you don’t know or care to know about it, it might be good/nice to look into it a little.] I have little tolerance for/luck with the following sun/birth signs: Leo, Scorpio, Capricorn, Pisces, Virgo and Gemini. I have good odds with: Sagittarius, Aries, Taurus, Libra and “Krabulus”(the crab). More importantly, look for your moon, rising, Venus and Mars signs. Ideally, you have one of the following in Venus: Aries, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius or Aquarius.
You have one of the following in Mars: Capricorn, “Krabulus”(the crab), Leo or Scorpio.
You are one of the following Chinese astrology years/animals: Dog, Snake, Sheep, Pig, Rabbit, Tiger or Ox.
[Here are some preferred/ideal pairings of the above: Aquarius Ox 1973, Taurus/Gemini Tiger 1974, Taurus/Pisces/Aries Pig 1971, Aquarius Rabbit (Jan. 22-29, 1975), Scorpio/Sagittarius Rabbit (Nov. 10-25, 1975), Sagittarius/Capricorn Snake (Dec. 4-27, 1977), Virgo Snake (Sept. 1-20, 1977), Libra/Scorpio Snake (Oct. 17-Nov. 9, 1977), Scorpio/Sagittarius Sheep (Nov. 4-28, 1979), Virgo/Libra Sheep (Sept. 17-Oct. 10, 1979), Leo Sheep (Aug. 9-20, 1979), Pisces/Aries Sheep (Mar. 4-28, 1979), Libra/Scorpio/Sagittarius Dog (Oct. 2-Dec. 9, 1982), Leo/Virgo Dog (Aug. 14-Sept. 10, 1982), Taurus/Gemini Dog (May 5-30, 1982), Scorpio/Sagittarius Pig (Nov. 9-Dec. 6, 1982), “Krabulus” Pig (June 29-July 9, 1983) and/or Aries Pig (Apr. 6-12, 1983).]

FAMILY:

I do not care if you have good or bad connections to your family. I do not know what the impact of bad relationships with your parents will have on our relationship. But, it would be nice to have a receptive, accepting and welcoming family on one end. I am not usually comfortable with “broken families” with one or more divorces/step-parents in the mix. Otherwise, it’s you and me, m’lady. To infinity and beyond.

If you’ve already been married more than once, I’m probably not going to be a good match. [Once is more than enough of that mistake. And, if you insist upon a “prenup” when you marry, forget it.] If you have kid/s (single parent), you’d best discuss the particulars with me (including how much contact you have with the father). If there are more than one kid and more than one dad, just look the other way.]

Nor do I feel comfortable with SINGLE MOTHERS. There are just too many around, lately. And, I can’t help but be concerned. I do not feel apt to taking on the father role in place of the child’s true father. Nor do I want any contact between the ex and my lover/wife because it will make me feel more like an accessory than an equal. I think it’s best for single parents to come together. But, there aren’t as many single dads as moms.

If you have any pets, be sure your house/apartment isn’t a small zoo. One or two well-behaved cats/dogs/fish/lizards/etc. is fine. No furniture-mauling monsters unless we’re living in bare rooms on a farm.

HOBBIES/INTERESTS:

[As long as we have sufficient interests in common, we should be alright. The only interests I may not fully/sufficiently share include: CARS, SPORTS (I occasionally watch and may play a few, but I am not an avid fan/fanatic/follower), POLITICS, POETRY, THE COLOR PINK, THE STOCK MARKET, TECHNOLOGICAL GADGETS/IPHONES/ETC., DOCUMENTARIES/NON-FICTION, REALITY TV, NASCAR and/or COUNTRY/RAP MUSIC (to name a few).

BAD HABITS:

Like me, you can burp, fart, pick at yourself all you like. I won’t likely be concerned unless the timing is “inappropriate”. For the list of things I don’t want in a woman, see PEEVES/DISLIKES.

PERKS:

1) If you wear: glasses, clip-on earrings (an old-fashion alternative to pierced ears), knee socks/leg warmers, sweater/pea coats, little to no makeup (low-maintenance) and/or hair in buns/ponytails.

