Posts Tagged ‘video games

05
Jun
25

Domo Atari-gato! My Latest Art Obsession

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You’re in luck.  I’m still looking for a better gallery space.  But, until then, you get a sneak peek…and, boy, is it sneaky, considering how few real people pass through this MySpace…of my latest artistic obsession.  And, when I get obsessed, things explode into gigabytes of gallery space.  But, you just get a little…a tiny taste of it all.  Appreciate.

I’ve got to say…I’m impressed with myself.  What may LOOK like a photograph of an Atari 2600 joystick inserted into these pictures is actually an assembly of rather simple cutouts.  It just looks that close to the actual thing!  [I may yet improve the image by softening shades and highlights.]  But, gosh, it looks real enough to touch.

The images with a particular woman in a reclining pose…came from a photo I stumbled upon some time ago during a search for something clearly unrelated.  I almost thought it was a VIR…  But, luckily, it wasn’t, and it became a key part of this project.  “She” was one muse.  The joystick was the other.

Oh, and, in case you actually wonder, these are only the LOW-REZ versions of the larger posters I plan to eventually display (and sell) as prints.  So, no, they are not the best quality.  But, they may suffice as wallpaper.

05
Jun
25

Going Bankrupt Isn’t All Bad!

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Going bankrupt isn’t bad!…at least, not all of the time. Sometimes, it’s good people who are up to no good run out of funds and have to face some kind of punishment. Even if you’re a rich man who makes a business out of one type of car before getting arrested for drug smuggling, a slap on the wrist is better than no punishment, at all.

But, look at the guy who started Atari (Nolan Bushnell) and then went on to start…Chuck E. Cheese restaurants?

Atari went bust supposedly by licensing its technology to an open marketplace which allowed all sorts of game makers to craft cartridges you could play on systems like your Atari 2600, the home-entertainment gem of my youth. The design of an Atari 2600 game cartridge is as iconic and pleasing as the old audio cassette tape made famous in the 1980s. It’s appearance has pleasure. You can enjoy an Atari game without even playing it! Compare that with all of the games that came after the NES…or maybe the SNES, the last shred of creative cartridge design. With the exception of maybe rare gems like the original Legend of Zelda, which came as a golden cartridge and with an AMAZING game manual, a foreign concept to today’s generation, there were few 1990s games that had that 1980s appeal.

In a way, Atari made gaming feel like a boombox and a mixed tape you make for your best friend or lover. The 1980s introduced a way for people to craft a symphony from their own home and put it in a valentine. Atari gave dreamers of coding a chance to create games they could play on systems other people invented.

Strangely, it is said Nintendo and Sega learned from this mistake by making very exclusive game systems that, for the past few decades, have made players chase down alternate versions, alternate disks, game cards, etc., to play the same game on different systems. Well, as far as I recall, Atari has the same gimmick. They had a few different systems which accepted games only for those systems; though the games came in packaging that was easily confused for another system’s games (to the blind eye of a shopper buying a game for some friend of your child).

“What do you mean it doesn’t work on his game system? I got the right game. There’s a 3600 and a 2600?”

Shopping constantly for games that work on newly released systems is a futile and frustrating endeavor. It’s taxing in so many ways. And, the games, like I just said, don’t have the same tactile appeal. Oh, sure, you’ve improved graphics so the home game is closer to the arcade than it was when arcades were still a great place to spend an afternoon or evening! [Congrats. It only took you 30 years to kill the arcades the way video killed the radio stars.]

But, go back to that Atari story. The guy who starts the Atari boom and creates a memorable game design system open to countless game designers (including some questionable adult games that are like the Lost Ark Indiana Jones seeks in his movie debut) goes bust and starts an equally memorable restaurant franchise. Talk about a life path paved in gold; maybe not the most lucrative financial plan but a very iconic and memorable one.

Imagine designing your own game for a system like the Nintendo Switch instead of shopping online for a “digital copy” of something you’ll never hold, never have a physical manual to read and draw from when you want to turn a Moblin or Octorok into a poster (and you don’t have a means of grabbing an image from the internet which will need to be printed on decent paper if you don’t want to burn up your electronic device). Now, a Nintendo Switch game, even in its physical form, is like a Tic Tac compared to a waffle. I can find tactile pleasure in a waffle. A Tic Tac is a novel little flavored peg…but it has little tactile and memorable pleasure. I’d say it’s as pleasing as so many kinds of gum that lose their flavor too soon. But, imagine being given the liberty to make a game and play it on the Switch. It may slowly deplete the profits of the system’s makers…but it vastly improves the popularity and joy of the system, itself. Don’t you agree?

So, my point is not making a huge profit and even going bust isn’t all bad. It can come with a very pleasing, enduring side effect.

I’d like to extend my gratitude in this virtual space and hope it reaches those who care and matter. You, makers of the Atari age of home and arcade gaming, the vital force of my youth, are in your own special way responsible for my existence. I am, in part, as creative as I am because of your primitive yet aesthetically pleasing efforts. You are a timeless inspiration to creating something that is potentially insubstantial, lacking in profits, in an ever-changing marketplace; yet that same creation retains inexplicable value to the eyes, touch and soul. I may never look at another game the same after being a part of your creation. Thank you. And, I hope your bankruptcy still bears good fruit for you, as well. [I’m sure it does.]

I’m sorry my family and few friends didn’t have more money to afford me more games before you (Atari) were gone…well, no longer the 2600 company I came to admire. I’m sorry I had to sell my own $200 investment in your genius for a mere $50 at a rummage sale, sold to a kid whose mom was buying him a waterbed the same day. My collection was in mint condition, unlike so many I found at other rummage sales, which usually had filthy games with damaged labels and no boxes or manuals. I took care of my Atari 2600 because the first one my family got me blew up the first night we played it. And, that $50 barely afforded me one NES game; it was one of the hardest losses and lessons of my life. I wouldn’t have survived the few sleepovers I had as a kid without you (and the NES for one of those sleepovers).

The generations and game companies that followed the 1980s…just don’t understand. They’re all about the business and disposable merchandise, about theme parks with swag you enjoy for a minute and then add to a discard pile because more keeps coming from some sweat shop, I imagine. But, your era, my childhood…it was something special. As “merch’d” as the 1980s was…and, boy, was there “merch”…it had a lot of memorable moments and shapes, too. It’s the shapes of some of that “merch” that retain value, not the technology or how fast it did something for you.

I don’t think there’s much of anything that came out of the 1990s or 2000s that’s as precious as half the swag that came from the 1980s…which is probably why the generations that followed mine seem to have lost that respect for what is still good even if it’s not new. Even my nephews already call something old if it’s been around nine months. Nine months makes something antique! Instant insanity. It “Rubiks” my cube.

Heck. A lot of the 1980s stuff we experienced could be considered adult baby or “fidget” toys. Places like Spencer’s Gifts had some of that “fidget” stuff before it was a thing. I remember all the early “stress” toys. But, there were other things that weren’t considered therapy items that WERE therapy items…and some became obsessions, which kind of counters the therapy aspect. Yet…mmh! I just can’t get too mad at any of it, because so many things from the 1980s were like security blankets and stuffed animals. I could sleep in a bed made of Atari 2600 game cartridges and feel instantly like a kid at summer camp, dreaming of video-game conventions I only wished I could attend.

Priceless memories from, among other things, a company that lost money from being open to other artists who could use the same technology and programming to make their own games…sort of like the modern Roblox my nephews still obsess about. [Yet, there’s nothing tactile and not much aesthetically pleasing about the very Lego Roblox, not the way Atari was.]

Hmm. Food for thought.  And, like the phoenix on top of this post, I shall rise from the ashes!…whatever those may be.  Just as Bushnell rose from the landfill holding all of those poor ET game cartridges.

04
Oct
24

Do You Need Some Breath of the Wild Humor?

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It’s not much.  But, I’ve been dabbling in video-game comics adaptations, again.  Here are the latest, primarily from Legend of Zelda:  Breath of the Wild.  See if you grasp the other-game/movie/cartoon/comic-book/TV/commercial references.  [A few panels have no connection to other concepts/stories, just to be clear.]

