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#151

“I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.”
― Groucho Marx, Groucho and Me

tags: clique, clubs, humor, membership

1872 likes

#152

“And next time you're planning to injure yourself to get me attention, just remember that a little sweet talk works wonders.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

tags: clary, clary-and-jace, humor, jace, jace-and-clary, love

1804 likes

#153

“She'd also called me brave...unless she was talking to the catfish.”
― Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief

tags: bravery, fish, humor

1795 likes

#154

“I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it.”
― Charles Schultz

tags: humor, life, wisdom

1803 likes

#155

“I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.”
― G.K. Chesterton

tags: attention, books, humor, mind, wit

1864 likes

#156

“I guess it’s true what they say," observed Jace. "There are no straight men in the trenches."
"That’s atheists, jackass," said Simon furiously. "There are no atheists in the trenches.”
― Cassandra Clare

tags: humor, jace, mortal-instruments, simon

1720 likes

#157

“Half of seeming clever is keeping your mouth shut at the right times.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear

tags: humor, wisdom

1871 likes

#158

“Harry, don't go picking a row with Malfoy, don't forget, he's a prefect now, he could make life difficult for you..."
"Wow, I wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life?" said Harry sarcastically.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

tags: humor

1714 likes

#159

“A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar.”
― Amanda Cross

1713 likes

#160

“Takes a lot of tries before you hit perfection." He paused to reconsider that. "Well, except for my parents. They got it on the first try." (Adrian)”
― Richelle Mead, Bloodlines

tags: adrian-ivashkov, humor

1677 likes

#161

“For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That’s a basilisk, listeners. One simple test: Check whether the thing that’s glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it’s safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that’s still likely to be the last thing you ever do.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

tags: humor

1660 likes

#162

“Four flips the gun in this hand, presses the barrel to Peter's forehead, and clicks a bullet into place. Peter freezes with his lips parted, the yawn dead in his mouth. "Wake. Up," Four snaps. "You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it.”
― Veronica Roth, Divergent

1667 likes

#163

“Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.”
― Garrison Keillor

tags: absurd, cats, humor

1738 likes

#164

“Basia coquum," Simon said. "Or whatever their motto is."
"It's 'Descensus Averno facilis est.' 'The descent into hell is easy," said Alec. "You just said "Kiss the cook."
"Dammit," said Simon. "I knew Jace was screwing with me.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls

tags: alec-lightwood, humor, simon-lewis

1642 likes

#165

“Man, you weigh a freaking ton," he told me. "What've you been eating, rocks?"
"Why, is your head missing some?" I croaked. His mouth almost quirked in a smile, and that's when I knew how upset he'd been”
― James Patterson, The Angel Experiment

tags: humor, mamimum, maximum-ride, ride, rock

1621 likes

#166

“It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?”
― Terry Pratchett, Mort

tags: discworld, humor, humour, teaching

1741 likes

#167

“I don't mean to be rude—" he began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable.
"Yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often," Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

tags: humor, rude

1586 likes

#168

“Is this Clarissa Fray?" The voice on the other end of the phone sounded familiar, though not immediately identifiable.
Clary twirled the phone cord nervously around her finger. "Yeees?"
"Hi, I'm one of the knife-carrying hooligans you met last night in Pandemonium? I"m afraid I made a bad impression and was hoping you'd give me a chance to make it up to-"
"SIMON!" Clary held the phone away from her ear as he cracked up laughing. "That is so not funny!"
"Sure it is. You just don't see the humor."
"Jerk." Clary sighed, leaning up against the wall.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

1578 likes

#169

“Going round and around inside a dryer can be fatal, whereas pasta is rarely fatal. Unless Isabelle makes it.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

tags: dryer, fatal, humor, isabelle-lightwood, pasta

1581 likes

#170

“Did you like question ten, Moony?" asked Sirius as they emerged into the entrance hall.
"Loved it," said Lupin briskly. "Give five signs that identify the werewolf. Excellent question."
"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" said James in tones of mock concern.
"Think I did," said Lupin seriously, as they joined the crowd thronging around the front doors eager to get out into the sunlit grounds. "One: He's sitting on my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name's Remus Lupin...”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

tags: humor, james-potter, remus-lupin, sirius-black, werewolf

1553 likes

#171

“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”
― Ellen DeGeneres

tags: animal-protection, animals, deer, humor, hunting, killing, taxidermy

1545 likes

#172

“Harry — I think I've just understood something! I've got to go to the library!”
And she sprinted away, up the stairs.
“What does she understand?” said Harry distractedly, still looking around, trying to tell where the voice had come from.
“Loads more than I do,” said Ron, shaking his head.
“But why’s she got to go to the library?”
“Because that’s what Hermione does,” said Ron, shrugging. “When in doubt, go to the library.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

tags: hermione, humor, library

1549 likes

#173

“I really can't think about kissing when I've got a rebellion to incite. ”
― Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire

tags: humor, rebellion

1571 likes

#174

“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”
― Mark Twain

tags: bank, bankers, humor

1602 likes

#175

“It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily.
"So it is."
"And freezing."
"Is it?"
"Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately.”
― A.A. Milne

tags: humor, optimism

1533 likes

#176

“I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.”
― Mark Twain

1694 likes

#177

“Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
Eddie DeChooch”
― Janet Evanovich, Seven Up

tags: humor

1537 likes

#178

“In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.”
― Napoleon Bonaparte

tags: humor, politics, stupidity

1659 likes

#179

“I dreamed I was buying new shoes last night," said Ron. "What d'ya think that's gonna mean?"
"Probably that you're going to be eaten by a giant marshmallow or something," said Harry.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

1462 likes

#180

“Oh Tigger, where are your manners?"

"I don’t know, but I bet they’re having more fun than I am.”
― A.A. Milne

tags: humor, manners, pooh, tigger

1498 likes

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