2) If you have what I call “rabbit teeth (or a slight overbite of the two upper front teeth). [Reference: Kate Beckinsale]
3) If you have a richer (deeper than shrill/high without sounding manly) voice with an Irish/Russian/British accent.
4) Likewise, if you’re Irish, Russian, Middle Eastern (Iranian, Saudi Arabian), Greek, Italian, Spanish, African (black/brown), Native American or Asian (Japanese, Thai or Chinese).
5) If your pet is a pug/Samoyed/border collie dog or Russian blue cat.
6) If you can sing and/or dance well.
7) If you work in movies or are a: nurse/doctor, therapist/psychologist, writer, graphic designer, interior decorator or teacher.

PEEVES/DISLIKES (aspects I do not want to see/find in you):

1) I don’t care for women who wear what I consider an excess of jewelry. I am a jewelry minimalist who likes picking out certain pieces for a woman as gifts (and shopping with her for pieces). I don’t mind a ring or two, a sensible/befitting pendant/necklace and single ear piercings. But, above and beyond that, I lose interest. It’s just more fuss and interference with contact. I DO NOT like facial or belly piercings, especially.
2) Tattoos. I’d prefer no tattoos. But, I have a select tolerance for some.
3) As I already mentioned “low-maintenance”, I prefer a woman who doesn’t take an eternity applying makeup or packing a few dozen vanity supplies everywhere she goes. You can keep stock at your home base for special occasions (as long as they don’t clutter the bathroom counter when I need it:P). But, when traveling, keep it simple. If your skin suffers from the use of makeup, hopefully I won’t nag you about that.
4) “Product-obsessed” women who get roped in by makeup, skin and hair product commercials. If you’re prone to buying these things up at whim, I am sure to lose my patience with your spending habits, eventually.
Included in this list are: spray tans, Botox injections, fake boobs, fake hair/hair extensions/weaves, bleaching cremes/creams,
5) Women who consistently color/bleach their hair (particularly Asian women who insist upon turning their lovely dark brown/black hair a pale, reddish/blond-ish color that just isn’t natural or very appealing to me).
6) Cussing like a sailor. I don’t mind the occasional flash of temper (as I do the same). But, frequent, regular, daily use of cuss/curse words (f**k, sh*t, f**ker, b**ch, etc.) is unacceptable.
7) Likewise, I do not tolerate women (and men) who say things like: “It’s hot as H*** out here!” or “I’m hungry like H*** over here! Sh*t! When do we eat?” Certain words do not belong in everyday chit-chat.
8) An excess use of cleaning products. If you’re going to tote air freshener and hand-sanitizer everywhere you go, there’s a good chance I’ll be annoyed by you.
9) Strict diets (unless ordered by a doctor). Women “afraid to eat” bother me. And, if you prefer one-topping pizzas because you won’t eat mushrooms, onions or peppers on yours, you bore me.

 

Use the CONTACT feature to write me if you either favorably fit this description or have any questions/comments regarding this post.

And, be sure to read the other pages/sections of this category/file.

27
Aug
13

Single and Looking Blogging Male; Just Putting It Out There

By writingbolt Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

WHAT?

For those who may come across this and take interest in knowing the writer, this is both a detailed profile (Me) and list of aspects in women I seek (You). It is but the scraping of the surface. I won’t expose anything so personal that would be unwise to shout to the whole restaurant or nightclub. You may dig deeper by contacting me when you desire it.

For those who look to mock or chide me or see me as a “freak”, save your keystrokes and gossip. It will do your karma good.

————-

ME:

AGE:

I’m not a school boy anymore. Nor am I requiring medication to keep me going. Does that about sum it up? 🙂 Think you have it figured out? You might be surprised. Try studying my About Me page. With “eyes and brains” you might figure it out. Want the specifics? So do I. Contact me if interested in the rest, and we can exchange.