ProtecttheHeirloom_LoZ-breathofthewild-comics-ap-2StableWetland-horsetrails_LoZ-breathofthewild-comics-17StickWithHer-koyin_LoZ-breathofthewild-comics-ap-7TargetLady-Beedle-KristenWigg-circleclubcard-salespitch-departmentstore_LoZ-breathofthewild-comics-11TheSavageMagda-FloretSandbar-shehulk_LoZ-breathofthewild-comics-15WhoDidIJustHire-SheCanHelp-GreatFairyCotera-prostitute_LoZ-breathofthewild-comics-ap-5TargetLady-Beedle-KristenWigg-circleclubcard-salespitch-departmentstore_LoZ-breathofthewild-comics-10

04
Sep
24

A Few More Miitopia Comics Panels

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I craft these things to make myself laugh.  I craft them and hope to make family and other people I know laugh.  But, few have the capacity to process such things, anymore.  Thanks to their “feeds.”  So, I take the chance, though I tell myself to seek an audience elsewhere.  Enjoy, whoever you be who wanders these dusty halls of emptiness, corporate shams and thirty percent internet power.  Want to see more?  Just use words, not an AI, and let me know.

02
Sep
23

The World Favors Jerks…at Least, in Online Gaming

****

Maybe it’s a no-brainer.  Maybe you don’t agree and have much better luck.  Maybe “it’s just me.”  But, no matter how many times I try to connect with people online, I get lumped with “children” and drug addicts who cannot perform certain functions…while the opposing team, 9 out of 10 times, contains 1-3 sharp-shooting jerks with inflated egos.  Sometimes, they pass themselves off as losers.  They give themselves names like ISUK, dress like rookies and then walk all over you until you cry mercy or flee.  Sometimes they form collectives and dominate the field like a pack of hyenas.  In any case, there are more jerks scheming and ripping people off, together, than there are groups of good people working toward a positive goal.  Good friendships are SO SO SO hard to find.  But, jerks seem to find each other and form gangs ever so damn easily; it’s sickening.  And, I am tired of having to fight for my life to stay afloat with a–I can’t help it–team of inept babies/potheads and cowards thrown up against teams of calculating monsters who make you wish you never took interest in these games.

19
Mar
23

What Your Favorite Rocket League Vehicle Says About You

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I have these…er…theories or feelings, regarding drivers and the cars they use. It’s a whole color thing. And, I have serious agitation from people who drive white and red cars; the former don’t know how to drive and get into the most accidents while the latter are just hasty and dangerous to pedestrians and other drivers, including those white cars.

I have similar feelings, regarding players of Rocket League and the cars they choose. Here are my assessments of the choices players make.

If you drive a(n):

OCTANE (STARTER RC CAR) OR ITS “ZSR” COUSIN

You’re aiming for one thing; you want to be the next YouTube sensation and star acrobat. Or, if you’re not seeking fame of your own, you’re a superfan, sporting a crappy jersey. If you’re the latter, stay out of the game and just watch videos. If you’re the former, you really grind my gears. My goal is to prove you’re not the only star on the field.

BREAKOUT (STARTER HOTWHEEL?) OR ITS “TYPE-S” COUSIN

You are beginner trash. You were given three choices to start, and you picked the one that is the most lame, even if it gets its share of decent decals, now and then. While others are reaching for stardom or that special prize, you’ll be bouncing around a virtual soccer field for a few weeks before you give up on this game…or get smarter. If I see one of you on my team, I can expect failure, because you will likely bail or stall and leave me facing three feral opponents, alone. If I see one of you on the opposing team, I’ll just grin and skirt around you.

If you actually like/prefer the Type-S model, which must be encountered in a random “drop” situation, you’re really special. It looks like a bulimic tragedy. It makes the original Breakout look good, like the less attractive girl standing next to the most attractive girl in a high-school corridor. I’ve been “blessed” twice by this wreck. And, I’d throw it out, again, if I didn’t get a decent decal for it…which is really sad. It’s sad that I am resisting parting with a crappy car because of one decent decal. I have better cars to pursue and drive.

MERC (STARTER VAN)

You have the potential to be something special in this game. You are not a trend chaser. You are on the way to finding your own, unique path to greatness…if you keep practicing and find a more agile car to master.

BACKFIRE (ROADSTER)

You are definitely “old-school.” You or someone close to you is a motorcyle and/or muscle-car person, someone who likes exposed engines and working with greasy rags. You’re not a big fan of the pretty sports cars, and there are quite a few you could find in this game. But, no, you’d rather associate with the Harley-Davidson crowd.

ROAD HOG (COMPACT MONSTER TRUCK)

You’ve got character and a desire to be goalie…or, at least, a good defender, versus a goal chaser. You’re slightly more active than those who drive Mercs. And, like those Backfire drivers, you like a little muscle to show…and maybe listen to AC/DC.

MARAUDER (SPORTY ATV/OFF-ROAD HUMVEE-ESQUE VEHICLE)

You’re likely from Australia, New Zealand or Africa…or a fan of those places. And, you could be a Road-Hog driver…but you’d rather hang outdoors, close to nature. So, you’ll likely design your Marauder to look earthy, natural, and have it humming with an electric engine you believe won’t harm the Outback. G’Day, mate. I named my Marauder Safari Joe, after the Thundercats villain.

DOMINUS (FURIOUS LONGBODIUS) OR ITS “GT” COUSIN (HOODIUS MAXIMUS)

You have a need for speed and the muscle to back that speed up when those annoying Octanes get in your way of scoring big. You are not a child…unless you dress your Dominus like a clown car or toy. You’re still relatively new to this game…why? Because, if you were more “veteran,” you’d likely have another car model you enjoy more than this long, heavy boat, which is fairly difficult to steer when you need to make sharp turns and which is fairly flat when you want to deflect overhead shots from those pesky Octanes.

As an added perk (which I discovered AFTER I stopped driving the Dominus), you have access to almost as many decal options as the Octane. Why? Heck if I know. But, it’s as if the game wants to add one more irritation to my list by saying I gave up on something good. The Dominus wasn’t one of the “pro favorites” when I started; that’s why the game offered three other starters. But, no, suddenly, it’s tied for greatness with the Octane. You should have made the Dominus a starter, instead of the Breakout.

[Guess what. The Dominus is my ex. And, I broke up with her, but we’re still friends. I still think the Dominus version of the special-event decals (clearly made to favor the Octane) look lousy, especially the NFL ones. I’ve moved on…to the Diestro, which is a bit “retro” and a modest yet sleek sportscar with longer, fuller wavy hair that satisfies my “old flame.”]

MAMBA OR KOMODO

A rare sight which suggests you are a rare driver who likes to look like a shoe horn. You have a soft spot for the old Batmobiles that are more hood than seating space. You could be driving a more compact Jager 619 or Masamune, but you like the idea of just how long and sleek you are, without any of the weird attachments where doors should be…cuz, ya know, you might want to get out of the car, once in a while, without crawling out a window (if it opens). You like the Dominus but not as much, because it also looks a bit clunky. The Mondo makes you want to spread yourself across its exceptionally long hood and purr like a cat. Am I right? You won’t likely be performing any stellar stunts but might still be a decent blocker and get to the ball years before other players with shorter cars. Kudos on the slick pick, Roxanne.

INSIDIO OR NIMBUS (OR TYGRIS…OR PEREGRINE TT, IF YOU’VE EVER FOUND OR BUILT ONE FROM A BLUEPRINT…DOES ANYONE HAVE THESE CARS? CUZ I’VE GOT A DECAL FOR THE PEREGRINE TT, FOR SOME REASON. I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT SEASON FEATURED IT. SEASON 1? 2?)

I don’t often see these and am not sure how they vary. But, I’d say you are similar to the Cyclone and/or Centio crowds.

AFTERSHOCK (THE ODDITY THAT LOOKS LIKE AN F-16 TOMCAT FIGHTER JET)

You have a need for speed that matches those Top-Gun-named AI characters in the game. Give yourself a slick call sign and find a pair of sunglasses (or a pilot’s hat). ‘Cuz you’ll be taking to the air as you try to dazzle the other players with your acrobatics…except, you won’t be flying quite as high or well as those Octane showboats…because your car is heavier and bulkier. And, scoring will be slightly more challenging with that pointed nose of yours.

TAKUMI, MASAMUNE OR JAGER-619 (FAIRLY COMPACT PORSCHE-LIKE SPORTSCARS WITH FINS)

You’re cute…at least, if you’re a girl/woman in the driver seat. Your car is prime for being a pop star. Now, get yourself some Equalizer wheels and a decal that’s either anime-esque or animated and flashy. Enjoy playing casually because you won’t likely excel without exceptional skill and/or practice. You will, however, do well in Rumble Mode, as a smaller target. I’d pick you over the Fennec, any day. And, if you have the Jager-619, you’ve got exceptional good taste.

SCARAB OR ESPER

You are very odd. You’d rather look like a roller skate than make sense in this game. Like me, you might aim to prove Octanes are not the only cars having fun. Or, if that doesn’t even register in your unusual brain, you’re busy thinking about what will steal your attention, making you useless on the field. If you could focus on the game, you might make a decent goalie and block a few tricky shots with your unique shape and height. And, you might like to collect the music of Julie Buchanan, which has a slick roller-skating-style cover (for the Watch Me Go album).

You have a few decals which are examples of wasted art. The Derby Girl, Tiger and Hearts could have been given a better treatment on more visually pleasing cars (not including the Octane).

[I consider the Scarab and Esper those fun cars you use for special events/seasons when you need a break from your “standard” and don’t mind losing.]

GIZMO (AND ANY OTHER BOXY COMPACT WITHOUT A HOOD WHICH RESEMBLES A MINI-CAR)

You like rodents? You’re a fan of Tom and Jerry? Because you look like the head of one. Now, go chase that cheese and be as silly as possible. You won’t likely make a good teammate who scores…but you might still score points with me for humor, if you can make me laugh and forget about losing to some Octane freaks. You are like those Pokemon fans who pick Chansey over any of the other 800+ options out there for a strong partner who can survive a fight. You look like you could use a stuffed animal and a hug.

CENTIO, SAMURAI, PALADIN, HOTSHOT (AND ANY OTHER SIMILAR BROAD SPORTSCAR WITH A SEMI-BOXY, SEMI-ROUNDED DESIGN)

You’re a genuine low rider, a tactical driver that just might have a fear of heights (or losing control of yourself). You prefer to slip under the radar and stay close to the ground. You might make a good speed bump. If you’re really lucky, you’ll deflect some shots and force your opponents to score traitor goals. But, that would require the opponent to be blind and, maybe, for you to jump up a bit. ‘Hope you like overly complex/technical and/or earthy patterns, because those are the sorts of decals you’ll likely see until you get one of the more universal ones, which work on any car and are occasionally quite nice. I suspect you’d do well at ice hockey.

If your choice is the Hotshot, what you really want to drive is a tank. And, you probably feel like ruining someone’s day (because that car-tank is built to demolish…and never leave the ground). You’re reckless and dangerous on my team…unless you’re taking out the obnoxious acrobats for me. Sure, you might still be able to jump and flip, but you’re likely to trip over your own feet…er, wheels. You’ve chosen one of the game’s attempts to recreat the Batmobile, and the Batmobile doesn’t exactly fly well. Consider yourself a bounty hunter…and a bully.

“THE X- THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED” AND ITS “MK2” (Mortal Kombat 2?) COUSIN

Well, you definitely like sci-fi and probably enjoy all the evil items available to you, like the menacing and/or scary goal explosions. You don’t mind being a jerk…a bully…and pairing up with other vindictive, careless punks like yourself. If you’re not that jerk, you don’t see colors or shades of good and evil; everything is just a costume, neither right nor wrong. You’d be just as comfortable wearing feathery wings and a halo as you would wearing horns and hooves.

VULCAN

You’re not a Nintendo Switch player, unless you just wish Samus’ Gunship could be customized. Or, maybe, you wish this game had those futuristic cars from the old F-Zero racing games. Similar to fans of the “X- That Shall Not Be Named,” you like sci-fi and especially spaceships. You don’t care about being the best player; you’re set on just having fun. Still, because your car choice isn’t that much different from the Octane, you could do as well, I think. But, the Vulcan does seem a bit heavier and bulkier…like an Octane XL. It sort of looks like a lawn mower. Do you enjoy cutting grass? You might try getting the grass boost in some fun color, if not basic green.

TRITON

[If you have not seen this thing, it looks like a futuristic train crossed with a Batmobile. It’s…weird…and long and covered in armor.]

If the Triton is your choice for wheels, you…you’re smoking some very special weed. I mean, sure, this is a unique…possibly fun vehicle to drive, once in a while. I am sure I’ll come up with a decent costume for it, one of these days. I won one decal for it, some weeks or months ago, and hastily traded it in because…well…even the decal was odd and lame. But, if this is your cup of tea, you’re definitely special. And, as with some other models, you’re either not keen on winning or you like a challenge. Winning with this car is like running with heavy shackles on your ankles.

FENNEC (AND THE SEASON 10 SPECIAL CAR, WHICH LOOKS LIKE A ‘GREMLIN’)
OR
ENDO (AND ANY OTHER CYCLONE-WANNABE THAT HAS THE ANTENNA PLACED OFF TO ONE SIDE, INSTEAD OF CENTERED)
OR
DINGO (THE SMALLEST ‘SEDAN’ YOU MIGHT FIND)
OR
SEASON 10’s SUPERBAD CAR, THE VOLKSWAGON GOLF UTI

You’re special because you want to avoid making contact with the ball (and puck). Why? Because your car has no protruding edges (or is just very compact) and looks like a fetal lifeform. Because you’ll be lucky to make a goal without exceptional skill/training. Heck, you’ll be lucky to be good at assisting those wannabe star Octane drivers. You’d be luckier if you picked the Octane, one of the starter cars…which is very sad and agitating to say.

CYCLONE (AND ANY OTHER SIMILAR ROUNDED SPORTSCAR SHAPE WITH SOME EDGE)

You’re slick and a bit of a sci-fi fan. And, you value symmetry, because your antennae are centered on the back end. You must have incredible patience to wait for a decent universal decal, because the selection you start with is rather meager, selective and unlike the sets of decals most cars have.

VENOM

You either love Spider-Man villains and pretend this is Eddie Brock’s car…or you like venomous snakes and dune buggies. Yes. You must like dune buggies. The Venom looks like one of those cage-frame cars people race around desert settings…except it’s almost fully covered. It looks like the Mantis but with more height and less width. Like the Esper, Scarab, Aftershock and Mantis, it favors wheels (enlarges and fully exposes them); so enjoy showing those off when you get some. Don’t insult the car with drab, basic wheels. You might notice a similarity to the Octane and tell yourself that you don’t want to be just another one of those people; you prefer to take the road less traveled and make a difference.

SENTINEL, MANTIS (AND ANY OTHER EXOTIC CARS OF THAT PARTICULAR UNCONVENTIONAL LONG AND/OR WIDE STYLE/SHAPE)

You seek to stand out, even if it makes you less popular. You’re a rebel with your own cause. You’re sticking it to the man, and I support you…a little. You also like big wheels; so have fun collecting the most dazzling sets and forget about those animated decals which won’t look as good on you. Perhaps you have big feet, as well? [I just say that because the Sentinel looks like the foot of a basketball player.]

PROTEUS (THE SUBMARINE-ON-WHEELS WITH GRABBING ARMS…AND WHATEVER THAT OTHER VEHICLE IS CALLED THAT LOOKS LIKE AN UNMANNED TRACTOR WITH A HOOD LIKE ONE OF THE ACID-DROOLING ALIENS FROM THOSE JAMES CAMERON MOVIES)

You have a respectable sense of humor, and I’d be interested in meeting you. You probably like exploring, traveling abroad and/or being in water. You could be someone who previously favored the Merc (for your starter) but needed something more colorful and/or quirky to enjoy. You might like clowns and looking like one. This is certainly a fun alternative option to drive, and there have been a number of wet accents to add to the vehicle. If you could pull off aerial stunts like those Octane monsters, I’d likely salute you…if you’re on my team…because you’d prove even a clunky, boxy submarine can be a star. You don’t likely care much about decals…because the selection for this vehicle is slim, and the universal ones don’t look much better on something so cluttered with technical bits. [Waveform looks okay, I guess. But, waves make less sense on the Orange car version.] It’s designed to enjoy as-is and screams for the Bubbles and/or Torrent boost.

RIPPER OR THE (FORTNITE) BATTLE BUS

[Oh my gosh; I almost forgot about you…because I haven’t driven you since Season 3.]

Clearly, you’re a fan of violence and/or violent video games. You’re looking to punish someone or take out frustration the way I would with old games like Double Dragon.

If the Ripper is your horse, you like Mad Max movies (or would if you saw them). This is the “free” Batmobile, the movie car you never knew you wanted…and then think twice about when you realize how decals don’t look so good…because this car is a bunch of junk pieced together. It’s post-apocalyptic and heavy.