RELIGION:

I believe there is a “God” though I cannot be certain of a name. I take religion seriously though I currently do not attend services/mass regularly. I was raised with very strict morals which I have upheld a long time. But, I don’t speak of it casually/regularly or press it upon others often. I honestly wish for whoever I let into my trust to be mutually accepting of our chosen faith paths and not let religion stand in the way of love. [I’ll go into more detail in the YOU section.]

POLITICS:

I don’t give a rat’s behind about politics other than the necessity for government/order that’s fair to all and not invasive. I do not stand by red or blue. I am not patriotic. I question authority and the media. I want the truth from the person’s face in my presence (not on TV).

LOOKS:

I would describe myself (without the typical exaggerations men would “confidently” display to draw you away from their imperfections) as AVERAGE HEIGHT (under 6 ft., not quite as tall as your “bouncer” ex who could fit you in his t-shirt) and SLIM with strong ATHLETIC legs (I like to hike) and arms. I wear GLASSES for distance (near-sighted) which make me look smarter than I probably am. [You decide for yourself how smart I really am.] Most say my EYES AND LIPS are my best features. [You’ll just have to find out for yourself.] I also have long FINGERS which are adept at massages and artistic pursuits. Some call them “piano fingers”. My Polish-Italian (more “Polish” than Italian simply because my branch lacks any of the culture one would desire) family was not blessed with the finest HAIR. Mine is fairly thin and affected by stress as well as a history of conditions I’ve had to endure. If push comes to shove, I may yet shave my head bald. But, I’d like to keep my head covered. I won’t fake it or inject anything into my scalp.

I typically DRESS CASUAL for COMFORT. I don’t care for dressing up unless it’s for a night of romantic dancing or a dinner party/wedding (which is not usually my cup of tea). Dating advice experts and fashion divas be gone. I don’t date like I am applying for a job. I am home in my sweats, t-shirts and jeans. I don’t care to spend hours in front of a mirror or with a dozen products on the bathroom counter. I am a “get up with the sun and go” kind of guy. If you like the FIREMAN type, I’m your guy (sans the typical fireman build). My work wardrobe may vary. But, if you want to be with me at my best, you’ll like/accept me in athletic apparel or jeans (shorts) and a t-shirt with sneakers. I prefer to dress in NEUTRAL colors (brown/gray/black) with splashes of green, purple and red.

VOICE:

[Now here’s something you don’t see every day.] I would say my voice CHANGES with my MOOD. If I am nervous, it rises. If I am calm or occasionally confident/daring, it lowers. I have two laughs. One is shrill and silly like a Batman villain. It comes most easily. The other is brief, deep and occasionally loud. It is rare to hear this one. Who do I sound like? I couldn’t tell you. Do I have an accent? Sure, if you’re not from my area:) But, it’s not exactly a cultural one.

PERSONALITY:

You may see me as a comedian or clown. You may see me as the sensitive/touchy and quiet genius. Neither of you would be completely right. I am COMPLICATED. Deal with it. I can be chatty one moment and silent the next.

Temperament: I occasionally have a sharp tongue. But, I prefer to think I SPEAK SOFTLY, HONESTLY and with considerable DEPTH of thought. I don’t always think first. But, I also don’t avoid thinking completely before, during or after. I get angry often but not for long. My TEMPER erupts and fades quickly. However, if you cross the same line enough times, it develops a scar of distrust. I don’t pick a fight often. I usually have the fight brought to me and am forced to defend myself. But, if I am not pleased with something I see/hear, I have a tendency to snap. Again, this comes and goes quickly. I have no interest in making scenes or engaging in lengthy battles. And, I never resort to dangerous levels of violence. [Which is partly why I don’t drink or do drugs of any kind.] I am not opposed to hitting someone with my hand or foot. But, I am not inclined to use a weapon except in self-defense. [I don’t own any weapons except my hands, feet and mouth/mind.]