If the Battle Bus is your muse, you could be a Merc fan who just desperately wants to be more unique…even if this is the poster-child of Fortnite fans, which outnumber the fans of this game, I suspect. You’d probably love a Rocket League Kart game, like Mario Kart, in which you’d race the Rocket League gallery of cars on various tracks and knock out other drivers with wacky weapons before crossing the finish line.

But, if you stick with this car (or bus), you don’t care about how you look…or drive. You just need to hit the road and drive until you cannot see straight, anymore. You can feel free to get piss drunk and be stupid in this car. No one expects you to perform well in any way. This is a slightly nicer way to be a monster without being the “X- That Shall Not Be Named.”

ANIMUS GP AND ANY OTHER INDY/FORMULA RACE CAR

You actually belong in the same group as those who drive the Centio, but you’ve got a particularly special interest in professional car racing. While these cars look like real-world models, they lack some of the stream-lined appeal, adding parts to the frame that make the cars look weak/fragile. I have an Animus GP but am NOT a big fan of professional car racing. Instead, I just like the idea of pretending I’m an Indy-car racer or a Transformer from the 1980s, named Mirage. Are you the same? Do you like cats? Because the Animus GP comes with two decals that seem to favor big and small (domestic) cats. I wonder why. Your chances of being a stellar soccer player are challenged by being low to the ground. Yet, you’d likely do well in ice hockey…which is just strange, an Indy racing car chasing a puck around a field of ice. If more players would be like you (and I), there would be a chance of having a comical Indy-racing competition…instead of a fleet of juvenile R/C cars banging into each other.

DIESTRO

Welcome to the team. My team, anyway, if you can drive this car well enough. Treat her right, and she will reward you with her compromise of height, weight and width, somewhat shorter in height than the Octane, somewhat shorter in length than the Dominus and somewhat wider than the Breakout with a respectable amount of style. Come with me, and we’ll take this game to its limits. Just keep your head, or we’ll be finished. Homer Simpson knows what I mean; he drives a LA-Z Rider.

[Although, ever since I started favoring the Diestro, it seems like the game no longer likes me. ‘Not that it particularly liked me when I started…but, back at the beginning, when I still was learning how to flip and before I could dare to fly, I scored a few decent items. A year ago, I got a goal explosion I desperately needed to feel better than dirt. But, since then, it’s been rough, tough, tough love…and hate…lots of hate. I’ve only seen one new decal for the Diestro, while the starter cars and Dominus get plenty; even the Backfire, which I’ve driven maybe once?…has seen more free-player-reward action than the Diestro.]

ANY OF THOSE MOVIE-BASED VEHICLES YOU ARE PERIODICALLY PRESSED TO BUY (THE KITT <KNIGHT RIDER>, BATMOBILE, DELORIAN <BACK TO THE FUTURE>, ECTO-1 <GHOSTBUSTERS>, ETC.)

You don’t care about variety as much as you care about having something someone else already made their famous beeyatch. You remember the movie or TV show and want to believe you’re the driver of that vehicle. Well, Marty McWayne, get flying. If you’re a Delorian, you might just outshine some of those Octane menaces. I’ve seen a few pull off some crazy flying stunts. If you’re a Batmobile, Kitt or Ecto-1, you’re comic relief, at best. Have a good laugh at yourself and then apologize to your teammates before they get you banned from future games.

[However, I am tempted to get the Kitt and the special controller topper which allows you to steer your controller to drive the car, versus using joysticks/buttons to steer; that does sound refreshing. There should be that control option for all car models, to switch from manual to automated/motion-sensitive steering.]

ANY OF THOSE SPECIAL NAME-BRAND CARS YOU HAVE TO PAY 10-20 BUCKS TO USE (NOT INCLUDING THE CARS FROM MOVIES)

You definitely have rich taste and can afford to play better games. But, you prefer to turn that very elegant sports car into a pile of burning feces. You’re getting smoked by the salivating, acne-crusted and potentially overweight Octane freaks, but you don’t care…because you’re worth millions…even if some of those Octane drivers are making millions, somehow, in this odd world that favors certain gamers like actual athletes who get physically hurt on a real field. You’d rather look good in a very conventional way than be a clown or flashy thrill. Oh, sure, you could don decals like the other cars have, but then people might not recognize the expense you made.

17
Aug
22

Living in a Simulated World, 8-17-2022

*****

Sarcastic kudos to all the tech giants who have contributed something to turning every human being on this planet into some sort of mindless NPC. [That’s NON-PLAYABLE CHARACTER…to those who don’t already know the gaming lingo.] You are heralded for and exceedingly wealthy from your works, but the rest of humankind pays for your twisted genius, mentally, physically, financially…the amount of payment for the praise you take to the bank is overwhelming and often goes unseen by the average eye.

What am I ranting about, now? Well, let me tell ya, you wee blighters! And, ye be kind enough to listen, ay? [I don’t know why I just turned into a Scotsman.]

Since the dawn of the internet, people have begun to lose their bodily functions, their compassion and general awareness of others. Gluing eyes to glowing screens, more and more as those glowing screens promise, beckon and dazzle with increasingly complex and vivid arrays of…stuff, humans have begun degrading into mindless occupants of space. It’s amazing any of us can hold a job without being some Borg drone. [That’s a Star-Trek reference, folks, in case…yea, you’ve probably already exhausted your attention span and are now looking at another screen to absorb…something fleeting. If not, if you’re still with me, here, good for you; you’re still human.]

I’ve played a wide range of games, some better than others, some easier on the eyes and not likely to make me nauseous the way many of the fast-paced 3-D games do. And, I’ve encountered a variety of NPCs. But, the general rule with NPCs seems to be limited speech/interaction. They don’t do or say much, just a line or two and some repetitive movement to show they exist and do something. That’s better than a motionless image on a background, I guess. If you’re lucky, bringing something back to the NPC earns a new response; sometimes that’s the key to and/or the treat of the game. Your goal might be to figure out what excites or upsets the NPC and deliver that (for points, a prize or just the experience/reaction).

Recently, I’ve been noticing how people in my own “real” world are acting more and more like NPCs. You approach them, they greet you (if they’re human enough to be that kind) and if you are so inclined to confess something to them, the response is too often disappointing and static. Some, including family, repeat the same tiresome lines you’ve heard countless times; you don’t need that. Some, including family, barely acknowledge what you’ve said, like children absorbed in some TV show or video game; they might glance in your direction and/or make a sound, but they don’t have anything intelligent (not to mention kind) to say in response.

Some use phrases you’d expect to find in a book of famous and trending quotes. “You just take it one day at a time.” “All that matters is what YOU think.” You desperately want some compassion and understanding, but all you get is NPC behavior. So much for “love thy neighbor.”

Surely, if you’ve played as many video games as I have, you’ve encountered this, the background character who offers so little, even if they seem charming and inviting, like someone you’d want as a friend. It’s about as lousy as a game of The Sims, in which dialogue is reduced to a few repeating strings of nonsense voiced by one man and one woman in some recording studio. You get more out of the little bubbles/boxes that pop up to tell you someone is bored or upset. Imagine that. Imagine all human interaction being reduced to the grunts of cavepeople and glowing boxes that appear overhead to indicate what people are feeling…if they even feel anything once technology has taken over all life on the planet.

So, while science and especially PBS shows keep pitching crap about people looking to the stars with wonder, wondering about life on other planets, I’m inclined to wrinkle my brow in fury and say it’s all a lame cover for what’s really happening, submission to the overly wealthy tech giants, the select few who will ultimately wipe out all other organic life on the planet, eventually including their own…which doesn’t upset them in the least because they’ve already probably submitted to some evil robotic entity that promised them eternal virtual life as part of some database, some matrix. Those who refuse to convert to “tech-mindedness” absorb pressure upon pressure until they break, one way or another, including myself. How much stress can they take before they (we) explode or commit suicide?

……Sorry. I’m not sure what else to say, at the moment. I sort of burnt out my rant supply. I’d say this is just food for thought, something to ponder as you pick and poke among the online materials available…which gets me thinking…if there ARE still genuine human beings out there, somewhere, they probably don’t even look at the internet. So, all of my philosophical words are sort of wasted, here…typical. The REAL ears are hidden away, somewhere, like an ancient race of elves slipping through the dreary parts of this world as they go about their magical lives, oblivious to the tragedy. I just haven’t found a secret doorway to their ideal world, yet.