Social: I consider myself RECEPTIVE to others even if I start out BASHFUL/APPREHENSIVE/CAUTIOUS. I need more “ice breakers”. I need someone to often initiate or give me something to start a conversation. I do NOT like talking about myself (though it may appear that way to some here as I try to describe myself sufficiently and effectively). Unless you open the door for me (so to speak), you’ll find me the QUIET one in a corner looking on from afar. I’ll be studying you and those around you, looking…waiting for the “right time” to approach. I won’t be drinking to loosen myself up. I’ll be the SOBER one with a soda, tea, juice or water in his sweaty hand and a red face (unless you keep me up after midnight). If there are too many strangers in the room, I’ll be outside.

I’d rather “fist bump” a total stranger than shake hands. I am not a total “germaphobe”, but I do get a bit OC when disturbed/bothered/scared or don’t know someone well enough. I am less concerned with women and germs than I am men.

Romance/Intimacy/Dating/Relationships: I’ll say it once and then again. I don’t care much for dating rules. I don’t set or follow them unless you discuss them with me first. Don’t expect me to know what’s “cool” or “normal” in your world. I particularly do not like rules about sex on a particular date or women who obsess about sex over everything else. Any mention of the former will put me off almost completely. Not because I demand sex. I most certainly do not expect it or force a woman into such a situation. I don’t discuss sex casually (normally). Nor do I engage in it “socially”. It shouldn’t come before romance, understanding and communication. It is the pinnacle of a connection. Not a sport or hobby.

If you’d like to know my preferences (and this is getting personal): 1) I–under no circumstances–approve of public and oral sex. If you are putting your mouth down there, you are not kissing my lips…ever. I do not need to taste anyone’s reproductive matter or pubic hair. Nor do I care to have the neighbors or some total stranger see us together. 2) I am a man of touch. If I accept you into my trust, I accept your touch. And, I expect you to be the same with me touching you. If you don’t like/want it, don’t let me do it to you. Make your preferences known. I love playing with hair…caressing various body parts…cuddling…pressing chests together…kissing without bending my neck*…interlocking fingers…and hugs of all sorts. 3) I am all for protecting oneself. But, I am not entirely confident in condoms or birth control. I do not like women popping pills or injecting themselves with drugs that might have unpleasant or even harmful side effects. I would rather practice alternative/safe sex to share intimate pleasures than risk harm to anyone’s health or an unwanted pregnancy. 4) Costumes/Role play in good taste are/is approved. I’m not fond of most ridiculously slutty/tacky costumes you get in sizes too small from a cheesy costume shop. You can do wonders with everyday clothes and accessories. I don’t expect to write a play before being intimate. I just like the idea of coming home to/to the bedroom with a character. 5) Setting is key. Candles and flower petals. ‘Love them. Asian paper lanterns are nice, too. Likewise, thunderstorms and running water. Nature sounds are often a nice backdrop alternative to heavy/lyrical music. Being close to nature without bugs or other critters invading our privacy. A private spot on a beach or in the woods would be great. 6) I am not opposed to bisexual women. Nor am I opposed to (though I don’t have any personal experience with) threesomes/foursomes (but that’s the limit) with other women (no other men) provided every participant approves of each other. Now, there may be some speculation in how this works. But, I’ll leave that to private discussion. If a woman I consider my intimate partner has an interest in another woman, I am open to discussing sharing intimacies (but not insisting upon any of this). The only reason I approve of this is because of my understanding of “boredom” or “lacking satisfaction” in a monogamous bedroom. I do not want my partner sleeping with other men. But, she is relatively free to “experiment” with other women without my concern. 7) I don’t like the idea of “friends with benefits” when it’s a woman and a man who are both seeking a serious relationship with partners of the opposite sex. If a “friend” of the woman I am with is a woman, that’s fine. But, no male FWBs. [And, for anyone concerned, I would not expect to be permitted a female FWB that wasn’t included in a more open/triangular relationship.] I have no desire for or interest in secretive affairs. Every interaction should be made known and agreed upon “at the table”.