Uhp. Here come the tech overlords. Everybody who still has a heart and conscience, look blank-faced and limit your words to a single phrase, so you won’t be assimilated. [And, ya know, you can’t spell “assimilate” without ASS. There sure seems to be enough ASS to go up the crack in our universe and back, again.]

05
Aug
22

Should You Say “Good Game?”

****

So, I’m playing this video game which is a sort of soccer, aka futbol/football (for those of you who don’t respect the American term, though I know the USA didn’t start the sport), a sport I once played in my youth during a very brief dip into the world of athletics. If you read my blog posts, I’m sure you can guess the game’s name. [It’s not important in this case, and I don’t need to further advertise for the game.] At the end of just about every…er, game…within the game, certain players have an impulse to obey an aging courtesy by saying “GG” (Good Game). And, in an instant, I am transported back to my youth, when I was taught that “rule” of “fair play.”

For the few years I played sports in school, including a rather discouraging couple of Cub-Scout-softball seasons and some confusing tennis lessons during the two summers preceding my teens, I had to put up with some pathetic losses, lift my discouraged chin and repeat those words to every member of the opposing team, the winning team. Sadly, I cannot remember a single time–maybe one–when the other team said those words to my team with sad faces. Only at the end of one Cub-Scouts-softball game do I recall certain wealthy and egotistical members of my team flashing gloating grins when we FINALLY won a game. And, I remember raising an eyebrow, wondering how they could gloat when the rest of the season went so badly.

I was never part of a great team, a winning, trophy-grabbing team. I have no prize from my efforts to display on a shelf or wall. I’ve perpetually been a member of the losing side. I guess that would make me a Nazi. [A small, perhaps inappropriate war joke.]

If I COULD have claimed a trophy for my childhood-sports prowess, it would have been for the MOST BALL CONTACTS WITH THE HEAD. Right up through my high-school years, I was a fairly short ball magnet and perpetually struck on some part of my head, as if every ball thrown or otherwise launched in my direction was trying to deliver a message. That message was either to give up on sports or to get over my cowardice, a cowardice somewhat imposed by an overly protective mother who insisted I never use another electrical appliance on my own after starting a small fire I don’t even remember starting.

[In softball, I was afraid of a flying ball hitting me, so I’d flinch and miss with my mitt, even though I was repeatedly told how to steady myself. In tennis, I feared missing a serve and became discouraged when I couldn’t cross the court fast or effectively to intercept an approaching ball. Having a very poor quality, excessively heavy tennis racket didn’t help my confidence, either (but that’s what my parents claimed they could afford). In soccer, I didn’t really feel much fear…but lost interest when a taller player, a girl, crushed one of my feet with her sharp footwear. I wasn’t looking forward to another one of those moments.]

Eventually, I conceded to the former. I quit. I could not get over my fears. My small size and big head were handicaps against taller, faster and more adept players. My fears crippled my abilities. So, I quit…for a while. But, as you see, I tried, again. Just as I did with tennis…which didn’t go well, either. I could spend a lifetime analyzing why my luck is so poor, but what’s the point. It just is, for now.

Can you understand the displeasure one feels in saying “good game” when you acknowledge your own failure, your own lack of skill and submission to fear? How can that be a good game? I wasn’t playing at my best.

[I’d like to remain optimistic and say I just need to find the right partner/team. That, in essence, is what I’ve found is key to victory, the right team. I’ve played countless rounds of this particular online soccer game, and I’ve run into enough of what I’d call tournament posers, people who carry champion titles for all to see but cannot show that prowess in the average game with me. They’ve “got nothing” (to show). They suck. Yet, they hold the title, and I cannot seem to win one, no matter how hard I try. Well, chalk it up to lousy team-ups. I don’t get to really pick my teams. I’m just put on one, as I was as a kid. But, when you get put with the right team, all goes well. And, you’re glad to have the other(s) on your team.]

Several years, decades later, I’m finding myself, once more, on a few losing teams…plenty of losing teams, teams with players who have spent less time practicing, simply don’t care as much as I do or–could it be–are even less capable of playing than I am, players that make you wonder why they even bother trying. If I’m lucky, I’m either the one who spares my team from defeat…or I have the rare chance of pairing up with someone more adept and less impaired by the rapid 3-D action of the game. [I get a little nauseous and cross-eyed from the motion.] So, when the other member(s) of my team decide(s) to say, “GG,” I cannot avoid feeling just a little angry and discontent with that response.

Is it wrong for me to NOT say “GG” when I don’t feel it in my gut? Must I choke on every upsetting loss and always be the gentleman, even when the other team might feel the urge to brag and dance in my face? Isn’t it better for me to NOT say the courtesy words of honor and resist the urge to punch the boasting opponent(s) in their face(s)? Because that is what I feel like doing when I lose to someone who may be more adept at a game/sport yet unable to win with courtesy and respect for the losing team.

…Just to be fair…when I AM fortunate enough to win a game…and especially when I feel like the key person to bring victory to my team…I get a little competitive edge/spirit in me that is not opposed to belting out a few fierce, occasionally rude outbursts to the losing team. I don’t exactly take pleasure in it…I don’t like when others do it to me. But, it seems like a compelling force that wells up inside a person when they have to fight for a win. It’s a sort of temporary possession. And, when that spirit finally departs, I return to my highly conscious, reflective self.

Now, if you’ve read everything I’ve ranted, thus far, you might be grinding your teeth and/or wondering…when IS a good time to say, “Good game?”

Well, I’ll tell you!

I will gladly say those words when I feel I’ve done all I could and either won or lost to a team that was not so high above or so far below my skill level, when the game ends like a stalemate in fencing or chess, when both sides have put it all on the field and let the chips fall where they may. THAT is when it has been a GOOD GAME.

Other than that, when the opponents are pros, compared to my clearly amateur or even utterly helpless team, when I look at the scoreboard and see 10-0, with my team earning the zero, when my team is busy praising the opponents for scoring (when they should be using that time to regroup and take command of the field), even when that goal was scored with pathetic ease and no skill, at all…I cannot and will not say,”GG.” I will say, “VBG” (very bad game)…because I felt pathetic and at a disadvantage.

If you enter any contest in which your competition is so far above you in skill, wealth or just plain luck, you’re a fool for trying. You cannot guess or gauge this every time, but if you could…if you could know your competition well enough to estimate your chances of winning, then, maybe, you could choose your contests more fairly and suffer fewer losses with overwhelming and unfair discouragement. There is no sense in playing someone ten times better or worse than yourself; that’s just ego fodder and a means to boring the victor.

Now, by the time you’ve finished hearing everything I’ve had to say here, I realize the stadium has already been vacated and someone or some timer is turning out the lights. The cleaning crew has yet to arrive to gather up all the carelessly discarded things. The game ended an hour ago. But, that’s just me. I buzz long after the thrill is gone. I could have wrapped things up in an inning or two, but going nine innings or five sets or thirteen rounds feels better than a quick resolution with uneven opponents.

[I say this and then remember how improperly sweet it feels when the other team forfeits. A forfeit is a quick relief and allows you to do something else with the remaining time, maybe start another game. But, it lacks the satisfaction of the long game, the hard-earned triumph (and even the unfortunate loss after a prolonged effort at your best), the truly good game. A forfeit is not good. It’s a sign of weakness and the inability to perform against overwhelming odds…yet it may be necessary or desired when YOU are on that poorly chosen team, rather than stand by or chase around a field, unable to put a point on the scoreboard. Some of my favorite victories, in sports and in other areas of life, including employment, came in “overtime.”]

If you read every word…well, good game, sport. Thanks for playing…er, reading.

28
Apr
22

The Cozy; My New Talk Show

*****

I’m starting a new talk show (to compete with all of those other gab-fests hosted by a pack of restless, uncomfortable women who cannot stop clearing their throats, blinking and/or talking over each other).

I call it…

The Cozy

It’s hosted by women I’ve grown to admire (and myself); women I consider inspirations. Some you may recognize (if you are age 40+ and/or have parents who expose you to a variety of television/cartoons). Some you might wonder who the freak they are. But, that’s typical with these talk shows. Right? You don’t know everyone. Some you might know if they didn’t get a bewildering makeover. Some you’ve never seen because they are only known from rarely publicized sources and/or exclusive TV/internet channels.

What makes this show special? Other than what I just said, I’m not sure, yet. Maybe nothing. Maybe it’s just my own personal variation of the present lot. We will see.

For certain, there will be less noise and commotion (because there will be no video and/or sound…ha!). And, there definitely won’t be anything so superficial it has to come from California. Though some of the women might be “airbrushed,” I won’t allow shiny faces supplied by plastic surgery. Some lips might look like they have been Botox-ed, but I assure you they are all natural. If there is any advertising, it will likely be from the host site for my blog…unless I come up with some witty parody ads. I’m not one to promote “swag” you’re just going to toss on a pile, anyway, when the next fad/craze or falsely-advertised “better option” comes along. You only get honest opinions, creativity and wit from my show.

You’ll notice the initial feature imagery shows the hosts sitting on wooden barstools. I don’t consider those cozy seats. But, you work with what you’ve got. They came with the scene. Maybe I’ll get around to replacing those with a digital painting of a plush sofa (provided I can get the image quality to match the characters). For now, the stools keep the conversation sober. Without them, the hosts might get a little TOO cozy and either fool around or fall asleep.

[Disclaimer: This whole thing was inspired by some tinkering with images from a video game called Miitopia. I couldn’t get the characters quite right, even with the elaborate customization features. So, I did a little extra “body work” with another art program.]

Feel free to suggest guests and/or guest-hosts to appear on the show. And, like any good talk show that indulges in audience participation, feel free to grab a microphone and start a discussion in the comment section (below).

So. Let’s get Cozy.

thecozy-talkshow-Cheetara-tcats-Mii-Octavia-tsharks-Ashley-heartswall-Miitopia-NSwitch-edit_ap-CSPP-1WBthecozy-talkshow-Cheetara-tcats-Mii-Octavia-tsharks-Ashley-heartswall-Miitopia-NSwitch-edit_ap-CSPP-2WB

20
Oct
21

Letter to Game Freak, the Makers of Pokémon Games, 10-20-2021

*****

Letter to Game Freak
Re: future Pokémon games

[I am posting this letter on my blog, instead of trying to figure out which email address is the best for reaching those who need to/should see it. I trust the forces that be will guide my words to the right source, somehow. I forewarn anyone who reads this; it is a lengthy letter…because I see many areas for improvement and have a fair number of compliments to offer, as well.  If you know where to send such letters to achieve my desired goal, feel free to suggest a direction/address in the comments below.]

Listen, game designers. I hate to sound like an adamant or rash Granbull, but it’s time we talk about remodeling these Pokémon games; specifically those involving extensive exploration of vast landscapes, collecting countless items and attempting to build up a team capable of defeating some advertised champion in battle. [And, I don’t mean complicating them, requiring more investment of time. No one needs to spend years playing one game (or…how many have you made/sold, now?) and ignoring their real world duties/interests. Although, having reason and/or zeal to revisit places (in changing weather/seasons) and replay the games is usually good.]

I *like* your games! Other than the thought of forcing my pets fight other animals in a strange sort of “cock fight,” over and over and over, again, I really do! I’ve spent countless dollars and hours chasing colorful creatures in so many different forms. I’ve chased to fast-food chains for toys when there were promotions. I feel like Ash Ketchum (Satoshi) sending in post cards to get his Kanto League baseball cap (instead of someone just handing it to him, along with new clothes, when he gets to the next region)! I once deemed myself a “Pokémon freak” for wanting and buying so many things. [There is a particular Pokémon character players encounter in the early games, who wears a costume set of dinosaur legs and a tail and is called something like a game or Pokémon freak; that would probably be me because I tend to enjoy wearing costume pieces and imitating other animals.]

The creature designs…well, most of them…are great. I think my first “loves” were Geodude and Bulbasaur. I don’t know why a round, rocky meatball with arms appeals to me, but it does! It’s the best “pet rock” I’ve ever seen. And, Bulbasaur screams “Chia Pet” but has a certain inexplicable charm, as well, unlike its evolutions. I love Articuno (but hate cold/icy things and weather). I favored Moltres until I saw Ho-Oh, which looks like a classical, cultural phoenix without being bathed in fire…like the exceptionally cooler Galarian Moltres (better design of the flames than the original), which is a little creepy. Wartortle is awesome; I love the feathery wings on its head, like Thor from Marvel Comics. Dragonair is beautiful; again, wings on its head…and a graceful form to represent wind and water, similar to Suicune, which is also beautiful. The Kantonian Vulpix could learn a few style tips from its Galarian cousin, but Ninetales is a dream, both the Kantonian and Alolan forms, as is Rapidash, both the Kantonian and Galarian forms. If I didn’t like enough of the Pokémon, I’d probably ignore the games.

001Bulbasaur_vector-pokemon-1

The splashy battle effects, when they’re done right, are delightful. [I LOVE fighting (well, not exactly enjoying combat but doing just about anything that isn’t labor) in the rain and am currently contemplating some new Pokémon that might make better use of Drizzle, which is better than Rain Dance if it still boosts water attacks/accuracy without requiring the use of a precious move slot.] Some moves look much cooler than they actually are. Spite, Sweet Scent and Confuse Ray, in certain games, are very cool visual effects but not very helpful.

The human character designs…well, let’s not talk about the Galarian region as much (including guys and gals that are…confused?…which caused certain members of my family to raise eyebrows and feel equally confused)…are mostly pleasing, as well, even “villains” like Giovanni and his Team (R) Rocket. They were a very clever mob in the early games because you didn’t know who worked with Team Rocket until they announced their allegiance. An agent could be anyone from a scientist to a person hanging out at a casino (unlike Team Skull who stood out like sore thumbs and seemed to only assist the beautiful yet somewhat scary boss lady, Lusamine, who headed the Aether company).

Watching the original (American) Pokémon cartoons (from what became known as the Kanto region), from the moment I first saw Brock at a Pokémon Center, I knew I was going to like the guy…and Nurse Joy…and Office Jenny. And, though it became a bit annoyingly repetitive, I enjoyed Misty’s responses to Brock’s behavior. Who couldn’t fall in love with those young women? And, how could I not pity a guy who fails…over and over…to find a proper life partner/wife/girlfriend? How could I not support him and follow his story?…except for that sad, brief period in which he stayed with Professor Ivy, while Ash and Misty were away at the Orange Islands. I was genuinely afraid he would meet some tragic fate after she rejected him.

Aside from all of that which is Brock, I was fairly gripped into following Ash’s journey across the region, trying different foods, ever so slowly learning a few things to better handle Pokémon (and other people) and reaching that Olympic-like championship (which sure looked better in the cartoon than it does in the early games). Despite Ash’s oblivious and hasty behavior (which seems oddly similar to that of Hop in Sword/Shield…though Hop is far less interesting), he is an amusing and somewhat inspiring character to follow. [Maybe Hop just needs a girlfriend or female “foil,” someone to interact with him, rather than just leave our playable character with a dumb smile on his/her face as we let Hop go about his chasing and failures.]

Misty was (is) a perfect travel companion, with her special blend of conflicting outlooks, humbling fear (of bugs, mainly), genuine concern and spirited encouragement. [I’m surprised Brock didn’t have any interest in HER, though I realize there may be a considerable age difference. Or, maybe, he secretly knew she was meant for Ash…though that relationship never seemed to develop!! I think I would have fallen in love with Misty on day one…and then told her to get rid of that odd hair band on day two…and replaced her bicycle by day thirty (because I hate having debt chained to me).] The three were a rather perfect team. [And, let’s not forget the comedic and touching antics of that rebellious Pikachu who wouldn’t stay in a ball.]

brock-misty-ash-overlookingviridiancity-or-palettetown-kantopokemonseries-TV-clip-1

I recall how the first generation of Pokémon questing games were so primitive–yet expansive in their own way and time–and failed to capture the magic of the cartoons. Then came Pokémon Yellow, and we players finally got the chance to meet up with Jessie and James and cope with a not-so-easy-to-please Pikachu. Brilliant, though somewhat of an after-thought in terms of planning. The “more accurate” game with a better quality of story came after the other three.

The story aspect, having your character pursue a goal and helping others along the way; that’s great (when it feels like a decent story and not just a flimsy set of directions guiding us through more and more questionable battles). Repetitive music droning without the ability to switch it off (when we just want to scream)…eh, not so much. [I can adjust volume of some things; why can’t I turn off the music?!…or alter the music style the way I was once able to alter the frame/profile card.]