I try to be FAIR as an EQUAL/PARTNER. If there is something I or you don’t know how to do (better), I want the knowledgeable person to help/teach the less educated. I am not a handyman. I am not an expert on sports, politics, finances or fashion. I don’t cook all that well, yet. I dread paperwork. I don’t mind washing dishes or doing laundry. I will vacuum and dust if it gets out of hand. I want us to work together and communicate openly/honestly.

I like to please a woman. Her pleasure is often my pleasure. I don’t put myself above her (unless I am confident my abilities or efforts outweigh hers). But, if she starts to assert herself like an Amazon warrior/feminist, I will put her in her place. She is my muse if not a “goddess”. I don’t spoil or pamper her often. I am not her personal bodyguard at all times. I can’t stop every bullet. But, I do like to honor and treat her well when she pleases me. I never want her to be unhappy for long. Her mood affects my mood. I grant her private space/time as I require for myself. I want to draw/paint/sculpt her (and hopefully she will reciprocate with her own creative talents). I like to shoulder her tears and make her smile. I like to learn her preferences and try to adapt.

[All of the above–regarding intimacy/romance–I want to see in return. I do not like giving without sufficient receiving. Especially in regards to kissing. A woman who can initiate a kiss with proper timing is a winner. If it feels like I am making all of the effort and/or always initiating, I will begin to isolate myself more.]

Still, I may sometimes sound demanding or mean when I see or hear something I don’t like. I may struggle with compromise. I am a perfectionist by my upbringing.

I can seem a bit tight with my money. I have never felt I had enough to spend carelessly. And, I’ve made more than enough foolish purchases in my lifetime. I am not the type who tips big and spends lavishly on his “date”. If you’re looking for a free trip/meal, look elsewhere. I am not saying I won’t treat when the mood strikes. But, I am not some old-fashion macho man who has to pay for everything and who insists the woman be an obedient homemaker/parent.

Nature: I am a natural THERAPIST/psychologist. I like to ANALYZE and speculate. I might surprise you with some of the things I say out of the blue. I may be a bit PSYCHIC subconsciously. I am a fair DETECTIVE. You might also be surprised how you find yourself telling me more than I care to hear while I remain relatively mum. It comes with the territory (astrology). Thus, if I like you, I’ll gladly shoulder your tears and try to make you feel better. I’ll help you find options for your problems. I’ll point out your faults and your assets. But, I won’t sit still for stories about exes or bad flings for long. I have little experience to share. And, often, such stories just have a negative effect upon me. [I also don’t ever want to hear I have the same name, astrological sign or look of an ex.]

I like pets. I have my preferences. But, I don’t think they are necessary. Like flowers, I prefer to appreciate them in nature than in cages or on leashes. If I could have one grand pet, I’d like a Bengal tiger or giant snake.

I am generally CAUTIOUS and CALCULATING. I tend to get overwhelmed (and preoccupied) easily. I’m not the best at making decisions on the fly. I don’t take many risks. I don’t usually dance in public. I am not much of a party host/guest but could probably put together a layout/decor for one well. But, I have my ADVENTUROUS moments. Having a general confidence in the safety and success of something is key.

I am an EMOTIONAL guy who tries to hide it well. But, honesty compels me to cry and expose my feelings. I am “thin-skinned”. I am not the tough guy who snaps at people expressing their feelings and eats rocks for breakfast. Sometimes my emotions override my PRACTICAL side. Sometimes I flee a scene to avoid an emotional eruption. But, I cannot cry in private/alone well. I prefer to have a shoulder.

All of the above personality traits may likely be adapted/altered with time, patience and sufficient love and support. Like any plant, I (and you) need proper care and the right environment to grow.

FAMILY:

I come from a relatively small branch of the family which has isolated itself sadly from the rest of the clan. Some make relationship choices based upon family behavior. Well, I can tell you I do NOT get along well with my parents and siblings. Think of that what you will. But, after growing up with my family always correcting and picking at me over every little thing, violating my privacy whenever I am not at home and generally expecting me to be their superstar, I have lost my deepest love for them. Now, it’s more of a tolerance that keeps us relatively civil. I was what you might call “sheltered” and on a short leash when it came to friends/romantic interests. My family never had “the talk” and never seems open to discuss such things. Thus, much is left bottled inside until I find someone I trust with my depths.