It’s time to stop the TR/TM hunt madness. For over 25 years, you’ve had players scrambling and scratching their heads, trying to find and figure out what skill to teach what creature, worrying about wasting precious one-use lessons on the wrong critter just to win some big battle (or a series of big battles, which is even more excessively stress-inducing).

ENOUGH!!

There have been WAY too many hidden items and too few move tutors. And, the other means of teaching moves are just more confusion in the mix. [Oh!…my gosh! I cannot forget the time spent searching those repeating patches of grass and blank stretches with either the Item Finder or just looking for key spots for hidden items. That is a chore.]

Keep it simple.

EVERY move/lesson you can teach a Pokémon is a TM and free to use as often as players like once they find/acquire it. No more breaking or purchasing TRs at ridiculous rates. No more needing excessive amounts of “watts” to pay or money to reap. [Although, if you go with my following idea about Move Tutors, you COULD have some charge a fee for certain moves.]

I mean…geesh! We spend enough time scouring the maps for items and dealing with trainers looking to ambush us and raising levels to survive certain areas and gym battles. Why complicate all of that investment of time with fussing over what to teach our companions (and worrying about breeding)? [Not to mention…the limitation of 4 moves per creature is REALLY confining and discouraging; but I get it. Any more and the requirements for the game to house so many creatures with varying abilities might be overkill (in coding/memory storage).] If you decided to add more move/lesson options, on top of the already jaw-dropping list, where would you even bother to hide them all? How much more landscape do you need to stash a few dozen or hundred more “lesson balls?” When is enough enough? How long before a sufficient number of brains crash like computers?

Now, you could…

A) Have players finding hidden balls/scrolls that contain all of these moves and scatter them around the regional maps. [Good luck when the sheer number of moves exceeds land mass. I picture Easter egg hunts in which people run out of hiding places and/or interest and just dump a few here and there and call it done.]

OR

B) Scatter “wise folks” (move tutors) across the land, waiting for trainers to find and learn from them, like a “guru” or “sensei.” This would be an incentive for players to interact with the various people you place around the maps, including some of those pointless passersby who don’t seem to be doing much except requiring useless coding. Instead of having people that speak worthless nonsense, just to appear like they’re alive, give a few TMs to teach. A casual passerby might know a skill you could put to good use, if you let him/her “bend your ear.” [I recall the stout figure near the middle of town in one of the early games; he offered to teach Rollout, which was a new and amusing move, at the time.]

Perhaps, to scale down the number of required tutors (for the growing number of moves), you could have certain tutors help with a select variety of moves or function like those particular tutors who help remember “forgotten” moves, who don’t just re-teach one move. A tutor could be a master of a particular element/type, able to teach any move that fits under that type. Maybe certain tutors are better with teaching aggressive, physical moves while others are adept at training the mind or evasion/agility. Maybe some tutors work better with Pokémon of a particular nature/personality, much the way real teachers have differing results with different types of students. [A teacher with little or no sense of humor won’t likely put up with a “class clown.”]

I mentioned breeding earlier. Let’s talk about that, too, while we are here. Why do we even need to breed, honestly? Why do you need to complicate your games with an additional task just to HOPEFULLY get some ideal type/makeup and maybe satisfy the perfectionist virus in those who are cursed with it?

If breeding is to continue being a thing you can do, why not simplify it? Why can’t breeding just be a way to get a different personality or gender while retaining…

A) all of the moves known by one parent. In the case of breeding with a Ditto, the non-Ditto Pokémon’s full four-move set is passed to the offspring. Boom. Done. All that changes is the gender/personality of the offspring. Some children will be happier/nicer than others, who may be naughty/fussy.

OR

B) half of the moves known by the father and half known by the mother, specifying which slots are transferred, so trainers know where to place the passed-on moves. This would be a fair method/alternative for breeding without Ditto.

Now, let’s talk about the whole complication of Natures and whatever that other Personality trait is that also seems annoying. [‘Something about which IV stat is favored? Whatever!]

WHY ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH would anyone WANT a Pokémon that is “vain” or “naïve” or “finicky” or “likes to fight” or “lonely” or “capable of taking hits.” That last one really scrambles my brain. If every creature in your games cannot take hits, what’s it doing in a game that requires creatures to fight each other?! Seriously. That’s like saying “capable of running.” Yay. My Pokémon can get slapped and won’t complain because it’s also simple-minded and probably a masochist. And, if a Pokémon is traveling with you or another Pokémon, how can he/she/it be lonely?! That’s just stupid; that’s like saying the poor critter is oblivious to who or what is around him/her/it, even when they are receiving care.

I think you might need to clean the slate on some of these aspects and refresh the lists a bit. Try these options:

NATURES:

KIND (instead of Mild),
CARING (instead of Gentle),
HELPFUL (instead of Quiet),
FIERCE (instead of Adamant),
RABID/AGGRESSIVE (instead of Hasty/Rash),
REBELLIOUS (instead of Impish and/or Sassy which are both unpleasant, to say the least, if you consider sassy as rude, impolite and/or verbally cruel),
PROTECTIVE,
DEFENSIVE,
HONORABLE,
TRICKY (instead of Impish),
SMART,
WISE (instead of Timid)

[Quirky, Bashful (better than Timid which could be defined as afraid/cowardly), Docile, Bold, Jolly, Brave and Modest are just fine, I guess. Remember, these creatures are our companions/pets/defenders/teammates. Why would we want negative or defeatist traits? And, why do we need to “wonder trade” those with the lousy traits just to toss them away when we see them and become disappointed? That’s just a huge waste of time and coding!]

PERSONALITIES:

[I’m partial to “sturdy body” (versus the Sturdy ability, which is fairly pointless other than acting like a weak Focus Sash, if someone doesn’t use a move that spoils Sturdy like Double Kick), “highly curious” and “loves to eat” (as a fun, adventurous travel companion should be), “alert,” “thoroughly cunning” and “impetuous and silly.” Those are good/okay.]

RESPECTFULLY TIDY/SELF-CONFIDENT (instead of “somewhat vain,” which could be defined as useless or futile as well as obsessed with oneself),

STRONG/ENDURING (instead of that annoying “capable of taking hits”),

MESSY (as a fun alternative to tidy for slob fans, which makes more sense than “scatters things often”),

(FAIRLY/UNFAIRLY) PLAYFUL or TRICKY (versus impetuous and silly and/or mischievous, which could be defined as harmful, evil or mean-spirited, when some who benefit from Special Attacks might not need to be mean, wicked or evil…ya know?),

EXCEPTIONALLY (DARING/AUDACIOUS)

LOVES (LOUNGING/PLAYING) IN BED (versus “takes plenty of siestas,” which I realize is another attempt to infuse the Spanish language, for whatever reason)…or EARLY RISER/NIGHT OWL

ADEPT AT EVADING HARM or FAIRLY EVASIVE (versus “quick to flee,” which sounds cowardly and like someone who would abandon a friend)

Oh! I just had another intriguing idea. You created “mints” for adjusting certain traits/natures (without actually changing the text for those traits/natures). What if there were similar items or means of altering the actual (text) nature/personality to one that is preferred (considering certain code-skilled hackers are able to do this to some degree)? What if you could care for a Lonely and Somewhat Vain Pokémon some way that would turn him/her/it Jolly and Impetuous and Silly? What if a Pokémon Center could include a therapist (a “Doctor Mien” or “Doc Attitude” in an office near Nurse Joy) of some sort who could instill personality adjustments, much the way the café guys in the Galarian region can help with remembering moves and altering names?

Of course, if there were no such natures/personalities as Vain, Timid, Lax and Lonely, this wouldn’t be needed. But, considering you already have them in previous/current games…and considering you came up with the mint idea…why not a…er…mint-effect tutor; a personality adjusting therapist/massage supplier? This would improve the outlook on finding an unpleasant creature by providing a means of improving that outlook. You’re not exactly performing brain surgery or using mind control; you’re “polishing a turd” by instilling a new behavior/attitude. You’re turning a dud into a stud or star; you’re improving the nature of your partner by helping (not warping) him/her/it. Think of it like another way of correcting those status effects like paralysis and burns. A lonely or mischievous Pokémon could be trained/taught to be more jolly and kind/helpful; a timid Pokémon could be given ample feeding of support/compliments to become self-confident and/or brave. Now, you’re not just coping with a lousy “soldier” in your “army” as you pursue war; you’re looking out for your friends and stoking the fire of teamwork (much the way you already offer building “friendship” to allow for evading attacks).