I once aspired to have as many as two kids of my own. I no longer require/desire this as strongly. If I am so fortunate yet as to find myself ready for such a task/responsibility, I will discuss it with my partner. Otherwise, I am perfectly content to have her as my only family and travel the world together (without worrying about the safety and happiness of children in tow). I would never be able to handle more than two kids, though.

HOBBIES/INTERESTS:

ART [I draw and dabble in all sorts of crafts, but I appreciate most forms/styles. I am a proficient/accurate creative WRITER/editor. But, I stick to fantasy fiction (with pinches of romance/erotica and comedy/humor) and have lost interest in poetry. My “artistic eye” is far better than my own talents. I like to build/assemble things.]
MUSIC [I would like to at least learn guitar, yet. I miss singing (and have my reasons for not). I have a diverse/select interest in: rock, classical/instrumental, cultural, alternative…generally anything but country, gospel/Christian and rap/hip hop.]
MOVIES [Some day I’d still like to make a few movies (with a proper crew/team). But, in terms of viewing, I generally like sci-fi, action, fantasy, romance/romantic comedy, comedy and animated films of various kinds. Probably the only types I have next to no tolerance for are horror and “teenie bopper”/musician films.]
FASHION [I like to think I have an “eye” for this, as well as art in general. I just can’t find many articles of clothing I care to wear with confidence or pleasure. Women have it sooo much easier. And, I tend to enjoy shopping for clothes with women…within a reasonable frame of time and respect for my opinions:) I just might surprise you with piecing an outfit for you together.]
INTERIOR DECORATING [Give me a theme you desire, and I can probably whip something up in a jiffy. This does not mean I keep my own creative spaces looking like any theme you may prefer:) A cluttered mind, as they say…]
MYTHOLOGY [Particularly Greek and Asian.]
ASTROLOGY [It’s not my religion. It’s not evil. It’s not something I discuss every day. But, I do have a keen interest in it. I view it as a way of understanding people. Not a means of predicting the future. For starters, I was born a Sagittarius (technically the recently re-discovered 13th sign, the snake-bearing healer).]
TRAVEL [I have plenty of interest and little of resources/company to go all the places I envision. Unlike those who thoroughly enjoy solo travel, I prefer to have pleasant company.]
HIKING/NATURE [It’s food for my soul to walk among the trees (outside of allergy season).]
DINOSAURS/ANCIENT RUINS/ALIENS [Ever since I started drawing dinosaurs at age 5. I’m kinda like Indiana Jones except I fear bugs more than snakes and couldn’t use a whip properly if I tried. I liked the Star Wars movies for their array of alien characters. The stories were not nearly as interesting.]
SUPERHEROES/COMICS/CARTOONS [I never really played with my toys as a kid. I treasured them. I don’t have a vast collection of comic books, but I like to read some and appreciate the work of a good comic artist immensely.]
VIDEO GAMES [From Atari to modern arcades.]
OTHER GAMES/PUZZLES [Chess, crosswords, jigsaw puzzles, mystery games, Pictionary, musical chairs, charades, scavenger hunts, etc.]
COSTUMES/COSTUME PARTIES [Superheroes, ancient Greece, the Renaissance, feudal Japan, space aliens/astronauts and/or forest creatures are preferred themes.]
BEACH COMBING/ACTIVITIES [Collecting seashells/rocks, playing in the sand, etc. Similarly, I like scavenge hunting in the woods for leaves, feathers, etc.]
MAKING PRESENTS/GIFTS [Get me into an art/craft supply store and watch me go nuts. Seriously. Hold me back. I often make my own greeting/birthday cards.]

TASTE/FOOD:

I am relatively open to various cultures/types of food. I’ll try just about anything. But, I will not likely eat any bugs, intestines, testicles, tongues, brains…basically anything I generally view as gross or questionable. I’ve tried frog legs. I did not like them. I do, however, enjoy most seafood, including: crab legs, lobster, shrimp, clams/oysters properly cooked and calamari. My favorite foods are pepperoni pizza with “the works”, spaghetti with tomato sauce and meatballs, mangoes and chocolate pudding. [I have an interest in chocolate pudding that verges on a fetish.] I presently have no food allergies. I have contemplated becoming a vegetarian. But, since I don’t often or sufficiently cook for myself, it’s hard getting by on simple raw veggie/fruit dishes. With a good cook as a partner, I may yet adapt. Until then, I like my hamburger, lunch meats and pepperoni. I can live without meats on the bone.

BAD HABITS: [Here’s another one you won’t likely see on your typical dating profile and be shocked to learn later. But, let’s be honest.]

I don’t drink (beyond the occasional single martini or glass of wine), smoke or use any drugs to adjust my mood/body. But, I do pick my cuticles when I’m uneasy. I pick my nose and the wax from my ears (though I prefer to do this privately). I sometimes pick at myself in the mirror (which is partly why I don’t care to spend too much time in front of one). I can become a bit obsessive about some things (like conquering video games or washing clothes/dishes/hands). I can get/be a bit lax with hygiene (in part because I am more of a “low-maintenance” guy). I have my reasons.

Want to know more? Do you care more about my job/work, car/transportation and/or one’s house/apartment? What topic/aspect have I missed? Ask. Contact me.

27
Aug
13

Why Am I Posting/Looking Here?

By writingbolt Leave a Comment
Categories: Looking for Love and Happiness
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

First and foremost, I consider myself an unusual, perpetually single heterosexual guy. At least, I haven’t found another guy like me with which I care to associate myself. This is not as much a rebellious choice as it is simply an observation. Please understand this comes with occasional humor, sarcasm, cynicism and/or pessimism. You might see this as negative/unattractive. I see this as honest. If you prefer exaggeration and lies, continue saying yes to the bad boys, drug addicts and smooth talkers.

I hate pick-up lines and common/modern dating practices. I don’t go with the flow. I technically have zero friends, no inner or casual circle with which I “hang out” or speak regularly. I am terrible at mingling in a crowded place. I am lost in the woods, looking for a direction right for me.

Second, I know this isn’t an internet dating site. I don’t feel anymore comfortable at a site designated for comparing dates than I do entering a bar of guys ogling a few women. I am generally intimidated by women (for a few reasons) and male competition. And, sometimes I scare people without understanding why.

I don’t want to be afraid or discouraged by a misguided attempt/approach without a “wingman”. Men come in beer-guzzling wolf packs and cross-town rivalries, pushing each other around to get their prize to the bedroom. Women come armed with female friends or massively selective egos. Women can turn to their “sisters” for emotional support or to cut a guy off at his genitals before he knows what’s happening.

Online, I see how women receive dozens of “letters” from men seeking their attention, and the women can simply brush them off or filter through them like junk mail. Do the men have this liberty? Do women line up at a man’s door and let him pick them off one by one? I highly doubt it. I’ve dabbled. I was disappointed with the results. I am not comfortable with this. Everyone is supposed to be good for someone. Or, is there actually a subspecies–unfit to be coupled–destined to rot like bad apples alone?

Some even have family on their side. I don’t have these luxuries. I can’t recall the last time I could talk freely with anyone and feel completely at ease with myself.

Here is about as unusual as any to assert my “single and looking” status; no? I can assert myself here as well as any other website; right? It’s not like anyone puts that much personal info out for the public eye to see on their profiles. It’s all stored in some dating database and used to track/direct prospects to the right person/s with mixed results. So, why not mix it up somewhere different? I could put this on my About Me page. But, I will give this post a try, first. Consider this a free opportunity to meet someone instead of paying $30 a month.

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