Link Trades. I was recently discussing Link Trading with a family member who also plays some of your games. They were trying to connect with a particular trader via a link code. But, having to enter the same code over and over, only to encounter others trying to reach the same person, seemed rather annoying and futile. There is an option to block certain online players from making some kind of connection with you, as the player. What if there was a feature or bit of programming for filtering out those other people entering the link codes, so traders are not bumping into each other accidentally–which seems rather foolish. Or, there could be a “call-waiting” system which would let traders know where they stand in a line to get to a particular trader, giving each wannabe trader a number in that line. Also, a simple redial button would save the hassle of re-entering the same code over and over, again.

And, I know it’s probably asking too much, but I’d like a different general…er…type or model for these Pokémon games; focusing on battles seems deceptively cruel. There’s a splash of excitement and magic thrown over forcing animals to fight until they “faint.” My nephews say “die” and enjoy “killing” opposing Pokémon. It’s a bit difficult to enjoy…anything…when you are driven to “kill” something, without inducing bloodlust and promoting violence. I don’t want my beloved pets/friends/companions tearing, slashing and gutting other creatures I find in wild, natural settings…nor in some gym/arena; I’d prefer them to force the opposing creatures to withdraw with a playful splash, pounce or tail slap. [But, when I do encounter some jerk/bully and/or savage, mean-spirited creatures, I tend to lower my standards and may resort to some “blind” violence.]

[I realize the first games were probably intended for aggressive, restless boys who needed one more outlet for releasing violent energy away from actual human opponents. But, girls and non-violent boys/men (like me) like your “pets,” too. And, not every game or anime has to be about fighting to earn some sort of title or power; striving to achieve does not always equate combat. It may seem like combat, but we don’t actually attack others to get a promotion at work; that sounds more like The Hunger Games or The Running Man.]

Games like Pokémon Snap are…okay. But, I don’t want to just take photos and hope to get a good score/rating to decide my outcome; I don’t want to be rated on everything I do. [And, to be quite honest, taking photos of Pokémon in games seems a bit disappointing. Any photos I try to save always appear a bit pixelated, like an older 8-bit game versus an actual, quality photo I’d want to frame.] Completing a Pokedex is a goal, not a rating/score. And, I want to spend more time with my “pets,” not just throw a ball at them, feed them and then send them into battle only to watch some poor creature fall motionless (or…well…disappear). [Imagine having a monkey ride on your shoulder and toy/play with you or riding your newfound pet horse across the countryside, not watching a poor creature with short legs and lousy speed try to keep up as you speed ahead on a bicycle or motor vehicle.]

Even if my suggestions and these alternative Pokémon games help by providing alternatives to fighting, I get the feeling you may have already put a certain “stink” on the whole Pokémon image. Yet, like some trees, maybe this project just needs sufficient time to amend/heal. This reminds me of how certain legendary Pokémon cease conflicts between other powerful creatures.

Encouraging violence isn’t helping anyone, even if it temporarily can be a stress reliever. [When I get mad at someone, I’d rather play Final Fight or Double Dragon and pound some punks into submission than pick an actual fight with anyone.] If you look at anime like Avatar: The Last Airbender, the protagonists improve themselves with experience and interaction, with learning and observation; the combat is more often in self-defense than a chosen or required path. [And, isn’t one of the oldest lessons about the martial arts that they are not intended for “kicking butt” but for improving one’s ability to defend themselves and those they wish to protect?] Amazingly, people (in the Avatar anime) rarely faint; those who actually die seem to do so quietly or “off-camera” in a way that reduces potential discomfort. Though, I suppose, you have to accept the notion that mortals will eventually die, somehow; that’s also a lesson of life we all must learn.

You tried to steer things in a different direction with those “Pokémon Contests,” back in…was it Emerald? You had May face off against that “fancy pants” boy who boasted about his Roselia; they competed in some sort of exhibition of talents, beauty, strength, etc. Those were actually fun, in the game, by the way.

Maybe a sort of Pokémon Olympics would be a more noble path than fighting to fight some more and be the best fighter, excused as a “Pokémon Master.” [There is a Legend of Zelda game in which Link hones his skills as an archer. Similarly, Pokémon could hone skills with trainers met along a journey, practicing tree-climbing or swimming, for examples, to develop and improve skills which could then be tested in some sort of competition at a designated arena/stadium. And, unlike the actual modern Olympics, there would likely be less concern for coaches doing unpleasant things out of the public eye; in a way, the “parents” would be training and entering their “children” into competition, while encouraging/supporting the effort of helping others along the way to earning a medal/trophy.]

[You featured Pokémon Breeder as a path for Brock in the cartoons. Why couldn’t something like that be an alternative game plot? Have players work on being the best at caring for and learning about Pokémon, versus figuring out what deadly, powerful moves will ensure them victory in battle.]

Training could be done in nature, honing skills with splitting stones, meditating under waterfalls, swimming across lakes, listening to nature sounds, climbing mountains/trees, etc. Though, I realize, considering some of those objects in nature may also/actually be Pokémon…this gets a bit vexing. Also, instead of “fainting,” maybe, even in Pokémon battles, a fight could be decided with a “surrender” or “escape” when the opposing Pokémon “can no longer battle.” “The opposing (Pokémon) admits defeat and flees the scene to recover.” These games are not Dragon Quest or Final Fantasy; we’re not seeking tallies of kills in Medieval Times.

I think the Dynamax-pit battles in Pokémon Sword/Shield show signs of what’s to come. You took a diverse list of moves and reduced it to a smaller variety of type moves; all fighting moves become “maximum strike,” and grass moves become “maximum overgrowth.” That’s one step from going back to rock, scissors and paper. I think even you realize the list of possible moves is getting out of hand…yet you continue to try and invent more and more new creatures and keep them interesting. I think the early games should have taught you the lesson; such pursuits are sure to drive anyone mad and consume everything. It’s another green-eyed monster.

150 was a noble feat. 800+ is steering toward madness. You became like a rolling boulder, trying to keep the machine rolling with something new to keep buyers buying without losing or shedding the old. But, feeding such a monster only saps you until you’re nothing. [It’s a…wait for it…giga drain. Ha.]

You created something amazingly popular. Be content with it and move on to something new. Every story has an end; and then we find other stories. Eventually, Ash (Satoshi) gets older (even if he doesn’t mature); maybe he becomes a wistful mentor to the next generation who don’t see a need to have Pokémon fight for sport. Or, continue to make games involving Pokémon without the original questing and struggle to add more creatures/moves.

All of this does not mean anyone will forget what you created. Like other old games, we go back and play them, again, when the mood strikes. [Maybe not checkers, though my nephews are first playing that, now; I suppose some games lose their appeal.] The “Pokémon world” is a somewhat fun and educational place to visit (and return), full of colorful characters and creatures, just like our real world. Sure; it’s constantly evolving (and only expanding by revealing other parts we have yet to explore). But, learn from Monopoly, which is a huge waste of resources to create repetitive and time-consuming gaming just with an endless array of pieces from which players can choose. I know…creativity is both invigorating and taxing; but we all need to master better self-control. [I need to control myself and keep my letters more concise, as I’ve been advised many times.]

[And, I say all of this while a nephew and I have been busy creating new Pokémon; he already has two regions (or hemi-regions for the two compatible games of his generation) in mind and occasionally comes to me with new character drawings and explanations. You’ve given us–and others, I am sure–that itch you know all too well. Now, if only I could get him to work on a story, instead of just creatures and battle tactics.]

Despite your aspirations and/or intentions, we cannot actually LIVE in your Pokémon world. Trying to do so will deplete us until we are nothing. However, we can learn from your world how to better interact with and appreciate our own…you know, if we don’t try pitting a sparrow against a pig in combat.

Hopefully, some, if not all, of the above suggestions improve the quality and appreciation of your laborious works, for designers and players, alike. I think they will. I believe, with these adjustments, lengthy Pokémon questing games will be more worth the journey/investment.

Thank you (or “Domo arigato”) for your time and consideration. And, thank you for continuing to inspire me with your colorful creations. I am currently invested in Pokémon Shield and (excessively in) Pokémon Moon. I look forward to trying your latest Arceus game, considering it appears to add some fresh outlook on the journey and involves some historical elements. [I have an inexplicable interest in Asian culture and ancient history, though a few details occasionally deter my interest.]

Sincerely,

Writingbolt, a Pokémon fan since 1996 (though I first became enamored with the American cartoons in 1998, which drew me back to the games)

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